


Blue Diamond

by Dae



Category: The Walking Dead & Related Fandoms, The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Adventure, Adventure & Romance, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Canon-Typical Violence, Falling In Love, First Time, Flirty Negan, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Minor Character Death, Not Canon Compliant, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Strangers to Lovers, Trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-16
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-02-23 12:30:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 27
Words: 90,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23178169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dae/pseuds/Dae
Summary: Negan went back to the hospital to tie his loose ends; to do what he should've done from the start. And once he'd done it, he was ready to take on this fucked up world. What he hadn't anticipated, was encountering a malnourished, creepy looking motherfucker in a hospital gown babbling on about finding his family. No way in hell would he have known that he would end up falling in love with him.
Relationships: Rick Grimes/Negan
Comments: 329
Kudos: 616





	1. The Man in the Hospital Gown

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so this is my first fic in the TWD fandom. Basically, I became disgustingly obsessed with this pairing and read just about every fic on this site and still wanted more. So, I decided to say, "fuck it!" and made my own. This is my take on the series if it was, like... really gay, and instead of being on AMC it was a Showtime original series that played right between Queer as Folk and The L Word lol I hope y'all enjoy~
> 
> P.S. If any of my readers from my other fandoms are reading this and thinking, "this bitch," I get it. Don't hate me...

Negan stood, unmoving, in the dilapidated hospital room. It had long since lost its sterile whiteness, smell of carbolic acid, and incessant beeping from machines that seemed to keep his wife from withering away.

Now, it was dark, even as the light shined in through the blinds. Looking outside from where Negan stood, the window framed the fallen city like an old renaissance painting. Decimated cars, piles of dead bodies and animal carcasses towered over by rusted buildings covered the city that used to be Atlanta. Now, it was nothing but a graveyard for the roaming dead.

The hospital room Negan stood in was painted with coagulated blood, splatters of rotten brains and vomit he wasn’t wholly proud of. The sheets were covered in the myriad of filth. The walls were stained just as badly as the floor. And Lucille..?

She was like a ghost of herself. Worse than that. Remnants, broken down from weeks of festering decay.

Negan had spent those weeks outside, thinking he could forget how he’d left his wife. How he’d abandoned her when her heart stopped beating and her breathing shallowed out to nothing. How he’d felt the cold shiver of fear run through him when her fingers twitched back to life and her eyes opened up, revealing eerie, glossed over irises; nothing like the chocolate brown ones he’d loved so much. How he’d bolted from the room when she snarled and snapped her jaw in an attempt to dig her teeth into his flesh.

He thought that letting her roam the confines of her hospital room, where she’d initially faded, would be better than driving an ax through her skull. He was wrong.

After he’d left, the guilt ate at him constantly. No amount of steam he blew off from killing the other dead ones could take away from the idea of Lucille—a growling, gurgling mess—left forgotten in this room for God only knows how long it would’ve been. Maybe forever. Maybe until she was nothing but dust. Or maybe, some jackass would pry open the door he’d securely locked, out of sheer curiosity, only to be greeted with her teeth sunk deep into their neck. Guilt, shame, anger... it all chewed at Negan’s insides until there was nothing left to nibble at, other than his growing resolve to do what he should have done the day he saw her face fall slack.

He’d came and made a mess of the whole thing, but he’d done it. He did right by his wife, something he’d struggled with long before the world went to shit.

And now he stood there wiping the bile from his lips, having puked violently after he’d done the deed and couldn’t stomach the horrible picture he’d painted with Lucille’s guts.

Negan was ready to move on. To take on this fucked up world.

He nodded to himself, as if affirming his own thoughts, before he pushed his way out of the room that smelled of molten flesh and death.

He dropped the ax he’d used to do in his wife, hating the feel of it in his hand after what he’d done. He didn’t need it, after all. He’d left behind his real prized weapon back at his temporary hideout, not wanting to use the bat on Lucille, of all people. But until he got back, he was stuck using his pistol for protection. He pulled it from his belt and readied it at his side as he walked steadily through the hallway.

He hadn’t been to this hospital since he’d cowered away weeks ago, and though his way up had been relatively clear of the dead ones, he could never be too sure of what would pop up on his way back. His tussle with his undead wife might’ve alerted some ghoulies to his location. And even though he felt some form of resolve after taking care of Lucille, he wasn’t quite ready to die.

_“I don’t know what to do, Lucy. They killed everyone…or tried to at least. The ones left got fucking eaten up by those freak-show monsters out there,” Negan was saying, voice wavering but not quite thick with tears. He never cried around Lucille, not a single tear. Even when she was diagnosed he’d been strong, because that’s what she needed. He may not have been the faithful husband she wanted, but he’d never given up on her. Because, the moment he gave into those overwhelming emotions, she would too. He wanted her last moments to be strong, not wrung out with tears over the inevitable._

_Thankfully, the hospital had gone quiet. Most of the dead had moved on from the hallways, and anyone left alive had hauled ass away from there (if they were smart)._

_Outside was a different story. Bombs filled the area the night before, and Negan had stayed regardless of the possibility that any moment could be their last. Hell, he would’ve preferred dying together with the love of his life, rather than the alternative._

_But there were still screams; people who had been spared by the explosive mayhem running from those who rose from the dead. It was a mess of chaos, but it didn’t take away from the moment. This last moment, as Negan held firm to Lucille’s frail hand and listened to the last few sentences she had the strength to say._

_“Baby... you’re gonna survive,” she’d said. “I might be dying, but you’re not dead yet. Not even close. Go on, honey. Give em’ hell. Show those fuckers who’s boss.”_

Negan snapped out of his reverie the moment a door to his right rattled violently. It was blocked with a large hospital bed. With how slow the door was being pulled open; Negan wasn’t too sure what would come at him. His best guest was the dead. Who the hell was dumb enough to hole up in a hospital room? This particular hospital was the furthest thing from safe.

Not to mention, he’d passed this door on the way from Lucille’s room the time he’d left directly after her passing weeks ago. He had a good enough memory to know that that hospital bed had been there then as well. Also, he’d knocked up against it that day, and remembered the pain his hip had given him as he fought his way out because of it.

Negan tampered his thoughts and focused on aiming at his target. He calmed his breathing and held the pistol at eye level, waiting for whatever evil lurking behind the door to reveal itself.

And when it did, Negan’s eyes widened. He fired with just enough time before pulling the trigger to move his gun three inches to the right.

The bullet struck the wall beside the door instead, as a man in a hospital gown and boxers shrieked and collapsed back into the room.

“Ah, shit,” Negan cursed as he rushed to pull the hospital bed away from the door.

 _That fucking gunshot was a waste, and it was_ loud _. Bad fucking idea._

Negan roughly pushed through the door and into the room where the gowned man was damn near twitching on the linoleum floor. He looked pale—sickly pale—and shaken to the core. He was covered in a cold sweat, had bloodshed eyes and appeared as though he wasn’t quite sure how to work his legs.

Negan was too confused about too many things to dive into each one, so he focused on his gut response to the man’s presence.

“Who the fuck are you?” Negan whispered harshly, ears thrumming with anxiety over the amount of noise he’d made over some freaky looking dude in a hospital gown.

“I— I... where’s... Lori? Who are..?” He managed to fight the words out of his throat, as if speaking was more tasking than climbing a steep mountain.

That voice, laced with a country accent that must’ve been from a town way further south than from a city like Atlanta, was rough and unused. Dry, like hard sandpaper. Negan closed the door, not liking it open with his back turned, secured his gun in his belt and quickly kneeled down to offer up some of his water. The guy was for sure dehydrated, among many things.

The man grabbed his canister with shaky hands, violently rattling it until the mouth of it was firmly wrapped in the man’s starving lips.

Negan was almost lost in his fascination at the way the man guzzled the liquid. _Dehydrated_ may have been an understatement.

When it was handed back, it was empty, and Negan tried to hide his irritation in favor of figuring out whether to ditch this stranger or not. Safety in numbers and all, _but what the hell could this crippled looking invalid do to help, anyway?_

“My wife...” the man said, more clearly this time. He looked like he was ready to get up, so Negan spared him some of the trouble by helping him onto the bed. Sitting, and looking more alive, the man said, “I need to get home to my wife and Carl, I... I don’t know what’s going on. Where are the nurses? Why did you... shoot at me?” He was running out of breath by the end of his questioning, and Negan suddenly felt the unmistakable pull of dread for what he could only imagine this guy was saying.

“You don’t know?” Negan asked instead of answering.

“Know what?” The man asked, still a little breathless.

Negan looked over to the window, noting that the blinds were shut, and maybe in this man’s delirium he hadn’t thought to open them. He walked over to it, sparing the wilted flowers on the side table a glance on his way, then grabbed hold of the string dangling by the window.

Negan sighed, “Buddy, I hate to be the one to break it to you, but the world has turned itself up on its dick.” He pulled up the blinds with a sharp tug of the string, revealing the desolate landscape of the bombed city.

The man shielded his eyes from the heavy brightness of the sun as he struggled his way up from the bed.

He padded over with his bare feet, slowly moving his hand as the brightness became less harsh on his irises. And when his hand had been fully removed, falling slack to his side, Negan could see the absolute horror take over the man’s features.

“Wha—?” he couldn’t finish the word. It was pushed out from his chest with a heavy breath. His eyes were blown wide, all diamond blue and rimmed red. Tears were already brimming at his eyelids, as if unimaginably horrible things were flooding his mind over what he was seeing.

“Look...” Negan said through another sigh, heavier this time and thick with sentiment. “I don’t know how the fuck you ended up here, but if this is the first time you’re seeing this... there’s a lot of shit you should know.”

“M-my wife... my... Carl. I have to... I...I...” the man was babbling. Tears were coming now, peeling from his eyes as he stuttered and fumbled over whatever he was trying to say.

Negan felt irritation bubble up. It wasn’t that he didn’t get it. This was a lot to take in. Negan had seen it first hand. Hell, everyone must’ve had this moment of utter shock and fear. But Negan was already wary of how he would make it out of this building alive, and this man needed to deal with his existential crisis sooner rather than later if he didn’t want to get left in this damn room to fend off the dead on his own.

“First of all,” Negan began, and the man snapped his tear streaked face towards him so fast, it was like he’d forgotten Negan was there. “What’s your name and what the hell were you doing here practically fucking naked?”

The man must’ve just registered his state of undress. He regarded it with a quick glance downward, then back up at Negan with a shaky shrug. “I-I don’t know. I don’t remember. The last thing... the last thing I remember is getting a call and... the dispatcher.” The man closed his eyes, recalling the memory. “It was two men. We blocked the road. I don’t... I— the car flipped, and I was shot... someone... shot my vest... and...”

“Whoa, hold the fuck on, cowboy,” Negan placed his hands on the man’s shoulders, halting his jumbled story and forcing him to open up those blue eyes again. The man let out a steady breath through his nose, obviously fighting down some well-earned anxiety. “First, why don’t you start off with your name?”

“Right, sorry,” the man nodded, looking tiredly apologetic. “Rick. Rick Grimes.”

“I’m Negan,” he offered with a smirk and let go of Rick’s shoulders now that he’d settled down a bit.

“Okay. Yeah, nice to meet you, Negan,” Rick said, wincing a bit at his own words.

“Nice to fucking meet you too, sweetheart. How about we save the pleasantries for later? Now, tell me,” Negan paused to wet his lips, then gestured to Rick with his hand. “Were you a cop?”

Rick nodded shakily, “I was. Deputy sheriff in King County.”

“King County? Where the fuck is that?” Negan said with a scrunched nose and a smile that was almost involuntary.

“It’s uh... south. We’re in Atlanta right?” Rick said, turning again to view the devastation below through the window. His eyes were wavering, but no more tears came out.

“Uh... yeah. What the hell happened to you? And no more of that bullshit you were babbling about earlier. Shoot straight with me,” Negan felt the need to implore, because whatever Rick was attempting to say the first time was more irritating than insightful.

Rick glared this time, having mustered enough energy to look normal while he did it, and _not like the fucking crypt creeper_. “I don’t know,” Rick answered, tone a bit hard now. It was as if he was just now catching onto Negan’s wise-ass attitude. “I was trying to say...” he let out another breath through his nose, and Negan wondered if that was a habit Rick often used to calm down. It seemed to work this go around. “We got a call. Bank robbery. Blocked the road. There was gunfire, I got hit. I remember that, I definitely got hit... here,” he pressed a hand to the left side of his chest, opposite to where the old gauze was wrapped around the right side. “And then I was talking to Shane. And then there was pain... a sharp pain in my back. It was everywhere.” He dropped his hand, and Negan tried not to think too hard in his overactive mind that he didn’t know who the hell Shane was.

Rick formed two claws with his hands and pressed them to his chest, then collapsed back to sit on the bed, the memory seeming to bring back the same sensation as the pain he was trying to describe.

“It was like my body was being ripped apart. All over, I felt it. I couldn’t breathe. All I could think about was the pain. And then...” he cleared his throat and dropped his hands to his lap. “And then I woke up here. I must have been in a coma. They probably... they probably transferred me here because the hospital in King County isn’t cut out for things like this. But that’s all I know. Well, and _you_ , nearly putting a bullet in my head...”

Negan’s eyes were comically wide by the end of Rick’s telling. It was what he’d assumed but hearing it out loud felt unreal. How is it possible that this man had been unconscious this whole time? Nearly three weeks had passed since the power went out in this place. Judging by the machines and loose wires hanging from them, Negan guessed Rick was not only dehydrated, but malnourished and severely lacking in vitamin D.

“Ho-ly shit,” Negan said with an emphasizing thrust of his hips. “You’re telling me you’ve been out cold since before the start? God. I hope you have your shittin’ pants on, Rick.” Negan shook his head after that, chuckling darkly at the pure incredulity of Rick’s situation.

“The start? Start of what? World War three?” Rick asked, eyes wild with fear as he motioned toward the window.

“Oh, Rick,” Negan sucked his teeth and looked off, eyes serious now as the gravity of the world replaced the mocking playfulness he had just seconds ago. “You wanna know why I almost capped you on sight when I saw you opening that door?” Negan asked with a nod toward said door.

Rick didn’t say anything, but deftly nodded in response.

“Well,” Negan said through a breath, scrubbing a hand over his face and through the stubble of his beard. “The world isn’t what it was when you went down for your little nap, sweetheart. People die, but they’re not really dead. Fuckers get back up, crazy-eyed, all gnarly and fucking mangled up. And then, they come after you like you’re a full-course-meal.”

Rick’s eyes, if possible, seemed to grow wider and wider the more Negan spoke. “What are you saying?” he asked, tone serious and unbelieving.

“I’m saying, those undead shitheads are out there sniffing us _regular folks_ out, looking for a hot meal. And us?” He paused to lick his lips. “We get bit, scratched—hell, we get stabbed to death, shot down, if fucking lung disease kills us... we’ll be one of them too,” there was more bite in his voice this time, but Rick didn’t seem to hear it... or care. He was busy turning over Negan’s words in his own head.

“You’re saying... that people— _dead_ people—are walking around out there trying to eat us?” Rick’s eyes peeled from the window to stare up at Negan. “And it’ll happen... no matter what?”

Negan, for his part, simply nodded. He leaned against the wall by the window and crossed his arms, hoping that Rick would understand the amount of shit that they were in quickly. This little chat was going on twenty minutes now, and they needed to get out of the city before dark. They’d only have a few hours if they didn’t want to get stuck in an impossible situation.

_They?_

Negan wasn’t sure when he’d subconsciously decided to let Rick tag along on his endless journey. Hell, maybe it was just until he could find the man’s family, alive or dead... or undead. Negan didn’t mind having an objective. Something told him he needed one. Otherwise, who knows where he would’ve wandered, or what he would’ve become with nothing to do but survive?

“I need to find my family,” Rick finally said after a long stretch of silence. It was the clearest thing Rick had said since Negan nearly blew his head off.

“Alright, well newsflash, darlin’, we aren’t gonna find them here. I’ve already wasted too much time talking to your sickly ass and now that you’ve caught your breath and aren’t babbling like a dumbass, I think we’re about ready to blow this death trap.”

Rick seemed to ignore the insults well enough, his temple only pulsing with his clenching teeth every time one dropped from Negan’s mouth. He didn’t rise to the bait, likely because Negan wasn’t exactly wrong, if a little crass. Rick instead asked what was gnawing at the back of his head triggered by the words ‘death trap.’

“Are they here? Those... _things_?” Rick said, voice a pitch higher in his fear.

“Hell yeah they are. Probably more than usual after I popped off that round. They haven’t come banging on your door yet, so maybe they weren’t able to pinpoint the location. But we gotta move soon, and quickly. You gonna be able to walk with those shaky ass legs of yours?” Negan sounded a little humored as he pointed at Rick’s pale legs, muscled, but thin with time spent in his deep sleep.

Rick rolled his eyes, “I’ll manage.”

“You sure? You looked like a damn puppet the way you crumbled to the floor like goddamn Pinocchio when I came in here,” Negan said with a raised brow.

Rick grit his teeth but didn’t deny that his legs felt weak and foreign. Like he was still getting used to them being on his body, feeling them, and moving them on his own.

Negan chuckled, his mouth forming into a sly grin while his tongue slid from one edge of his mouth to the other, trapped between his teeth like he was holding back a fit of laughter at Rick’s resilience to admit defeat. _Hardheaded motherfucker_.

“Alright, come on, Officer Grimes, let’s do this. I don’t have time to watch you fumbling around like a jackass,” Negan clapped his hands and rubbed them together while he searched the room with his eyes.

“What are you looking for?” Rick asked, watching Negan’s eyes curiously.

“Hold tight, buttercup,” Negan said halfheartedly, his mind focused on finding something that could keep Rick from slowing him down and inevitably getting him killed. When he didn’t find anything sufficient in the room, he walked over to the door, ignoring Rick’s incessant questioning as he went.

He pried it open as slowly as he could, peering through the crack to make sure there wasn’t some dead bastard waiting for its moment to pounce. Satisfied with his survey, Negan pushed the door open and raised his gun, fully tuning out Rick’s voice as he stepped out and closed the door behind him. As an afterthought, he pulled the bed back to where it had previously barricaded the door, then made his way down the hall to Lucille’s room.

God, he’d hoped he wouldn’t have to go back in there. He’d hoped he could let her go the way he’d let that ax go after bludgeoning her with it. But he knew what was in there, and it might just save the poor bastard’s life in the room three doors down. That was enough of an incentive to swallow the disturbing image of what used to be his wife splattered across the room.

He paused just before reaching the door, hearing the faint groaning of the undead closing in. Instinct took over. He whipped around and bashed the gun’s handle into the prick’s head, cratering its skull and causing its decaying body to go slack and drop to the floor.

Negan let out a calming breath, his nerves rattled from the close call. But, he wasn’t deterred. He took walked the next four steps it took to get to Lucille’s door.

Somehow, as he crept it open, the smell was more pungent than it had been when he’d left. Negan coughed and covered his nose and mouth, stomach churning at the mixture of filth filling his senses. He focused his eyes on the prize.

Lucille’s wheelchair was folded and propped up against the wall by the bathroom. Luckily, it was mostly spared of the bloody mess Negan had made of the room. Only small streaks of her blood had made it onto the wheels.

He let out a few more coughs, still trying to get used to the stench, and stepped over the mess on the floor to get to the chair. He grabbed it quickly and hauled it out of the room with equal speed.

The moment he stepped through the door, he felt something grab onto his shoulder. He dropped the chair and held one hand out to grip the undead’s jacket. He spared it a once over, noting it was wearing a lab coat and blue scrubs.

“Poor bastard,” Negan said, then sent it flying back with a heavy kick to the gut.

He stepped forward quickly, pulled out his gun and shot it in the head before it could get back up.

He didn’t realize his mistake until it was too late. He eyed his gun for a second and hissed out a low, “Shit,” before holstering it and grabbing the wheelchair in a hurry.

Just as he approached Rick’s door, it opened, revealing big blue terrified eyes. “Negan? What happened? Is everything okay?” Rick asked, opening the door wider and leaning heavily against the frame. _Jesus Christ, this guy can barely stand_.

Negan pushed away the hospital bed blocking his way and stepped inside. He opened up the chair and plopped it on the floor, then gestured toward it as if it was a magic trick and said, “Hop on, sweetheart. We gotta boogie.”

Rick stammered out a nonsensical reply, unable to form actual sentences while Negan was grabbing him roughly and tugging him into the chair with little regard to his say-so.

“And to answer your question, shit is shittier than shit at the moment. Two of those dead freaks came at me while I was fetching your goddamn carriage and I’m sure more are coming after I shot off my gun like a dumbass.” He realized he probably shouldn’t have let go of that ax, but there was nothing in him willing to pick it back up now that it was covered in Lucille’s blood. Even if it meant his death.

Rick tensed but didn’t say anything as Negan roughly pushed him through the door and down the hall.

Negan noted that Rick didn’t have anything to say toward the dead bodies either as they swerved around them. He sucked in sharp breaths, his eyes grew wide, he covered his mouth in fear or disgust, but he didn’t say anything.

They made it to the stairs without incident. Negan pulled Rick towards the wall and pulled out his gun.

“Come on, stand up,” Negan said with an impatient wave of his hand.

Rick obeyed without question, likely still in shock over seeing what Negan had described with his own eyes.

“I’m assuming you still know how to use this?” Negan said, holding out his gun to Rick once he was fully standing and leaned against the wall for support.

Rick nodded but remained silent.

Negan nodded back, “Alright, cowboy. You see one of those freaks, you shoot that fucker right in the head. Not the body, just the head. That clip is half empty, and I will not stand for you wasting my goddamn bullets. Got it? Aim for the fucking head.”

Rick nodded, and Negan didn’t waste any more time. He grabbed the wheelchair and ran with it down the two flights of steps it took to get to the main floor. There was one undead asshole waiting for him at the bottom, and Negan used the wheelchair to hold it out of arm’s reach.

He struggled with it until his arms grew tired. He used as much strength as he could muster to shove the freak back. It fumbled mindlessly to catch its footing. Negan used that moment to grab the back of its head and slam it against a nearby wall once, twice, three times, until it ceased movement.

He huffed and grunted through his exertion, but only allowed himself a second to catch his breath before righting the wheelchair and setting it up. He turned and dashed up the stairs a moment later, finding Rick looking exhausted, but alert. Even with his slightly withered state, Negan could see the knowing look of a lawman in Rick’s eyes. Ready, steady and prepared to shoot to kill.

“Hey, come on. We gotta move,” Negan beckoned, and held out his arm. Rick didn’t seem to have the fight in him that he’d had back in the room. He quickly threw an arm around Negan’s shoulders and allowed him to half-carry him down the steps.

At the bottom, Rick was placed back in the chair, gun still held tight in a firm grip. He spoke for the first time since leaving the room as Negan pushed him toward the exit. “You want your gun back?” Rick asked.

Negan replied in a huff, “Nah, you keep it for now. It’s too much to steer your ass and shoot shit at the same time.”

Rick went silent again, the same petrified expression taking hold of him as they weaved around more bodies. Some of them were civilians, some were soldiers, some were doctors and nurses. All were torn to pieces or mutilated by an onslaught of bullets. Blood was on everything. Guts were like ornaments hanging from tables, chairs and littering the floor. Negan did not envy Rick in the slightest. At least being there while the world was going to shit made it easier to adjust, because you’re forced to act in the moment. Forced to come to terms and decide to fight back or surrender to this new world’s madness.

But for Rick, it was slow and fast all at the same time. The fear of hearing it from Negan’s lips was nothing in comparison to the visuals that only grew more brutal the closer they got to the hospital’s entrance.

Once the double doors were in sight, Negan abandoned Rick in a safe enough distance to work one of them open.

“There,” Rick said, loud enough for Negan to hear, but not so loud that it might draw more. He’s a quick learner; _that’s good to know_.

Negan glanced to Rick, sitting in the wheelchair frigid and pointing the pistol toward the nearest nurse’s station. One of the dead ones was stumbling toward Negan, and Rick had the barrel of the gun trained on it each step of the way. He seemed to be waiting for Negan’s cue, willing to follow his lead. “Don’t fire,” Negan said, “I got ‘em.”

He finished pulling the door open, grabbed a nearby body and used it as a stopper, then rushed over to take care of Dr. Dickhead who was missing an arm. Likely chewed or ripped off by the undead freak that killed him.

Negan scanned the floor and it only took a second to find a discarded pipe a few steps away. It had old blood on it. Someone probably took one out with it days ago. He grabbed it during his approach and brought it down with one hard swing to the cranium. Blood splashed from it onto his face and jacket. He used his sleeve to wipe it off before hurrying back to Rick.

“Come on, let’s get the fuck out of this shithole,” Negan said as he tucked the pipe into his belt for later, grabbed the handles of the wheelchair and pushed them through the exit.

“Where are we going?” Rick asked as they made it onto the streets. It was worse out there. Bodies lined up in bags, military vehicles looted and abandoned, portions of buildings black and grey from the bombs, and a resounding groan from not too far away. A herd. One Negan had been avoiding for some time since he’d reentered the city.

“A hideout I’ve been staying in for the past couple days. The hospital was worse off when I got back to Atlanta. Had to wait a while for those pricks to come out and join their buddies on the street,” Negan explained.

He turned Rick into an alleyway, avoiding the main roads. As they entered a crossing, where a separate alleyway opened up and revealed the main street, Negan stopped pushing for a moment to point down it, toward an unbelievably large cluster of the undead.

“That, sweetheart,” Negan whispered, leaning close to Rick’s ear, “is a fucking _nuclear weapon_. You run into one or two of those assholes? No problem. You get stuck in the middle of _that shit_? Your best bet is to put a bullet through your head. That thing will mow you down, chew you up and shit you out.” He continued his pushing after that, leaving Rick horrified as Negan steered him back to the hideout. And hell, Negan couldn’t let himself feel bad about Rick’s apparent terror. Rick needed to understand exactly what the dangers were. If they were going to be traveling together, Rick would need to wise up sooner, rather than later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ohoho, what will happen next? Let me know what you think~ And thank you for reading. Just know, every kudos strokes my figurative dick just a little bit harder. 
> 
> I'm not sure what my time frame will be for updates, but pretty frequently since this story is pretty much done on the writing end and is mostly being edited at this point. Maybe tomorrow? Maybe the day after? Maybe next week? Who knows...
> 
> Until then~


	2. The Hideout

The remainder of the trip to the hideout was relatively quiet. They’d only encountered one of the undead since leaving the hospital, and it was missing its legs. Negan didn’t bother with it, continuing to haul ass until a boarded up convenience store was in sight.

The alleyway they were in led to the back entrance of the store. Rotting corpses were piled just outside of it, ones belonging to those, Negan explained, he had taken out to secure the location. Negan assured Rick the rancid smell helped deter the other dead ones from coming too close.

Rick scrunched his face as he was pulled to a stop by the padlocked door. He covered his nose and mouth with one hand and watched impatiently as Negan worked on digging out the key and unlocking the door.

Thirty seconds went by before Rick was being steered inside.

Negan closed and bolt-locked the door. Rick took a heavy breath once they were inside. It smelled stale, but not like corroded flesh, so it was a big improvement.

What was once a convenience store was relatively empty. The shelves, at least, were barren. Most of them were destroyed or toppled over. The space just beyond the back entrance from where they came held a cot, an assortment of canned food and bottles of water beside it, and a few unlit candles that were half burnt out.

A little further was a backpack and wooden bat wrapped with barbed wire.

Negan walked around the wheelchair and stood in front of it, blocking Rick’s view as he spoke, “Come on. You need to get some food in you and lie down.”

Negan sounded exhaustion, not like the sardonic, asshole he had been while explaining the end of the world to Rick in the hospital room. Rick looked Negan over and, after a little hesitation, said, “You don’t sound too good, either,” with a pointed look.

Negan chuckled and ran his hand over his tired face, letting it rest over his peppered beard while he spoke, “Yeah well, it’s been a rough fucking day.”

He held a hand out after that and Rick didn’t hesitate to take it. Negan helped him over, until he was able to sit down on the cot.

Negan fell back once Rick was down, landing on his butt with his knees bent and his arms resting on top of them. He leaned his head back against a shelf and closed his eyes. Rick wondered what Negan was thinking.

He wondered a lot about this man, actually. Many things were hard to fully grasp since he’d woken up, but this man was right on the top of the list next to the flesh eating monsters lurking outside.

For one, the guy seemed harmless enough, but he was undeniably powerful, if the way he’d taken out those dead ones were any indication. He was also dressed like some biker punk with his crisp leather jacket, grey pants, leather boots and slick, salt and pepper hair. He was rugged and crass and unlike anyone Rick had met before the world had, as Negan put it, ‘ _gone to shit._ ’

But he felt safe. Negan had sat with him while Rick was struggling to get ahold of reality. He helped him out of that hospital, and now he was giving him a relatively safe place to gain his strength. He wondered if the man would help him find Lori and Carl, or if he was only doing this until Rick could walk on his own. He also wondered...

“Why were you there?” Rick asked out of the blue.

Negan slowly rolled his head forward, looking like he had been on the cusp of sleep when he responded. “What?” He asked with a raised brow.

“In the hospital. Why were you in the hospital?” Rick clarified while picking up a can of beans from Negan’s stash. He grabbed a can opener and worked it open while he waited for an answer.

“I was there to...” Negan trailed off and Rick glanced up to see the distant look in his eyes. After a moment of stilted silence, Negan shook his head and said, “I was just finishing business.”

“What kind of business?” Rick pried, unable to stop himself.

“The fuck is it to you, anyway?” Negan said, sounding defensive, but not necessarily angry.

Rick shrugged, finally freeing the lid from the can and placing it to the side. He looked around for some sort of utensil and stopped when Negan held a fork out to him. Rick grabbed it with a quiet ‘thanks’ and started shoving more than he could fit into his mouth.

They dropped the conversation there. Negan took off his jacket, revealing a dingy white shirt underneath. He folded his jacket and sat it on the ground, then kicked off his boots. Rick chewed through the can of beans and watched while Negan laid out on the floor next to the cot, resting his head on the jacket and closing his eyes.

“Eat, and then get some sleep. We’ll probably be here for a couple days before we go searching for your wife and kid. There’s a bathroom in the back. It’s fucking gross ‘cause the toilet doesn’t flush, but it’s what we got,” Negan said, adjusting his jacket and almost making his position look comfortable.

“A couple days? I can’t wait that...” Rick started to argue, but it died in his throat when Negan opened his eyes to pin him with a sharp, unsettling glare.

“Oh, I’m sorry. You wanna go out looking now, shit-for-brains?” Negan said, voice cheery and belittling; dripping with sarcasm. Rick clenched his teeth, but Negan wasn’t done. He sat up to be at eye-level with Rick and went on, “Let me break it down for you, sweetheart. It’ll be dark soon. You can barely fucking walk on your own and you don’t even know how to handle yourself out there yet. Fact is, I’m not gonna let you get me killed. But, by all means, you wanna go out there on your own and test your goddamn luck? Well... be my fucking guest.”

Rick swallowed thickly, hating that despite this man’s constant need to talk down to Rick, he was right. He wouldn’t make it out on his own, not like this. So, after a moment of resolve, Rick said, “Fine,” which seemed to sate Negan enough, at least for the moment.

Negan huffed, but didn’t say anything after that. He laid back down, head on his jacket and eyes closed. Moments later his breathing evened out, and Rick could tell he’d fallen asleep.

Rick plowed through two more cans— peas next, then tomato soup— before his stomach felt full and his eyes started to droop with exhaustion. He remembered his state of undress then, as the night fell and cold air started to really hit him.

He struggled onto his knees and crawled over to Negan’s backpack to pilfer for some real clothes. Inside were a few white shirts and two extra pairs of pants. No underwear, and Rick had to wonder about that as well.

He stripped off the hospital gown and adorned a white shirt. Forgoing pants for now, he crawled back over and collapsed onto the cot. His muscles were too weak. He felt exhausted just from crawling a few feet and back. Negan really was right. If Rick went out there now by himself, he’d be some dead asshole’s dinner within the hour.

He laid across the cot and tried not to think too hard on it. Instead, he closed his eyes and let his mind wander to the image of his wife and son. Hoping that they were somewhere safe. Hoping that they met someone who could help them the way Negan was helping him (even if Negan _is_ a bit of a dick). Rick wouldn’t let himself succumb to the fear of them being dead. He focused on the prospect of them being alive and him being able to see them again.

* * *

It took Rick four days to feel normal.

He was holed up in the hideout with Negan the entire time. Most of their conversation during the first two days dealt with back-and-forths on whether, or not, they should take the trek to Rick’s home back in King County. It was a two-hour drive away and the roads weren’t exactly safe. If they were going to go, they needed to be smart about it.

Negan had Lucille, which Rick had learned was the barbed wired bat that he’d eyed upon entering. The pistol was Negan’s only gun and there were six bullets left in the magazine. Rick would use the pipe Negan had picked up in the hospital as a weapon. They were far from prepared, equipment wise, and if that herd gave them trouble, heading south wouldn’t be an option.

The first and second day had been much of that. Talking back and forth about strategies and ways to make it out of the city alive. Negan still hadn’t told Rick why he was at the hospital in the first place, and Rick had stopped asking.

On the third day, Rick felt like he was nearly recovered. No longer sluggish or having that pins and needles feeling when he tried to utilize his muscles. He could walk relatively fine and he didn’t feel the least bit lightheaded from lack of food and water, although their supplies were running low.

On that third day, Rick was pulling on one of Negan’s borrowed shirts when he asked, “Why do you say stuff like that?”

“Like what?” Negan asked. Rick was standing on the cot getting dressed, while Negan was sitting with his knees bent, twirling Lucille in his hands and looking it over almost whimsically. Rick hadn’t bothered asking about that look either. Negan often did it. Rick sometimes caught him whispering to the damn thing. But in this world, Rick supposed people were allowed to be a little weird.

That being said, Rick ignored Negan’s apparent admiration for the bat, in favor of continuing with his original line of questioning, “You say stuff like ‘darlin’ and ‘sweetheart.’ You always refer to grown men like that?” Rick raised his brow playfully at the question, his mouth curling when he saw the edges of Negan’s lips doing the same.

He’d initially chalked it up to some weird quirk. Negan was a textbook: asshole. Using terms of endearment to refer to a man with a wife and kid somehow fit Negan’s naturally belittling way of speaking. The man spoke like he was King Shit, and everyone else were just pawns. But, in the days that Rick spent with him, he’d also gotten to know Negan wasn’t all bad, despite his untimely sense of humor and vulgarities. He was attentive, ready to help if he saw Rick struggling in his weakened state, and as tough as nails. Hell, he took out the undead like it was a sport. Rick figured there must be something more to Negan, than him just being an asshole.

“I’m just an asshole, Rick. What do you want me to say?” Negan responded, cutting into Rick’s train of thought short and nearly causing him to double over with laughter. Negan grinned at Rick’s amusement, sliding his tongue along he teeth before asking, “What?”

Rick shook his head, holding a hand out to Negan in a sort of apology. “Just thought there was more to it, is all,” Rick said, quelling his laughter a bit while he pulled a pair of pants up over his boxers.

He’d been wearing the same underwear since the hospital and tried not to think about it while he zipped and buttoned the jeans.

Negan scoffed and chuckled, shaking his head before speaking, “I don’t know. Guess I’ve always talked like that.”

“Oh yeah?” Rick moved to sit on the cot, facing Negan. He said, “You never did tell me what you did before everything went down.”

“There’s not much to tell, Rick. I was a gym teacher,” Negan said with a shrug.

Rick was momentarily stunned, before laughter bubbled up from his chest once again. “A gym teacher?” he questioned; tone disbelieving.

Negan nodded, looking proud. “Sure as shit was. Taught those kids how to beat this fucking world. Well... what used to be the world.” His eyes flashed with something, hurt maybe, but it came and went so quickly, Rick didn’t have time to decipher it. Negan cleared his throat and continued, “You don’t teach those kids the way, those little assholes grow up into big assholes. And nobody likes a big asshole, Rick. Trust me.”

“Huh,” was all Rick could think to say to that.

“Let me ask you something, Rick,” Negan said, looking him over with an amount of caution that told Rick the mood was changing. “You really think we’re gonna find your family out there? Alive?”

Rick sucked in a breath, holding it as if it would calm the way his heart started beating erratically at the prospect of finding Lori and Carl as one of those _things_ , or not finding them at all. But, he didn’t let the idea control him. He let out the breath he was holding through his nose and gave a short nod. “I do,” he said.

Negan nodded slowly. It wasn’t that he looked disbelieving, but definitely apprehensive. Rick couldn’t find it in him to blame him.

That day passed like the previous. But this time as they sat in the burnt out convenience store, they didn’t talk about what they would do next or what move would be the most strategic. Maybe they were both tired of going around the same circles, or simply wanted a break before having to jump back into it. This time they shared old stories.

Negan talked about his students, telling funny stories about how so-and-so refused to participate in dodgeball because so-and-so dumped them and the heartbreak had been too much to bear. He talked about drunken nights and days he’d allowed his friend, Simon, drag him out to some club. He strayed away from certain aspects, Rick noticed. The most obvious one being his love life.

Rick shared a fair amount, himself. He told Negan about Shane, how they’d grown up and joined the force together. How he’d nearly had a panic attack the day Carl was born. How they’d go on family trips and how he didn’t really like Lori’s parents because they thought she could do better.

Rick had been surprised when Negan had responded to that with: _“Fuck them! You’re a fucking stud, Rick, and the ladies love a man in uniform. I sure as shit do.”_

Rick could only laugh and shrug it off.

They fell asleep easier that night, not weighed down by the fact that when they woke up, they’d have to leave this place. Rick was glad he’d had the time to build up his strength, but he’d be lying if he said not knowing about his family’s well-being didn’t leave him restless. But with the easy conversation and Negan’s laid back demeanor, it was easy to forget just for that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy, there it is~ Thank you guys for all your shared love! I'm excited to see what you think as this story progresses. 
> 
> I hope you're excited for the next chapters to come!! 
> 
> Until then~


	3. Herd

The next day it was time to move. They were down to one can of peas and one and a half bottles of water.

Negan packed them in his bag, holstered his gun and grabbed Lucille by the handle. He swung it over his head and rested it on his shoulder while he waited for Rick to get dressed and ready.

Rick was an interesting one. A family man, first and foremost. If he wasn’t talking about finding them, he was talking about how smart Carl was for his age or how easy it was to fall in love with Lori. Negan found it endearing enough, if not a little tiresome at times. He wondered what Rick was like outside of his family, if he was anything at all.

Not to mention, he was damn attractive. The food and water filled him out nicely. His skin was no longer that sickly pale color and now had a warm, healthy glow. His beard and mustache framed a well-chiseled jawline and his eyes were... fucking incredible. A translucent type of blue that Negan found himself more and more distracted by.

But that was only physical attraction. It didn’t go further than that. Just four days ago, Negan butchered his undead wife. In his mind, there was no getting over that anytime soon. And sure, if Rick had offered, Negan would be happy to take him right on that dingy cot in the middle of their little Atlanta love-nest. But he hadn’t offered, and Negan wasn’t going to ask.

Besides, Rick clearly only had a boner for his family. He was the perfect southern man, all straight-laced and about his business.

“You ready, princess?” Negan asked, mouth forming into a teasing grin when Rick glared up at him from where he was buttoning his pants

Rick seemed to disregard the question in favor of asking his own. “Why didn’t you pack underwear?”

Negan raised a brow at that and scratched his chin for good measure while he answered, “Why the hell would I?”

Rick dropped his hands from his pants and gave Negan a look like the answer was obvious.

Negan laughed at it, but relented, “I don’t wear boxers or briefs unless I’m in my gym uniform. And since that shit ain’t happening, there wasn’t a reason to pack them.”

Rick rolled his eyes, “It’s bad enough your pants hardly fit. But I’ve had these underwear on for almost a week. Longer if you include my time in the hospital...”

Negan whistled at that and shook his head, “That is gross, Rick. Real gross. You ask me, I say you should ditch the panties and rock out with your cock out, if you know what I mean,” He grinned and his eyebrows jumped up to emphasize his insinuation, earning another full eye roll from Rick.

“Shut up,” Rick muttered, a smile lingering on his lips, as he crouched to pull on a pair of running shoes Negan had set aside for him. They were Negan’s old gym shoes; two sizes too big but would work well enough.

Negan looked the same as when they’d first met. Grey pants, white shirt underneath his signature leather jacket. The only difference this time was the red scarf around his neck, tucked under his collar.

Minutes later, Rick was ready to go. He held the pipe in one hand and offered to shoulder the backpack, since Negan would likely do most of the fighting, him having more experience.

“Alright, Rick. Remember what I said. Go for the head. Don’t hesitate. And trust me, we’re doing these assholes a favor by bashing their brains in,” Negan said as he led them to the back door. He gave Rick one last look after undoing the lock and waited until he received a nod in return before he pushed the door open.

* * *

Outside was bright, far brighter than the store had been for the past few days. They both needed a second to adjust. But, didn’t have long. One of the undead stumbled up, grabbing Rick’s shoulders and snapping its jaw in an attempt to dig it’s rotten teeth into his flesh.

Rick acted fast, no doubt utilizing his police training, and held the freak back while he bashed the pipe into its head.

Rick let out a few sharp breaths once it had fallen, unmoving, onto the pavement. He looked up at Negan, who was looking back and smirking as if he was impressed. Rick nodded and Negan nodded back, and then they were on the move.

Running side by side, Negan said, “Let’s head toward 85 south. I haven’t been on the highway since last week, but it was pretty clear last time I was there.”

“Alright,” Rick said, cutting a sharp corner when Negan turned without warning.

“Come on,” Negan growled through his exertion when Rick had fallen behind a few steps.

They encountered a few more stragglers. Negan took them out easily with his Lucille. Rick had taken out another after that. For the most part, things were going smoothly. The ramp for 85 wasn’t too far from where they were. If they kept their pace up, they could get onto the highway in about ten minutes.

It was as they were closing in on the highway that they’d turned a corner, around a building and came head first into a cluster of the undead. A herd. Both Rick and Negan skidded to a stop. The groans from the herd grew louder as more and more turned and became aware of their presence.

“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck,” Negan hissed, eyes wide as he stared at the exact thing they needed to steer clear of. Rick looked shell shocked beside him, shaking with fear. Negan had to snap him out of it quick, because in one second the undead were turning toward them, in the next, they were closing in.

Negan grabbed Rick’s arm with his free hand and yanked him in the other direction. There was a loud clank, and Negan knew then that Rick had dropped the pipe. _Shit_.

Negan maneuvered them around a corner and into an alleyway but stopped abruptly when more from the herd were coming in on the other side. Soon enough, they were being sandwiched them; the herd closing in from both sides. Negan looked around, desperate to find some sort of solution when Rick roughly tapped him on the shoulder.

“There!” Rick said, nodding to a tall ladder, leading up to a roof a few stories up.

“Go!” Negan pushed Rick toward it, staying back a moment to take care of any freaks that got too close. Rick scrambled up the ladder as soon as he’d gotten close and Negan wasn’t far behind.

As Rick moved up ahead, Negan faltered in his movements when he felt something tug him downward.

Negan grunted and growled in frustration. One of the dead was clinging to his boot, snapping its jaw in a manic need to get a taste.

Negan shucked his foot as he removed the hand he used to half-hold Lucille and the ladder, barely keeping himself up with only one hand gripping the rung to support his weight. He shoved the barbed bat downward at the decaying hands clawing at his feet. But the angle was awkward, so it was hard to get a clean hit.

“Negan!” Rick called from above.

“I’m okay! Just keep going!” Negan called back just as he was able to shake free. He began climbing again, noticing that Rick hadn’t moved until Negan had successfully freed himself. _What a loyal little pup._

The climb up was long, but neither seemed to tire out with all the adrenaline coursing through them.

It felt like they’d made it to the top in seconds. Rick collapsed once he was on steady ground and away from danger. Negan followed suit moments later, crawling onto the roof and collapsing right next to him.

They were heaving, eyes closed and sweaty after their close call.

It was once they’d managed to catch their breaths that Negan started laughing; hard.

Soon enough, Rick was chuckling along with him.

And then they were just laughing, looking at each other and happy that they hadn’t bit the dust when it seemed so clear that they had no chance of getting out of that mess alive.

Their laughter only stopped when they felt the presence of someone hovering over them. They froze.

When they looked up they were greeted by a furious looking blonde woman and the barrel of a Smith and Wesson Ladysmith aimed at Negan’s head.

“You assholes,” she said in an angry huff, looking ready to pull the trigger.

“Uh, I’m sorry. Did I piss in your cereal? Who the fuck are you, lady?” Negan said as his fingers twitched for his Lucille, but the weapon had fallen too far out of his reach.

“You killed us, you fuckers,” she hissed, inching the gun closer, finger twitching over the trigger.

“Andrea! Stop!” A man said, and they all turned to see a young looking Asian guy in a ball-cap step up and softly push the gun away so that it wasn’t aiming for either of their heads.

The Asian guy turned to look them over, then offered a hand help them up. Negan was first, and another stranger approached to help Rick up next. This one was a burly looking black man with the build of a football player.

“You wanna explain why cadet Kelly over there wanted to blow my goddamn head off?” Negan asked, brushing his hands off on his pants and walking over to retrieve his Lucille.

“You drew the herd over. We were about to leave when we saw y’all coming up,” the burly one said.

The woman, Andrea, crouched and placed her head in her hands, looking ready to cry.

“Well, shit,” Negan said, unable to help feeling bad. Besides, if that ladder was the only way to get down, they were all fucked.

“I’m Glenn, by the way,” the Asian one said. He pointed to the other man and continued, “That’s T-Dog and...” he paused as he motioned toward the blonde woman. “Well, you already met Andrea.”

Rick spoke up next, “I’m Rick Grimes. That’s Negan. We’re real sorry about the... uh... herd. Just had to get away.”

“Well you’re gonna have to get us out, because those streets were clear before you showed up,” Andrea barked, standing up and glaring at the both of them.

Negan held up his hands in a mocking, placating manner, before speaking, “Whoa there, missy. You gotta be _fucking_ kidding me. If you thought those streets were clear, you’re dumber than I thought you were.”

Rick glared over at him. “Negan...” he hissed in a warning.

“What did you say to me?” Andrea stepped up, squaring her shoulders and looking in no way threatened by how Negan towered over her by a full head. “Maybe I should shoot you right here. If you think I won’t, you’re wrong.”

Negan’s playful look fell, leaving behind a dark glare and a deep frown that turned his usual, easy-going expression into one that was dangerously menacing.

“Hey, hey, enough!” Glenn cut in, stepping between the two of them.

Rick grabbed Negan’s arm, reeling him back in, and successfully wiping the dark look out of his eyes.

“Look, it doesn’t matter if it’s you guy’s fault or not. We gotta get out of this,” Glenn said, looking between Negan and Andrea until they both backed off. Andrea shook her head, scoffed, and walked off. Glenn rolled his eyes and followed her. He stopped her and started speaking in hushed tones too low to make out.

Rick pulled Negan a few steps away, forcing them to lock eyes before he said in a low voice, “We don’t know these people. You can’t just start picking fights with them.”

Negan’s mouth curled up into an easy grin and he shrugged. “Oh, come on, Rick. She had the fucking safety on. She wasn’t gonna shoot shit.”

Rick gave a little smile but remained firm in his speech. He shook his head, “Don’t matter. Our best option is to work together to get out of this.”

“What’s the plan, y’all? More geeks are gathering up out there,” T-Dog cut in, drawing the other four’s attention.

“That ladder can’t be the only way up and down from here,” Negan said.

Glenn walked back up to them and nodded to the door on the other side of the roof, “The building’s full of them too. That’s why we came up here to get down to the streets.”

Rick looked the three over, thinking for a moment before he asked, “Why are y’all out here, anyway?”

T-Dog answered, “Scavenging. Ran out of supplies back at the camp. We found a lot of shit, but...” he trailed off.

“We dropped it when we were running away from the walkers,” Andrea finished, looking more pissy now that she thought about their lost supplies.

“Walkers?” Rick asked, head tilting slightly at the word.

“The geeks, walkers, dead, undead, the monsters out there trying to eat us,” Glenn explained.

“So, what kind of stuff are we talking?” Negan asked and the trio went silent. He raised a brow at that. “What?”

“Nothing, it’s just...” Glenn started, looking increasingly uncomfortable.

“We don’t trust you,” Andrea supplied, once again glaring heatedly at Negan.

Negan scoffed at that, “We aren’t gonna steal your shit, lady. Look, Officer Numbnuts over here—” he gestured to Rick “—dropped his weapon. We got six bullets and my Lucille,” he raised the bat to show it off to the group. “If you got ammo, guns... Shit, we can clear a path.”

Glenn shook his head, “It’s too dangerous. There’s at least twenty of them in there.”

“And there’s five of us,” Negan said, smirking and nodding at the four of them as the wheels turned in his head. “What’s your name again? Gabe?”

“Glenn.”

“Right. What you got on you, Glenn?”

He pulled out a revolver and a hunting knife from his belt. Negan looked over to T-Dog, who quickly got the memo. He presented his machete. Then Andrea, who crossed her arms and cocked her head to the side petulantly.

Negan let out a heavy sigh and rolled his eyes in the most exaggerated way possible. “Come on, blondie. You wanna be _walker_ bait or you wanna leave this fucked up city in one piece?”

She huffed but undid her crossed arms to show off her handgun and a hunting knife.

“Alright, now we’re cooking,” Negan said with a nod.

“What do you have in mind?” Rick asked, stepping forward. “We got knives and a couple guns. That’s not gonna take those things out; not that many of them.”

Negan turned to Rick with a sly smile and said “Chill out, baby doll. I got this.” And then it was Rick’s turn to roll his eyes. Negan turned to regard the rest of them, “Now, the supplies. What’s down there?”

Glenn answered this time, “We found a bag full of weapons. It has a couple explosives, revolvers, handguns, rifles, semi-automatics, snipes, scopes, these hunting knives and a _lot_ of ammo.”

Negan’s eyes sparkled like it was Christmas. “Anything else?” he asked. “Food? Water?”

T-Dog answered, “Got that too. Raided a store down the block. Found canned food, preservatives, medicine... There’s water with the rest of the group. Found a truck stacked with big jugs of it.”

Negan chuckled, “Damn!” He dipped and jutted his hips. “I _do_ like the sound of that.”

“Wait,” Andrea cut in. “We don’t even know you. We’re not taking you back with us.”

“Well, excuse the fuck out of me if I’m not gonna just—” he stopped when Rick stepped in front of him to give him a hard look. Damn those eyes. It’s like they had a power of their own, able to silence and subdue Negan with just a look. Instead of finishing, Negan huffed and shook his head as he backed off.

Rick turned to Andrea, holding his hand out to keep her from losing her cool over Negan’s near-outburst. “We understand. We’re gonna be on our way, but we need to work together to get out of this.”

“He’s right,” Glenn said with an agreeing nod. “We can’t worry about all that right now. I think we should listen to Negan’s plan.”

Andrea gave a disgruntled groan but didn’t argue. Negan couldn’t resist throwing her a shit-eating grin and she readily held her middle finger up to him in response. He swiftly ignored it.

“Alright kiddos! Let’s get down to business,” Negan said with a dramatic clap of his hands. “This is gonna take balls—ginormous fucking balls—so I hope you all came packing.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And the plot thickens... sort of...


	4. Escape Plan

Negan’s plan was solid, at least seemingly so. They would circle up, covering all angles, and use their knives to clear a path through the building.

Then they needed the bags. Glenn said he and his group were able to secure the front doors shut before making their way up to the roof. The doors wouldn’t hold for long, but once they cleared the walkers inside, they could make their way back up with the bags.

They would carry them back up to the roof and use one of the grenades Glenn mentioned to pull the walkers to the opposite side of the building.

 _“These assholes are drawn by sound. You make a big enough impact, all of them will flock toward it like goddamn moths to a flame,”_ Negan had said.

Rick had jumped into the planning after that. Having the most gun experience, he would perch on the roof with T-Dog. They’d utilize the snipers and clear out any stragglers while Andrea, Glenn and Negan went down the ladder to find a car.

Negan would take care of the hot-wiring. Rick asked how he even knew how to do that, to which Negan replied: _“I used to work with cars, Deputy Buzzkill. Not like it even matters now. What? You thought I was some undercover car thief? You gonna arrest me?”_ To which Rick rolled his eyes and told him to stop talking, because that seemed to work when Negan was being an asshole.

Once the trio got a car big enough, they’d meet Rick and T-Dog by the alley. They’ll climb down and get into the vehicle. After that, they’d drive out onto 85, where Glenn had said their group’s camp was located off of, and part ways once they were in the clear.

Clearing the walkers went smoothly, only rising concerns when T-Dog tripped over a body and got pounced on by one of the dead fuckers. Negan brought Lucille down on its head and helped him up.

They left a few of the dead behind, focused more on grabbing the bags and hauling them up the stairs.

They came back to the roof in one piece. Rick, holding the bag of weapons, dropped it to the ground and rummaged through it. It was an Atlanta PD bag. Glenn hadn’t been exaggerating the amount of artillery stored inside. Rick marveled at it, only feeling a vague amount of sympathy for the poor bastard who’d been forced to leave it behind.

Rick found a few other things inside as well. He grabbed a brown, leather gun belt and quickly secured it around his waist. There were also a couple silencers inside. He made sure to hand two over to T-Dog as the man reached in for the two rifles and scopes.

Meanwhile, Negan and Andrea reloaded their guns using the surplus of ammo. Glenn kept an eye on the walkers below, making a mental note of the route they’d need to take to find a decent vehicle.

“You good to do this?” Rick asked T-Dog, who was crouched in front of him, after placing a silver magnum revolver in his belt. He silently hoped it wouldn’t be an issue if he decided to keep the Colt Python after they were through with this herd.

T-Dog looked up, handing over one of the rifles, and nodded. “I gotta be,” was his answer.

Rick nodded and accepted the rifle. He pointed the gun away, checking the scope’s accuracy, and only pulled back once he was satisfied. “That’ll do,” he said to himself, then secured the weapon’s strap over his shoulder.

Negan, Andrea and Glenn went over to the ladder, carrying the food, medicine and weapon bags with them. That left Rick and T-Dog with their rifles.

Once everyone was in position, Rick started to speak. “Alright! We do this now, and we do this quickly.” He motioned toward Negan, Glenn and Andrea, “Me and T-Dog will keep you covered but move as fast as you can. If you get out of range, we won’t be able to help you. Try not to move too far.” He nodded up at them, “Y’all good to go?”

“Yeah,” Glenn said with a determined nod.

“I’m good. We can do this,” Andrea answered firmly.

“Damn, Rick. I gotta say, you are _real_ sexy when you get all authoritative and shit,” Negan said with a teasing grin.

Rick rolled his eyes, used to the man’s obnoxious comments by now. “I’ll take that as a yes... and _shut up_ ,” Rick said, then turned to T-Dog. He could hear Negan chuckling behind him while T-Dog was giving him a strange look. “What?” Rick asked, but T-Dog shook his head and looked away, so Rick didn’t press the issue.

Over by the ladder...

“Alright, let’s get to it!” Negan said, sounding overly cheery.

Glenn readied himself at the top of the ladder. Negan noticed he was getting increasingly nervous; shaking and sweating like he was revving up for a full-blown panic attack.

So, Negan leaned forward and asked, “You alright, kid?”

Glenn looked up at Negan and gave his best attempt at a smile, which was more like an awkward twitch of the corner of his lips. “Y-yeah. No big deal. We’re just about to drop down in the middle of hundreds of geeks, run for our lives and possibly get eaten on the way.” He closed his eyes and let out a shaky breath.

“Hey, hey, come on, kid,” Negan stepped forward and rested a hand on his shoulder. Glenn looked up after a moment, eyes wide and rimmed with terror. “Don’t even think about it. You’re gonna be fine. You got me on your side. And me?” Negan leaned back and puffed out his chest. “I’m strong as shit. And Lucille?” He waved his bat to make sure Glenn had a good look. “Well… she gets shit done.” Negan grinned and Glenn couldn’t help but do the same. “We’re gonna find some sort of fucking truck, get our asses back here and then get you sweet fuckers back to your camp. Don’t think about what could go wrong. Just think about what you gotta get done.”

Tension eased out of Glenn’s shoulders as he allowed Negan’s words to settle in. He nodded, smiled and patted Negan on the shoulder. “Thanks man,” he said, and Negan shrugged as if it was nothing.

Andrea seemed to find a little peace in Negan’s words as well, even if she wasn’t willing to admit it.

On the other side of the roof, Rick carefully held the grenade over the edge. One hand held the bulk, while the other was gingerly grasping the pin, making sure not to remove it until he’d properly positioned himself. One wrong move, and they would all be blown to hell.

Rick steadied his breathing, readied himself, then released the bulk, keeping hold of the pin while it disengaged and watching as the grenade plummeted to the ground.

Seconds later, the explosion shook the building. They wobbled but were able to right themselves easily enough.

Smoke billowed up from where the grenade hit. Negan kept an eye on the walkers, watching as they bumped and tripped over each other to get toward the sound. “They’re moving!” Negan called out, and Rick found himself smiling as their plan seemed to be going accordingly.

The trio waited for the walkers to clear the alleyway to make their move. They hustled down the ladder, one after the other, while Rick and T-Dog perched on the edge with their rifles.

They leaned in, peering through the scope and surveying the area. It really was clearing out. Most of the walkers had moved on, likely to where the explosive had gone off. There were only a few left mulling about.

Rick took out one that was a little too close to the ladder just as Glenn made it to the ground. Another was approaching just as Negan went down after him. T-Dog took a shot at it and missed, so Negan followed up and took care of it with Lucille.

Rick spared T-Dog a glance, who looked back and whispered, “My bad.”

Rick smiled and shook his head, then went back to his scope.

It wasn’t long before Andrea was down with them, and they weaved around the buildings until they were out of sight. T-Dog was able to take a couple out, while Rick took care of the rest.

Rick could only hope the three of them could make it to a car and back without anything going awry.

* * *

Negan liked Glenn. He was quick and a fast learner. Andrea still had some warming up to do, but at least she was efficient. Her gun handling skills left much to be desired, but she was good with a knife, and took out more walkers than Negan thought she would’ve on their way to get a vehicle.

They spotted one a few blocks up from the building. A large white truck. They all shared a look before picking up speed to get to it.

The area around was mostly clear, so Negan hastily jogged to the driver’s side and got to work in getting it running. Andrea opened the sliding door on the back to toss their bags in. The truck was empty, which was both a relief and disappointing. Glenn kept watch, holding out his knife, ready to take down anything that came up from the back.

But, he didn’t account for the front.

Negan was bent under the wheel, fiddling with the wires, when he heard snarling above him. He looked up through the open door to see one of those drooling freaks lurching toward him.

“Holy hell!” Negan managed to let out before thrusting his arms out at the walker, pushing it back while he righted himself in the seat. The undead asshole stumbled back, and Negan reached for Lucille where he’d placed her on the floor on the passenger’s side but didn’t have time to grab it when the walker was back on him.

Negan pushed again but used too much force. He fell from the truck and felt a sharp pain jolt through his head when he landed.

“Negan?!” Glenn ran around, followed by Andrea. He hurried over and kneeled by Negan’s head while Andrea stabbed her knife through the front of the walker’s skull.

A moment passed before he heard Andrea say, “Oh, _God_ ,” sounding mildly horrified. Negan wondered if it was that bad.

He must have hit his head on something, because his vision was blurred, his ears were ringing and his head felt cloudy with pain. He watched blearily while Glenn lifted and turned his head. Negan hissed at the pain.

“It’s not bad, but you’re bleeding... _a lot_ ,” Glenn said. He removed something from behind Negan’s head, then held it up to him with a bloody hand. “You landed right on this rock.”

“Ah shit. Feels like my head is split open,” Negan said.

Andrea scoffed, “Well, it kind of is.” She moved forward after that and helped Glenn get Negan up and into the truck.

They placed him in the passenger’s seat, maneuvering Lucille around until it was in between his legs. Glenn ran to the back to grab supplies from the designated medical bag, while Andrea kept her hand on the wound to help ease the bleeding.

Glenn came back seconds later with some alcohol, gauze and bandage wraps.

Andrea removed her bloody hand, while Glenn got to work in wrapping Negan’s head.

* * *

“They’re taking a long time,” T-Dog pointed out after twenty minutes passed.

It had been too long and Rick was getting worried, but he tried not to think too hard on the multitude of things that could’ve gone wrong.

The herd hadn’t made it back to the alley, so that was good. The silencers were a huge help in making sure their gunfire didn’t draw them back in. And now it was mostly empty below. All they could do was wait for the trio to come back.

Anxiety bubbled at the pit of Rick’s gut. He hated that he was worried about Negan, so worried that he was thinking about climbing down and making sure everything was alright. It was distracting. He needed to focus on doing his part. It just felt wrong to wait, knowing something could’ve gotten to them, or taken them out. Especially after Negan had just days ago saved Rick’s life.

His fears worsened after ten more minutes passed.

“What you thinking?” T-Dog asked.

Rick turned to him, “I’m thinking we give them a little more time.”

“Yeah, but they could be out there hurt... or in danger... or dead,” T-Dog reasoned.

“We can’t do anything about that, because they have the rest of the guns. They’re better off than we are right now,” Rick countered.

“They could’ve dropped them, like we did earlier. They could be out there with nothing!” T-Dog said, more erratically this time.

Rick closed his eyes and shook his head, “Don’t say that.”

“It’s true. You’re getting worried too,” T-Dog pointed as if Rick’s face proved it.

“I am worried. But what happens if we leave and they come back? What happens if we get into trouble, and they don’t know where we are? What if they come up here lookin’, and the herd comes and blocks their car?” Rick stepped over to T-Dog, motioning with his hand as he spoke. “We can’t leave yet. We gotta trust that they’ll be back soon.”

T-Dog straightened and gave Rick a serious look. “And if they’re not?”

Rick faltered, unsure of how to reply. He looked back over the edge down at the streets. He looked around, hoping to catch a glimpse of something, anything.

And then he saw it.

A large white truck pulled up by the entrance to the alleyway.

“Look,” Rick said, his face splitting into a grin. “There they are, let’s move.”

They made it down the ladder relatively quickly and dashed for the truck. A walker appeared as they exited the alleyway and Rick used the stock of his rifle to bash its head in.

Glenn was in the passenger’s seat and hopped out once the two got close.

“Where’s Negan?” Rick asked, having expected the man to have been in the driver’s seat instead of Andrea.

“Come on!” Glenn ran to the back and opened the sliding door.

Rick froze.

Negan was lying in the back with the supply bags. He was on his back and looked unconscious.

“Get in! We’ll explain when we get out of the city!” Glenn said in a hurry, forcing Rick to jump into action.

He climbed in after T-Dog and Glenn closed the door behind them.

A few seconds passed before they were speeding off.

It was too dark in the back of the truck to see anything, but Rick could hear the faint sound of Negan’s hollowed breaths through the noise of the engine. He crawled closer, feeling around until his fingers grazed over Negan’s head. There was a bandage tightly wrapped around it, and Rick felt something tug his heart into his stomach.

Maybe it was because Negan was the first friend he’d made in this new world. Maybe it was because Negan saved him from what would have been an impossible situation if he’d tried to leave that hospital alone. Maybe it was because he actually liked Negan... but whatever the reason, Rick hoped the abrasive man would wake up soon.

“I’m sorry about your boyfriend,” T-Dog said, and Rick jumped at the sudden intrusion.

“What?” Rick said, eyebrows furrowed and mouth twisting downward, even though T-Dog wouldn’t be able to see it.

“Whatever happened out there,” T-Dog said. “I’m sorry he got hurt.”

Rick tilted his head, still looking perplexed, “Did you..? He’s not—Negan’s not my _boyfriend_. We just met... I’m married. I have a wife.”

He wasn’t sure what face T-Dog made, but he did hear the sharp intake of air. “Oh!” T-Dog said, a little too loudly. “My bad! I just thought... I don’t know. Never mind, man. Sorry about—er... your friend. That’s all I meant. Sorry...”

Rick squinted his eyes, trying to see T-Dog through the darkness, but he could only barely make out his outline. He gave up with a sigh, deciding it was best to drop the conversation there.

They rode the rest of the ride in silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys~ Thank y'all for all the good vibes you're sending my way! I hope you enjoyed chapter 4! And I hope you're excited to see what's next! Let me know what you think~ And stay safe during the pandemic!


	5. Reunion

The truck pulled off the road and slowed to a stop a few miles outside of the city.

When the door opened, they were parked on the highway, but it wasn’t Glenn or Andrea staring at them, it was a muscular man in a sleeveless shirt and a crossbow strapped to his back.

He frowned at Rick. “Who the hell are you?” he asked in a rough, gravelly voice.

T-Dog spoke up for him, “Daryl. These guys saved our asses, man.” He nodded toward where Rick was sitting by a still unconscious Negan.

The guy, Daryl, grunted in understanding, but continued to glare at Rick.

They must’ve arrived at their camp, Rick realized. Judging by Daryl’s reaction to his presence, Rick guessed they wouldn’t be allowed to stay very long.

“Hey, can you help with him?” Glenn said, stepping up to stand beside Daryl in the truck’s entrance.

“Who, him?” Daryl asked, voice rising. He pointed down at Negan like he was scum on the bottom of his shoe.

“Come on, they really did save our asses,” Glenn said, insisting.

Andrea walked up next, “Yeah, they only saved us ‘cause they almost got us killed.” She grabbed one of the bags and walked off with it after that.

Daryl huffed, but relented when Glenn didn’t let up. Rick grabbed Negan from under his arms while Daryl turned and grabbed his legs from behind. They hefted him up together and started on their way.

Glenn and T-Dog took care of gathering the rest of the supplies and weapons.

“Heavy motherfucker,” Daryl grunted as they struggled to step out of the truck.

Rick was momentarily distracted when he noticed Glenn and T-Dog were missing something. “Hey!” he called out to them before they got too far.

They both turned and Rick nodded back toward the truck.

“Is uh... is Lucille in there?” Rick asked. He couldn’t understand how Negan didn’t feel like a complete idiot referring to his bat as if it was a living, breathing organism, because Rick sure did.

T-Dog gave a confused face, while Glenn asked, “The bat?”

Rick cleared his throat and nodded.

“Oh, yeah. I think it’s in the front. I’ll grab it,” Glenn ran back to get it, and Rick couldn’t help but feel proud of remembering not to leave it behind. Negan seemed to cherish it enough to know the thing held some sort of real significance.

“Hey, asshole!” Daryl looked over his shoulder at him and glared. “I’ll drop his ass if we don’t get movin’.”

“Sorry,” Rick muttered and they continued their way towards the camp.

They walked into the woods off the side of the highway. Daryl led them through a short distance until they made it to a clearing.

It really was just a camp. There were tents scattered around, but not too far from one another. There was a woman with a shaved head and a young girl talking by what seemed to be a laundry station but, aside from Glenn, T-Dog and Andrea, the rest of the camp seemed to be in their tents.

To the side there was a tent that was a bit larger. A red plus sign was drawn on it (in what appeared to be walker blood) and Rick assumed that was where they were heading.

Glenn ran up to open the tent for them and Daryl shrugged his way inside, pulling Negan and Rick along with him.

In the tent, there was an old man and two young girls chatting. Their conversation died down when they turned to see them enter.

“Ain’t a threat,” Daryl said as he helped move Negan onto the makeshift bed in the corner of the tent.

Once Negan was down, Rick took a second to catch his breath, while Daryl simply pushed past him and out of the tent without another word.

Rick collected himself after a second and nodded his head at the three curious onlookers.

“Young man, do you need some water?” The old man said, furrowing his grey brows at him.

Rick smiled and chuckled, but nodded, nonetheless.

“Bethy, be a dear...” he started to say and the blonde girl immediately perked up and nodded. A second later she was gone. The old man stepped forward with an outstretched hand, “I’m Hershel Greene. This is my daughter, Maggie.” He motioned to the young brunette beside him. “And that was Beth, my other daughter,” Hershel explained.

Rick grasped his hand in a firm shake, then did the same with Maggie. “Rick Grimes. This is Negan,” he motioned to the unconscious man.

“Your name’s Grimes?” Maggie asked, perking up.

“Yeah,” Rick nodded, turning to the daughter with a tilt of his head. She looked ready to say more when Glenn and Beth popped back into the tent.

Beth handed Rick a steel cup full of water. It had a funny taste to it, but he downed it almost immediately.

Hershel pulled his attention after that, “What happened to him?” he asked, kneeling by Negan’s head and carefully undoing the bandage.

Rick looked to Glenn, who answered, “We were stuck on a roof downtown. These two showed up, and uh... he—” Glenn pointed to Negan, “—had this idea to clear the geeks so we could move. We got out and got to this truck. He was hot-wiring it when one of them grabbed him, I guess.”

“You guess?” Rick questioned.

“Was he bit?” Hershel asked next.

Glenn shook his head, “Didn’t look like it. I think he fell out the truck fighting it off and hit his head on a rock. Started bleeding out on the street.”

Hershel hummed and nodded as he peeled the last of the bloody parts of the bandage off. He gently tilted Negan’s head to examine the wound.

“You did a good job wrapping this, son,” Hershel commented almost absentmindedly. Glenn’s smiled shyly at the compliment, and Rick wondered if Glenn and Hershel were close somehow. “Looks like he has a mild concussion. Just needs rest and some fluids. I’ll stitch this up.” Hershel turned to Maggie. “Honey, get me an IV,” she nodded and went to where they seemed to be storing all their medical supplies to pull one from a cooler.

“Do you know when he’ll wake up?” Rick asked, staring down at Negan’s sleeping face. He looked soft when he slept. Rick noticed that on the second day they’d spent in the convenience store together. It was so different from the hardness hiding beneath his playful expression when he was awake.

“I’d say he’ll be up by tomorrow, but he should rest awhile,” Hershel rolled up his sleeve and got to work on taking out his tools for the stitches. He went on, “You should get some rest too, son. You don’t look so good yourself.”

Rick looked down at his borrowed white shirt and grey pants, both covered in dried blood from the walkers. He nodded and offered a, “Thank you,” before leaving the tent.

He stepped out and rubbed his eyes with his middle finger and thumb, working out the tension in his head after the overwhelming events of the day. At the mere mention of rest, Rick was feeling ready to pass out.

The other people in the camp seemed to be out and about now. He could hear them talking and walking around. He removed his hand from his eyes and sighed, thinking he should find Andrea and see if she could set him up with somewhere to sleep.

He lifted his head and looked around for the feisty blonde, only to feel the wind get pushed from his lungs in the presence of an overwhelming rush of emotion.

On the other end of the camp, he saw her.

Lori. She was staring right at him, holding Carl by his shoulder, and looking like she was seeing a ghost.

Carl was the next to turn and his face crumbled in a mix of excitement and shock. “DAD!” He screamed as he wrenched away from Lori in a mad dash towards Rick.

Other people in the camp went silent at the outburst. At least, Rick didn’t see or hear them. All he could see was his son. He felt his own eyes starting to heat up with tears as he readily wrapped his arms around his son’s small frame.

Lori was close behind, and Rick made room to pull her in as well.

“I thought you were... I thought,” Lori was babbling through her sobs.

Rick rocked them in his arms, nuzzling Carl’s head with his, then leaning over to give Lori a long, searing kiss. He pulled away and pressed his nose to Carl’s hair.

“I found you,” he whispered into Carl’s head. “I found you,” he gave him a kiss, then walked with them back toward the others at the camp, all gathered and watching now.

And then he saw another familiar face.

He disentangled himself from his family to regard Shane. His friend, his best friend, was staring at him in pure shock. Rick walked up with his hand out and Shane grabbed it right away, pulling Rick into a crushing hug.

“Back from the dead, aye Rick?” Shane said, his voice sounding... off.

Rick pulled away to give him a long look. All he could see was concern and surprise, not excitement or happiness, like he’d felt with Lori and Carl. Rick didn’t know how to take it, so he pushed the thoughts aside for now. He focused on knowing that his friend was alive and well; knowing that his family was safe. He relished in it, and for the first time since waking up, he felt like he could take on whatever evil this world threw at him.

* * *

Negan woke up and immediately groaned at his killer headache.

His surroundings were unfamiliar, and if he didn’t feel so much like the room was spinning, he would have bolted after having woken up in such a strange place.

But he vaguely remembered Glenn and Andrea wrapping his head after that dickless walker got the jump on him, and him having to groggily explain how to hot-wire a car to Andrea. And then how everything went black.

And now he was realizing the ‘room’ he was in was actually some sort of tent. There were supplies scattered about, mostly medical, and a half empty IV hanging to his left above his head. He followed the tube with his eyes until he saw were it connected to the vein in his arm.

After a second of adjusting to being awake, a slow, creeping panic started to rise in his chest. _Where’s Rick? Where’s Lucille?_ He wanted to get up, but he couldn’t find the strength to do it just yet. His hands were clawing at his sides, urging him to get off his ass and figure out where the hell he was.

But, he didn’t have to.

A moment later, Rick walked in, looking refreshed and wearing... some sort of police uniform?

Negan felt his lips tugging into a slow smile and Rick was already starting to roll his eyes. “Am I dreaming? Because gettin’ my freak on with Officer Grimes in uniform would be...”

Rick held his hand up, “Stop.” He said it firmly, but Negan could see him fighting back a smile. “I just came to see if you were awake, and now that you are, I’m already regretting it.”

“Aw,” Negan poured. “You don’t mean that shit, sweetheart. Take it back.”

“You never quit, do you?” Rick asked, but despite himself, walked over to sit on the floor of the tent by Negan.

“Mm, no I’m what one would call, ‘obnoxiously tenacious.’” Negan held his tongue between his teeth in a playful grin and Rick couldn’t help but chuckle. Negan chuckled along with him before he teared his eyes away to look up. As the moment passed, Negan spoke again in a serious tone. “Where the hell are we, Rick?”

“Their camp. Glenn, Andrea, T-Dog...” Rick answered.

“And Lucille?” Negan asked. “Did I lose her?”

Rick chuckled, likely only half in tune with the sorrow hiding within Negan’s voice that was brought upon by the realization that he might have actually left his precious bat somewhere out in that fucked over city. But Rick’s answer quelled his fears, “I got her in my tent.”

Negan chuckled at the playfulness in Rick’s voice. “You been treatin’ her nice?”

Rick gave a humored scoff and replied, “Like a princess.”

Negan laughed at that, and more when Rick started laughing along with him.

When he sobered, Negan turned to face Rick again, “And why the hell are you dressed like that? I mean, don’t get me wrong, I think you look really fucking sexy. But, I don’t think you’re doing that for me.”

Rick shrugged, but instead of answering right away, he started with, “I found them.”

“Found... who?”

“Lori. Carl. They were _here_ , Negan.”

Negan’s eyes grew wide, “You’re shittin’ me.”

Rick shook his head. “My wife packed this. Wanted to keep it to remember me. Figured it felt right to put it on,” he said, brushing his hand down the front of his collared uniform shirt.

“Alright. Well fuck, what are we doing then, Rick?” Negan licked his lips, “Are we staying? Is this place even safe?”

Rick let out a breath through his nose and looked away. “I’m not too sure,” he answered. “A walker crept in last night. There might be more. We took care of it, but...”

Negan struggled to sit up and waved Rick away when he tried to help. He managed, and leaned into the side of the tent when he was sure he wouldn’t keel over. “Where the hell are we? Still in Atlanta?” He asked next.

“Yeah. The woods, just off the highway.”

Negan gave him a look, eyes filled with judgement.

Rick let out another breath and nodded, able to silently read all of the apprehension in Negan’s eyes. “I know it’s not the safest place right now, but there are kids, Negan. And Carl...”

Negan shook his head, “Fuck that, Rick. You need to get your wife and kid and we need to move as far away from here as possible. Away from that fucking city.”

“Negan...”

“No, Rick. This shit is not safe, and if you don’t want to find your kid with his brains out, all fucked up and half-eaten, then you gotta think real fucking hard about what you wanna do here,” Negan stopped himself there, noticing the way Rick’s eyes widened, then hardened. “Shit...” Negan started; voice softer. “Look, Rick, I’m sorry. I didn’t—"

“I was going to say that the group’s gonna meet to see where we should go,” Rick said in a voice more terse than Negan had heard before. “And I was going to tell you that I’m staying with the group; with my family, because that’s what _we_ thought ‘ _real fucking hard’_ about, while you were here, unconscious.”

“Rick...” Negan tried again.

“And I was going to ask if you wanted to come with us, but maybe you’re the one who needs to do some thinking,” Rick got up and left after that, leaving Negan to beat himself up alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh man, I hope this shit isn't wrecked with typos lol Thank you all for reading! I hope you're excited for the next installment :> Let me know what you think! Georgia's on lock down starting tomorrow so this story is about to take over at least 50% of my focus. 10% goes to work, 40% goes to Animal Crossing o_o


	6. Warmth

It must have been early morning when Rick had come by. Hours passed before Negan began hearing voices and movement outside his tent.

Soon enough, an older man stepped through the entrance. His eyes immediately found Negan’s staring back at him.

“You’re awake,” the man said. “I was coming to change your IV, but I suppose I don’t need to now. You hungry?”

Negan blinked at the question, before finally answering, “Yeah, actually. Pretty fucking hungry.”

“Good,” the man said in return. “I’m Hershel, by the way. And Rick told me you’re Negan.” He bent down after that to remove the IV from Negan’s arm.

“Sure am,” Negan said with a weak nod.

“Well, we got soup on the way, Negan,” Hershel said, placing the spent IV to the side and standing up straight. “Come on out when you’re feeling up to it,” and then the man disappeared out of the tent.

Negan figured he’d had enough rest. His head wasn’t hurting as much, just a dull ache now, so he got up soon after Hershel left. He felt odd standing in just a t-shirt, pants and boots. He wondered if Rick had his jacket too.

And speaking of Rick...

Negan sighed and shook his head. He should’ve known saying shit like that about the man’s kid would set him off. He just wasn’t thinking. And now Negan had to do the painful thing and attempt to make things right with him. He doubted Rick would just let it go.

With another sigh, Negan pushed his way out of the tent and into the hot Georgian sun. Looking around, he saw a decent sized group of people huddled around a small fire, all talking, some laughing, and eating.

He walked over, attempting to not look too out of place as he approached the group. They all quieted as he got closer.

Rick was sitting with, what had to be, his son nestled to his chest. Beside him was a woman with long, brown, wavy hair; definitely the infamous Lori. She was sitting close to Rick while looking up at Negan curiously. Rick barely spared him a glance.

Then there was Hershel, Glenn, Andrea and T-Dog, whom he nodded at, and received nods back in return. A sleeveless man who looked like some sort of badass redneck. A woman with a shaved head, who looked more uncomfortable than anything else. A small kid was next to her; a girl with a blonde bob. Then there were two other girls, maybe teenagers or older. One was a blonde, the other a brunette. The brunette was sitting snug against Glenn, and she just had to be his girlfriend. And last was a stocky looking guy; a bulky military type of fella. He had a nasty look on his face, and Negan wasn’t sure if it was because of him or something else.

Hershel was the first to say something. “Come on, son. Sit down and eat something,” he said.

Negan nodded, and took a seat between T-Dog and the badass redneck.

Glenn’s brunette girlfriend scooped some of the shared soup into a makeshift bowl and handed it over to Negan. “Here,” she said and he eagerly accepted it. “I’m Maggie, by the way.”

“And I’m Beth,” the young blonde chimed in, sounding overeager. “That’s Daryl,” she pointed at the man beside Negan, then to the woman with the shaved head, “and that’s Carol... and Sophia.” She turned to the burly, military guy with the apparent attitude and said, “and that’s Shane.” Beth didn’t introduce Lori or Carl, and maybe she assumed Negan already knew who they were. She was half right, at least.

Negan nodded at them, but didn’t offer much else in return. He was used to being the boisterous, loud one, but the atmosphere was so uncomfortable, even Negan didn’t have it in him.

“Thank you,” Lori spoke up, and Negan lifted his eyes to meet her soft, brown ones.

“For what?” Negan asked, sounding tired as he scooped into his soup.

“For saving my husband. He told us about what you did,” she clarified.

“Well, couldn’t just leave his sorry ass in that hospital, could I?” Negan said, then took in a mouthful of his soup, noting that it tasted _fucking awful_.

“You could’ve,” Shane spoke up, pausing for a second, as if he hadn’t meant to say that and was forced to continue, “But you didn’t. You have no idea how grateful we are to you.”

Negan had a feeling there was a double meaning to his words. But he couldn’t think on it with how Rick was so obviously avoiding eye contact with him.

 _Sensitive prick_.

‘Breakfast’ lost its tension after that. The group fell back into whatever meaningless thing they were chatting about before Negan had shown up. Rick mostly spoke quietly with Lori and Carl. Negan simply ate his soup and sat there observing the group.

When it was over, everyone dispersed into what seemed to be their designated roles.

Carol and Sophia went over to the washboard to start on ‘laundry’.

Daryl walked off on his own with his crossbow to go on a hunt.

Andrea left, shoulders tensed, saying something about fishing.

Hershel, Maggie, Beth and Glenn went over to sort the supplies they’d found in the city.

T-Dog and Shane went off to keep watch.

And Lori and Carl went off to do... homework? Negan nearly laughed off his ass after hearing that.

_The hell do you need homework for in the end of the fucking world?_

But, that left Negan and Rick.

Rick got up first and started to walk off before Negan walked over and grabbed his arm, forcing him to stop him.

“Rick… hey,” Negan started, and let go when Rick turned to face him. “Come on. I’m sorry, okay? I was talking out my ass back there.” He nodded toward the medical tent.

“I know,” Rick said, looking up at Negan and crossing his arms.

“Then you’ll stop looking at me like I stepped on your goddamn cat?” Negan gave a hesitant smile, hoping Rick would return the gesture, but he didn’t.

Rick sighed and looked away, thinking to himself before his eyes slid back and settled on Negan. “Look, I get it. Just—you can’t say stuff like that to me... about Carl. Never about Carl. You hear me?”

“Yeah, I know. I’m sorry, gorgeous. Really,” Negan smiled bigger, seeing the twinkle in Rick’s eyes at the pet name.

“And you gotta stop talking to me like that,” Rick said this time, sounding less serious. “T-Dog called you my boyfriend yesterday.”

Negan barked out a laugh, stepping away so that he could contain himself. “Shit, are you serious?”

Rick chuckled and shook his head, “It’s not funny.”

Negan straightened up, still laughing when he said, “Oh, you should be honored. I’d be a kickass boyfriend, Rick. You’d be the luckiest man alive. And, I know it’s not much, considering half the population is dead or undead, but hell, it’s something.”

Rick shook his head again, smiling fully now. “Stop. Lori would throw a fit if she heard you talking like that.”

Negan sobered and rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah. By the way, where’s my jacket?” he asked, swiftly changing the subject.

Rick rolled his eyes at that, “You really wanna wear that leather thing in this heat?”

Negan shrugged.

Rick gave him an odd look, but didn’t question him further. “Hold on,” he said, then walked off and disappeared into a nearby tent.

He came back a moment later, holding Negan’s leather jacket, red scarf and Lucille. He stepped up and presented the items, receiving a big grin in response.

“Hell-fucking-yes, Rick. You are my saving grace, you know that? I could kiss you right now,” he accepted the items. He pulled the red scarf on first, then his jacket, zipping it up all the way. And lastly, he grabbed Lucille, slung it onto his shoulder and grinned. “How do I look?”

Rick chuckled, looking him up and down. After a moment, he answered, “Like a douchebag.”

Negan’s eyes widened and he fell into another fit of laughter. “Jesus Christ, Rick! You are a cruel, cruel bastard. Shit, I didn’t think you even knew that word.”

Rick cocked his head to the side and crossed his arms, amused. “You don’t think I’ve heard people call me that with the amount of jackasses I hauled into my patrol car?”

“Fair enough, Rick. But, I was expecting something more along the lines of ‘devilishly handsome.’ Or ‘rip-my-clothes-off sexy.’”

Rick laughed at that. “Keep dreaming,” he said, then walked away.

Negan watched him go with a smile. He ran his tongue over the edge of his teeth, and let it settle at the corner of his mouth. He was only play-flirting, but he couldn’t help sitting back and admiring the way Rick looked in his uniform. His strong arms, broad shoulders, bowed legs, and his tight, _tight_ , perky ass. If he wasn’t married, Negan would’ve actually tried to go a bit further, push a bit harder...

Negan shook his head, effectively shaking the thoughts away with it.

He couldn’t think that way. Sure, Rick really was gorgeous, and as easy to talk to as Lucille had been, but he was just a friend, living and fighting in this fucked up world they’d been thrown into together. Nothing more.

* * *

“You and Negan seem to get along well,” Lori had said out of the blue. She must have noticed them talking after breakfast.

After that chat with Negan, which had left Rick a bit lighter on his feet and with a smile playing on his lips, he had decided to sit with his family while Carl worked on some math equations.

Rick looked over at his wife, noting some sort of apprehension in her eyes, but not knowing where it was coming from.

He shrugged before he responded, “He’s obnoxious, but he has his way, I guess.”

“He was real quiet during breakfast,” she pointed out.

Rick had noticed that too, even if at the time he had been actively ignoring Negan’s presence. “Well... we had a little argument this morning.”

“Argument about what?” Lori asked.

She was oddly inquisitive, but Rick didn’t ask why. Not yet, at least. “He just said some things that rubbed me the wrong way. He’s got a habit of doing that too,” he answered, sounding humored.

“Hm,” Lori nodded.

She went quiet after that, but Rick could tell she had something on her mind.

After a long moment of silence, Rick gave in. “What?” he asked knowingly.

Lori gave him a look, like he should know what she wanted to say. When he didn’t get it right away, she rolled her eyes and said, “He just seems a bit... _rough_. I don’t want him being a bad influence on Carl or Sophia...”

“You want him to leave?” Rick tilted his head, as if gaging her reaction from this angle would give him a bit more insight.

Lori shook her head quickly, “I didn’t say that.”

“Well, what are you saying?”

“I just don’t want him to cause any problems,” Lori sighed and ran her hand through her hair in that way that meant she was getting frustrated.

“He won’t,” Rick said, sounding sure of himself.

Lori scoffed, smiling in an almost condescending way, “How do you know that?”

“He saved my life, Lori,” Rick hissed and he could see the way Carl stiffened in the corner of his eye. They shouldn’t argue here, not in front of Carl.

Rick wasn’t even sure why he was getting so defensive over a man he barely knew but, regardless, he felt the undeniable anger that gripped at his nerves.

He let out a calming breath before he continued in an even tone, “If it wasn’t for him, I wouldn’t be here. He’s a good person and he ain’t done anything that would suggest otherwise.”

He also wasn’t sure why they were having this conversation. How would Lori even know what kind of man Negan was? He’d barely said two words to her. Was it because he wore a leather jacket and had a barbed wired bat? But, that didn’t seem reason enough to think that Negan was bad news.

Or maybe it would’ve, to Rick, if that man in the leather jacket hadn’t saved his life. If he hadn’t used Lucille to fight off walkers to keep them both safe. Maybe he would’ve had the same ideas about Negan that she had. But that didn’t seem fair, did it?

The conversation dissolved into an uncomfortable silence after that. Rick found himself feeling grateful and wishing that he’d still had that pep in his step and smile on his face that he’d had after talking to Negan.

* * *

The group gathered that afternoon and decided they would head further north to try to find some sort of settlement. Someplace to call home.

Staying out in the open wasn’t a good idea. Rick had quickly learned the group had lost a lot of people already.

Daryl lost his brother, Merle, which explained his less than friendly attitude.

Andrea had lost her sister, Amy, which explained _her_ less than friendly attitude.

Hershel, Maggie and Beth’s farm got overrun. They were the only survivors.

Carol lost her husband. And, even if by Shane’s account it wasn’t much of a loss, Rick couldn’t imagine how she must’ve felt.

And there were others. Strangers they’d met along the way. Dale, Jim, Jacqui, Morales and his family, all taken out by walkers or plunderers.

Knowing all that, Rick was glad he’d found Lori and Carl when he did. Who knows what could’ve happened, or where the group would’ve ended up.

“Hey,” Negan said, sitting down beside Rick on the large, fallen tree that was acting as a bench. He set Lucille down beside him and leaned her up against the bark before focusing his eyes on Rick.

Rick looked over and smiled, then looked back out at the dark forest beyond the camp.

That night, he’d offered to keep watch with Shane.

Shane was on the south side and Rick was on the north.

“You really think we’ll find someplace out there?” Rick asked, then looked back over to find Negan looking back at him. He continued, “Someplace that could be home? Not some part of the woods or... some broken down building. A real place.”

Negan smiled a little and shrugged, “Why not? People are capable of anything. I’m sure some smarty pants found a way to build something just like that.”

Rick smiled and nodded. “Maybe,” he said, like he wasn’t fully convinced.

“Yeah... I get it,” Negan said with a laugh that had Rick raising an eyebrow at him.

“Get what?”

“You think it’s a fairytale. The idea of people creating a place to live together and build together... you think it’s bullshit,” Negan said pointedly and Rick chuckled sadly.

“Maybe, but I can’t help it. After everything that happened in Atlanta. After what they told me about the rest of the group that didn’t make it. It sounds to me like walkers won’t be the only ones trying to stop us,” Rick said in a huff.

The night air was cold, and his deputy uniform didn’t do much to fend off the breeze. The chill was always such a stark contrast to the harsh heat during the day. Rick felt his arms shaking involuntarily the more he thought about it.

Seconds later Negan scooted a bit closer and wordlessly wrapped an arm around Rick’s waist. His large hand splayed on Rick’s stomach, holding him tight like a hug, but not letting go.

Rick, for his part, stiffened a bit at the contact, but didn’t shy away from it. He couldn’t explain why, but it was comforting sharing Negan’s warmth. And maybe that was an issue he wasn’t interested in diving into at the moment. Nor was the fact that he was finding physical comfort in a man he’d met only five days ago.

“Maybe you’re right, Rick,” Negan started to say, disregarding their close proximity. “But if we don’t try, there’s really no pointing in living in this fucked up world, is there?”

Rick started to chuckle, and Negan tilted his head down so that he could see his face.

“What?” Negan asked.

Rick shook his head, “I hope you’re not trying to make a move on me.”

Negan barked out a laugh, squeezing Rick closer in the process. “No way, baby. If I was making a fucking _move_ , you’d know it.” He winked and Rick put a hand on Negan’s forehead to push his face a few inches away.

“You’re unbelievable,” Rick said, settling into the warmth once again. He tried to tamper down the way his stomach fluttered just below the surface because of it.

He chalked it up to their friendship, and how it had blossomed in just a few days.

After a moment of silence, Rick asked, “What are you doing out here anyway? You should be gettin’ some rest for tomorrow.”

Negan sighed, smiling down at Rick again, “I was getting a little lonely over there.” He nodded his head in the direction of the camp. “Besides, believe it or not, you’re my best fucking friend at the moment, Rick. Figured I’d keep you company on your watch.”

Rick smiled, “I think I’m your only friend at the moment,” he pointed out.

Negan chuckled, “Yeah well, just you wait, Rick. Those assholes back there will warm up to me soon enough. Just like you did.”

“I’m sure they will,” Rick said, and then they just sat in shared silence.

They stayed like that for a while, listening to the sound of nature and their own steady breathing. Rick found himself shifting closer as the night stretched on.

It was a while later when they heard rustling in the woods. They pulled apart, feeling much colder now without each other’s warmth, and got up. Rick pulled out a hunting knife he’d claimed from the weapons stash and readied it up at eye level, while Negan picked up Lucille and held it like he was ready to take a swing.

They looked at each other, then started in separate directions toward the growing noise.

As they got closer, they could hear the snarling and growling from what seemed like two or three walkers. As Rick walked through, he could hear the sound of crunching flesh and Negan’s low grunting. He turned in the direction of the noise, and when he did, he was presented with a disfigured, bloody face and clomping teeth.

“Shit,” Rick fought through the natural urge to freeze and jammed his knife into the walkers chest, using it as leverage to get it on the ground.

It growled and clawed up at Rick just before the knife was stabbed through its head, silencing it.

Rick let out a long breath in relief and stood straight. Just as he did, another walker came fumbling through the bushes, closer than he thought it’d be. He was moving forward to take it down when he caught a flash of Lucille cracking down onto its head. Blood splashed up, covering Negan as the falling corpse revealed his presence.

He glared down at the walker for a second, then turned his eyes up at Rick. “You good?” Negan asked, stepping over the body to get a closer look.

Rick nodded, looking over all the blood that painted across Negan’s face and jacket. He smiled and joked, “You got a little something...” and motioned to his own face to indicate the sticky mess Negan had made.

“Oh, do I?” Negan rolled his eyes and chuckled.

Rick stepped up, reached his hand forward and wiped a bit off Negan’s cheek. “There’s a lot...” Rick said, still wiping at the blood until he could see Negan’s skin appearing beneath it. He wiped at the bandage around Negan’s head next, thinking it was probably in need of a change anyway. The whole time, his eyes never met Negan’s as if he was afraid of what he’d see. But, he couldn’t stop himself either. He wasn’t entirely sure why, but it was like he was possessed by something that compelled him to keep wiping in a way that was quickly becoming far too intimate.

He moved on from the bandage and unintentionally brushed over Negan’s lips as he moved onto the other red-stained cheek. It was then that his eyes flickered up to Negan’s, and what he saw there made his breath catch in his throat.

Negan’s eyes flashed with something, small and minuscule, but it was something. Something heated and dangerous. Forbidden.

“Maybe I should...” Negan started, his voice sounding different this time.

Rick pulled his hand away quickly, wiping the blood on his hand off on his pant leg. He cleared his throat and nodded. “Yeah... Sorry,” he wasn’t sure why he apologized, and he winced at the way it sounded.

Negan gave him a long look before stepping back and slinging Lucille onto his shoulder. “Don’t be,” he said, barely audible, then made his way back to camp.

Rick stood there for a moment watching him go, processing his actions and later berating himself for them.

What the hell had he been thinking? He couldn’t figure it out, not now while everything felt so jumbled and confusing. All he could do was head back to camp and continue his watch, all the while trying to ignore the sinking feeling that he’d known exactly why he’d done what he’d done.

* * *

Negan took the long way back to camp, trying to take apart and put together all the pieces of the puzzle that was Rick Grimes.

It could’ve just been a fluke, adrenaline from the short attack, but he had definitely seen something in those insanely blue eyes.

And Negan wasn’t helping matters. He knew that. He was a natural flirt, always had been, and Rick was undoubtedly someone he would consider his type. He’d known that from the start.

Well... not exactly when Rick was looking like a shaky, pasty, half-dead mess that very first day, but a couple days later when the color started returning to his skin and his body started to fill out.

But, the guy was married with a kid. Even if that meant shit in this new world, he seemed to still love his wife. Enough that her name had been one of the first things to come out of his mouth when they’d met.

 _“I need to find my family,”_ he’d said. And Negan knew Rick would’ve stopped at nothing had they not been lucky enough to meet Glenn, T-Dog and Andrea.

So then, what was it?

He halted his inner musings when he heard more rustling in the distance. His fingers tightened around Lucille’s handle as he slowed his steps toward the noise.

As he got closer, his muscles relaxed when he heard voices.

He would’ve brushed it off and kept moving, thinking a couple members of their group had walked off to get some privacy, but he stopped in his tracks when he realized one of the voices belonged to Lori.

He crept closer, staying low and silent, so that he could better hear what they were saying.

The other voice was definitely Shane. That thick accent and rough-around-the-edges way he spoke was easily recognizable.

Negan stepped closer, and closer, until he could make out their figures in the darkness.

This sneaky, rat shit wasn’t something Negan made a habit of, but there was undeniable tension in the atmosphere. That, added with his earlier suspicion of Shane, fueled his curiosity enough.

“You told me that my husband was dead, Shane. You don’t get to tell me what’s _fair_ ,” Lori hissed, voice clipped and full of brimming rage. Her arms were crossed and her head was cocked to the side. Shane’s arms were outstretched, like he wanted to touch her but she wouldn’t let him.

“Lori, I checked. I put my head to his chest and didn’t hear a thing. I thought—I was _sure_ he was gone. What do you want me to say?” Shane pleaded.

Lori shook her head furiously, “I don’t want you to say anything. I want you to stay away from me… and my son.”

Negan sighed. What the hell was this? He was missing something. He had to be. So, the guy made a mistake. Sure, it was a shitty mistake to make, but he seemed sorry enough.

And then Negan thought back on that morning while they were eating.

_“...couldn’t just leave his sorry ass in that hospital, could I?”_

_“You could’ve.”_

“I want to make this right, Lori,” Shane said, pulling Negan away from the memory.

“You can’t, Shane. I’m married. We can’t... we shouldn’t have,” Lori was starting to sound broken, like she was ready to cry. Negan felt like he was finally starting to understand, and his chest burned with anger.

He wasn’t sure who it was for. Lori, Shane or himself.

But they were fucking. Or _had been_ fucking.

Maybe it started when Rick had gone into his coma, maybe after the bombs dropped on Atlanta, or after Shane supposedly mistook Rick for being dead. Either way, it made Negan furious. He thought about what he’d done to Lucille while she was growing weaker and fading away each day, and it pissed him off. Lucille didn’t deserve that shit, and Rick sure as shit didn’t either.

He turned and walked off at a brisk pace, hurrying to reach the camp before he did something stupid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh gosh. So, I was getting so nervous with how many people were mentioning Merle, 'cause I decided to X him out. And, full disclaimer, I love Merle's crazy ass. He just didn't work with the progression of this story. I hope you guys aren't too disappointed. Props to Pretty_Little_Crazie, because I combined chapter 6 and 7 here. (But also because the chapters really were a bit too short LOL)
> 
> Also, yay chapter 6! Wondering what you all are thinking will happen next~ :3 
> 
> Next chapter should be out soon! 
> 
> Until then~


	7. Oil and Water

The group was packed by the time the sun was fully overhead. They filled the white truck brought back from Atlanta with most of the supplies, and the remainder went into the trunks of the three additional vehicles they’d managed to secure from the abandoned highway.

As everyone was preparing to leave, Daryl wordlessly grabbed two of three gas canisters and walked off. Negan watched him go. After a second or so of mental debating, he went off to follow him, grabbing Lucille and the remaining empty canister on his way.

He caught up just before they got to the highway. As he approached, Daryl dropped the canisters and whirled around with his crossbow aimed at Negan’s head.

“The hell you followin’ me for?” Daryl barked out and Negan grinned, holding the canister and Lucille up at his head in a show of surrender.

Negan nodded at the canister and said, “Just wanted to pitch in.”

Daryl eyed him for a long while, looking like he might pull the trigger at any moment, but he didn’t. He dropped his aim, secured the crossbow on his back and retrieved the fallen canisters. A second later he spat out, “Don’t need your help,” then continued his walk toward the highway.

Negan dropped his arms and continued to follow. “Never said you did. Just figured, why not, you know?”

Daryl didn’t answer. He just kept walking.

When they made it to the road, Daryl led the way toward the congested vehicles up ahead.

Negan was never one to sit well in prolonged silences. Only a minute passed before he spoke, “So... _that’s_ awesome.”

“What is?” Daryl grunted, sounding like he didn’t care what the answer would be.

“Your _crossbow_ , man,” Negan said as if it was obvious. “Pretty fucking cool, if you ask me. Hell, if I didn’t love my Lucille so much, I’d be asking you to teach me.” Negan grinned when Daryl gave him an apprehensive look.

“Ain’t nothin’ really,” Daryl said, this time sounding less aggressive and more... shy? Hell, he was kind of cute when he wasn’t scowling. If he wasn’t sure Daryl would knock his teeth out, Negan would’ve tried his luck with him.

Negan shook the thought away and focused on getting this guy to open up a little more. People are a resource, and people like Daryl were exactly the type that he’d want having his back if things went to shit.

So, Negan chuckled and continued on easily, “Are you kidding me? You are a badass with that thing, man.”

“You’re only sayin’ that ‘cause you don’t want me to put an arrow in your ass,” Daryl said, sounding like he was mostly joking. Negan could tell there was some truth to it. He was sure if he got on Daryl’s bad side, an arrow in the ass is exactly what he’d get.

“Alright, alright. Sure, I don’t want you going all Rambo on me, but that doesn’t mean I don’t think that shit’s cool as hell,” Negan shrugged.

Daryl let out a soft rumbling sort of noise, that may have been a chuckle, but was too low to really tell.

The silence between them was comfortable after that. The cars were just up ahead, so they picked up their pace.

There were a few walkers. Taking them out was easy enough. Daryl’s arrows were fast and strong, he took care of the ones further away. Negan took out three with Lucille, one clean hit each that sent their brains out to decorate the streets.

“Got a mean swing,” Daryl commented once the area was clear.

Negan whipped Lucille in the air, watching as the blood flew off like confetti. He chuckled, “She’s my guardian angel.”

Daryl was bent over a car, already siphoning gas by the time he said, “You’re kind of a freak, ain’t you?” It was a joke, and Negan laughed unexpectedly hard at it.

“I’ll take that as a compliment,” Negan said as his laughter began to die down.

Daryl made that noise again, and Negan was sure this time that it was a chuckle, or something like it. Negan counted that as a win.

* * *

They met the group by the cars and truck they had parked in a clearing not too far from the camp.

As they approached, Negan’s eyes found Rick almost immediately. He was standing with his hand on Carl’s head, talking with Lori and laughing about something she said.

“Hey guys, thanks for getting these,” Glenn’s voice cut in, forcing Negan to tear his eyes away from the picture perfect family.

“Was nothin’,” Daryl said with a shrug, and they followed Glenn over to the trunk of a minivan.

They placed the gas in the back and stepped aside to give Glenn room to close it up.

“We ‘bout ready to go?” Daryl asked.

Glenn nodded, “Yeah. Everything’s pretty much packed. Now that you guys are back, we shouldn’t be much longer.” Glenn turned and looked Negan up and down. “You good, man?” He made a motion toward the back of his own head, indicating the spot where Negan’s wound was still wrapped tightly.

“Right as rain, Glenie boy,” Negan said with a grin.

Glenn laughed at the sound of the nickname and shook his head, “I would tell you not to call me that, but based on the way Rick deals with you calling him all types of names, I’m guessing it won’t stop you.”

“ _Damn_ kid!” Negan said through the smile still playing at his lips. “You learn fast, don’t you?” Glenn laughed even harder, shook his head again, then walked away.

When Negan turned back, he noticed Daryl was still there. Negan looked to him and asked, “Which car you gettin’ in, Rambo?”

Daryl rolled his eyes and groaned, “Don’t tell me I get one of them dumbass nicknames too?”

Negan chuckled, “Hell yes you do.”

Daryl made another disgruntled noise, but didn’t argue further. He seemed to go back to Negan’s original question. But, there was a bit of hesitation. His mouth opened and closed for a while before he managed to say, “Got my brother’s bike,” in a voice that was a little more terse than it had been moments ago.

Negan recalled hearing about the incident from T-Dog the day before. It’d been two weeks now since the apparent attack. Some assholes snuck onto the camp, took out Andrea’s sister, Amy, and Daryl’s brother, Meryl. A few others too. Some old guy named Dale and a woman named Jacqui. The rest of the group had been lucky enough to take them out before more victims were lost. And they’d already lost people before that to walkers. Negan sort of wished he hadn’t brought up the ride, but it was too late for that now.

Instead of regretting it, Negan attempted to smooth over the thick atmosphere and asked, “So, what is it? Harley? Yamaha? Cobra?”

Daryl blinked at the questions. The lost sort of look that had been taking over his expression eased off, being replaced in part by disbelief. “Don’t tell me you ride?” Daryl asked, skeptical and reading Negan’s face like he expected to find a lie there.

Negan laughed and nodded, “Sure do. Shit, how old are you?”

“...Thirty-four...” Daryl answered, as if he was also asking ‘ _why?’_ ”

“Shee- _it_! I’ve been riding since you were in elementary school.” Negan shook his head and said in a lower voice, mostly to himself, “God- _dammit_ I’m gettin’ old.”

Daryl looked him over, then decided, “Don’t look much older than me.”

Negan chuckled, “Not a day over thirty?” He raised his eyebrows hopefully.

Daryl scoffed, “Don’t push it, old man.”

Negan groaned playfully, but let it go, “ _Fine_. But, now you gotta tell me. What kinda beauty are you hogging all to yourself?”

Daryl seemed to appreciate the roundabout compliment on his brother’s bike, because he smiled a little and said, “S’a Triumph. Custom made.”

Negan whistled lowly, “Shit. I bet she purrs like a fucking kitten, doesn’t she? God, I’ve gotta tell you... it has been for-fucking-ever since my balls have felt that sweet, sweet vibration. Just _hearing_ about it makes my dick hard!” Negan had said all this with a big smile, all teeth and tongue, and Daryl watched him like he was staring at an unknown species.

After a moment, Daryl chuckled, and it was a full one that didn’t quite sound like an indistinct noise this time. “You really are a freak, man,” Daryl said, and it was mostly teasing. Negan laughed because... well... it was true.

“Alright y’all! Listen up!” Shane broke up their conversation, hushing the rest of the group as well. All eyes were on him as he stood in the center of the clearing.

Negan’s eyes slid over to Rick after a second or so of watching Shane prat about who would be in what car and which route they would take. He was only a little surprised that Rick was looking back at him. Negan grinned as their eyes met, and Rick returned it with an uncomfortable looking smile of his own.

Rick looked away after that, and he didn’t look back throughout the rest of Shane’s speech, even while Negan kept his eyes trained on Rick.

Once it was done, everyone made their way into the vehicles. Negan paused for a moment to admire Daryl’s bike, which had been hiding underneath some shrubbery from a nearby tree. It was a classic sort of beauty, and he wondered if Daryl would let him ride it one day. He stopped staring once Daryl had hopped on and started revving it up.

Negan would be riding in the minivan with Glenn, Maggie, Hershel and Beth.

Rick was in a car with Shane, Lori and Carl. From an outsider’s perspective, it made perfect sense. ‘The family and the best friend.’ But after the overly insightful conversation he’d eavesdropped on the night before, the idea of them all in a car together was enough to turn Negan’s stomach.

Carol and Sophia were in a car together. Which left Andrea and T-Dog in the truck.

Daryl, of course, had his Triumph, and was riding solo. _Lucky bastard_. Negan couldn’t help but be envious as he climbed into the glorified soccer mom vehicle.

After everyone was locked in and ready to go, Daryl led the way out of the clearing on his bike. Next was Sofia and Carol’s sedan. Rick and his dysfunctional family car followed after her. Then it was their minivan and, lastly, the truck.

Negan sat in the back with Beth, who was overly chatty in a way he found a bit nostalgic and endearing. She reminded him so much of his students. She had to be about the same age as his seniors were. She talked to him about anything that came to mind, her family’s old farm, what she had been doing when the news came about the end of the world, how she could never figure out how to do French braids... Negan just laughed and went along with it, because what the hell else was he supposed to do?

Hershel had quickly fallen asleep in the middle row seat, while Maggie and Glenn were deep in their own conversation in the driver and passenger seats.

So, Negan was sort of trapped. But he didn’t mind it all that much. It was only slightly annoying because while Beth was talking, Negan kept thinking back on that strange look Rick had given him just before they’d gotten into the vehicles and that weird smile that didn’t quite reach those irritatingly blue eyes.

* * *

The first week of travel had been rough.

The first day was easy enough. They drove until the sun set with only one stop in between to top off their tanks. They found a storage facility in northern Georgia that was mostly clear of walkers. They were able to sleep there, keeping their cars out of sight and their supplies close.

The second day is where things got a little sticky.

They lost Carol and Sophia’s car when a walker had unexpectedly stumbled onto the road and caught them head on. The crash resulted in too much walker guts tangled into the engine to get the vehicle to come back to life.

Carol was forced to ride on the back of Daryl’s bike, and Sophia joined ‘club minivan.’

While filling up on gas, they encountered a cluster of walkers, not quite a herd, but enough to give them trouble. By the time they’d cleared them all, they were hot, sweaty and smelled like death. Literally.

They filled up and got back on the road. But then, as they closed in on the Georgia-South Carolina boarder, the road became impassible, blocked by overturned cars and too many walkers to count. They were forced to take a different route, which would inevitably bring them far more west than they’d planned to go.

They’d just gotten into Tennessee when it became too dark to drive, so they had to find a place to hole up for the night. That meant sending a group out to scout and another to stay back and guard the vehicles.

The ones who went out were Daryl, Shane, Glenn and Andrea.

Rick, Negan, T-Dog and Maggie were meant to keep their things and each other safe. Though Hershel seemed more than capable of protecting himself, despite his age.

It was then that Rick had walked up to stand by Negan, his hand over his Colt Python, ready in case something decided to pop up on them.

“Rough few days,” Rick said, sounding ragged and worn out.

Negan looked over at Rick, looking just as wrung out. He wasn’t a very patient man, and was known for not beating around the bush. So, instead of obliging Rick’s lead into idle chit-chat, Negan asked, “You been avoiding me?”

Rick stiffened visibly, but not for long. He looked down at his boots and rubbed at the back of his neck, then looked up at Negan. “No... I’m here now aren’t I?” was Rick’s answer, but it wasn’t convincing.

Negan gave a slow nod and a “Mhm,” but dropped it, because this wasn’t the time to get into it.

“Dad!” Carl called over, his head poking out the backseat window of Rick’s car.

Rick looked over, “Yeah?”

“Will you teach me how to shoot?” He asked, and Rick went even more rigid.

He shook his head. “I don’t know about that, Carl. You shouldn’t be worried about all of this.”

Carl’s face twisted with disappointment. “But, I wanna help,” he whined.

Rick shook his head again and said, “Carl...” with more exasperation in his voice.

“Me too,” Sophia’s voice cut in from the minivan’s open window.

“Yeah, I wanna learn too,” Beth added, much to Hershel’s discomfort.

Rick looked around at the youngest members of their group. He sighed and rubbed his brow. He opened his mouth to speak again, but Lori beat him to it.

“I don’t know if I want Carl running around with a gun,” she said from inside the car.

“ _Mom_ , I’m not a kid anymore,” Carl explained, as if it was obvious.

“ _Carl_ , you’re twelve,” Lori said, mimicking his tone.

“I’m almost thirteen,” he insisted through a pout.

“Hey, I think the little tots are right,” Negan cut in, and everyone turned to him. Carl, Sophia and Beth were all giving him looks of excitement and approval.

“Negan...” Rick warned, but it didn’t stop him this time.

“What? Something might happen. They might get separated and...”

Lori cut him off, “Don’t say that. They’ll be fine. We can protect them.”

“Look _mom_. I get it. But you’re not always gonna be there to keep these little shits safe. Odds are, they should learn how to do what needs to be done if shit hits the fan,” Negan said, more heated now.

“How can you say that? ‘Safe’ is not letting a preteen run around with a gun,” Lori spat back.

Negan rolled his eyes, “Now you’re just kidding yourself.”

“Maybe he’s right,” Maggie interjected, and Hershel gave a deep sigh to that.

“Maggie, they could hurt themselves,” Hershel said.

“Exactly!” Lori said, and Negan wanted to roll his eyes again, but didn’t.

“But what if they do get separated? We can’t be by their side all hours of every day and night,” Maggie reasoned.

Negan turned to her with his customary grin, shook his head and said, “I _knew_ there was something I liked about you.”

Maggie shook her head right back and chuckled, “Just because your delivery needs a little work, doesn’t mean you’re wrong.”

Negan winked at her, and she rolled her eyes at his cockiness. He turned to Rick after that, noticing he’d grown oddly silent throughout the exchange. “What about you, _dad_?”

The thought of Carl with a gun seemed to make Rick nervous. He tilted his head like the idea was physically turning inside his brain, and said after a moment, “I guess.”

Lori’s lips thinned at the response. She didn’t say anything after that, but she was visibly fuming.

“ _All-right_!” Carl cheered, looking out his car window at Sophia who seemed just as giddy.

Their moment of excitement was cut short when two walkers stumbled around from the back of the minivan.

Negan and Rick whipped their heads and weapons toward them.

“Roll up the windows,” Maggie commanded, and they all did as they were told.

She walked up and took out the one closest to the minivan with a knife, while Negan slammed Lucille into the other one.

“Got some more geeks coming in from this side too!” T-Dog called out from where he stood by the truck.

Rick jogged over and helped T-Dog clear out the four that were closing in.

Negan and Maggie each had three more to deal with.

After the short scuffle, they were winded. None of them had enough sleep to keep this up, and they hoped the other group would be back soon. Swinging Lucille was starting to feel like swinging around 50 pounds of metal.

They walked back over to the vehicles and leaned against them in their exhaustion. Rick had returned to Negan’s side, and Negan turned to give him a playful smile.

“Wish I had some whiskey,” he said, and Rick chuckled at that.

“I’m sure you do.”

* * *

Shane’s group returned looking battered and bloody. Maggie immediately ran over to check on Glenn.

As they closed in, Rick asked, “What happened?”

Shane answered, “Goddamn walkers. We managed to clear out a house down the road, though.”

“We should move,” Maggie said, still by Glenn’s side. “Had a group of them creep up on us not too long ago.”

So, they moved, all in their respective vehicles and Carol still on the back of Daryl’s bike.

Rick’s car lead them to the house through Shane’s directions. It was relatively secluded, and looked like it would be safe for the night. They moved their supplies inside and boarded up the windows and door. Once they’d secured it, they all passed out almost immediately.

The following days went relatively the same. Luckily, there were no other vehicle mishaps, but there were walkers and the harrowing task of securing a place to sleep during the night.

It was during the times when Rick and Negan stayed behind to protect the cars and the people who couldn’t fight yet, or when they were the ones out looking for a spot to hole up, that they spoke. It was usually nothing, just checking in, sometimes jokes, but neither mentioned the odd energy that had come and gone in that first week, or that night by the camp when Rick had pawed at Negan’s face like they were lovers. It just wasn’t the time.

Negan had reframed from mentioning what he’d learned about Shane and Lori as well. For one, he didn’t feel like it was his place. And also, it seemed like the pair had stopped whatever it was that was going on between them, so if Lori decided not to tell Rick, that was on her.

That first week of travel went by with the group getting little sleep, and little time to themselves. It was partly a good thing. Negan and Rick became acclimated to the group quickly. Andrea was starting to warm up to them, and Daryl was becoming someone Negan could shoot the shit with when neither of them could get to sleep in whatever place they designated as their hideout for the night.

At the start of week two, the group finally made it to South Carolina. Throughout all their detouring, they weren’t able to safely cross from Tennessee to North Carolina. They ended up going back south at the edge of Tennessee. But, as it were, they were back on track.

The group decided to take a day for Shane and Rick to start their gun lessons with the younger members. Beth had a little trouble with her posture, but Carl and Sophia were picking it up quickly.

That week was a blur. If Negan thought back on it later on, he probably wouldn’t remember much other than killing walkers, sleeping in the back of the minivan, driving too-long hours and watching Carl apologize profusely when he accidentally aimed his bullet a little too close to Shane’s leg during the training session.

The route changes and backtracking never seemed to let up. It took two additional weeks to make it from South Carolina to North Carolina. So far, they hadn’t seen anything that resembled a viable home or community.

They were tired, more so than any of them had been in a long time. Maybe even more so than they had been in their lives. Food was running dangerously low, and water was becoming a rare commodity. When they’d initially left the camp, the trucked was stacked high with food and water. Soon enough, it dwindled down until they could only spare one meal a day.

It was during that fourth week of their road trip that they decided to once again find a place to stay early, instead of waiting for night to come. Negan and Glenn would go on a run to get more food. Andrea and Maggie would keep watch, Daryl went out for a hunt, and anyone left was getting lessons from Shane and Rick. Hershel was teaching too, who had turned out to be a surprisingly good shot. Or maybe it wasn’t so surprising, since Maggie seemed to handle herself with a gun well enough and she had to have learned it from someone.

“I’ve gotta shave this shit,” Negan said as he and Glenn got into the minivan. Negan took the wheel, and was tugging at the length of his beard while Glenn settled into the passenger.

“You’re telling me,” Glenn said, rubbing over his own scattered beard and mustache that made his face look much older than it had weeks ago when he was fresh and clean shaven.

“I kinda like yours. You looked like a fucking teenager without it,” Negan said as he pulled out onto the road.

Glenn laughed, “Yeah, well I can’t say the same for you. You looked good when it was short, now you’re starting to look your age.”

Negan laughed, “Looked good, huh? You flirting with me, Glenie?”

Glenn scoffed playfully, “Get real. I’ve got everything I need in Maggie.”

Negan hummed and nodded, feeling something in his chest move at the sickening sweetness of ‘young love’ the couple inspired. “You’re lucky, kid,” Negan said, and his voice was less jovial and more wistful this time.

Glenn looked at him, and Negan wondered what he saw there. Negan tried to mask his expression, but it had probably given him away already. Either way, Glenn didn’t speak on it and Negan was grateful enough for that.

They pulled into a dusted over shopping center minutes later. Parked on the side of a pharmacy, they hopped out and grabbed their empty bags and weapons. Negan had Lucille and Glenn had a hunting knife and a handgun.

They decided to start at the far end of the line of stores, then work their way back and hit the pharmacy last.

Each store was the same procedure. Negan knocked Lucille against the door, waited to see if something would pop up. When it did, they took it out quietly, then went inside to grab whatever looked useful or edible.

By the time they made it back to the pharmacy, their bags were nearly stuffed with canned goods, a couple weapons and whatever medical supplies they could find.

Negan noticed a slip of paper fall from Glenn’s back pocket as they entered the pharmacy. He bent over wordlessly and picked it up.

He hadn’t meant to read it, thinking it might be a private note, but his eyes immediately locked onto the messy scrawl. _Clearblue_.

“You knock up your girl?” Negan asked. Glenn immediately stiffened before slowly turning to Negan, who was holding up the slip of paper Glenn obviously thought had been secure.

“Uh... no?” Glenn stepped forward and carefully pulled the paper from between Negan’s fingers. “Is that what this is? A pregnancy test?” he asked, sounding like he wasn’t sure if he should be saying that.

Negan rose an eyebrow and tilted his head up to look down at Glenn curiously. “You didn’t know?” he asked slowly.

Glenn tucked the paper away, looking more nervous now. “Why would I?” he grumbled out.

Negan’s lips slowly curled into a smile, “Hey, ain’t a damn thing wrong with it. You’re crazy as shit, going in without covering up your dick in this fucked up world, but you won’t see any judgement coming from me,” Negan assured him with a jut of his chin, but it didn’t seem to quell any of Glenn’s worries. Negan’s smile dropped off when he noticed the air around them was equally as tense. He tilted his head to the side and said, “You don’t have to worry so much, kid. Shit like this happens when you’re going at it the way y’all do.”

Glenn shook his head, “This isn’t for Maggie, okay?” He winced after that, obviously having let something slip that he shouldn’t have.

Negan’s eyes narrowed and his mouth pinched into a thin line. He had a feeling he already knew, but he had to ask anyway, “Then, for who?”

Glenn groaned, closed his eyes and stomped his foot petulantly. “I’m not supposed to say,” he said.

Negan rolled his eyes, “Yeah, no shit. Too late for that now.”

Glenn huffed, side-eyeing Negan carefully, like he was weighing his options. Moments later, he relented. “You can’t tell Rick,” he said, and that was enough of an answer to have Negan gritting his teeth. Glenn hastily cut in before Negan could say anything, “It’s not our place, you know? She needs to tell him... if it’s positive.”

“If it’s positive, it’s not—” Negan stopped himself, shaking his head. He ignored the confusion growing on Glenn’s face and began shoving him through the pharmacy. “Come on, let’s get this shit and get the fuck out of here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can anyone guess who the father is? LOL I'm sorry... I couldn't help it. 
> 
> Yay for chapter 7! I hope you all enjoyed it. This is sort of where I feel the story really gets started, so I hope you're all excited to see what happens next. Thanks for all the love and support. You guys had me dying on the last chapter T_T I couldn't even think of a good reply to some of those comments 'cause I was just laughing really hard x.x 
> 
> Anyway~ Next chapter will be up soon! Let me know what y'all think! 
> 
> Until then~


	8. Bat in the Cave

Rick noticed Negan was in a foul mood after returning from his run with Glenn. He found Negan sitting on the porch of the home they’d secured for the day. He was wearing a black glove on his right hand and pulling out rotten flesh from the groves of Lucille’s barbed wire.

Rick walked up and sat beside him, forgoing his deputy uniform in favor of a blue collared shirt and jeans.

Negan paused and turned his head slightly at Rick’s presence, but didn’t look at him. That was equally odd. Negan almost always greeted him with a large grin and a stupid sort of come on.

“Something happen out there?” Rick asked when Negan went back to plucking out more flesh.

Negan shook his head, “No, Rick. Everything’s good.”

“You’re lying,” Rick said almost immediately.

Negan stopped his plucking to look at Rick with a stiff smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “You know that for a fact, princess?”

“I do,” Rick nodded.

Negan scoffed and looked away, “Don’t you worry that pretty head of yours over me. I’m fucking great.” He continued pulling out the skin and guts, more violently now.

“Why won’t you tell me?” Rick asked this time.

“Why won’t you just let it the fuck go, Rick?” Negan asked back.

“Because, you’re my friend,” Rick said in a voice that was softer this time, almost a whisper.

Negan sighed and rested Lucille by his side. Rick stared, waiting for Negan to let whatever was eating him up out.

Negan rubbed his left hand over his face, letting it stop on his mouth, while his eyes stared up at the dull, rundown neighborhood. After a moment, he said, “Lori and Shane...”

Rick sucked in a breath, releasing it slowly through his nose. A tense few seconds passed before he said, “I know...”

Negan whipped his head to face him. His eyes were wide and his hand dropped to reveal his parted lips through his thick beard.

Rick laughed; an uncomfortable sounding laugh that he knew sounded just as off as it felt.

“She told you?” Negan asked.

Rick shook his head.

Negan pinched his lips together and huffed, “You have got to be fucking kidding me.”

Rick shrugged, “I just knew. I knew in that first week. Maybe even the first day. I knew.” He exhaled sharply and dropped his head in his hands. He hadn’t told anyone, or confronted Shane or Lori about it. He tried to reason with himself. They’d thought he was dead. That had to be why. Lori hadn’t done anything to seem unfaithful before he’d ended up in that hospital. And Shane..? Shane was his best friend.

But that hadn’t quelled the rage he felt. Not immediately, at least. At first, he’d wanted so badly to break Shane’s jaw, maybe a couple ribs too. Rick wanted to bury Shane in such an intense fury that he knew if he confronted him right away, he might’ve done exactly that.

“When did you know?” Rick asked and Negan looked away.

“Since back at the camp,” he said in a low voice filled with guilt.

Rick nodded. He didn’t blame Negan for not telling him until now. At this point, it’d been just over a month since they’d first met. But back then, their relationship was much newer. Rick wouldn’t have felt comfortable saying anything either, if the situation was reversed.

He did wonder what made Negan feel frustrated enough to say it now.

Rick felt his chest flush with anger, thinking for a moment that maybe Negan caught them in the act. He asked through gritted teeth, “Did you see them? Were they..?” he couldn’t finish it. Regardless, Negan understood his meaning.

“Nah. Nothing like that,” Negan said with a shake of his head. The anger in Rick was replaced by dull relief.

“Then... why are you telling me now?” Rick chanced, but Negan just shook his head. Rick knew he wouldn’t get an answer out of him. Not now, at least.

They fell into an odd silence. Negan went back to cleaning up Lucille, while Rick just stared out at the neighborhood, imaging what it must’ve looked like before the fall.

It was later, while Negan was wiping at Lucille with a wet rag, that he spoke up again, “Found some clippers. Batteries too...”

“Yeah?” Rick raised a brow as he turned to Negan, mouth quirked up at the corner.

Negan grinned, more naturally this time, and asked, “You gonna keep your fucking man-bush or are you gonna trim that shit?”

Rick huffed out a laugh and shook his head, “I’m no good at it. It just ends up all uneven.”

Negan shook his head, “Aw, you are just too fucking cute, aren’t you?”

Rick rolled his eyes.

Negan went on, “Come on, I’ll clean you up.” He nodded his head back at the house and they both got up to move inside.

Negan grabbed shears and cordless clippers from one of the bags left in the living room from his run, then proceeded to usher Rick up the stairs to the hallway bathroom. Inside, he instructed Rick to take a seat on the toilet while he took care of his own face.

Rick watched from where he sat as Negan cut off the larger bits, then turned on the clippers and began buzzing the rest down until all that remained was a neat, thin layer of facial hair. Rick had almost forgotten how handsome Negan’s face was before all the hair started growing in. And he chided himself for thinking it. Negan was his friend. He shouldn’t be thinking of him as _handsome_.

Negan moved onto his hair next, trimming it and pushing it back. When he was done, he looked much more like the man Rick had met back at the hospital.

“What?” Negan asked, a sly smile curling the corner of his lips.

Rick blinked, realizing that he’d just been staring the whole time. “You look… good,” he said without really meaning to.

Negan chuckled and nodded, “I know.” It was said with so much arrogance that Rick couldn’t help but laugh. Negan grabbed the shears and moved to stand above Rick. “Your turn,” he said with a grin.

Rick tilted his head up and closed his eyes, afraid if he kept them open he’d just end up staring again.

Negan made quick work of it, leaving Rick with a similar dust of facial hair.

When he was done, Rick opened his eyes. Negan was smiling down at him as he reached a hand back and pulled his fingers through Rick’s growing curls, leaving his hand cupped at the back of Rick’s neck. “Wanna keep these?” he said, indicating Rick’s hair. His voice seemed to be subconsciously dipped low and intimate.

Rick felt his face heat up and his chest flush. He swallowed thickly, eyes peering directly into Negan’s half-lidded ones. “What do you think?” Rick choked out through the thick air surrounding them.

Negan pulled his fingers through again, chuckling and tilting his head to the side, eyeing Rick’s flustered face. “I like it,” he said, voice even lower.

Rick nodded, the action causing Negan’s fingers to brush over the back of his neck; emitting a wave of heat from his neck down to his spine. “Then I’ll keep it,” Rick managed to say.

He felt Negan’s hand move, still on his neck, but half-cupping his chin now. A rough thumb rubbed over the stubble there and Rick saw the way Negan’s eyes darkened.

“You look good,” Negan said, and Rick felt something move in his stomach.

“So do you,” Rick whispered, he hadn’t meant for the words came out like that, almost timid.

Negan chuckled, “You said that already.”

Rick huffed, feeling his nerves heat up like they were catching on fire. The air was growing even thicker, and his mouth suddenly felt dry. He poked his tongue out to lick his lips and noticed Negan’s eyes dart down to watch the movement.

They slid back up Rick’s face, making him feel exposed. Seconds passed, and Negan was still idly brushing his thumb over Rick’s jaw. The crazy idea to get up and kiss Negan was just starting to grip at the corner of Rick’s mind when a hard knock threw them from their trance.

Negan’s hand fell from Rick’s face right away, and Rick rushed to stand.

Inches away now, their eyes lingered on one another until Rick managed to force his body toward the door.

It was Beth needing to use the bathroom, complaining about how Andrea was hogging the one in the master bedroom. She mentioned that they both looked good before they awkwardly shuffled around her and out of the room to give her some privacy.

In the hallway, Negan rubbed over his face, looking flustered.

Rick wasn’t much better, rubbing the back of his neck and looking debauched. After a second, Rick cleared his throat and nodded toward the steps. “I should check on Lori.”

Negan dropped his hand and nodded. He wordlessly walked off toward a bedroom and Rick turned to rush down the steps, hating that his neck still felt hot from Negan’s touch.

* * *

The night went by without incident. Daryl kept watch, only having to use two bolts on a pair of walkers that had stumbled into the area.

The next morning, they set out to go further north.

Rick noticed there was an odd tension in his car as they pulled off. He was driving with Shane in the passenger’s seat. Carl was sleeping in the back with his head cradled in Lori’s lap.

He didn’t ask about the atmosphere that day, chalking it up to the stress of the trip.

The next few days went by in a blur. The supplies Glenn and Negan gathered was enough to last them through the week, but they were all tired. It was the same thing day after day. Drive until they couldn’t, or ran out of gas. They’d find a place to siphon and fill up, or to hole up for the night, then they’d be back at it.

The tension never left the car, and after four days of dealing with it, Rick finally asked, “Something on your mind?”

It was just Rick, Lori and Carl in the car. Shane left with Daryl to find gas. Negan and Andrea were outside keeping watch over the vehicles.

Lori’s eyes widened, so much so that it looked like it hurt, and her mouth gaped open in a mixture of shock and fear. “I uh...” she sounded like she couldn’t find the right words.

Rick sighed and twisted from the driver’s seat to look back and make sure Carl was still asleep. He observed Carl’s steady breathing for a moment, before looking up at Lori and saying, “I already know about you and Shane.” Then he turned to face forward, not wanting to see whatever expression she would make to that.

It took a while for her to speak, and when she did, she spoke through a deep exhale, “Oh Rick...”

Rick rested his elbow on the open window and propped his chin on his fist to stare out onto the streets.

After a moment, Lori spoke again. “How long have you known?”

“A while,” was his simple answer.

She sniffled after that, speaking in a voice thick with tears, “I’m sorry. It... we never... I thought you were dead, baby. I didn’t...” she was babbling through soft whimpers and for some reason, it gritted at Rick’s nerves.

“I know,” he said, because despite her disjointed words, he understood what she wanted to say. _‘We never did it before everything happened. I thought you were dead. I didn’t mean for this to happen.’_

He rubbed a hand over his brow and let out a deep breath through his nose.

Another tense moment passed before Lori finally said, “I’m pregnant.”

Rick squeezed his eyes shut. Anguish washed over him like cold water. Things were starting to click unwittingly in his mind. The odd tension in the car, Negan coming back from his run with Glenn looking pissed at the world, then bringing up Shane and Lori like it was fresh on his mind. Negan must’ve known. They must’ve picked up a test then. He wondered if Glenn knew as well, or if Shane...

“Baby...” Lori whimpered, and Rick shook his head like he was hearing the devil himself. “Baby, please say something...” she begged.

“What do you want me to say?” he hissed and he could almost feel the way she jumped back in her seat, shocked by the amount of venom in his voice. He didn’t blame her. Before everything went to hell, he’d never spoken to her so coldly... so hatefully.

But, he didn’t hate her. He wasn’t even sure if he blamed her for sleeping with Shane. Even so, it didn’t stop the sick feeling that filled his veins, or the sudden need to break something with his fists.

“Is it...?” he whispered, hating himself for it, but needing to know the answer.

“It’s yours,” Lori said almost immediately. “No matter what, it’s yours.”

Her words gave him some form of comfort, but it didn’t sooth the anger growing within him.

He saw Shane and Daryl coming back with their canisters and immediately unbuckled his seatbelt. “Carl,” he called, and his son shifted in his sleep. “Carl!” He called again, louder this time, and the boy finally started to sit up.

“What are you doing?” Lori asked, sounding anxious.

“What’s up, dad?” Carl asked next as Rick opened the door and got out. He walked around the car to the back door near Carl’s seat, ignoring the way Lori whipped her head around and watched with frantic, wide eyes.

“What are you doing, Rick?” she asked, voice firm now while she cleaned the tears from her cheeks with shaky hands.

He opened Carl’s door before he spoke. “I need some space,” was his terse answer.

Carl looked confused, but got out when Rick motioned with his head for him to do so.

“ _Rick_ ,” Lori pleaded, but he ignored it as he turned and led Carl toward the minivan.

Negan and Andrea looked up from whatever heated debate they’d gotten into to watch them approach.

“Something wrong?” Negan asked, moving Lucille down from her usual position on his shoulder and using her to hold up his weight.

“Got space for us?” Rick asked, nodding his head toward the van.

Negan looked at the vehicle, then back at Rick. His eyes roamed over him, and a moment later, he nodded. Rick nodded back, then leaned down to tell Carl to get into the van. He did, only sending Rick one last confused look as he went.

Negan looked back at Andrea and said, “Gimme a minute, Goldie Locks.” She scoffed, smiling a little as she nodded, and then Negan stepped forward and pulled Rick off the road so they could have an ounce of privacy.

Once they were somewhat in the clear, Rick looked away, hands on his hips and eyes pensive. He could hear Daryl and Shane moving around to put gas in cars and the bike. When he heard Shane’s voice, he snarled and clenched his eyes shut.

After observing all of this, Negan asked, “You good?”

“Lori’s pregnant,” Rick said in a pained voice.

Negan’s eyes widened. “Shit...” was all he seemed able to say.

Rick opened his eyes and tilted his head to look up at Negan. “You didn’t know?”

Negan scratched at his stubble while he said, “Not necessarily.” He sighed and shook his head. Rick crossed his arms and cocked his head to the side while Negan continued. “I was hoping she wouldn’t be. I was there when Glenn got the fucking test. He said... we agreed Lori should be the one to tell you all this shit.”

Rick nodded, believing him, then shook his head and clenched his eyes shut again.

“Some fucking mess, huh?” Negan said, and Rick broke into unexpected laughter.

“You’re telling me,” Rick said through his chuckles.

When he looked back, Negan was grinning, eyes soft and sympathetic. Rick couldn’t fight back his own smile, even if he wanted to. The older man’s was simply too contagious.

After a shared moment of companionable silence, Negan joked, “So you’re joining the ‘soccer mom club,’ huh?”

Rick laughed, “Please don’t tell me you’ve been calling it that?” He said, smiling and tilting his head to the side.

Negan shrugged, “‘Soccer mom club,’ ‘club minivan,’ the ‘Girl Scout-mobile.’ That one needs a little work, but shit, I’m working on it.”

Rick chuckled and nodded. He already felt more relaxed just being in Negan’s presence and hearing his corny jokes. “Well, I’m honored me and Carl can become part of the gang.”

Negan grinned and opened his mouth to say something else when Daryl cut him off by addressing the group. “Let’s move!” he said, and they did.

The minivan was a tight squeeze, but they made it work. Beth moved to sit in the middle with Hershel, Maggie took the wheel, with Glenn in the passenger, leaving Rick, Negan and Carl in the back. Negan was squished up to the window, Rick sat in the middle, and Carl was on the other side, leaned sleepily against his dad.

Carol hopped off Daryl’s bike and joined Shane and Lori in their car; along with Sophia, who was visibly sad about having to leave ‘club minivan.’

Rick watched the pair go from the van’s window; eyes narrowed as he thought about why he’d switched in the first place. Remembering Lori’s broken voice and tear-stained face. He grit his teeth and looked away.

Negan must’ve noticed, because not a moment later, a heavy hand was resting on his knee. He looked down at it, then at Negan’s face, which seemed to melt all of his anger away once again with a smile.

 _‘It’s gonna be okay, beautiful,’_ he could almost hear Negan saying.

Rick smiled and nodded, as if the words were actually spoken, and relaxed into his seat.

They still had a ways to go.

* * *

Another week passed and nothing much changed. Rick hadn’t spoken to Lori more than necessary since their conversation in the car. He stayed in the minivan, taking his turn to drive every now and then and sitting up front with Negan when he did. Carl was starting to get suspicious about the rift between his parents, but he didn’t question his dad’s behavior, not when there were so many other things happening around them.

On the days that Rick or Negan would drive, they’d talk about anything. Digging deeper into old stories they’d mentioned during their time in their Atlanta hideout that felt like forever ago now. They talked about their childhood, and the stupid shit they got into during their adolescence period. Rick found himself laughing harder with each story Negan told. He was shocked to learn that Negan’s dad had been a cop, and how Negan had skipped class once and gotten arrested by the man. He was handcuffed, thrown into the back of the patrol car and placed in a holding cell until his dad’s shift was up.

Negan told Rick about his mom, how she worked at a car shop and was just as rough around the edges as he was. How he’d brought a stray dog home once that got scared and bit her leg, sending her to the hospital. How they ended up keeping the dog because Negan swore up and down that ‘Fatty’ didn’t mean to do it. And how that dog stayed with the family for ten years until it passed away.

Rick shared more about his life as well, this time straying away from stories about Lori and Shane, and talking more about Carl or his brother and parents. He received an eye roll or a petulant ‘ _dad_ ’ when he stumbled onto the more embarrassing stories about his son.

The others in the car were chiming in too. Glenn and Maggie shared parts of their lives. How Glenn was just a pizza delivery guy before everything went down and how Maggie had been in school with the hopes of becoming a lawyer. Beth talked about how much she liked high school and missed it. Hershel surprised the two men by telling them he had been a vet, instead of the human doctor they assumed he’d been.

The rides were nice, despite the hell that they faced every day when encountering walkers or fighting through road blocks. Rick was feeling more and more grateful to be indicted into ‘club minivan.’ It was far better than the stiff atmosphere of the car with Shane and Lori, which had only been bearable before Lori found out she was carrying.

Days continued to drift by. Killing walkers was becoming second nature. Even Sophia was able to take out a couple on her own. Carol turned out to be a stronger asset than any of them thought she was capable of. She was hardening, but not turning cold. Andrea was near perfection with her gun, having sat in on some of the training. Carl was too, handling himself well enough for Rick to feel comfortable about bringing him on runs. Beth was the same. She handled a knife better than a gun, but she had her way of getting things done.

Rick was proud. Happy that these strangers, who were becoming more like family, had improved and continued to grow.

The only thing still hanging in the air was Lori’s condition, and the pending conversation Rick knew he was going to have to have with Shane.

That day didn’t come anytime soon.

The group was sleeping in an abandoned grocery store in some southeast section of North Carolina. Daryl was keeping watch that night. Dawn was just starting to break when he crept up and shook Rick awake.

As soon as his eyes opened, Daryl’s hand flew to his mouth to keep him from making too much noise. Rick’s eyes were wide, and the way Daryl held a finger over his own mouth didn’t help settle his anxiety.

The hand on his mouth was slowly removed and Daryl motioned with it for Rick to follow.

He did, crawling up and staying as low as Daryl as they made their way to one of the boarded up windows in the front of the store.

Negan was awake too, glaring outside through the cracks at what appeared to be a group of men on bikes. They all had weapons aimed at the front door and seemed to be waiting.

“What is this?” Rick whispered harshly, a snarl forming at his lips. He turned to Negan for an answer.

“Those assholes are waiting for us to walk out that door so that they can pluck us off one by one. That’s what the fuck this is,” Negan said, still glaring out the window.

Rick’s lips thinned and his eyes hardened.

“They’ve been there for almost an hour,” Daryl supplied. “What you wanna to do?”

Rick turned to him, “Wake up the others.”

He did, and everyone seemed to give an equal reaction to the threat outside.

They were used to walkers. This was the first time their group as a whole encountered other people, and it was frightening. Especially for those who had experienced whatever went down with the people who killed Amy and Merle. Most of them hadn’t known how to fight back then, and were likely remembering what that felt like.

People are unpredictable. Who knows what else could be waiting for them out there? They couldn’t afford to waste too much ammo on them, either. They were already starting to run low with all of their gun practice. Not to mention, Carl and Sophia only used their guns. They were too small for Rick, Lori and Carol to feel comfortable letting them get close to the dead with knives.

“What the fuck,” Shane said when he caught sight of what was waiting for them outside, face twisting into a snarl similar to Rick’s.

“We need to catch them by surprise,” Rick decided.

“Are we gonna kill them?” Glenn asked, turning pale.

Rick cocked his head to the side, giving it some thought, before straightening and saying, “They’re not giving us much of a choice.”

“You good with that?” Negan asked next, and Rick turned to him to see the concern in his eyes.

He wasn’t. It’s not like he hadn’t killed before while he was on duty, but he wasn’t a killer.

“I have to be,” was his prolonged answer, and Negan accepted it for what it was.

“How are we going to do this?” Andrea asked, looking between Rick and Shane.

Rick was the one to answer, “You and Daryl go out the back. If they’re smart, they’ll have people back there. Take them out, quietly.”

“Why me?” Andrea asked.

And the answer was easy. “You’ve killed before. You won’t hesitate,” he said. And if the stories were true, he was right. After finding Amy dead, Andrea apparently took out a fair share of the people who did it. Daryl too.

She just nodded, looking at Daryl who seemed to share her thoughts.

Rick continued, “Me, Shane, Negan and Maggie will follow you two out.”

Maggie’s eyes widened, “The ladder.”

“Right,” Rick nodded. “We’ll go up, take them out from above. T-Dog,” he turned to him and T-Dog nodded to let him know he was alert and listening. “You, Hershel, Carol and Glenn will guard the inside. Do not let anyone come through either of those doors.” T-Dog nodded again, and Rick nodded back.

“What about us?” Beth chimed in.

Rick turned to look at her, Sophia and Carl, all three looking determined and like they wanted to help. He smiled softly at their enthusiasm, “Y’all will stay behind. If something goes wrong, you need to get to one of the cars and leave this place. Don’t worry about us.” They didn’t seem to like his answer, but they all swallowed it.

Lori spoke next, “And me?”

Rick looked to her, then away and shook his head. He saw the look Shane gave him at his cold response and he pointedly ignored it. He addressed the rest of the group instead, “Y’all good with this?”

They all nodded.

“Alright.” He crawled over, and as quietly as he could manage, slid the weapons bag toward them. He handed out handguns, giving one to Beth as well in case they really did need to make an escape. Everyone checked their ammo. Andrea twisted a silencer on her pistol and Daryl readied his crossbow with an arrow. Once they were all geared up and ready, Rick said, “Let’s do this.”

Andrea and Daryl moved first, crouching as they made their way to the back door.

There was no window or peephole to see what could be waiting for them. They could only hope there weren’t too many to handle. One second was all it took for everything to go wrong.

Daryl took point, standing up slowly with his crossbow aimed with one hand while the other gripped the door’s handle.

Daryl looked over at Andrea, who was aimed and ready. She nodded at him and he nodded back just before he pushed the door wide open. There were three of them out there. Daryl took one out with his crossbow and Andrea popped the other two before they had the chance to grab their guns.

They hustled after that. Rick’s group followed them out, picking up the fallen weapons on the way, and making sure to close the door behind them. They did a near sprint to the ladder leading up to the roof. They could hear the men talking on the other side of the building.

“You hear that?” one of them said.

Another shouted out, “Yo David! You good?”

And then another one, “Think they left? Took out Dave, Richie and T?”

And another, “Come on.”

After that it was just footsteps.

The last one to make it up the ladder before the group rounded the corner was Maggie. She made it just in time before the men started up a commotion.

“What the hell happened?!” one shouted.

They lined up on the roof and stood, pointing their weapons down at the men.

One of the men looked up and his eyes nearly popped out of his head. “LOOK OUT!” he shouted, but it was too late. By the time the rest of the group looked up, Rick’s group was emptying their clips into them.

When it was over, the back of the store was covered in a mess of blood and guts. The men laid dead, motionless on the ground.

They climbed down the ladder, all looking down at the men with a mix of different expressions. Maggie looked mildly horrified. Andrea, Negan and Daryl looked resigned. Shane looked like didn’t feel bad about what they’d done, which wasn’t a surprise. Shane had never had a problem killing while on the force. And Rick? He wasn’t sure what he looked like. But, he knew how he felt. Taking a human life was never easy, even if it was to protect yourself. He supposed he looked a lot like Maggie. Mildly horrified.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gah, I'm getting to the point of re-reading these chapters so much I'm starting to hate everything lol. So, that being said, I hope you guys enjoyed it and are looking forward to the next update! 
> 
> Until then~


	9. Brother

Two weeks after the incident with the bikers, spirits were back up. The near-attack hardened them, but didn’t slow them down. They were still in North Carolina. Most of the roads were blocked. They’d ran into two herds that had given them heavy detours. It was during the second detour that the car Lori and Shane were in broke down.

They stopped on the side of the road. Lori got out and went over to the minivan to be with Carl and let the others know what happened while Shane opened up the car’s hood to see if he could fix the issue.

It wasn’t long before Shane slammed the hood shut and shouted in frustration, “Goddammit!”

Rick was out of the minivan and walking up when he asked, “You figure out the problem?”

Shane stiffened, muscles tensing as he slowly turned to face Rick with a clenched jaw. They hadn’t spoken much in the past couple weeks either. Rick assumed Shane knew he knew.

Rick had to give it to Shane as he attempted to speak casually like they were the same old friends they’d grown up to be, “Damn ignition’s busted. Carburetor ain’t lookin’ too good either.”

Daryl walked up and looked to Rick, “What you thinkin’?” he asked.

Somewhere within the past month, authority had switched from Shane to Rick. He wasn’t exactly sure when it happened.

A part of it was his natural ability to take lead when it came to fighting off walkers and keeping everyone levelheaded, another was likely because Shane was beginning to cut himself off from the rest of the group.

First it was Daryl, who never seemed to like Shane much, and had grown to respect Rick on a higher level. Carl and Lori followed his lead by default. Then it was Glenn, Maggie, Hershel and Beth. Then Carol and Sophia. Andrea took a while to stop turning to Shane, and maybe she liked him more as a leader, but eventually she’d looked to Rick. T-Dog gravitated toward Rick almost naturally. And Negan... well, he never looked to Shane in the first place.

Rick tipped his head to one shoulder and answered, “Guess we need to get Shane a new car. You mind letting the others know?”

Daryl looked between the two of them, before his eyes settled back on Rick, “Want me to come with?”

Rick smiled and shook his head, “Nah, you should be here in case something happens. We should be back soon.”

Daryl looked between them again, this time eyeing Shane up and down, before he looked to Rick and nodded, “Alright.” He walked off after that to be with the rest of the group.

Alone now, Shane said with a heavy sigh, “I can go by myself, Rick. Don’t need you babysittin’ me.”

“I know,” Rick said as he turned to look his old friend in the eye. “But, we need to talk,” he spat out with a grimace, then walked ahead.

* * *

They walked through twenty minutes of relative silence until they got to a small town down the road. There hadn’t been many walkers to fight off, and the ones they did were easy enough to take out.

A few cars were scattered about, some with flat tires, others stripped barren.

They found a few that looked like they could still run, but before they got to them, Rick stopped walking. He turned to face Shane, hands tight on his hips and arms flexing almost instinctively.

Shane stopped and looked Rick right in his eyes, like he was just as ready for a fight... or worse.

Rick huffed a breath out through his nose, looked off to the side, tilted his head, then let his eyes drag back over to Shane.

Shane scoffed and shook his head before he said, “What is this? A standoff?”

“You know what this is,” Rick nearly growled out his accusation.

“Oh yeah?” Shane said, chuckling darkly through his words. “Well, what? What you wanna talk about, Rick?”

“You and Lori,” Rick said, tilting his head up this time so that he could look down at Shane.

Shane looked like he didn’t know what to say now, like there were words caught in his throat that he couldn’t will himself to push out.

Rick kept going, “I know what happened. I know she’s pregnant. I know the baby isn’t mine. I know, Shane.” A sick feeling swirled around in his gut at the thought of his wife pregnant with someone else’s kid; his best friend’s kid. He wished he could throw it up and distance himself from it, but it didn’t work like that.

“Rick... brother, I’m...” Shane started to say, his voice softer now; remorseful.

Rick shook his head, “Don’t. You don’t get to call me that. You don’t get to say anything. What you need to do right here, right now, is _listen_.”

Shane swallowed whatever it was that he was about to say. He turned his head downward and was looking more like a kicked puppy than the big bad wolf he’d started out as during this talk.

“Lori is _my_ wife. Carl is _my_ son. That baby growing inside her—” he pressed a hand to his chest “— is _mine_. Ain’t nothin’ gonna change that, Shane.”

Shane opened his mouth again, then closed it.

Rick nodded, feeling appeased, then dropped his hand as he continued, “Now, if this thing is gonna work—if you’re gonna stick with us, you need to accept that.”

All Rick got in return was a slow nod. But, that was enough. He turned after that and made his way toward the nearest car.

* * *

Negan was giving Lucille some practice swings by the minivan when Rick and Shane pulled up to their line of vehicles. He paused mid-swing to see Rick walking out of the driver’s seat and toward him.

He dropped his arms, letting Lucille fall to his side and hold up his weight as his mouth spread into a grin.

He’d accepted it, not too long ago, that what he felt toward Rick was simple. He had a crush. And fuck, he felt like a dumbass admitting that to himself. Like one of his students going on and on in the locker room about the cute girl in first period. He was too fucking old to be crushing on a guy, but that’s what it was and there was no way around it.

Rick was... something else. Everything about him just felt right. His laugh and the way it crinkled the corners of his very hypnotic eyes, the way he stood, the way he spoke, the way he walked... Negan liked all of it. But Rick was also _someone_ else’s. And even if Negan had a strong feeling that Rick felt the same way, he feared that it was, and will always be, nothing more than a crush.

But, that didn’t stop him from indulging himself, even if just a little.

“Hey, gorgeous. I was getting worried about you,” he said once Rick stepped up to him.

Rick huffed out a short laugh and shrugged, “Needed to take care of some things.”

“You talk to Shane?” He had a feeling Rick would have to sooner or later.

Rick nodded, “Yeah. It’s settled.”

Negan looked over Rick’s shoulder and noticed that Shane was taking his pack out of the broken down car and heading in their direction, instead of the new car they’d brought back. He looked back down at Rick and frowned, “He isn’t taking your place in club minivan, is he?”

Rick laughed again and shook his head, “Nah. He’s gonna switch with T-Dog and ride with Andrea. But, uh...” he trailed off and Negan’s frown deepened.

“But what?"

“Well,” Rick rubbed the back of his neck. “I figure me and Carl should probably go back to the car with Lori.”

Negan felt his stomach twist. It was stupid because it’s not like he wouldn’t see Rick. He just wouldn’t see him as much. And he’d sort of grown accustomed to their talks. Carl had grown on him too. But, he tried not to appear as put out as he felt. He cleared his throat, “I guess Carol and Sophia are coming with us?”

Rick shook his head, “Sophia will. Carol’s probably gonna ride with Daryl again. I know it was kind of a squeeze with me and Carl.”

Negan shrugged, “Hell, I wasn’t complaining.”

Rick laughed, “I’m sure you weren’t.”

Negan looked around and saw T-Dog getting into Rick’s new car. Carol was already on the back of Daryl’s bike and Sophia was making her way to the minivan.

“Guess we should get going,” Rick said.

“Mm, yeah. Guess so,” Negan said. He raised his free hand and tugged on a piece of Rick’s beard. “You’re gettin’ scruffy again, Officer,” he said in a much lower voice.

Rick let out a soft breath, looking a bit flustered when he said, “You too.”

Negan chuckled and dropped his hand. And then they were just staring. Neither seemed willing to walk away just yet. It was like something was hanging in the air between them, something only they could see, but weren’t able to grasp yet.

Rick ended up being the one to cut the moment short. “I should get Carl.”

Negan looked away. “Yeah, you do that,” he said, and then Rick moved around him toward the minivan. Negan closed his eyes and hung his head. “Ah, shit,” he whispered to himself, realizing then that whatever he felt for Rick might be more than just a little crush.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter is short, don't kill me. I'll probably upload the next one sooner, rather than later. 
> 
> Anyways! I'm glad you guys seem to be enjoying this story. I hope you're excited to see what happens next. Let me know what you think and how much you want me to post the next chapter, because I could be persuaded to post it tomorrow... maybe? Let me know lol 
> 
> Until then~


	10. Gateway to Paradise

The group sat in their vehicles in front of a tall gate, all shocked at what they were seeing.

It felt like a mixture of relief, disbelief and excitement. They’d actually found a place where it seemed like people were living together. A community. The only thing that halted their gawking were the guards pointing semi-automatics at them from outside their windows.

“Out! Now!” one of them barked. Men with guns opened up their doors to show that they meant _right fucking now_.

It’d only been three days since they’d gotten the new car and continued moving north. They weren’t sure if they were in North Carolina or Virginia when they’d seen the signs for Woodbury.

Slowly, the group raised their hands above their heads and stepped outside.

The men kept their guns up and aimed likely to make sure no one tried anything funny.

“State your business,” a Hispanic man spoke up, looking over his barrel at the group, eyes roaming to see who would speak first.

Rick was the one to step forward, “We’ve been traveling. Looking for a place to stay. A community. We...” he paused to point at the gate. “We saw signs along the highway for Woodbury. Wanted to check it out to see if it was real.”

“Oh, it’s real,” the man said. “But how do we know you aren’t lying? Hm? You guys come here to try and take us over?”

“We have kids with us, shit-for-brains. The hell do you think we’re gonna do in broad-fucking-daylight, anyway?” Negan spoke up and Rick sighed at his bluntness.

“Negan...” Rick said as all guns moved to point at the bat-wielding, leather jacket wearing asshole.

“You got something you wanna say, punk?” the man sneered.

Negan grinned, “Yeah, actually, I do. Why don’t you shove that fucking—"

“Negan!” Rick turned his head to face the loud mouth. “Shut. Up.”

Negan rolled his eyes, but complied.

Rick turned back to the man, who was maybe Woodbury’s leader, and spoke calmly, “We’ll leave if you want. But we’re just looking for a place to stay.”

The man looked him over, then did the same for everyone else.

It was a while before his eyes landed on Rick again. “I don’t know,” he said. “Maybe you’re friendly, maybe you don’t play so nice.”

“This is a waste of fuckin’ time, man. You want us to leave? We’ll leave, asshole. Hell, why do y’all even have them damn signs up if all y’all do is point guns at people?” Daryl said, and then all guns were on him.

“You wanna get shot? Is that it?” the man challenged and Daryl stiffened, chest puffed out and looking in no way ready to back down.

Daryl nodded at the man, “Go ahead, douchebag.”

“Daryl, no!” Rick dropped his arms and turned to his friend, hoping he could talk some sense into him when another voice cut in.

“What’s going on out here, Martinez?” It was a calm, domineering voice that seemed to pacify the men with guns.

The two-door cement entrance to the community was pulled open, revealing a tall man with an eye patch. He looked friendly enough, smiling at their group and approaching as if he knew they would do no harm.

The man, Martinez, lowered his gun and turned to address the one-eyed stranger. “Governor. These guys just rolled up to the gates. Said they were looking for a place to stay.”

The Governor turned his eye on them, accessing them quickly, before turning it back on Martinez. “Why don’t you take the men back inside? It’s about time the guards switch off.”

Martinez seemed hesitant, but nodded. He made sure to throw a glare at both Negan and Daryl before he did as he was told, leading the men off and through the gates with him.

With them gone, everyone lowered their arms and tried to relax in The Governor’s presence.

“Well then,” The Governor started to say. “Sorry about my men,” he waved his hands to indicate the ones with the guns. “We recently had a bad experience with someone who showed up at our gates. She turned out to be quite dangerous, so they’re a little on edge.”

Rick nodded, “That’s understandable.” He looked over at Carl, who looked to him for reassurance. He gave him a small smile and a nod, then turned his eyes back on The Governor. “We traveled from Atlanta. It’s been almost two months. And this,” he pointed at the gate. “This is exactly what we’ve been looking for.”

The Governor seemed pleased. He chuckled and nodded, “Well, I’m glad you found us. Let me take you inside. Give you all a tour. What was your name?”

“Rick. Rick Grimes,” he said and held out his hand.

The Governor grabbed it in a firm grip. “Philip Blake. The people here... well, they all call me The Governor, but that’s their term, not mine.”

“What do you prefer?” Rick asked as they let go.

The Governor shrugged, “Whichever you like.” And then he turned and led the way inside. “Don’t worry about your cars. We’ll have someone go out and bring them in.” He turned his head towards Rick. “You’ll have to hand over your weapons too. Just as a precaution, of course. You can check them out whenever you go outside the walls.”

Rick nodded, “Fair enough.”

They walked through Woodbury in amazement of what they were seeing. The buildings were clean. Adults and children were out and about, some talking and laughing, others walking dogs, some working on the garden. It felt... normal. Or what normal used to feel like.

“This is amazing,” Beth said, smiling at one of the kids drawing with chalk on the sidewalk.

“It’s like an actual town,” Maggie added.

Rick noticed someone move up to walk beside him. He looked over to see Lori’s smiling face. He tried to smile back, but it felt more like a grimace even as he was doing it.

Lori seemed to falter at his expression, but bounced back swiftly enough. “This is nice, isn’t it?”

Rick looked forward, following The Governor through the streets of Woodbury. He nodded, “Yeah, it is.”

They approached the same guy from outside the gate, Martinez, alone this time. He was standing by a shopping cart. The Governor stopped in front of him, and the group followed suit.

The Governor turned to address them, “Go ahead and leave your weapons here. We’ll tag them and make sure you’ll be able to check them out later.”

They all did as they were told. Daryl and Negan were the only ones to put up some sort of fight. Negan making a whole dramatic scene with the way he stroked and kissed Lucille goodbye, promising he would see her again soon. Daryl just looked pissed about giving up his crossbow, but he did, even if it was with a heavy amount of reluctance and an even heavier glare toward Martinez as the man wheeled the weapons away.

“How about we set y’all up with a place to get clean and something to eat?” The Governor said once Martinez was out of sight.

“You guys have running water?” Glenn questioned, sounding enthralled.

The Governor nodded, looking proud, “That, we do.”

“Which way is it?” T-Dog spoke up eagerly, making The Governor chuckle.

“Come on. I’ll show you.”

* * *

The shower was amazing. It’d been so long since Rick had felt hot water on his skin, he barely remembered what it was like, or how incredibly refreshing it could be.

He felt his muscles relaxing under the spray, and sighed as he scratched his fingers through his grimy hair.

It took thirty minutes to will himself out. When he was done, he wiped the condensation from the mirror and looked over his reflection.

His beard was getting out of control again. He tugged on it, thinking he should see if Negan would mind cutting it down again.

Just then, a heavy knock took his eyes away from the mirror and toward the door. He grabbed a towel, quickly secured it around his waist, then turned to open it.

Negan stood on the other end, fist raised to knock again, and a slow smile spreading over his face.

“Well, hel-lo Rick. Fuck, did I knock at the perfect time, or what?” Negan slowly drew his eyes down Rick’s body, then up again with a low whistle.

Rick felt his chest heat up, and he hoped he wasn’t turning red, because his skin felt like it was on fire. He did his best to act natural by clearing his throat and tilting his head, asking, “What do you want, Negan?”

Negan bit his lip, looking like he wanted to say something, but changed his mind. Instead of whatever gut response may have come out, he said, “Was wondering if I could get a fucking shower in before you used up all the hot water.”

Rick smiled and nodded. “I didn’t, and go ahead,” he said, stepping aside.

Negan walked in, immediately stripping off his jacket, placing it delicately on top of the sink, then his shirt, which he threw on the floor. He turned to Rick, chest bare, and Rick had to force his eyes to stay up on Negan’s face. “You gonna watch me strip, doll face?”

Rick scoffed out an unconvincing laugh and shook his head. “I was gonna ask you if you could... give me a trim. Later on, I mean. Not now,” Rick said, hating how he sounded like some school girl with a crush.

“Huh,” Negan said, eyeing Rick again. A second later, he perked up, “Sure I can, gorgeous. Just let me get clean and I’ll be all yours.”

Rick nodded and made to walk to the room The Governor had said clean clothes would be waiting for them. Negan stopped him with a firm hand around his bicep. He looked back and the playfulness in Negan’s eyes was gone.

“Hey, Rick,” Negan dropped his hand from Rick’s arm as he spoke. His eyes drifted for a second, like he was thinking over his next words. When they came to lock with Rick’s again he continued, “What do you think about this place?”

“What do you mean?” Rick asked, leaning into the doorframe.

“I don’t know. It doesn’t feel right to me. I’m getting this fucking feeling, you know? This gut feeling… like shit isn’t what he says it is,” Negan said.

“You mean, The Governor?”

Negan scoffed, “Yeah. That fucking guy. The _Governor_.” He rolled his eyes.

Rick nodded, “Yeah. It might be a little too good to be true. He seems alright, but you never know. Something did feel a little off with him.”

Negan nodded back. He seemed like he was about to let it go, but before Rick walked away, he said, “Watch your back around him. If things start going to hell, we grab our shit and get the fuck out of here.”

Rick nodded, “Yeah.”

Negan smiled after that, and shooed Rick away with a wave of his hand. “Now go, before I rip off that fucking towel and do something I might regret.” He paused, “ _Might_.” He chuckled after that, and Rick tried to fight the smile off his face.

Rick nodded and walked away, ignoring the way his heartbeat felt against his ribs, and the heat that pooled in between his legs.

* * *

Negan showered quickly. Cold first, then hot. _Damn_ , Rick had a way of getting under his skin in the best and worst ways. He refused to jack off in the shower Sophia would be getting into next. He used all of his willpower and as much cold water as his body could take to will his growing erection away.

When he was done, he felt refreshed. He wrapped himself in a towel, grabbed his clothes, then made off to their designated room to change.

When he opened the door, it was just Daryl inside. He was still a mess of dirt, blood and grime, and didn’t look the least bit tantalized by The Governor’s offer of a hot shower.

The room they were in was large. Large enough to hold two dressers, four queen-sized beds, and a couple nightstands in between. Though they were also a pretty big group. There would definitely be some doubling up if they stayed there through the night, which Negan wasn’t so sure if staying would be a good idea.

“Where are the others?” Negan asked as he dropped his towel and grabbed the pants set out for him on one of the beds.

Daryl, who was fiddling around with one of his arrows, answered without looking up, “Don’t know ‘bout the girls. Might be in their room. T-Dog went out with Hershel to help with... somethin’. Glenn left with Rick and Carl to check out the place. _Philip_ came and got Shane.”

Negan paused as he reached for a folded, white shirt. “He what?”

“Took him. Said he wanted to talk to him,” Daryl said, looking up now. His eyes were narrowed and his mouth was turned down into a deep frown. Negan had known Daryl long enough to know what that look meant. But, he didn’t have to guess, because a second later, Daryl said, “This don’t feel right, man.”

Negan sighed and ran a hand over his face. He nodded, “Yeah.” He dropped his hand. “I don’t know about this place. Rick isn’t too convinced either.”

Daryl’s eyebrow quirked up. He asked, “You talk to him?”

“Yeah, when he was getting out of the shower.”

Daryl scoffed, “Fuckin’ pervert.”

Negan chuckled, “I didn’t do a damn thing.”

“Mhm,” Daryl rolled his eyes, before getting back on topic. “That Philip asshole’s hidin’ somethin’.”

Negan finally pulled the shirt over his head and plopped down on the bed. “The hell would he have to hide though?” Negan thought for a moment. Then said, “Think they’re just secretly planning to eat us? Some type of freaky-deaky _Silence of the Lambs_ type shit?” He chuckled and, despite the way Daryl glared at him for it, he could see the little smile tugging at his lips.

“You gonna be serious? Or am I gonna have to kick yer ass just so we can talk about this shit?” Daryl said and Negan raised his arms in defeat.

“Okay, okay. For what it’s worth, I think you’re right about him. I’ve seen his type enough to know that he’s got some dirty fucking secrets,” Negan said.

“He tries anythin’, I’ll put an arrow in his other eye,” Daryl said so convincingly Negan didn’t doubt for a moment that he would.

Negan just laughed and shook his head, sort of amazed by Daryl’s unquestionable strength. If there was anyone in the group that Negan didn’t want as an enemy, it was definitely the crossbow-wielding redneck.

After a while, Daryl went back to his arrow, which Negan could now see was a new one he was crafting.

Minutes passed before Negan asked, “What do you think he did with that girl?”

“What girl?” Daryl said, not looking up.

“He said some woman came to the gate. Stirred shit up. What do you think happened to her?” Negan clarified.

Daryl looked up then, staring for a while before he said, “Think she got out… or he killed her.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ohhhooo boy~ What is gonna happen next? Can Philip be trusted? Is the group safe at Woodbury? Who's this mystery lady who 'stirred shit up'? 
> 
> Find out next week on Chapter 11 lol 
> 
> Thanks for reading guys! I posted early, as promised. And even though this chapter isn't super duper long, I hope you liked it! Let me know what you think. Hope you're excited for the next update. 
> 
> Until then~


	11. Bounty

Four months passed at Woodbury, and nothing seemed off about it. So much so that Negan had forgotten about that twinge in his gut that initially told him to hightail it out of there. The only occurrence that struck him from time to time were the people who would leave and never come back. The people The Governor kept as his soldiers would call a meeting, tell the community so-and-so jumped the wall alone and, since it wasn’t the safest place to be, probably wouldn’t be back, or that so-and-so got caught by a walker and they had to put them down.

But even that started to make sense. Hell, people were stupid. Not everyone could take care of themselves. And in this world, it was easy to walk outside and never come back because a walker or some asshole had gotten to them.

They’d been given a real home to stay in. Two homes, actually.

In one was Shane, Andrea, T-Dog, Carol and Sophia.

In the other was Rick, Carl, Lori, Negan, Hershel, Maggie, Glenn and Beth.

They were given a four-bedroom house. Rick, Lori and Carl took the master. Hershel and Beth took the second biggest room. The next went to Maggie and Glenn. The smallest went to Negan, and he was fine with that.

They were all given jobs. Glenn, Maggie, Andrea and T-Dog were rotated on and off gate duty. Beth, Lori, Carol and Sophia were placed in the garden. Though Negan thought that was fucking sexist because Carol turned out to be a badass and Sophia and Beth were plenty good out on runs. But they seemed to be fine with it, so Negan never said otherwise. Hershel was brought into the medical unit, since Woodbury’s last doctor had kicked the bucket just before their group had arrived. Rick and Negan went on runs for the community every few days. And Shane was somehow promoted to being one of The Governor’s right hand men, which Negan could only guess what that meant.

Daryl had left, much to everyone’s displeasure. It hadn’t even been a full week when he’d said, _“I ain’t playin’ his games. But I’ll be back when this shit blows up in y’all’s faces,”_ and rode out on his bike.

Negan wasn’t happy to have lost one of the people he’d grown closest to. But he had Rick, Carl and the others he was soon calling his family. Besides, he didn’t doubt for a second that Daryl could make it out there on his own.

After the first month, Negan and Rick came up with the idea to hold training sessions on the days that they didn’t have to go on runs. Woodbury could go under any day, and they didn’t want their group getting too soft to handle it if, or when, it happened.

In the months that passed, Carl had gotten fucking tall, which Negan hadn’t seen coming at all.

He’d asked him one day during breakfast: _“How fucking old are you, kid?”_

_Carl blinked up at him. Sitting at the table with a bowl of dry cereal, he said, “I don’t know,” with a shrug. His voice cracked with puberty. “When everything happened, my thirteenth birthday was coming up. Has it been a year yet?”_

_“About seven or eight months,” Negan said with a growing smile._

_Carl shrugged again, “Almost fourteen then, I guess.” He continued his meal after that_.

His relationship with Rick had gotten... weird, for lack of a better word. They usually went on runs together, and spent that time talking like they used to during their road trip from hell. Things never seemed to progress further than that, and they couldn’t. Lori was the devoted wife now, looking like a balloon with her belly now that she was nearing the end of her pregnancy. Any day could be the day, since there was no real way to pinpoint when she’d gotten knocked up.

And maybe that was why Rick was becoming a little more withdrawn as time passed, shying away from Negan’s touch more than he had before. After a while, Negan stopped trying and had gotten accustomed to keeping his hands to himself.

Negan was no home-wrecker. He’d done enough of that during his own marriage. It didn’t stop the incessant butterflies that came like the plague whenever Rick smiled at something he said, or got flustered when Negan called him ‘ _baby_ ’ or ‘ _gorgeous_.’ It was enough, Negan thought. Because it had to be.

It was during the fifth month that followed the four relatively peaceful months when things started to feel off.

Rick and Negan were in the weapons locker when The Governor walked in with a warm smile followed by Shane and Martinez, whose first name they later learned was Caesar.

Negan was holding Lucille propped on his shoulder, and Rick was loading up his magnum when they turned to see them.

“Hi there, fellas. Looks like we have a bit of a problem,” The Governor said.

Negan cocked his head to the side, mouth turning downward as he asked, “What kind of problem?”

“Well,” The Governor sighed. He placed his hands on his hips and said, “Not sure if I told you, but there was a woman who came to Woodbury a while back. Just before you and your group showed up. She came in and made a mess of things, and...” he pointed to his covered eye. “She did this.”

Rick and Negan shared a look, before focusing back on The Governor. Rick nodded his head up and ask, “Why are you bringing this up now?”

The Governor smiled at this, like there was some inside joke he wasn’t letting up on. He rubbed over his mouth, like he was physically wiping it off, and said with a straight face. “A couple men saw her nearby. And this woman... she’s very dangerous. Might be coming back to finish what she started. I know you two are about to go out there and I just want you to keep an eye out for her.” Negan and Rick both gave hesitant nods. “Now,” The Governor continued, sucking in a sharp breath before he finished his thought. “If you do end up finding her, she might try to confuse you. Poison you with ideas. But this woman is a liar. I wouldn’t trust a thing she says.”

Negan spoke up next, “Tell me something, G. You have all these fucking people; this fire power. How the hell did one chick shake shit up so badly that you’ve got a bounty out on her head?”

The Governor’s face was passive for a moment. Almost sinister. It was there, and then it was gone in a second. He gave a smile that didn’t meet his eyes and said, “She’s a crafty woman.” He left it at that, continuing from where he left off, “Now, if you come across her, I don’t want you to kill her. I want you to bring her back to me.”

Rick asked, “If she’s so dangerous, why don’t you want us to kill her?”

The Governor just winked and said, “You just leave the rest to me.” And then he was gone, taking Shane and Martinez along with him.

Alone now, Negan turned to Rick and whispered harshly, “What the fuck was that?”

Rick huffed and shook his head. “I don’t know,” he said, voice just as low. There was no way to tell if someone was listening in.

“Did you see that fucking look in his beady little eye? That motherfucker is hiding something,” Negan said, pointing Lucille toward the door.

“Yeah,” Rick drawled. “But why now? It’s been months. Why would he start getting weird now all of a sudden?”

“We need to find that chick. Hell, she could be the answer to all this shit. God-dammit, Rick!” Negan stomped his foot in his overexcitement. “I knew there was something twisting my balls here, Rick! I just knew it.”

Rick huffed out a laugh and shook his head. “Come on. Let’s get out there and see what we can find.”

“Yeah,” Negan agreed, and they set off on their way.

* * *

“I should be back there,” Rick had said once they were a few miles away from Woodbury. They were walking through the woods side by side.

Negan could guess what Rick was thinking, but he asked anyway, “Why do you say that?”

“Lori,” he answered with a sigh. “She could give birth any minute now.”

Negan felt his reply on the tip of his tongue: _“Why do you care? Baby-daddy-Shane will be there, won’t he?”_ But, he wouldn’t say that. Not to Rick. Instead, he nodded and kept his mouth shut.

“What?” Rick asked, seeming to notice Negan holding back.

“Don’t worry about it, sweetheart. It’s nothing,” Negan replied easily.

“No, it isn’t,” Rick said, but let it go.

A walker crept up on them. Negan pushed it back, then nearly blew its head off with Lucille.

“You like doing this?” Rick asked, watching Negan flick the blood off of his precious bat.

“Doing what?” Negan said, realizing then that he’d been smiling.

“Killing them.”

Negan shrugged, “Why the hell wouldn’t I? These assholes fucked up the world. And, as you know by now, I liked the fucking world. This shithole?” He waved Lucille around. “Is just a nightmare we’re all forced to live in.”

Rick nodded in understanding, but said, “It’s not all bad,” as they continued walking.

Negan caught up with his stride and grinned at him, “Oh? Why’s that?”

Rick shrugged.

“No. No. Don’t do that shit,” Negan said with an exaggerated eye roll.

Rick smiled as he spoke, “What shit?”

“That fucking thing you do. When you say some shit and then refuse to tell me what you _really_ wanna say,” Negan explained.

“I said what I _really_ wanted to say,” Rick challenged.

“Okay, Rick. If you say so,” Negan teased, walking ahead to take care of another straggler.

Then another walker appeared behind it, and Rick quickly took care of it with his knife.

Walking again, Negan said, “I think...” he paused when he saw another dead asshole creep from around a tree. He took care of it, flicked off the blood, then continued with Lucille on his shoulder. “I think that what you _really_ meant is that this shit-ass world isn’t so bad ‘cause you met me.” His eyebrows jumped up and he jutted his chin for added emphasis.

Rick’s mouth was fighting back a smile when he replied, “That so?”

Negan grinned, “Hell yeah it is.”

Rick chuckled. “Maybe,” was all he was willing to give him.

Negan laughed and shook his head. They fell into a short silence. Short because there was something nagging at the back of Negan’s mind, something that had been nagging at him for months now. It was as good a time as any to just get it out. “Let me ask you something, Rick,” he started, rubbing over his mouth and stubble.

“What?” Rick asked, eyes roaming over the area to make sure they were in the clear.

Negan dropped his hand, peeked over at Rick and said, “If you weren’t married... shit...” he stopped himself. _God_ , he hated how it sounded. He hated wanting to know this badly too.

Rick had stopped walking as soon as the words left Negan’s lips. He turned and stared up at Negan. His eyes were wide and searching.

Negan tapped his fingers around Lucille’s handle, trying not to seem nervous, but probably failing. He tried again, forcing himself to stare into Rick’s eyes. _Stupid fucking diamond blue motherfuckers._ “If you weren’t with Lori... would you...?” _be with me?_ He couldn’t manage to say it. But he didn’t really have to.

“Yes,” Rick had said so readily, so convincingly, that Negan felt his breath catch in his throat. It was almost like there was no question; no doubt. Like the answer should’ve just been that fucking obvious.

It took a while for Negan to exhale and when he did, he found himself grinning.

Rick slowly started to smile back. He probably didn’t even know how red he was getting, and Negan found it unbelievably endearing.

“Hot damn,” Negan said, clearing his throat. “That’s good to fucking know.”

Negan continued walking and Rick soon caught up. “Don’t tell anybody I told you that,” Rick said. It was a joke. He knew Negan wouldn’t.

Regardless, Negan grinned and said, “Oh honey, your secret is safe with me. And,” he gave Lucille an idle swing. “For the record. I really would be a great fucking boyfriend.”

Rick looked struck for a moment, and it seemed he was just now remembering what Negan was referring to. A joke from all those months ago back at the camp.

_“I’d be a kickass boyfriend, Rick. You’d be the luckiest man alive.”_

Rick suddenly busted into a fit of laughter, nodding as he said, “Oh _yeah_ , I’m sure.”

Negan started laughing with him, “Hell. Yes. Rick. I’ll have you know; I am a very romantic guy. I’d bring you flowers, candy—what do you like? Snickers? Oh hell, I’d get you all the fucking Snickers left in this fucked up world.”

“I’m more of a Heath, man,” Rick said, sobering up a bit.

“Shit. Of course you are.” Negan shook his head at him, then gave a sly look and said, “And the sex. Oh, _Rick_. The sex would be amazing.”

Rick was turning red again, mouth parted like he wasn’t sure how to respond. He ended up letting out an odd sounding chuckle.

Negan didn’t let up. He couldn’t. It wasn’t in his nature. “It. Would. Be. Fan-fucking-tastic,” he said, jutting out his hips and grinning like a madman.

Rick shrugged, looking a bit shy now, “I wouldn’t know anything about that.”

Negan hummed and nodded. “Right. Never been with a man, huh?”

Rick cleared his throat, seeming to gain some courage when he said, “Only person I’ve slept with is Lori, if I’m being honest.”

Negan whistled, “Damn, sweetheart. That is a real shame. Could break you in real fucking good. I’m not saying I’m an expert. It’s been a long time since I’ve slept with a man, but I don’t think it would take a while to get you all hot and...”

“Stop.” Rick said, physically stopping and looking up at Negan. Negan stopped as well, looking down at Rick with a raised brow. “We can’t...” Rick started, paused, shook his head with a huff, then rephrased, “We shouldn’t be talking like this. It’s not fair to Lori.”

_Buzzkill_. Negan wasn’t sure who was worse. Rick or Lori. But Negan conceded, because he could dream all he wanted. He could talk about what _could be_ all he wanted, but the fact was, Rick and Lori were together. They were about to bring a child into this world, for Christ’s sake. Even if that child wasn’t technically Rick’s.

Negan sighed, rolling his head back and closing his eyes while he willed the treacherous thoughts away. After a moment he tilted his head back down to look at Rick, “You’re right. I’m sorry, Rick.”

“Good,” Rick nodded, still looking a bit flustered, then said, “Come on.”

They continued to walk. And even though Negan had been stopped before he could say everything that was on his mind, he felt damn good. Despite the unlikelihood of anything blossoming between them, Negan would count this as a win. Knowing, once and for all, after months of unknowing, made it feel less like something he was imagining and more real. And Rick hadn’t hesitated. Not for a second.

* * *

A few more walkers came by to give them trouble. They took them out and went about their way. Scavenging was getting harder. Most of the areas nearby had been raided. It seemed like each time they went out they ended up further and further away from home. If home is what Woodbury was. After that talk with The Governor, Negan wasn’t too sure.

After walking another mile out in the woods, they slowed their pace, both feeling the ominous tension of a looming presence behind them. The subtle, barely audible sound of carefully placed footsteps didn’t go unnoticed by them either. Negan clenched Lucille’s handle and gave Rick a subtle look. Rick returned it, eyes hardened and prepared for what was to come next.

A second later they whirled around to find a dread-headed woman standing there with a sword held up just as she was about to use it to take Negan’s head off.

Negan had Lucille in the position to do a home run with this woman’s head, and Rick had his magnum aimed right between her eyes.

She was paused, like she was stuck in time. The only thing indicating she hadn’t been literally frozen where she stood were her furious eyes darting between them.

“Who are you?” Rick growled out; teeth bared.

She didn’t speak. She just glared and kept her sword up, looking trapped.

Rick tried again, tone demanding, “Who. Are. you?” His gun inched closer with every word.

Her lips tightened defiantly. The message was clear. She wasn’t going to say a word.

“Answer me, or I’ll put a bullet right between your eyes and watch you _bleed_ ,” Rick snarled, even if he was mostly bluffing. It didn’t change the fact that this woman had almost taken off Negan’s head, and the thought of losing Negan in an instant like that brewed a fire in his veins. And a fear that he wasn’t willing to face.

Negan whistled, all playful like he wasn’t inches away from a deadly weapon, and said, “Damn, Rick... Is it fucked up that you’re kinda turning me on right now?” His lips curled into a sultry grin.

The woman wavered a bit, just as shocked by the statement as Rick had been. It was in that moment that Negan kicked her right in the gut. She lost grip of her sword when she doubled over from the impact, but was quick to recover. She scrambled for the blade through her pain, but Negan didn’t give her a chance. He grabbed one of her wrists and twisted it behind her back, pulling her down until she was fully pinned to the ground. And for extra measure, he sat right on top of her.

She growled and squirmed and struggled to get to her weapon, but Negan was too heavy for her to move an inch. He was grinning up at Rick, who reluctantly dropped his aim and returned the look with a disbelieving smile of his own.

“That was ridiculous,” Rick said.

“It worked.” Negan shrugged, grabbing the woman’s other arm and locking both in a tight grip behind her back. “And to be fair, I wasn’t necessarily lying.”

Rick shook his head, trying not to let Negan’s casual flirting get to him in the way it had gotten to him earlier. He needed to focus.

Rick crouched down in front of the woman, who looked like a stray cat being approached by humans for the first time. Despite having both her arms locked in a brutally tight grip, she wouldn’t let up her squirming.

Negan rolled his eyes at her attempts, “Jesus Christ, lady. We’re not gonna to do shit to you. But, you almost cut my fucking head off and I can’t let that shit slide. We’re not taking any chances.” He leaned down and said in a low, darker voice. “But just so you know, I will break both of your fucking arms if you try that shit again. You hear me?”

She stilled; Negan’s threat must have resonated on some level. But, it didn’t wipe the glare from her eyes, or the promise in them that she planned to do much worse with her sword when she was set free.

But now that she wasn’t violently thrashing around, Rick took over once again. “Why did you try to kill us?” he asked, head cocked to the side and mouth pulled downward.

She didn’t answer.

Rick sighed and gestured toward her with his gun, “Where are you from?”

Nothing.

The next thing they heard was a click, and Rick stood up straight in an instant, turning toward the noise with his gun raised.

When he saw who it was, his arm almost immediately fell slack.

It was Daryl. His hair was longer, and he was wearing a poncho that covered the top half of his body, but it was definitely him, standing their glaring over his crossbow until he realized who he was aiming at.

Daryl slowly dropped his aim, and Rick followed suit by holstering his gun. Daryl looked around Rick, down at the woman who was still being partially squashed by Negan.

“The hell y’all doin’? Get off her!” Daryl demanded, but Negan didn’t move.

“Hell no. This samurai chick almost cut me in two,” Negan said and Daryl paused at the implication.

After a moment, Daryl looked down at the woman to address her, “They’re alright. I know ‘em.” He said, and the woman seemed to truly relax then, though still looked pretty pissed about being sat on. Daryl turned his eyes on Negan next and said, “And I know her.”

Negan seemed to give it some thought before he looked down at the woman and said, “Look, I really won’t hurt you. Shit, I don’t _want_ to hurt you. But, you gotta promise me you won’t swing that fucking sword at me again. Got it?”

The woman snarled, looking like she might bite him. But for the first time, she spoke. “I won’t,” she said through gritted teeth.

Negan sighed and finally let up, releasing the woman’s arms and standing to give her space to move.

She snatched her sword up immediately, then walked over to stand by Daryl.

“Who is this?” Rick asked, looking at Daryl.

“Her name’s Michonne,” Daryl said. “She used to live at Woodbury.”

Negan’s eyes widened. He seemed to have the same realization that Rick was having. “Don’t tell me this is the one with the damn bounty on her head,” he said.

“Come on,” Daryl said, motioning for them to follow. “We was actually comin’ to see y’all. We gotta talk.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hoooo man, I hope you guys are excited to see what happens next! Thank y'all for all the love and support so far. Your comments really do make me smile~ This story is really just getting started LOL so I hope you guys are ready. And yeah, we're getting closer and closer to that long-awaited romance >:}
> 
> Next chapter should be up soon. Let me know what y'all think and uh... 
> 
> Until then~


	12. The False Shepherd

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Possible trigger warning

The four of them walked through the woods to where Daryl explained he’d been hiding out for the past few days.

The woman, Michonne, was still glaring and looking like she could snap at any moment, but she remained silent, following along, yet keeping her distance.

After walking for five minutes in stiff silence, Negan was the first to break it. “Where’s your bike?”

“Piece a shit broke down last month,” Daryl grumbled almost immediately.

Negan sucked his teeth and looked away. For a second, his eyes lingered on the mystery woman. She was still tense. Her lean, muscular arms were posed in a way that said she was ready to strike at any moment. Luckily, she seemed to be true to her word about not using that sword on either of them.

“Where the hell are we going anyway?” Negan asked.

“Almost there,” Daryl said over his shoulder, and then they just kept walking.

Negan fell into step with Rick and leaned close to say in a low voice, “What do you think?”

Rick spared him a quick glance, before he said, “Not too sure, yet.” He motioned toward where Michonne was walking up ahead. “If Daryl thinks she’s not a threat, then I believe him. But, The Governor did say she was dangerous...”

“Pfff,” Negan shook his head. “Yeah, I’m not believing shit that motherfucker has to say after that freaky ass look he gave us.”

Rick chuckled a little and nodded at that, “Yeah. Something ain’t right.” He tilted his head, as if he tilted the idea right along with it, weighing the possibilities in his head. He tended to do that a lot, Negan noticed. It was both an intriguing and an adorable Rick-branded quirk. It was coupled with how he would breathe heavily through his nose to calm down and how he narrowed his eyes whenever he needed to piece things together in his brain to solve a problem (even if that _problem_ were as silly as whether eating a can of peas three days after its expiration date would be a good idea or not). After a moment, Rick looked back at Negan, effectively silencing his inner musing, and said, “I think we’re about to find out soon enough.”

Negan nodded, but didn’t say anything after that. He didn’t need to. Seconds later they were moving past trees into a small clearing. A single tent was up, along with a burnt out place for a fire and two beat up looking folding chairs. Daryl led them forward, motioning with his hand for them to take a seat wherever.

Rick and Michonne sat in the chairs, Negan stood beside Rick with Lucille still propped on his shoulder and Daryl sat uncaringly on the ground, picking anxiously at the grass. Rick looked around and asked, “You’ve been out here for how long?”

“‘Bout four days,” Daryl shrugged.

“You said you were coming to see us? What the hell happened?” Negan asked next. Daryl looked to Michonne, who was still tense and apprehensive in their presence. He nodded his head toward Negan and Rick and she let out a deep sigh in response.

“Go on. Tell ‘em,” Daryl said.

Michonne didn’t budge right away, and Rick and Negan were a little shocked to see the way Daryl’s eyes softened at her.

Daryl sighed and tried again, “I know it’s tough. But... they gotta know. Ain’t no reason you gotta do this shit alone.”

That seemed to do the trick. Michonne gave him a long look, before relenting with a short nod. After that, she turned slowly to look at Rick right in the eye, then Negan. It was like she was sizing them up, making sure they were worthy of whatever was about to come out of her mouth.

And when she finally started to speak, it was like each word had to be forced from her body, painful and thick with bad memories.

“I was there at the start,” she’d said. “Philip and I were friends before everything. We worked at the same company. He was the maintenance manager at my law firm.” While it was a bit surprising, the information didn’t feel particularly important, but maybe she’d just said it to paint a picture, Negan thought. Or maybe it all would make sense in the end. Negan had to force himself to stay quiet and listen. “When it all happened, we were at work. It was just us. Philip helped me get to my...s-son,” she choked out the word. “...and he had his daughter. We left together. Started Woodbury together. It was good... for a little while.” She nodded, and maybe it was the movement that pushed the tear she was holding back forward, sliding down her cheek in a sorrowful crawl.

Negan couldn’t help it. He cut in, “Hold the fucking phone.”

They all looked to him and Michonne roughly swiped the tear away, fast like it’d never existed.

“You’re saying you were there from the start? That asshole said you showed up at the gate just before we did.”

Negan looked to Rick, then Daryl, who spoke up, “Yeah, well he’s a fuckin’ liar.”

“He is lying,” Michonne said, eyes hardened and mouth twisting into a deep scowl. They all turned to face her again while she continued, “We started Woodbury together. Figured out how to build the walls and the gates. People looking for a safe place came and helped us. Most of them are... gone now. It was supposed to be a community where people got away from this world. Where we would start a new one.”

“Isn’t that what it is?” Rick asked and she shook her head violently.

“No! It changed. _He_ changed. His daughter. Penny. She got outside after that first month. When we found her, she was already bit. He went crazy. Blamed me. Locked me up and he ra-,” her mouth twisted almost instinctively and she struggled to force the words out. “He raped me. Over and over and over,” she turned her head away, a deep sob dripped from her lips and struck the men hearing this story for the first time like a cold bucket of water. Daryl was sitting on the ground tensed, ripping grass out now like he was imaging it was something else.

Rick had stiffened completely, looking almost petrified and likely horrified at the idea that his family was still there with a man who could do such a vile, monstrous thing. Negan, for his part, was grinding his teeth and glaring furiously, looking like a mountain lion; a beastly version of his usually jovial self.

Neither interrupted as she took her time to compose herself before moving on with her story, “He took Andre, my son, and for weeks I was down there just hoping he was okay. He was only a baby.” She swallowed, pausing for a moment before she went on. “I overheard the guards saying that Philip and most of his men were out scouting. That night, when the guard slipped up, I took my chance. I was going to get Andre and leave that place. I-I didn’t care about what Philip did to me, not if it meant risking my son’s life,” she closed her eyes tightly as more tears spilled out.

Both Negan and Rick felt it in their chests that what she was about to say next would change everything they’d thought up until then. About humanity, about survival, about Woodbury and The Governor. Everything.

“I searched everywhere. I couldn’t find him,” she was fully sobbing now, and without even knowing this woman, Rick felt the strong urge to pull her against his chest. She didn’t look like the fierce warrior with the sword anymore. She looked like a woman with a broken heart. “The last place I checked was Philip’s house,” she calmed down a bit and wiped off her face. “He has a secret room there in the basement of that building. I got the locks open with my sword and when I went inside...” her chocolate skin paled into a sickly green. Her eyes widened as if she was seeing what she was about to describe right there in front of her. “It was Andre. And so... so many others. But,” she croaked. “It was just his head. He was gone! He was one of them! And they were all in cases...little aquariums! Preserved in water like some fucking museum exhibit!” She was getting more and more worked up and Rick couldn’t help the impulse this time. He was surprised when she didn’t push him away as he stood and held a hand on her shoulder, squeezing to let her know that it was okay.

She remained silent for a while, so long that Negan decided to speak up. “Why?” he asked in a more serious tone than Rick or Daryl had ever heard from him. It was dark and gravelly, torn between anger and pure disgust. And his face... it was eerily impassive; distant, yet brimming with fire just beneath the surface.

Michonne turned her eyes on him, glistening with tears and looking tragically beautiful. She cleared her throat before she said in a relatively calm voice, “He was feeding their bodies to her.” Her bottom lip quivered, “His daughter. He was feeding them to his dead daughter, Penny.”

Rick sucked in a breath and clenched his eyes closed, taking a moment to breathe and calm himself.

“Why the fuck are we just now hearing this?” Negan growled, eyes glaring at Daryl now. “Why the hell wouldn’t you come to us sooner?”

Daryl brushed off Negan’s anger, likely understanding where he came from, and explained, “We been travelin’ together for a couple weeks, me and her. But she just told me what happened a couple days ago. We was on our way there when we ran into you two.” He snatched up some more grass and flicked it to the side angrily. “We came back to tell y’all and kill that asshole.”

They all fell into a tense silence after that, all festered with ideas of what they needed to do next.

Rick was the one to break it. “Were you the one who cut out his eye?” he asked suddenly without really thinking, leaning down to look at Michonne’s strained expression.

She nodded, “I was trying to kill him. But there were too many of his men around. They shot me. I ran.”

“They got her good. She was still healin’ up by the time I found her,” Daryl said, then stood up and gave Rick a determined look, “We gotta do this, man.”

Rick nodded, “And we need to tell the others to pack up and get ready. We ain’t staying there after this. Those people, those soldiers of his, they have to know what he’s been up to. I can’t live with people like that, even after we take care of The Governor.”

Negan nodded in silent agreement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, yes, super short, and it's getting darker. I promise the next chapter will be longer. I hope you're all excited to see what'll happen next. Let me know what you think ~
> 
> Side note: I hope someone got the comic reference here. 
> 
> Next chapter will be up very soon! 
> 
> Until then~


	13. Family

When they got close to Woodbury, they separated with Michonne and Daryl after formulating a plan.

They didn’t need to mow down all of the soldiers at Woodbury, they just needed to kill The Governor. But, there were hicks in their plan. Shane was under The Governor’s belt, and that begged the question on whether or not he knew about what The Governor was doing. It made Rick sick to think about, that his former best friend could support such a man. And if Shane did know––if he fought on The Governor’s side—Rick would have no choice...

And then there was the question of the missing people. The people they were told had ran away or gotten bit. Was that all a lie? Were they just part of The Governor’s sick plan to keep his undead daughter fed? The thought was even more disgusting.

“We good with this?” Daryl had asked a mile out from Woodbury just before they separated.

“Yeah,” Rick said, slow and drawn out as the weight of what they were about to do was settling in.

They first needed to gather up their group and get them up to speed on what Woodbury’s ‘ _leader_ ’ was really up to.

Afterwards, Rick and Negan would need to go back to the weapons locker with Carol to secure some artillery for when it was time to leave. They’d get Carol to sneak them out. She was good at pretending to be innocent and motherly, nobody would suspect a thing. Or at least, they were banking on that.

Once things were in place, Rick and Negan planned to sneak over the wall, then back in through the entrance The Governor used to bring in his victims (which Michonne apparently used to initially escape). After that, they would end this. No big fight. No crazy shootouts. Just a quiet, calculated assassination.

Now, it was just Negan and Rick walking back side by side and, for once—maybe for the first time ever—it was eerily quiet between them.

Rick glanced over and was temporarily struck by the rage radiating off of Negan in waves. Lucille was clenched in such a tight fist over his shoulder, Rick could see Negan’s knuckles turning white.

As the gates were coming into sight, Rick reached over and gripped Negan’s free hand, feeling it tighten and flinch at the unexpected contact.

But, Negan didn’t pull away. He did, however, look over at Rick with eyes still heated and boiling with that same rage. It took a while for him to tear his eyes off of Rick, and when he did, Rick moved closer so he could intertwine their fingers. Negan finally returned the pressure, clasping Rick’s hand in a tight grip that made it feel like he would never let go.

After a moment, Negan finally spoke up, “I’m gonna kill that dirty son of a bitch.”

Rick nodded. “You will,” he said.

They held hands the rest of the way as they walked in silence, finding comfort in each other’s warmth. They didn’t let go until they were standing face to face with the gate. It was slowly pulled open, and Glenn was there to greet them.

“Hey guys,” Glenn said, sounding weary. “We have a problem.”

Negan and Rick shared a look, then turned back to Glenn. “What sort of problem?” Negan just about growled through his grinding teeth.

“We’re meeting in our house. Come on,” Glenn walked off and they followed, keeping their weapons on them as they went in case they’d need them for whatever Glenn was about to tell them.

They were lucky none of The Governor’s soldiers were around. They made it to the house without being stopped. Hell, at the way Negan was looking, it was a lucky thing for the soldiers too. Negan might’ve taken a practice swing at their heads if they’d been around to berate them about refusing to check their weapons back in.

In the living room of their home, their group was standing around by the entryway. All except Lori, Hershel, Shane and Andrea.

“Where’s Lori?” Rick asked, eyes darting around in an attempt to spot his wife.

Carl answered, “Hershel took mom to the infirmary. She’s in labor.”

Rick’s eyes widened. “Why aren’t you there? I should be— "

“She has daddy,” Maggie cut in. “She’ll be fine for now. We have a bigger issue.”

“Andrea’s missing,” T-Dog said. Both Negan and Rick sucked in a breath.

“They said she snuck out between gate duties,” Carol said, looking around at the group before her eyes landed back on Rick and Negan. “But she wouldn’t just leave. Not without telling one of us.”

“She wouldn’t,” Rick said, feeling something sickening swirl at the pit of his gut as his mind was already conjuring up the possibilities.

“That dickless motherfucker. I swear to God, I’m gonna beat his ass to death,” Negan growled.

“You mean The Governor?” Glenn asked, looking a little struck by Negan’s vicious words, and Rick nodded.

“We need to get ready,” Rick said. “And we need to find Andrea and Shane. Carl, Maggie, can you get to Lori? Make sure she’s... okay.”

They both nodded, but didn’t move yet. There was more...

“Mr. Grimes,” Sophia said, and they all looked to her. “I did see Andrea earlier. She was with Mr. Walsh.”

Rick wasn’t sure if the information was surprising or not. If his suspicions were right, Andrea was on her way to becoming The Governor’s daughter’s next meal. But did that mean Shane knew?

Sophia went on, “But, I saw Mr. Walsh go into the infirmary not too long ago. Andrea wasn’t with him.”

“Shit,” Negan said this time, likely coming to the same conclusions as Rick.

“I’ll go,” Rick said, clenching his eyes shut and shaking his head. He took a moment to calm himself before he continued, “Carl, Maggie, you guys stay here with the rest. Negan, can you get them up to speed on everything? Plan’s changed. We need to move fast.”

Negan nodded, brisk and cold. Rick took it for what it was. He couldn’t blame Negan for the way he looked or felt. Rick was sure he looked the same.

He left after that, darting out of the home and toward the infirmary. He’d have to trust Negan to handle things with the group. Knowing the baby would be okay had to be his top priority, especially considering the load of shit it was about to be born into.

It only took a few minutes to make it onto the other side of Woodbury. He ignored the looks from the other townsfolk as he dashed into the designated medical building.

Directly inside and to the left were a row of rooms shielded by curtains. He could hear Lori’s voice in the second room, groaning and screaming at the pain.

He moved through quickly, whipping back the curtain as he went inside. He startled Hershel, who was in the middle of prepping Lori for the operation.

When Rick entered, he looked frantic and sweaty, eyes wide as he watched his wife struggle through the pain. But that was only for a moment. He looked over to see Shane sitting by the bed and letting Lori squeeze his hand as hard as she felt the need to.

“Shane,” Rick said, commanding the man’s attention.

“Rick,” Shane said back, voice distant and cold. It took a moment for him to rip his eyes away from Lori to Rick, standing there looking like an outsider. “You’re late, brother.”

“I’m here now,” Rick hissed. “And we need to talk.”

Shane scoffed, “Another one of your talks, huh Rick? You really think this is the time? You wanna do this here?”

Rick nodded, “I do.”

Hershel looked between them before speaking up, “You boys are gonna need to step out and give me some room. If you’re gonna talk, do me a favor and take it outside.”

Shane glared over at Hershel, then to Rick. “We ain’t got nothin’ to talk about, Rick.”

Rick shook his head, “We do.”

Shane huffed through his nose, but didn’t argue. He bent down and kissed Lori’s hand and Rick clenched his fists at his sides at then audacity of his ex-best friend.

But he didn’t say anything. He allowed his anger to simmer as he led the way out back.

The back entrance of the medical building was right by the gate. It formed a short alleyway that was shielded from the main street. It was private, and should anything happen, it was as good a place as any. Rick hoped it wouldn’t come to that.

“What you want this time?” Shane asked when Rick didn’t speak first. “I was with Lori because you weren’t there. You wanna put in a restrainin’ order on me now?” He scoffed out a mocking sort of laugh, one that always grit at Rick’s nerves.

Rick’s face contorted into a snarl as he spoke, “Did you know?”

Shane rose a cocky eyebrow at that, “Know what?”

Rick huffed, “The _Governor_ ,” he said as if the words tasted bad on his tongue. “Did you know what he was doing? Where those missing people were going? Where he took _Andrea_?”

Shane scoffed and looked away, and Rick knew that look well enough. His friend was about to lie, and knowing that twisted the uneasy feeling in his gut until it was enough to make him want to vomit. Dispel it from his being like a nasty virus.

“Those people left, Rick. And Andrea? I ain’t seen her all day. Heard she went out without letting anyone know. Hell, maybe she’s back already,” Shane said with a shrug. All Rick could think was that it was lie after lie, and it made the sickness in his stomach even worse.

He tilted his head up, hands on his hips and looking down at Shane. He stared for a second, observing the man he’d grown up with and making Shane squirm. It was a while before Rick dropped his chin to his chest and nodded to himself. “You’re lying,” he said lowly.

“Man, fuck you, Rick,” Shane spat out. “Ain’t lyin’ ‘bout shit,” he said.

Rick turned his head up to glare at Shane again, “Sophia saw you with Andrea before she went missing.”

Shane sucked his teeth and shook his head, “That little girl ain’t seen shit.”

“You’re lying!” Rick roared, feeling it in his chest and causing Shane to bulk up instinctively, preparing for an attack.

This time Shane took a moment to think, likely mulling over whether to come clean or not. It seemed he went with the former. “Fine, Rick. So what if I was with her? That don’t prove shit.”

“Did you know?” Rick asked again and Shane looked like he was growing more and more frustrated with this interrogation, and that’s exactly what it was turning out to be. A police tactic. Wear your suspect down, ask the same questions and wait until they slipped in a lie. Knowing the procedure didn’t save Shane from Rick’s intuitive eyes, how they seemed to see right through him.

He growled, “Know what?” Even if it was clear he knew exactly what Rick was referring to.

“That he was killing them. Feeding them to his dead daughter. Did you know, Shane?” Rick stepped forward, hand on his chest and voice thick like he was choking up. He couldn’t help it. Despite everything that went down, he still felt that pesky affection for his friend that would likely never go away. He loved Shane. He was his brother. No amount of growing hate could change that.

Shane did that thing again, scoffing and looking away like he needed to break eye contact before he was able to speak. “You must’ve lost it, huh Rick?”

“No!” Rick shouted, stepping even closer. “Stop bullshitting me! Did you know, Shane?!”

Shane looked him up and down, thinking again before he relented, “You already know the answer to that, don’t you?”

Rick sucked in a breath as he backed up, eyes wide and disbelieving. He knew. Of course, he knew. But he needed to hear it straight from Shane’s mouth. And now, knowing for sure, his heart felt like it was being punctured.

“Wha—,” Shane started, looking exasperated. “What’s the issue? We’re good, Rick. Don’t you see that? He ain’t gonna do shit to us.”

“And Andrea?” Rick choked out. “Is _she_ good, Shane?”

Shane shrugged, looking off again before he said, “She ain’t us, Rick.”

Rick balked at that, blinking furiously, his voice was beginning to shake, “Oh...S-so, you, me, Lori and Carl? That’s it? Everyone else...” he shrugged hopelessly, “you’re okay with them being treated like fucking _cattle_?”

Shane shrugged again, looking back, he said, “They ain’t us.”

“They’re family,” Rick breathed out, feeling his eyes welling with silent tears.

“No, Rick. You and me, we’re family. Lori and Carl? They’re family. Those other guys are just some assholes we met along the way,” Shane reasoned.

“No,” Rick shook his head furiously. “No, Shane. That’s not true.”

Shane scoffed, “What? You mean Negan? Your _boyfriend_?” He chuckled darkly, seeming to relish in the way Rick’s eyes widened at the claim. “Yeah,” Shane nodded. “Don’t think I ain’t seen the way y’all are. How y’all be lookin’ at each other.” He shook his head, face twisting with disgust.

“It’s not like that,” Rick whispered, still in his state of shock.

“Oh yeah?” Shane tilted his head, looking even more cocky now. “How is it then, Rick? Seems to me you love him more than Lori. More than Carl.”

“That’s not true,” Rick said more firmly.

“Maybe I was wrong. I told The Governor to leave you guys out of it, but maybe you should be the next to go, aye Rick? You might want to go down with your man, huh?” he spat the words out.

“We’re not gonna let him get away with this,” Rick growled, forcing himself not to rise to the bait.

“What can _y’all_ do? This man has an army. He was keeping us safe. And now what?! You’re gonna come in and ruin what we got?! After everything, you’re going to destroy what we’ve built here?!” Shane was nearly screaming now, looking more frantic and on edge the more he spoke.

“We haven’t built shit, Shane!” Rick shouted back. “This ain’t no way to _live_. With all our friends dying to some psychopath who can’t let his daughter go. That’s not living.”

“So what? Them people out there ain’t my friends, Rick. You gotta let that shit go.”

“I won’t. We’re gonna stop him. Today.”

“No,” Shane said. He pulled out his gun and aimed it for Rick’s head. “You ain’t doing, shit. I’m gonna keep Lori and Carl safe.” He shrugged one shoulder. “I wanted it to be you too, Rick. But I’m not gonna let you take away everything I’ve worked hard to build here.”

Rick nodded; mouth pressed into a thin line as he raised his hands above his head in a show of surrender. “What did you do, Shane?” He asked, voice eerily calm. “Follow some maniac around for a few months? Talk him into not letting us become some walker’s dinner? Except, not the people who’ve made it this far with us. The people we’ve been trying to keep safe. Not the innocent people who come here trying to make a life for themselves. You walk those people right up to The Governor so they can be killed. Is that what you’ve done?”

Shane breathed out a deep sigh, “You wanna talk about what I’ve done? How about what _you’ve_ done, Rick. Hangin’ off Negan like some fuckin’ faggot. Lookin’ at him like how you should be lookin’ at Lori. I’ve seen it, Rick. You can’t fool me. What? Was you creepin’ into his room at night? Lettin’ him fuck you in the woods like one of them five-dollar whores we used to see on Saturday night patrols? That it?”

Rick clenched his eyes shut and shook his head, hands still raised, he said through his teeth, “It ain’t like that.”

“Oh okay. It ain’t like that, huh?” Shane simply laughed it off as if he knew better. “How ‘bout you raise your gun, Rick. I’m done talkin’.”

“You gonna kill me here? In broad daylight? While _my wife_ is giving birth? That what you want?”

“You ain’t givin’ me a choice,” Shane almost sounded like he was pleading, but his aim never faltered.

“How are you gonna explain this? Carl ain’t gonna believe you. He knows now. Negan is telling everyone. They’ll know what you did.”

Shane grit his teeth, stepping a bit closer and thrusting his gun toward Rick in the process. “That’s on you, Rick.” He gestured with his gun, “I’ll just tell The Governor you got stupid. He’ll tell the neighborhood some story about how you and _your_ group tried to take over and then they’ll all be public enemies. They’ll all die because of you, Rick.”

Rick’s eyes widened; face struck with anguish over what he was hearing. “You’d do that? To _Carl_?”

“Thing is, Rick. I ain’t doing shit. You are. You forced my hand. We can do this now, or you can keep your goddamn mouth shut and just let things be!” Shane shouted again, this time making Rick flinch.

“How can you say that?” Rick whispered. This wasn’t Shane. This wasn’t the man he’d grown up with. Not anymore. This was some monster that took over the moment the world went to shit. This was a stranger. For him to threaten Carl’s life, threaten to sacrifice him for his own safety... Rick didn’t know what to think.

“Raise your gun, Rick.”

“I won’t,” he shook his head. “We don’t have to do this.”

“I think we do,” Shane inched even closer with his gun.

“No. No, Shane we don’t. I understand. You’re right,” Rick nodded with his words, trying to be as reassuring as possible.

Shane did falter this time as his eyes grew wet with emotion. When he spoke next his voice was thick and cracking, “I don’t want to do this, Rick. I don’t want anything to happen to Carl. But,” he sniffled. “I have to protect Lori and the baby. This place,” he waved his gun around. “This place is safe for us. Those people,” he growled. “They don’t mean shit, man. We don’t know them. But the four of _us_? That’s family, man.”

Rick nodded, letting the tears that fell from his eyes go untouched. He stepped forward with a heavy heart, reaching his hand out to take Shane’s gun. “I know. I get it,” he said calmly, like he was attempting to tame a wild bear.

“I wanted you dead, brother. When I first saw you at the camp,” Shane admitted through his own tears, and Rick froze for a moment, because he never expected that. “I wanted you dead because me and Lori were becomin’ somethin’. But, that’s not me. That wasn’t right. I love you, brother. I don’t want this. I want us to go back to what it was, you know?”

Rick nodded again and Shane gave him a shaky nod in return. “I love you too, Shane,” he croaked. “ _You_ are my family.”

Shane’s face scrunched and he turned away, likely trying to collect himself. Rick took that moment to step all the way forward until they were inches apart. He grabbed Shane’s mouth with one hand and stabbed his hunting knife deep into his chest with the other.

Shane’s eyes grew unbelievably wide. He dropped the gun, and Rick heard the dull clank of it hitting the concrete ground through the thrumming in his ears. Rick whimpered as he slid the knife out and back in, feeling the vibration of Shane’s gurgled screams against the hand over his mouth.

“I didn’t want to do this either, Shane,” he whispered desperately. “I didn’t want this. But it can’t be like this. Not this place. Not this way of living.”

He started sobbing and shaking his head. “ _I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry_ ,” he kept saying, until his voice was starting to feel hoarse.

Shane’s eyes started to drift. Blood was pooling down Rick’s arms and onto the ground. He barely felt the sticky warmth as it flowed from the knife onto his clothes and skin. All of his focus was on Shane’s eyes as he watched the light fade from them.

It wasn’t until Shane was completely gone that he ripped out the knife. Shane’s body thumped lifelessly next to the dropped gun. Rick stumbled back until he fell and landed on his butt. He covered his mouth with a bloody hand and allowed himself to give into the overwhelming emotions that hit him at seeing Shane like this. For a second, he just soaked it in, let it out, and let himself feel it. But it wouldn’t be long before Shane started to reanimate. So, after barely collecting himself, he crawled over and drove his knife through Shane’s skull.

When the deed was done, he pressed a soft kiss to his friend’s temple, then slumped against the corpse and cried some more. He held Shane’s head close to his chest and wished with all his heart that things could’ve been different.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, I managed to push this out early, as planned :> Hope you guys like it. Also... poor Shane v.v 
> 
> Let me know what y'all think! The next chapter will be out soon-ish, so I'm hoping y'all are looking forward to it.
> 
> Until then~


	14. In the Face of Evil

Negan was happy enough that everybody seemed to jump onboard with the plan without question. Carl had been a little apprehensive, considering his mother’s state, but didn’t doubt they needed to hightail it out of there as soon as they could.

Daryl and Michonne should be at the meeting point soon. Negan would meet them outside the gate and sneak back in with Michonne. They’d look for Andrea and take care of The Governor, while Daryl would wait for the others.

Carol had done a good job securing the guns. The guard was easy enough for Maggie and Sophia to distract, while Carol snuck in and out with a pleasant smile on her face, feigning innocence.

The group would have to sneak out with Rick, Lori, Hershel and the baby. If they’re lucky, The Governor would be taken care of and the guards would be in too much of a panic to see them all leave.

That’s where Glenn came in. He would play the witness. His job was to alert everyone that The Governor was dead, get them all too riled up to stay focused, and then he’d slip out with the rest of them.

Now, with guns secured and everyone packed, the group waited in one house while Negan went off to meet Michonne and Daryl outside the gates.

As Negan walked through the neighborhood, sneering at its peaceful atmosphere after knowing what it really meant to be there, he couldn’t help but feel worried over Rick. He wished he could be there when the baby was born, or at least for Carl to be. It was a lot to handle with this whole other shit happening at the same time, but Negan knew he had to focus on his task. Rick could handle himself; Negan had learned that early on in the several months they’d had to get acquainted.

So, he pushed the thoughts aside as he found a point in the walls surrounding Woodbury that would be easy enough to climb over. Going through the main gate was out of the question, for a myriad of obvious reasons.

He propelled himself up using whatever he could find that would take him higher. First it was a few barrels, likely filled with supplies, then ridges in the wall that worked well enough. Soon, he was pulling himself over the edge and dropping down with only a bit too much pressure to his ankle to feel comfortable. He ignored the pain, and crept around the wall to where Michonne had indicated she and Daryl would meet him.

The time they’d chosen to meet was perfect. It was when the guards were switching off gate duty. This section of the wall was guarded pretty heavily, considering the secret entrance that led to The Governor’s hidden kill floor. But, at this time, they could sneak along the wall while the guards took their time getting in place.

And that’s exactly what they did. He spotted Michonne and Daryl coming up from the opposite side. He hurried along, wanting to meet them quickly and get this over with. The longer he spent inside Woodbury, the more he felt like he’d need to wash the filth of it off of his skin. Like, just being inside the walls infected him with the evil shit The Governor was doing behind closed doors.

The trio stopped when they were only feet away, crouched by the hatch door that led down beneath the home The Governor lived in.

“You ready?” Negan said, lifting his eyes up to meet Michonne’s fierce gaze.

She nodded mutely, and Negan accepted her answer for what it was. He didn’t blame her anymore for her disposition, or her lack of interest in speaking. It made sense with all the hell she’d been put through. Nobody deserves to be violated, and nobody deserves to see their son the way she did. He couldn’t imagine it, and he didn’t want to. All it did was make his blood boil hotter than it already was.

Negan turned to Daryl, “Rick is gonna lead the group out. They’ll meet you a half a mile west from here.”

“And y’all?” Daryl nodded to them.

“He took Andrea,” Negan said and Daryl’s eyes hardened. “We gotta find her,” he looked to Michonne this time, making sure she knew the slight change of plans. “Can’t just leave her ass to die.”

“She’s already dead,” Michonne said.

Negan shook his head, “We don’t know that.”

“If he has her. She’s gone,” Michonne implored, more forcefully this time.

“We. Don’t. Know. That,” he growled and Michonne huffed through her nose.

“Fine,” she said in a clipped tone. “But we take care of him _first_.”

Negan relented, “Fine.” He looked to Daryl, who nodded in silent understanding.

He faced Michonne again and said, “Let’s go kill that son of a bitch,” then stepped aside to let her do her thing.

The hatch was locked with a metal chain. She lifted her sword and quickly swiped at it. It broke apart from the force and she pried one of the doors open immediately after. Daryl waited for them both to step in, then closed the door behind them. After that, he went to the indicated meeting spot to wait for the rest of their group.

* * *

Inside the hidden passageway, it reeked of filth and decay. Negan fought the urge to cover his mouth as he stepped through behind Michonne with Lucille at the ready.

Michonne walked just as silently, her katana held out and posed to strike anything that came their way. It wasn’t long before one of The Governor’s men rounded a corner and Michonne struck before he even had a chance to react to their presence. Her sword was up his throat and through the back of his skull. With a sharp pull, his body thumped to the ground.

“Je-sus,” Negan whispered to himself as he stepped over the body to follow Michonne. He was happy enough to be on the same side as the woman. She was deadlier than he’d initially thought, and that’s _after_ almost getting his head chopped off by her.

“This way,” she whispered, rounding the opposite corner from where the man had appeared. There were doors along the hallway, three on each side and a set of double-doors at the end. That must be where he kept his dead daughter, and maybe where the heads of his victims were on display. Negan’s stomach churned, but he didn’t let the feeling overtake him. He stayed focused as they continued on their way.

It was right as they passed the first set of doors that the one to the right opened. A woman stepped out. She looked at Negan, who was closest, with wide eyes. Another soldier. He grabbed her with an arm around her shoulder and one over her mouth. With a quick twist, he broke her neck.

He hated killing women. Had only had to do it once, and that was before he’d even met Rick. But if she was down there, then she knew what The Governor was up to. He wouldn’t allow himself to feel bad.

Michonne stepped up next to him and jammed the edge of her sword into the dead woman’s brain. She looked up at Negan as she pulled it out and said, “Don’t want her to turn,” then turned and continued toward the end of the hall.

Negan followed after her, hoping they wouldn’t encounter anymore of The Governor’s henchmen on the way.

They didn’t.

They pushed through the double-doors and were greeted by the ominous room Michonne had described during her tale. It was lit by a sickly green light, illuminated by the tanks set in rows and columns on top of each other. Each bubbled with the heads of undead victims bobbing around and snarling within the liquid.

Negan’s eyes darted around to each tank until he stopped and sucked in a sharp breath at the familiar face.

Andrea.

“God _dammit_ ,” he whispered harshly, watching her in the tank as she snarled and clomped her teeth in their direction. They were too late. That feisty, spit-fire of a woman was robbed of the life she had fought so hard for. It made Negan sick. It made him furious.

Beside him, he hadn’t noticed the way Michonne had tensed. He thought maybe she was seeing her son again, just another head in the water, but her eyes weren’t on the tanks. They were focused on the door just to the left of them.

Michonne moved toward it, and Negan followed, keeping pace with her slow, calculated movements.

She stopped in front of it and reached for the handle. Slowly, she inched it open. As she did, an even more rancid smell oozed out of the crack and assaulted them head on. It was like the fresh iron smell of blood, decaying flesh and organs mixed with the stale odor of a place that usually stays locked up for too long.

She swung the door open fully, and as she did, a small body ran forward. It was only stopped by the long chain that locked it to the wall on the opposite end of the room. Its arms were strapped around it in a straitjacket and its head was covered with a tattered, loose bag. They could hear its dull snarling from underneath the fabric as Michonne held it in place and undid the chain that held it to the wall.

As the chain fell to the ground, Negan had to ask, “What the hell are you doing?”

She moved the undead girl in front of them, then pushed the door closed to stop the horrid smell from continuously assaulting them. “This is Penny,” she said, indicating the small walker that was wriggling around in Michonne’s grasp.

Negan was about to say something, like, ‘ _Just kill the fucking thing_ ,’ but was stopped when a new voice cut in.

“Michonne! Don’t!”

Both Negan and Michonne whipped their heads around and came face to face with The Governor. Michonne held Penny in front of her, like a barrier. She held her sword to the back of the dead girl’s head and glared up at her enemy.

“Please,” The Governor said, hand outstretched and sounding broken. “Don’t hurt her. Please, Michonne.”

Negan barked out a laugh, though the way his lips curled as he did it didn’t meet his eyes. In them, it was all hatred. It emitted from him in waves of heat now that the man was standing right there in front of them, _acting like a little bitch after what he’d done_. Negan swung his bat lazily in one hand, narrowly missing the walker girl’s head as he did it and making The Governor tremble in fear.

“Are you shittin’ me?” Negan said, still sounding humored despite the look in his eyes. “You’re begging her to spare this useless sack of rotten flesh and bones, after what you did to all these goddamn people? Andrea. Michonne’s fucking son.” Negan snarled.

The Governor’s mouth opened and closed, searching desperately for something to say, but coming up empty.

“Oh?” Negan smiled even wider. “Cat got your tongue, G?” He held Lucille over Penny’s head, then used his other hand to rip the bag off.

Her face was nothing but a mat of dried skin, a distorted version of what used to be a normal little girl. Her dark brown hair looked matted and just as dead as the rest of her. Her teeth were covered in blood, likely Andrea’s blood, and her eyes were glossy and lifeless like all the rest. Negan sneered at her; Lucille still held in position to brain her at any second.

“How about now?” Negan said, his cheery voice sounding a little off. “You wanna get down on your fucking knees? You wanna kiss at Michonne’s feet like the limp-dicked shitbag you are? Go ahead. But, buddy, I gotta tell you. Whatever you decide to do, it ain’t gonna change a damn thing.”

“No! Please don’t. That’s—She’s my daughter. I only did what I—"

“You shut your goddamn mouth!” Negan barked out, his smile slipping from his face as if it’d never existed. “Don’t you dare give me that bullshit. You did what you had to do? You did what you thought was right? Fuck that! You didn’t have to do shit. Not when you kept this little piece of shit in this nightmare dungeon you got here. Not when you took people in just so you could feed them to _daddy’s little girl_. And abso-fucking-lutely not when you put your filthy, slimy fucking hands on Michonne, you nasty little prick.”

The Governor balked. After a moment, he was just shaking his head frantically and begging, “Please. Please don’t. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Just don’t hurt her. Please. Please Michonne. Please don’t. Please don’t hurt her.” None of it was working, and Michonne seemed to have heard enough.

Her sword went through the back of Penny’s head, and the growling emitting from the young walker stopped abruptly.

“NO!” The Governor charged forward without warning. He went for Michonne first, taking them both by surprise when he tackled her to the ground.

Negan stepped up to swing Lucille down on his head, but they were moving too much. He didn’t want to catch Michonne by mistake. He dropped Lucille momentarily and grabbed both of The Governor’s shoulders to heft him off.

The Governor came up with a fight, elbowing Negan sharply in the gut with more strength than Negan thought was capable of the two-faced man.

Negan doubled over from the pain. Barely recovered, he went for Lucille. The governor caught him in the jaw before he had a chance, causing Negan to stumble back from the force.

Michonne grabbed hold of her sword and swiped for the closest thing to her, getting The Governor’s leg. It wasn’t enough to sever it, but it was enough to cause him to lose balance.

Negan quickly rubbed over his jaw, then went for Lucille a second time. He grabbed it, but was shoved back just as he’d gotten her in his grip.

The Governor used so much force, he sent Negan crashing into the tanks and down with them.

Negan howled from the pain. Shards of glass struck him from the landing. Walker heads were freed and surrounded him. Andrea’s was close to his hand, and he quickly shoved it away, along with any nearby that might take a bite of him while he collected himself.

Michonne was grappling with The Governor now. She was quick, but the man was much stronger. Negan struggled to get up and help. He was bleeding a lot from the glass. Some of it was still stuck deep into his legs and back. It hurt like hell, but he had to get up soon because The Governor had Michonne by the neck. Negan refused let the woman die, not by this scumbag’s hand.

The thought gave him the resolve to deal with the pain later. Blood was rushing through his ears, his heartbeat was speeding up, and his body was thrumming with the boost of adrenaline.

He hurried up, grabbing Lucille on his way, then stepped over the broken tanks until his was standing right behind The Governor. The asshole was growling at Michonne, “This was all your fault. You were supposed to be watching her. It’s your fault Penny died. It’s your fault Andre died. You killed her, and then you had the audacity to do it again,” he was just starting to squeeze harder. Michonne looked like she couldn’t hold out much longer. But she didn’t give up, not when Negan was there giving her a look from behind The Governor that said he was about to end this shit.

She gave a shaky nod within The Governor’s grip, and the sinister man didn’t have time to figure out why, because not a second later, he was bludgeoned with Lucille. One quick, powerful swing that cratered his head and made him fall to the floor like dead weight.

Michonne fell along with him, gasping and clawing at her throat for air. Negan stepped around, intent on finishing what he started, and began bashing Lucille into the back of The Governor’s head until there was nothing left but a mess of brains, blood and skin.

When he was done, he rolled his head back and closed his eyes. He breathed out hard, even breaths until he felt the adrenaline seep from him, loosening his muscles and calming his erratically beating heart. It took a second for him to feel calm enough to speak, and when he did, he looked down at Michonne and gave her a half smile and said, “What an asshole, right?”

Michonne stared up at Negan, silent for a while, until her lips curled into a slow grin and she started laughing. “Yeah,” she said with a joyous nod. “Worse than an asshole.”

Negan laughed at that, “Got me there.”

And then they laughed, both releasing their tension and satisfied that they’d done what they came there to do. It was cut short abruptly. Not by some intruding presence, but when they realized where they were. The things around them. Andrea, Andre... they had to deal with them.

They shared a look once the laughter stopped. Negan reached out his free hand to help Michonne to her feet, then they walked over to the shattered tank to set their loved ones free.

Negan could hear Michonne sniffling as she went over to her son. And _Jesus_... he really was just a baby. Maybe three. Negan couldn’t be more glad that he’d gotten to take that bastard’s life with his own hands. He only slightly felt bad that Michonne didn’t get to do it herself.

He found Andrea where he’d pushed her aside earlier. God, he would miss her. He could feel his chest tightening at the thought. She was a pain in the ass. Hardheaded as hell and had a smart mouth not unlike Lucille. She’d taken some getting used to, but she was family. She had become family. Negan sighed as he looked down at her. Just a head biting at nothing.

He closed his eyes and struck her with the end of Lucille, silencing her. They did the same with the rest of the heads in the room. When they were done, they left the room without a word and followed the path back to the hatch. Negan was battered and bloody, and Michonne kept throwing him looks along the way as they made their exit, but there wasn’t a thing that would stop him from moving forward. It didn’t matter how much blood he’d lost. There was no way he was staying a second longer in this hellhole than he’d have to.

It was a bad day, but they did what they needed to do. Negan would never forget it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooooooh boy, goodbye Philip~ 
> 
> There's so much more to come! Thank you all for your love and support, as always. You guys really do make me laugh and smile. Some of y'all are wild, and I love that xD 
> 
> I'll be adding the next chapter soon-ish. Think of it as a season finale~ Hope you're all excited to read more. Let me know what you think and well...
> 
> Until next time~


	15. New Life

When Rick reentered the infirmary, he was shaking and covered with Shane’s blood. Lori was screaming and Hershel was too focused on her to notice Rick’s shocked state.

“Is the baby coming?” Rick asked in a weak, withered voice.

“Not now, Rick,” Hershel said without looking up. The bed beyond Lori’s legs was covered in blood, and Lori was looking pale and sweaty. She was the first to look up at Rick, and when she did, she seemed to calm down a bit.

“Rick,” she pleaded, and Rick immediately moved around the bed to stand by her side. He grabbed her outstretched, sweaty hand with his own bloody one. His eyes were still wide and bloodshot, but he attempted a reassuring smile.

“This isn’t going to work, baby,” she said to Rick, and he instantly shook his head.

“No. You’re gonna be okay,” Rick said.

She shook her head right back. “I’ve already lost too much blood.” Her head tilted down and she attempted to look at the mess in front of her, but it was shielded by a bloody, white sheet draped over her legs. She fell back against the bed with a heavy breath and closed her eyes. “You have to save the baby.”

“The baby will be fine, and so will you,” Rick implored, gripping her hand tighter so that she really knew he was there. He wasn’t going anywhere. Not until he knew she would be okay.

“No, baby… I’m going to die,” she said, and Rick felt his heart drop to his stomach.

Hershel looked up then, right into Rick’s eyes. His eyes said it all. But it didn’t stop him from voicing it aloud, “She’s bled out too much already. We don’t have everything we need here, Rick.”

“W-what? What do you need? I-I can go get it. Just tell me—"

“No, Rick. There’s no time,” Hershel said, his voice was stern but full of remorse. “We have to cut the baby out, now, or it won’t have enough oxygen to survive. We’ll lose them both.”

Rick squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head. “No,” he said. “No. No. No. There’s got to be another way.”

Hershel shook his head, “There’s no other way, Rick. I’m sorry”

“Please. We can try. We can _try_. Just don’t...” Rick said, this time with a voice thick with tears.

“Rick!” Hershel said, more firmly this time. “We have got to do this _now_!”

Rick was still shaking his head when Lori pulled his attention back to her. She was smiling, despite the tears streaming from her eyes down to her chin. She was smiling up at Rick as she said, “It’s okay. I want this baby to live. _You_ have got to live. Carl has to live...” she was running out of breath. For a second, he thought she might faint. She didn’t. Her eyes fluttered shut, then back open, glazed over and distant. She continued to speak as Hershel readied the scalpel on her now exposed belly. “You’re gonna beat this world. You and Carl. You’re gonna win. And this baby?” She attempted a smile, and it made her look more beautiful than Rick had ever seen her. “This baby is the future,” she said.

Hershel didn’t have time to wait any longer. The scalpel dug into her flesh and Lori broke out into a raw, blood curdling scream. Her hand in Rick’s tightened and squeezed until suddenly, too soon, it was just her loose fingers in Rick’s grip. He saw it, the moment when her life faded away just before her eyes fell shut.

Rick shook his head, fighting the sobs that escaped his lips hopelessly. Hershel was digging into her belly, hands up to his elbows inside until he was able to find the baby and pull.

Rick ripped his eyes from his wife and looked down as the bloody infant was removed.

It didn’t make a sound, and for a moment, Rick couldn’t breathe. He watched as Hershel got the baby’s heart to start beating, pumping at its chest with two fingers. The seconds that passed felt heavy and long as Hershel hurried to revive it. After a while, it felt like his efforts were to no avail, and Rick had almost given up. But then, he’d heard the faint sound of crying and he felt himself breathing again.

Rick looked over at Lori, admiring her beauty even as she lay there lifeless.

“Son, you don’t have to do that,” Hershel said as he worked to bundle the crying infant in a blanket. He already knew what Rick was thinking before he’d even made a move to do it. It was something Rick liked about Hershel.

But, Rick shook his head. “I have to,” he said as he pulled out his knife. Hershel didn’t argue further, watching silently—mournfully—as Rick positioned the blade behind Lori’s ear.

Rick swallowed thickly as he looked down at her. Lori was gone. He had to do it. He had to.

And so, he did.

He pushed the knife through her skull, then yanked it out and dropped it to the ground as if it would burn him.

She was gone.

And they had to move.

* * *

Rick met the others back in the house. Hershel followed in behind with the baby, who turned out to be a girl. She’d calmed down her crying, bundled tightly in a blanket and held close to Hershel’s chest. The group turned to see them enter.

“Daddy!” Beth called, running toward them.

Rick stepped through, looking like a ghost as he looked around. “Where’s Negan?” He asked, voice faint and sounding torn.

“He went after The Governor,” Glenn said. After taking a second to eye Rick’s state, covered in blood and white as a sheet, he asked, “Are you... okay?”

“Where’s mom?” Carl cut in right away.

Rick looked over at his son, feeling more tears welling up as he shook his head.

Carl’s face scrunched with anguish. He clearly understood the meaning. But, Carl was strong, maybe even stronger than Rick at times. He didn’t let his emotions overcome him. Not yet. Rick would’ve been proud if he didn’t feel so delirious.

“And Shane?” T-Dog asked this time.

Rick breathed out a shaky breath and shook his head again.

None of them questioned it. Whatever went down seemed to be more traumatic than they could imagine, and now wasn’t the time. They focused on the task at hand.

“We... we need to go. _Now_ ,” Rick said and they all jumped into action.

Glenn was up to bat this time. He gave Maggie a quick hug and kiss before running out the door to the streets.

They all went up to grab their bags, throwing Rick and Carl sympathetic looks as they did even though neither seemed able to properly appreciate them.

All Rick could think about was Lori in her final moments, and Shane as that knife had plunged deep into his heart. Rick’s body was on auto-pilot.

He grabbed a bag and wordlessly tossed it over his shoulder as they all waited for their moment.

Minutes went by before they heard Glenn’s voice in the distance. “ _The Governor’s dead!! Help!!! The Governor’s dead!! Somebody killed him!!_ ”

As expected, the streets flew into a panic. Rick and the rest of the group gave it a moment, listening as people screamed and ran toward The Governor’s house in a flurry of cries and hurried footsteps.

It wasn’t until their door opened and Glenn poked his head inside that they knew it was time to move.

Crouched and huddled together, they snuck along the wall, off the main road where people were running to see if what Glenn said was true, and toward the gate’s main entrance.

The guards had left their post, giving them enough time to maneuver the entrance open and scramble out, one at a time.

* * *

Negan collapsed as soon as he and Michonne made it to the rendezvous spot. Daryl was there, crossbow aimed up and positioned at his nose in case any of The Governor’s soldiers showed up. His grip only faltered slightly when he saw the state Negan was in.

“You good?” Daryl asked and Negan gave a weak nod.

“Never better,” was his bitter reply.

“He’s bleeding a lot,” Michonne informed, crouching by Negan and inspecting the cuts on his arms and legs.

“Don’t you worry your pretty little head. I’ll be just fine,” Negan attempted to sit up further on the tree he was slumped against it, but it only caused him to hiss in pain.

“You’re not fine,” she said, but Negan just shook his head.

“They’ve packed a shit ton of medical supplies. I’ll get patched up when the group meets us here and be good as new.”

“If you don’t die first,” she added.

Negan huffed, “You sure are fucking relentless, aren’t you?”

Michonne sighed, “And you’re a pain in the ass.”

Negan chuckled; despite the way it made the cuts on his back sting. “Damn right I am,” he said, and she started chuckling along with him.

“They’re comin’,” Daryl said this time, and Michonne looked over Negan’s shoulder to see the group approaching.

Negan didn’t bother twisting to look. He already had the sinking, dreadful feeling in his gut from having to tell them that Andrea was already gone by the time he’d gotten to her.

But that had momentarily slipped from his mind when the group rounded the tree he was up against. His eyes immediately found Rick, haggard and bloody and looking... lost.

The faint sound of crying caught his attention next. He looked over and spotted the bundle against Hershel’s chest. But there was no Lori and no Shane.

“Where’s Andrea?” Maggie asked Negan, and he ripped his eyes away to look up at her. Her eyes widened as if she was just now noticing his tattered and bloody appearance. She dropped the bag she was holding and crawling over to him with it. “Oh, my God. Are you okay?”

Rick looked to him then, eyes widened and completely distraught. It was as if they were screaming to Negan ‘ _Oh God, not you too!_ ’

“Fucker was tougher than he looked,” Negan said, grunting when Maggie started pouring alcohol over his wounds.

His eyes drifted over again when he heard sniffling and noticed that it was coming from Carl. It was odd, because with all the shit going on in the world, he’d never seen the kid so much as shed a tear. Rick was in front of him, pulling Carl to his chest when Negan’s attention was pulled from the tragic image by another voice.

“Andrea? Did you find her?” Carol asked, kneeling down to help Maggie clean him up. He looked at them, then up at the rest of the group. Rick and Carl separated to focus on Negan. After a moment, he nodded his head sullenly.

“Was she..?” Glenn started, but didn’t finish because Negan was already nodding again.

“Goddamn asshole cut her—” he paused abruptly, taking in the terror on Beth and Sophia’s faces. He thought about Carl too, looking just as broken down and beaten as Rick did now. Negan could only assume the worst about Lori. He sighed, and said, “She didn’t make it,” rather than going into the gory details as he’d almost let himself do.

“Shit,” Carol said, eyes watering but not enough to break her focus on getting Negan back up on his feet. They couldn’t stay out there for long. The Governor’s men were loyal. Once the soldiers found him the way Michonne and Negan left him, and later realized that their group had disappeared, they were as good as dead if they were found.

“Come on,” Maggie said after wrapping most of the wounds on Negan’s legs through the fabric of his pants. They didn’t have time for him to strip and dress them properly. It would have to do. “We gotta move,” she said and Negan didn’t argue.

He got up, and they moved deeper into the forest, away from that hellish place that had come so close to swallowing them whole. And maybe, it had taken a good piece of them with it. Their fighting spirit, their faith in humanity, their resolve to do the right thing. Everything felt muddled up after facing someone so truly evil.

They all promised after that day to never go so ignorantly into a place that looked too good to be true. They didn’t need it. They didn’t need some community. They didn’t need someone to lead them. They didn’t need rules that made them feel like society was rebuilding itself, all for it to turn out as some sick joke.

All they needed was each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, I know this chapter is short, but the next update will be soon! And... I think you guys will like it :>
> 
> Thank you all so much for your love and comments. You guys are honestly some of the funniest readers I've had for any story, so I can't even reply with anything other than "LOL" or "LMAO." So, just know that you guys are funny as shit. Also, some people were mentioning Lori x Michonne and I'm honestly a little disappointed I didn't go that route. You guys almost made me re-write the whole second half of the story... But I didn't haha. 
> 
> Anyway! Hope you all like this and are ready for what happens next. Let me know what you think :>
> 
> Until next time~


	16. Some Bar in Some Town

Two months passed.

Two months and the group was barely holding on. But, even if they’d long given up on many things, the one thing they never let go was their will to survive.

Carl had gotten older... much older in such a short amount of time. It wasn’t his looks or his height this time, it was his demeanor.

It was the same for Rick. He was different after Woodbury. They all were, but Rick more than anyone. He was more closed off and only spoke when it was regarding where they were going next or who should go out on a run.

Negan couldn’t even think of something to say, not when everyone had already given up on finding a home and were just... surviving. Each day could be their last. That’s how they started to think.

Soon they’d used up most of their ammo. Guns were being discarded as they lost the strength to carry more than what would fit in their belts or a small packs. Everyone looked rough with exhaustion. Traumatized and weary.

They started killing whoever came too close or gave them so much as a cross look, only sparing them if they agreed to walk away and never come back. Killing people was starting to become just as easy as killing walkers.

No more remorse.

No more regret.

Just survival.

It went on like that for so long, Negan was starting to rethink things. Whether joining a group was the best decision, or if he should’ve left when he’d gotten the chance; when Rick had told him back at the camp to think about what he wanted.

Sometimes he wished it was just Rick and him going at it alone in this world. But he didn’t want to think like that. Everyone in the group had become important to him. Especially Carol, Daryl and Glenn, who were becoming more were like siblings to the older man. And Beth, Sophia and Carl, who were growing up too fast, but gave Negan that inkling of nostalgia that he so craved.

Then sometimes he wished he’d just died in that hospital. Wished he’d let Lucille bite him and they could just go mad together.

But then he wouldn’t have ever met Rick in the first place. Or this new family. Rick would’ve been trapped in that hospital and probably would’ve ended up dead too.

And maybe without Rick, none of them would’ve survived.

Negan sighed to himself as he followed the group along through the woods. They were looking for a place to stay for the night. Hopefully more than just a night, by the way they were all looking.

Michonne was up front with Rick leading the way. She’d decided to stay after Negan had successfully bashed The Governor’s brains in. She was less like a wild cat now; more relaxed around them. But, despite her willingness to go along with the group, she didn’t help the stiff atmosphere that constantly surrounded them like the plague.

Carol was walking beside Negan with Sophia. The short-haired woman pulled his attention with a smile, and Negan eagerly returned it, having hoped she’d want to talk. It seemed like Carol, Sophia, Beth and Glenn were the only ones willing to keep a conversation going after the horror that took place at Woodbury.

“Hey cutie,” Carol said sweetly. He liked that she’d become comfortable enough around him to exchange ridiculous terms of endearment. He missed when he could do it with Rick, but the guy still seemed so lost now without Lori. Hell, he barely even spared the unnamed baby a glance. Only looking when he thought she was making too much noise while they were traveling. At the moment, she was quietly being held by Carl and therefore seemed almost inconsequential to Rick.

“Hey, sexy lady,” Negan said back, elbowing her softly and making her laugh.

When she sobered, she asked with a serious look in her eyes, “How are you feeling?”

Negan huffed and shrugged, “Fucking tired. Want to get out of the woods. And I would _kill_ for just one goddamn beer. You?”

Carol chuckled and shrugged, “About the same.”

Negan nodded with a fond smile, then looked ahead and unwittingly allowed his eyes to focus on Rick. The man was always tense. Shoulders always tight, eyes always dark and narrowed out at the world. Negan would give anything to see those baby blue eyes staring up at him the way they used to. The way they used to see right into him. How they could make Negan do or say anything because they were just that damn powerful.

“He’ll come around,” Carol said, and Negan jumped at the way her voice intruded his thoughts, like she was reading them.

He looked to her and was given a warm, reassuring smile when he did.

When he didn’t say anything, Carol rolled her eyes and nodded in Rick’s direction. “I know. I see things.”

“See what?” Negan asked, sounding uneasy.

“The way you look at him. The way he looks at you when you aren’t looking. Even after Lori,” she said the last part lower, making sure the others didn’t hear. Namely Rick and Carl. The two treated the name like a curse, wanting no one to speak of it. Not yet, anyway. After a moment, Carol shrugged and said, “You love him,” like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Negan opened his mouth to debunk that, tell her she was seeing things. But he closed his mouth because he couldn’t. He knew he liked Rick. He knew he was attracted to him. But, he hadn’t considered until that very moment that he might be in love with him. Maybe it was because Lori was there for so long, he didn’t allow himself to think that. And now Rick was mourning her death. The past months made even their friendship seem impossible. But, from Carol’s mouth to his ears, it felt right. He couldn’t think of a single reason to suggest otherwise.

“It doesn’t matter how I feel,” Negan decided to say after a long pause.

Carol shook her head, “You can’t possibly believe that.”

Negan looked her over, eyebrow raised curiously as he attempted to understand why she would ever think he had a chance at this point. Or, more importantly, if it mattered at all since they could all be dead by tomorrow. When he didn’t find the answer he was looking for, he looked away, focusing hard on not letting his eyes drift back over to Rick.

They stopped that conversation there. Carol must’ve gotten the hint that Negan didn’t feel too comfortable delving further into his infatuation with their leader. They talked about simple things. Things that felt normal, as if they were two friends walking down the street in the old world, not two friends walking through the woods in search of shelter from the undead and unforgiving plunderers.

They talked about how Sophia was almost a foot taller than when Negan had first met her, and how good the girl was getting with a knife. They talked about food they wished they could eat. Negan was dreaming of a juicy, rare steak, all hot and dripping with blood. Carol spoke of her mom’s chicken casserole like she could taste it on the tip of her tongue. They only stopped when the group got detoured by an unexpected herd.

They got out of the woods and back on the main road to avoid it. It was relatively clear. A few walkers later and they were entering a small town. They must be close to Virginia, Negan thought as they hurried to get to the rundown strip of bars, convenience stores and clothing outlets. Two months of walking, with no car to carry them along like they’d had before, it was hard to tell exactly where they’d ended up.

Glenn and Maggie took the baby to look for supplies. Diapers, bottles, formula, anything. They usually were the ones to go looking for ‘baby no-name.’

Michonne went with Hershel and Beth to look for anything medical related.

Carol and T-Dog took Sophia and Carl to look for food and clothes; anything to replace the sweaty, dirty clothes they’d all been wearing for the past week, which had been the last time they’d gone ‘clothes shopping.’ Negan, of course, never went without his jacket, but he’d been forced to wear anything from sweats to jeans, despite how it threw off his whole look. He was lucky enough that they’d gotten ahold of grey pants his size the last time, but they were getting dingy, and he was due for a change.

Daryl went on a hunt, which he typically did when they settled to gather up supplies.

That left Negan and Rick to search for guns.

Negan swung Lucille onto his shoulder and stepped up to Rick, who was just glaring off at nothing. He tended to do that a lot these days.

“Hey, Rick,” Negan said, and those piercing blue eyes were on him now.

“Let’s go,” Rick said, and turned away toward a bar. Negan stood back and sighed, watching as Rick walked off and feeling a familiar heavy weight on his heart.

_This fucking sucks._

* * *

Negan opened the door to a rundown bar, what looked like their only real chance at securing some sort of weapon or ammo in this desolate town, and banged his Lucille against the wall with three sharp hits to wake the living dead that may be lurking inside.

Two walkers appeared. He took out one with a hard hit, and Rick took out the other with his knife. 

They looked around after that, making sure nothing else decided to sneak up on them. The place was full of corpses. Most looked so decayed that they must have died somewhere around the start. It smelled putrid inside, a mixture of molded food forgotten on the tables and the death-smell that was unfortunately a given. 

When they were sure it was clear, they moved in. Rick searched behind the bar, while Negan pilfered through the dead bodies, seeing if any were carrying a weapon before they bit the bullet. He found one handgun with an empty clip, and one pocket knife. He discarded the latter and secured the other in his belt.

When he turned back to Rick, he saw him pulling out a box of bullets and a revolver that was hidden under the bar.

Negan walked up, standing on the other side of the bar and, as what was becoming the usual occurrence, he couldn’t quite find anything to say.

Rick glanced up at him, but his eyes didn’t linger. He looked back down to study the weapon, checking the clip for bullets and seeing if the gun was still operable.

Negan sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. He was really sick of this shit. He wished he could just talk to Rick. Just shoot the shit the way they used to. He missed it.

When his eyes found Rick again, those blue eyes were staring right back. And this time, they didn’t immediately look away. Rick asked, “What?”

Negan shook his head and dropped his hand. “Nothing, Rick.”

Rick grit his teeth, and Negan could see it in the way his jaw clenched. Rick huffed through his nose. “It’s not nothing,” he said decidedly; like he already knew. He always said shit like that, _like he already knew_. It both irritated and amazed Negan, because he was almost always right.

“It is,” Negan insisted.

Rick put the gun down, then walked around the bar to stand in front of Negan. “It’s not,” he said. And now, with Rick’s eyes this close and peering into his, Negan couldn’t help but laugh. Rick cocked his head to the side at the sound.

Negan shook his head and waved it off. Still laughing, he managed to say, “God-dammit, Rick. I fucking missed that look.”

He saw the way the corner of Rick’s mouth twitched up. It wasn’t a smile, barely even a smirk, but it sent a warm heat throughout Negan’s chest, nonetheless.

Once Negan’s laughter calmed down, Rick asked, “What’s wrong?” His voice was softer now, straining to keep a hardness from his tone that was becoming normal these days.

Negan shrugged, “It really is nothing, Rick. I just—,” he stopped himself, sighing because it felt silly to tell Rick the truth. But, it was hard to lie when Rick was this close and asking him so earnestly. It took a moment for him to think it over, but with Rick’s eyes staring at him so unrelenting, he figured he never really had a choice to begin with. “God, I just miss you, I guess—Shit,” he grinned at his own childish words and shook his head. “I know it sounds fucking ridiculous. I see you every goddamn day. But, I just... I do. That’s all. I miss how things used to be.”

Rick’s face softened and then hardened again within seconds. Like he was both touched by the words and also took them as a slap to the face. “Things aren’t going to be the same. You know that,” Rick said through his teeth.

“Yeah, I do fucking know that. Not after...” Negan trailed off, finally willing to break eye contact so that he could actually think before he spoke. “I know it won’t be the same,” he said, voice quieter now; weaker. “But shit... can’t I just miss the way things were? Aren’t I allowed to wish I could see you smile the way you used to? And laugh. And fuck, Rick, we barely even spoke after Woodbury. Half the time, I don’t even know what the fuck to say to you.”

Rick’s shoulders sagged at that, and his eyes filled with something else. Desperation, maybe. “I’m trying,” he said. Soft and just as weak as Negan’s voice had been. “I want us to go back to that too. But after Lor—,” he choked, unable to get it out. He closed his eyes and shook his head. When his eyes opened again, he spoke, “After what happened at Woodbury. I don’t know what to do anymore.”

Negan nodded, smiling a little, because despite the heavy undertones of their conversation, it really was the first time since before shit hit the fan with The Governor that he’d heard Rick open up, even just a little. Negan swallowed before he managed to fully look back at Rick, and Rick was looking up at him.

And now, they were just looking into each other’s eyes, both searching for something. It felt like an eternity was spent between them just staring. And for a moment, Negan became lost in Rick’s eyes. He wondered, momentarily, if Rick had too. He wasn’t sure what to expect next. Not with the overwhelming heat that began to fill the air around them, or with the way Rick’s eyes started to become dreamy and half-lidded.

What he didn’t expect, not for a fucking second, was for Rick to reach up and slide a hand on the back of his neck. When he did it, Negan felt all of his breath get pushed from his chest, hollowing him out and replacing it with something else.

He opened his mouth to ask what the hell Rick was doing, but a second later, Rick was pushing up on his feet until their mouths had no choice but to connect.

It was a soft kiss, nothing but a feathering between their lips. And despite that, it sent shocks of electricity through each individual cell in Negan’s body.

Rick pulled back, slowly, but his hand hadn’t left the back of Negan’s neck. Their eyes locked, and within seconds, they were tilting their heads and diving in again. This time with more purpose and so much more passion.

Negan never thought kissing Rick would be like this. He’d never thought it would be so sweet and tender. Like Rick was speaking to him through the movement of their lips.

He imagined it would’ve been rough and desperate, maybe even clumsy. But not this.

Not Rick sucking his bottom lip into his mouth, or slowly rolling his tongue over it. Not them tilting their heads and melding together like their lips were made to do this. Like they were born to be right there, in this moment, truly connected for the first time.

It numbed Negan from the inside out, vibrating his nerves and making the hairs on his arms stand on end. He didn’t even notice when his eyes had closed or how his arms had ended up around Rick’s waist or when his tongue ended up inside Rick’s mouth. He didn’t think about it, everything just fell together like they were fitting in the last missing piece of the puzzle.

Perfect.

That’s what it was. It was perfection.

At some point, both of Rick’s hands were on Negan’s face, and Negan didn’t mind the way they maneuvered his head so that Rick could dive deeper into his mouth and taste him a little more. Negan felt himself groaning at the sensation, and even more so when he was pushed roughly into the bar. He grunted at the sharp pain of his hip against the wood, but he barely registered it when Rick pressed his body firmly against him. And right there on his thigh, he could feel Rick’s thick arousal.

Negan moved his leg against it, and Rick moaned into his mouth like he wanted him to do it again. So, Negan did. As he allowed their bodies to rock together, both rubbing out an growing erection like a couple of fucking teenagers, Negan’s hands traveled down to Rick’s ass. And when his hands moved, so did Rick’s. They went up and into Negan’s hair, gripping so tightly that it was almost painful.

Negan returned the favor, squeezing Rick’s ass with both hands, and nearly chuckling at the noise Rick let out in an intoxicating mixture of surprise and pleasure. He let one hand rest there, kneading into one cheek, while the other slid up the back of Rick’s shirt. He stroked at the muscles there, marveling at them and _Jesus Christ_ , Rick felt amazing.

“Oh, my God!” Glenn’s voice cut in and Negan and Rick separated almost violently fast. They both stared at Glenn, wide-eyed, flustered and breathing uncharacteristically hard. And Glenn, who was standing at the bar’s entrance like a deer about to get ran over by a semi, just stared back. Glenn’s eyes were just as wide as theirs while his face was growing more and more red. It took a while of dumbfounded staring before Glenn finally looked away. He waved a hand dismissively at them and scurried off, calling out, “Sorry! Sorry!” as he went.

The air was thick once Glenn was gone. Negan and Rick slowly looked to each other, and there was something there. Desire, definitely, but something else. Whatever it was, neither were willing to touch on it. Not yet. And not standing in some bar in the middle of some town.

So, after a long few seconds of staring, they both looked away. Rick muttered a low, “Sorry,” then grabbed the revolver and the bullets from the bartop, and walked out.

Negan watched him go. And when he was finally alone, he bent down to pick up Lucille, who he hadn’t even realized he’d dropped, and slumped against the bar. Staring up at the ceiling, he whispered to himself, “ _Fuck_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hooooooooo boy. Let me know what you think lol 
> 
> Hope you all are excited for the next chapter!! Also, don't be mad at Glenn. He's a sweetheart...


	17. Let the Lord be With You

It took a few minutes of breathing exercises before Negan felt like he wouldn’t be bearing a stiffy once he got back to the group. By the time he did, most of everyone was collected in the middle of the small town.

Glenn was looking completely red, which wasn’t very surprising. Negan felt bad and equally frustrated that Glenn had walked in on them in that way. It’s not like he had Rick bent over some barstool or anything too compromising, but seeing him and Rick sucking face and rubbing up against each other probably wasn’t on the top of Glenn’s bucket list either.

Negan noticed that Rick was standing by Carl and looking like nothing had happened. He hadn’t glanced at Negan once since he’d walked up. Somehow, that felt worse than if he was glaring or shouting at him.

Negan looked around just as Daryl was coming back with a short string of squirrels. They didn’t have much meat, but it would hold them over. That, plus whatever Carol’s group had found, would have to do.

“Hey,” Daryl said as he stopped in front of them. “Found somethin’.”

Rick nodded and they all followed the hunter out of the town and down a path through what used to be a park. Negan tried not to stare at Rick as they went; tried not to think about how his lips were still tingling. Luckily, he didn’t have to try too hard, since Glenn came up to walk beside him.

“Uh, hey,” Glenn said, looking up at Negan, then away, then back again, like he couldn’t decide whether or not to meet Negan’s eyes.

“Hey, Glenie. What’s eatin’ you?” Negan said, looking over and smiling down at Glenn’s skittish behavior. Although, he had a pretty fucking good idea what was making the Korean kid get squirmy.

Glenn shrugged a shoulder and leaned a bit closer so that he could whisper, “I really am sorry about back there. I didn’t mean to make things weird.”

Negan chuckled and shook his head, “You didn’t do shit, kid. Probably best that you stopped it before it got too far.”

Glenn nodded. His cheeks were growing a bit pink, but his voice was even enough. “So, you two are...?”

Negan shook his head, “Nothing. It’s not like that. It was more of a one and done thing, if you know what I mean.” He was smiling as he said it, but had a feeling the look wasn’t quite reaching his eyes.

Glenn’s eyes widened, “Really?” he said. “Huh. Guess I just figured that was—that you two were, _you know_? For a while now.”

Negan looked ahead and narrowed his eyes, not necessarily at Glenn’s assumption, but at the insinuation. He wouldn’t have kissed Rick like that if Lori was still around. He wasn’t even so sure if he should’ve back at the bar. It felt fucking amazing, but it’d still only been a couple months since she died. And maybe that’s why Rick was so obviously refusing to look at him. Maybe Rick was ashamed of what they’d done. Maybe he was pissed because of it.

“Sorry,” Glenn said, noticing Negan’s silence and probably that look of absolute self-depreciation as well. Negan looked back and Glenn continued, “I didn’t mean to imply that you two were—" he shook his head. Then settled with another, “Sorry.”

Negan smiled and used all of his willpower to wipe the depressed look off of his face. He said in his natural, laid back voice, “Like I said, you didn’t do shit. But, no,” he shook his head, “That was the first, and probably the last time.”

Glenn frowned, “Because of me?”

Negan laughed at that and threw an arm around Glenn’s shoulders to pull him into a tight half-hug while they walked, “No fucking way, man. Jesus, kid. You’re fine.”

Glenn seemed to find that comforting enough. He nodded, smiled and awkwardly squirmed out of Negan’s grip. They fell into a natural conversation for the rest of the short walk. Glenn was telling Negan about some video game that the world reminded him of just as they made it through to a clearing.

In the middle was a medium sized church. On one side there was a graveyard and on the other, a sign that read: _New Hope_.

“This brings back memories,” Carol spoke up as they were all just staring at the building.

“You a woman of the church?” Negan asked, turning to look at the distant look in her eyes.

“I was,” Carol said, then turned to Negan with a strained smile. He didn’t pry, knowing from her look that it was a topic she wasn’t comfortable with.

Daryl spoke next, “Might be some supplies inside. Look,” he walked a bit closer and pointed out a smaller sign that hung over the church’s door.

They all walked up to get a better look while Rick read the sign aloud, “Community food drive?”

“It could be cleaned out by now,” Beth said.

“We should still look and see,” Maggie added and the group all nodded in agreement.

Rick looked them all over, and once again Negan noticed how Rick had carefully skipped over him. _Son of a bitch._

Rick said, “T-Dog, go with Maggie and Glenn to check out the back. I’ll go with Michonne and Daryl through the front. The rest should hang back and wait for our signal.”

 _Jesus_ , Negan couldn’t help feeling the irritation that crawled up his nerves. Rick always asked Negan along. It was petty and stupid to get pissed about being left out, so he tried not to let it show, but that didn’t stop him from sucking his teeth and looking away in an act of pure petulance. And even if it looked as childish as it felt, Negan didn’t care because Rick was being just as childish.

After affirming the plan with everyone, the two small teams split off toward the church. The others hung back as they were told, watching for walkers and making sure ‘baby no-name’ stayed safe and quiet.

* * *

Rick knew what he was doing, but that didn’t stop the fact that he couldn’t deal with Negan being so close at the moment. Not after what they’d done. He also knew that Negan had the patience of a middle schooler and that he’d already caught on to Rick’s meager attempts at keeping his distance. His minor fit at being told to stay behind while they checked the church didn’t go unnoticed.

But that kiss was still so fresh. Less than thirty minutes ago Rick had been so fully consumed by the older man, and he needed time to _think_.

He’d felt too many things in that moment. Most notably: desire, arousal, shame, and guilt. But also, something deep down was flickering in the darkest resides of his heart. Something warm and comfortable. Something natural. It’d felt too much like his first date with Lori when they were fresh out of high school and how he’d kissed her before dropping her off at home. It felt like his wedding day, when they sealed their lifelong vows together. It felt like love.

But it was light, barely there, buried beneath all the pain and anguish he’d piled on since Woodbury. He knew he wasn’t himself. He wasn’t sure if he would ever be. And Negan was...

Different.

He was like a raging fire, burning all of Rick’s insides with just a look. And Rick? He hated it. Because he loved that feeling. He loved how easy it was for Negan to unravel him, open him up, make him smile. He hated that he wanted more while Lori’s image was still there lingering just beneath the surface.

“You okay?” Michonne’s voice tore him out of his thoughts. He was standing in front of the entrance, hand on his magnum and not even remembering how he got there. Michonne and Daryl were in position next to him. Michonne with her sword out in front of her, and Daryl with his crossbow aimed and ready.

Rick just gave a sharp nod, then leaned closer to the entrance. He grabbed the handle and began inching the door open. When there was no sound from inside, he swung it open the rest of the way and held his gun up at eye level.

As soon as he did, Daryl and Michonne posed to strike. A strange man met them on the other side, bearing a single machete and visibly shaking all over.

Rick, Michonne and Daryl remained silent, but they didn’t drop their stance.

The man inside was bald and wearing black clothes with a clerical collar. He looked like a priest.

“I don’t have any food,” the priest said, sounding more than a little nervous. “If that’s what you’re here for, it’s all gone.”

Rick’s eyes darted around, searching for signs of hidden movement. His eyes were dark and narrowed when they landed back on the priest, thinking to himself if he should just shoot this man now.

Months ago, he would’ve holstered his weapon and tried his hand at talking things out peacefully. But, that wasn’t who he was anymore. This man seemed innocent enough, but that didn’t really mean anything these days, did it?

Rick scanned the priest, noting the weaknesses in his stance. He seemed completely hopeless. _I can take him out easy_ , he thought. The other side of his brain was going over possibilities. This could be a trap. There could be a whole load of people waiting for them. The moment they dropped their guard, or were all cornered inside the church, they could be waiting to strike them down. Rick wouldn’t allow that to happen. He couldn’t. He was going to keep his people safe, and if that meant killing one potentially innocent man to rule out the possibility, then so be it. He wasn’t taking chances anymore. Not after Andrea. Not after Shane. Not after Lori.

“Rick!” Daryl’s voice was breaking through. He realized Michonne and Daryl had already lowered their weapons. Glenn was there too, coming around to stand in front of him, and Rick had to wonder just how long he’d been standing there while everyone seemed to have moved forward in time without him.

“Rick, hey,” Glenn said, and Rick turned wide, red-rimmed eyes on him. Glenn placed a hand on Rick’s gun and slowly pushed it down. “It’s okay, man. I don’t think he’s gonna hurt us,” His voice was coming out soft and soothing, it was enough to get through to him.

Rick placed his gun back in his belt and nodded shakily. Glenn nodded back, then said something about getting the others and walked off.

“I’m Father Gabriel,” the priest said, smiling nervously at Rick, who probably looked a little deranged. He felt it in the way his eyes strained to meet Gabriel’s.

“Rick,” he said shortly, then turned away.

* * *

When Negan went inside with the others the first thing he noticed was how clean the church was. Not a dead walker or spot of blood in sight. The pews were neat, and not broken down or pushed around like most places would be. There were unlit candles surrounding the edge of the inner walls and even a nearby pile of empty food cans placed in neat stacks around the alter.

Negan whistled lowly as he stepped through and settled beside the skittish looking priest. He looked down at the man and grinned, “Wow Father. You sure as shit know how to keep a place clean, don’t you?”

Gabriel smiled, almost shyly, and did a cross between a nod and a shrug as he said, “You’re the first visitors I’ve had since it all started.” He lifted the machete, still clenched in a sweaty looking fist. “This is mostly for show. I found it just yesterday. Thought you might be marauders.”

Negan laughed at that and clapped a heavy hand on Gabriel’s shoulder that made him flinch, “Well good on you for not using that shit on us.” He lifted his bat, giving her a light swing. “Would’ve had to introduce you to my Lucille. And hell, you look like a nice enough guy. Wouldn’t want to mess up that pretty, bald head of yours.”

“Negan,” Beth cut in. “You’re scaring him,” she said, walking up with ‘baby no-name’ cuddled to her chest.

Negan laughed again, fully aware of Gabriel’s incessant shaking. “I’m just fucking with the man, Bethy,” he said and she rolled her eyes.

“Well stop. You’re gonna give him a heart attack,” she chided, then made sure to send Gabriel a reassuring smile before moving to stand with her father.

Daryl came up next to Negan, addressing Gabriel. “You said there ain’t no food here?” he asked, voice gruff and almost accusing.

Gabriel shook his head quickly, “I ran out yesterday.” The rest of the group started coming closer now, finding an interest in whatever Gabriel was about to say. He seemed a little more nervous with all eyes on him, and he darted his around like he wasn’t sure which one to look at. After a moment, Gabriel swallowed and nodded, as if telling himself it would be okay, and spoke, “I-I was lucky. The annual food drive happened right before things got bad. The food was meant to go out to local homeless shelters, but then it was over. Most of the food got transferred, but there was still a lot left behind. I was here when the radios shut off... when the TV stopped broadcasting.”

“All this time?” Glenn asked, stepping forward. “You’ve been here? Alone?”

Gabriel nodded quickly.

“Shee- _it_ , Gabey. That _is_ lucky,” Negan spoke up. “You telling me we’re really the first assholes to come knocking on your door?”

Gabriel nodded again, then said, “I’ve seen a few of the... monsters... around here. But if I’m quiet, they don’t come. God has shown me the way. He keeps me safe.”

The group seemed to balk at that, all having a mixture of thoughts, but likely for the same reason. Rick looked increasingly uncomfortable, and if Negan wasn’t a little pissed at him, or didn’t think Rick would bite his head off for it, he would’ve pulled Rick aside in an attempt to calm him down.

“So,” T-Dog started to say, an almost comically curious look on his face. “If God showed you the way, did he show you where the food is at?”

Negan felt himself starting to laugh, and he held it in just to hear Gabriel’s response.

And it wasn’t the defensive one he thought it would be. Gabriel said, “He has. Although, I am not strong enough to gather it on my own.” He smiled at them all, looking a bit more confident when he said, “But... I asked God to give me strength and he did.”

“The hell are you talking about, Father?” Negan asked, curious now.

“I asked for strength. I asked for help. And he sent you,” he gestured toward them with open arms. “Just one day after running out of food. I spoke to God and he spoke back.”

They all looked at each other this time, seeing who was actually buying this shit. It didn’t seem like any of them were truly convinced. Even if Hershel had a slight look of amazement on his aged face.

Rick decided to speak up for the first time since Negan had entered. When he did, he asked, “You said there was food?”

Gabriel smiled and nodded earnestly, “A lot, I assume. I’ve only been inside once, and couldn’t get a good look because of the dead. Most people in town didn’t make it after the first day.” He turned his head down at that and his eyes filled with sorrow.

“We’re sorry to hear that,” Maggie insisted, because he looked like he needed to hear it.

Gabriel looked up at her, a soft smile forming at his lips before he nodded in thanks. He cleared his throat and continued, “I was blessed with the fortune of a small portion of the food donations that were abandoned here. The rest was being held in the community center just a mile away.”

“We were just in your town and we didn’t see anything like that,” Rick said, eyes narrowed again, suspicious this time.

Gabriel shook his head, “You must have come from the east side of town, where the shopping center is.”

“We did,” Daryl said with a nod. “If you sayin’ the community center ain’t there, then where is it?”

Gabriel looked to Daryl and said, “To the north, just across from the elementary school.”

The group exchanged another look, this time longer, a silent debate. After a moment, Rick nodded his head over his shoulder, motioning for them to follow him to a far corner of the church. When Gabriel started to come along as well, Rick whipped around and barked, “Not you! You stay where you are.” And that effectively froze Gabriel in place.

In the corner, they huddled together in a tight circle.

Glenn was the first to speak. “What do you think? We could use the food.”

Rick shook his head, “I don’t know about this. He could be setting us up. There could be more of them out there.”

“What? A band of priests out there waiting to throw fucking bibles at us?” Negan said, and Rick immediately shot him a glare that made his balls feel two sizes too small.

“I think Negan’s right, man,” Daryl said. “Guy’s a wimp. Might be a little weird, but he ain’t no killer.”

Rick huffed through his nose, looking even more irritated but also like he was trying to reel himself back in.

Carol seemed to do the trick, “Why don’t you take a small group with you? Take Gabriel. Check it out. If he’s lying,” she shrugged, “...we’ll kill him.” She said like it was the most natural thing in the world to say. And maybe it was nowadays.

Maggie nodded at her plan, and added, “Me, Glenn, Beth, daddy, Sophia and Carl should stay here with the baby. Y’all should go and check it out.” She looked over her shoulder at Gabriel, who was fidgeting so much that he’d ended up dropping his machete and almost losing a foot in the process. He yelped loudly, pulling the entire group’s attention, then gave them all a bashful smile.

They turned back to look at each other, matching looks of disbelief painted over their faces. Carol rolled her eyes and said, “And we need to take that thing away before he accidentally kills himself with it.”

“Poor guy’s shaking like a goddamn crack addict,” Negan pointed out. T-Dog and Glenn snorted out a laugh.

Negan thought he might have seen a flicker of a smile tug on Rick’s lips, but it was gone in an instant. His face was all hard lines and serious intent when he spoke again, “Alright. Y’all sure y’all wanna do this?”

T-Dog shrugged, “Man, I’m _hungry_. And, no offense Daryl, but that squirrel ain’t doing shit.”

Daryl rolled his eyes, but didn’t take offense. That squirrel wasn’t doing shit for any of them but barely keeping them from passing out from malnourishment. They tended to find more baby food than adult food, and that was only for the sad fact that most babies didn’t make it these days.

“Michonne,” Rick said, looking to the woman who still wasn’t quite comfortable with the group to speak out more than necessary. She nodded and Rick went on, “You stay with them too. I want you here in case things go south.” She nodded again and he nodded back.

* * *

The community center really was only about a mile away. They walked for less than ten minutes before making it to the two large buildings. One was indeed an elementary school, and the other was the community center. Both looked just as desolate and rundown as the rest of the world.

“You sure that food hasn’t been ran through yet, Gabey?” Negan asked as they got closer to the entrance. Rick and Carol were up front and Daryl hung back to make sure no stragglers snuck up on them. That left Gabriel with Negan, who he was so obviously terrified of. Negan thought it was kind of hilarious.

“I’m not one hundred percent certain, no. But, I have a feeling. God hasn’t led me astray yet,” Gabriel said, chancing a smile at Negan, who was grinning down at him in return.

“Just so you know, we are gonna be so fucking pissed if this turns out to be some creepy ass sacrificial shit,” Negan said, waving his hand in the air as if indicating said _sacrificial shit._

Gabriel chuckled, seeming to actually find that funny, and shook his head. “I assure you. I have no such schemes planned for your group.”

“Huh,” Negan eyed him after that. The guy really did seem to just be some crazy Jesus fanatic. Nothing more. Negan just hoped the God-loving man wasn’t bluffing about the amount of food that was stored at the center.

Soon enough, Rick and Carol were standing at the double-door entrance. Rick looked back to make sure everyone was ready before he pushed one of the doors open. Carol pushed the other, and they stepped in quietly.

Negan tilted his head to Gabriel and whispered, “Just stay behind me, Father. No reason your ass has to die today.”

Gabriel looked momentarily shocked. When he snapped out of it, he quickly nodded and said, “I don’t plan to die anytime soon.”

Negan chuckled and shook his head. The guy was kind of growing on him.

The community center wasn’t large. They hadn’t expected it to be, going by the size of the town. The entrance led to a sizable room and then there were four additional doors than lined the wall across from the entrance. Two bathrooms, the kitchen and a rather large pantry, according to Gabriel. There were tables throughout the room and a few weathered posters hanging on the walls.

There were about three walkers in plain sight. Rick took out one, Daryl put an arrow through another and Negan took out the third with his Lucille.

For a moment they stood there, and then they looked around the spacious room, at each other, then at Gabriel. Rick was the one to step forward, and Negan thought for a second that Rick might take a swing at the priest.

“What is this?” Rick hissed out and Gabriel immediately held his hands up and flinched.

“It’s not this that I was worried about. Believe me. But in there,” he pointed a shaky hand toward the pantry door. “When I opened that door yesterday, those three came out,” he pointed at the walkers they’d just taken down. “And I ran. But that’s where the food is. The pantry.”

“How many we talkin’?” Negan asked.

“Ten... I think. Maybe more,” Gabriel shrugged. “I believe they were locked inside when it all started. The door, it locks from the outside.”

“How do you know they didn’t eat all the food before they died?” Carol asked with an eyebrow raised in question.

Gabriel dropped his hands then, peeking at Rick for a moment to make sure he wouldn’t strike him, then said, “As I said, I’m not so sure it’s all there. But, I saw a bit of it before I closed the door. Some food appeared to be untouched.”

They were quiet for a moment. Rick still looked pissed. Negan was simply observing Gabriel and checking any signs for a lie. He didn’t see any. Carol was looking a little more apprehensive and Daryl was impatiently looking between the group and the door.

“We doin’ this, or what?” Daryl said, drawing everyone’s attention.

Rick gave him a long look, clenched his jaw and nodded. “We’ll let them out a few at a time. You,” he looked to Gabriel, “Just stay back.”

Gabriel nodded and the rest got their weapons ready. Carol had her military warrior knife, a souvenir from Woodbury which, Negan had pointed out on many occasions, was _badass_. Negan held up his Lucille and Daryl, his crossbow. Rick pulled his knife from his belt and went for the door. With a quick nod in their direction, and receiving their nods in return, Rick pulled the door open.

Four pushed through before Rick managed to get the door shut again. As soon as he did, he was forced to turn and grab onto the walker coming at him. He slid his knife into its skull, then roughly shoved it to the ground. Negan, Carol and Daryl took out the rest.

And just like that, Rick opened and closed the door, they took them out, rinse and repeat. It was after the fourth time that the last two came stumbling out. Sloppy and uncoordinated on dying legs. Negan took care of one, Rick took care of the other.

Slightly out of breath and hot from exertion, they straightened and made their way into the pantry.

Gabriel wasn’t kidding. Or lying. There was a shit ton of food stacked high on shelves. It ranged from canned fruit and vegetables to beans, chili, cereal (probably stale, but hell, who cares?) and other preservatives. Rick, Negan, Daryl and Carol had all been momentarily shocked by the sheer sight of it.

“Ho-ly shit,” Negan said as he eyed more food than he’d seen in one place in for-fucking-ever. Even at Woodbury everything was rationed. It had been too long since this amount was available to them all at once. Nobody knew where to start.

“There are a few carts outside,” Gabriel suggested, breaking the group’s individual trances. When they turned to him, he smiled kindly and Negan couldn’t help but think that he was _really_ starting to like this guy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoa, I'm so sorry for taking this long to update! I work in news, so I'm sure you all can imagine how busy I've been with all that's going on in the world at the moment. 
> 
> That being said, I hope you all enjoyed this chapter and are looking forward to seeing what happens next! I actually LOVE Gabriel, but definitely hated his character for a full season and a half, so I tried to cut out some of his more... unsavory character traits. Anyway, let me know what y'all think~ I'll try to update this story sooner, rather than later, since it took me so long to get this chapter up! 
> 
> Until then~


	18. Judith Grimes

They met the group back at the church wheeling three carts stacked high with food along with them. On the way, Negan and Carol were chatting while the Rick led the way back with Gabriel and Daryl at his side.

“I think one of those sorry fuckers got bit before being locked up in there,” Negan said, pushing his designated cart along the path back to the Lord’s house.

Carol gave him a thoughtful look, before saying, “You think?” with a slight tilt of her head.

“Why the hell else wouldn’t they go to town in there? Besides, I’m sure one of those assholes would’ve been able to break down that door,” he shrugged.

Carol’s eyebrows scrunched, “Then you think someone got bit, got locked in there with the rest, turned, and then just starting infecting the others?”

Negan over looked at her, “That’s right.”

Carol huffed, “That sounds like a nightmare. Could you imagine?”

“No, I cannot, and I’m so fucking grateful I don’t have to. That is some messed up shit,” he shook his head and faced forward again. He felt his eyes starting to drift toward Rick, but he fought the urge. It was too bad Carol had always been a bit too perceptive for her own good.

“You two have a fight?” Carol asked and Negan whipped his head back to face her once again.

He frowned and shook his head, because _no_ , that wasn’t exactly right, was it? They hadn’t said much of anything after that kiss. Rick had just been extra distant ever since, and it sucked ass, but Negan couldn’t really do anything about it.

“He’s in a _mood_ ,” Carol said after that and Negan huffed out a short laugh.

“You tellin’ me,” he said, and gave her one of his characteristic grins that had her rolling her eyes at him.

“What happened when you two went out looking for guns?” She asked next and Negan looked forward because for a short ass walk, it really did feel like it was taking forever to get back to the church. He should’ve known Carol would interrogate him sooner or later. He’d hoped it’d been later.

“Nothing happened,” he lied, and the face Carol gave him told him she knew he was lying.

She stopped walking and crossed her arms. Negan had the urge to just keep on his way, but he knew that wouldn’t work. Ignoring a woman like Carol was just out of the question. But he did groan and huff out an exaggerated sigh to show his displeasure as he stopped the cart and turned to face her.

“I saw Glenn practically run out of the bar you two were in. And he looked _really_ embarrassed,” she said.

“Mhm, and?” Negan said, sounding exhausted now.

“And,” she tilted her head. “Then I saw Rick walk out straightening his shirt, which just felt a bit... odd.”

“ _And_ ,” Negan teased this time, already knowing where she was going next. Carol noticed and her lips tugged into a small, knowing smile.

“And then I saw you, looking like someone poured cold water over your head and I thought that was equally strange.”

Negan chuckled and ran a hand over his face as he thought up something to say. When he couldn’t find anything, he asked, “What do you want me to say?”

Carol rolled her eyes, “I want you to tell me why Rick looks pale every time you stand too close, and why you’ve been looking at him like a kicked puppy.”

“I have not,” Negan argued, albeit quite childishly. He didn’t care. He wasn’t going to admit to something like that, no matter how true it was.

“Hey!” Daryl’s voice had them turning to see him up ahead. “What’s the hold up?”

“We’re coming!” Carol called back. Daryl seemed to find the answer acceptable, because he turned back and left them to catch up.

“Saved by the bell,” Negan said cheekily as he turned to resume pushing his cart.

Carol huffed and whispered to him, “Asshole.” Negan barked out a laugh in silent agreement.

* * *

They were greeted back at the church by Beth with the baby, Carl and Michonne. The latter two were becoming quite close, but maybe that was because Michonne had lost her son, and Carl was the closest thing to getting that feeling back. Rick liked that, and it was one of the things he’d grown to admire about the woman in the short span of time he’d known her. She was quiet more often than not, but more willing to open up to Carl and Sophia. Beth too, if she wasn’t holding the baby.

Something else they’d noticed was her complete resistance to be around the infant. Nobody asked her about it, and nobody had to.

Rick approached them with a smile that was becoming foreign to him. He hadn’t freely smiled in a long time. It was almost tasking to let his muscles curve up in that way. But, he did feel a semblance of happiness after finding out what Gabriel had said was true.

Carl’s eyes widened at the carts and, for the first time since before Woodbury, he smiled brightly as he approached them. “ _Wow_ ,” he said, sounding just as utterly amazed as the single word implied.

“It was true?” Michonne asked, sounding more disbelieving than anything. She must’ve been prepared for some sort of bloody aftermath. Thinking they’d discover a sinister truth about Gabriel, and end up fighting their way out of some mess. Rick had been preparing for that too. There was something astounding about feeling all that tension build up, then roll off when things actually clicked into place in a way that wasn’t chaotic.

“Yeah,” Rick answered her with a nod, that strained smile still lingering on his lips.

Michonne walked up and stopped in front of one of the carts. She pulled out a can, examined it, then carefully placed it back in before speaking, “So… we’re safe?”

Rick looked her in her eyes, and they were searching his, trying to find some hidden clue. But there was nothing, and for the first time in a long time, he guessed that they really were safe. At least for now. So, he nodded again.

Michonne attempted her own smile as she nodded back, and then walked over to Carl to start up some conversation about what food they should eat first.

The rest of the group piled out from the church, all giving equal shock to the food they’d carted back. Some clapped their hands on Rick’s shoulder as they passed, others dug into the carts just to make sure it was all real. _This is good_ , he thought. _This is how it should be._

Rick paused for a moment when his eyes landed on Negan. He was standing by a cart and laughing at something Carol said. Rick watched from a distance because, now more than ever, he wasn’t sure what he’d do around the man. It’d only been a couple hours since that kiss. Just a couple hours ago he’d felt those lips against his own. It was easy while they were keeping busy. Now that it was over, and they were just... there. It was all Rick was thinking about.

Negan must’ve felt Rick’s eyes on him, because he turned his head from Carol and looked at him in that moment.

The flushed heat that crawled up Rick’s chest had him gritting his teeth and looking away. As he walked briskly toward the church, carrying what he could of the food they’d brought back, he missed the way Negan frowned and the hurt that filled his eyes. But Rick didn’t have to see it to know it was there.

* * *

That night was filled with more laughter and joy than any other night before. None of the nights at the camp, at the places they’d holed up at in between or any night at Woodbury compared to how the group filled the atmosphere with content in that candlelit church.

Even Michonne and Daryl, the two most likely to brush off casual conversations, were talking animatedly over a glass of the communion wine Gabriel had happily shared. The man of God, himself, had even grown accustomed to the odd mix of people that made up their group. He was sipping at his own wine and laughing at something Hershel said. It was then that Carl walked up to where Rick was sitting alone on one of the further away pews. Carl had the baby in his arms, fast asleep, as he sat down beside his father.

Rick spared him a glance and a small smile, carefully avoiding the baby because she reminded him too vividly of the two people he’d once held up as the most important people in his life.

Carl was the first to speak. “Hey, dad,” he said.

“Hey, Carl,” Rick mimicked, almost mechanically.

“I was thinking...” Carl trailed off, as if waiting for Rick to look at him again. Rick felt it, and slowly turned his head to meet his son’s eyes. Carl continued, “I was thinking we should come up with a name for her.” He tilted his head down to indicate the baby.

Rick nodded, rubbing a hand over his beard as he did it. And maybe it was partially to hide the way his mouth formed into a subtle grimace.

Carl seemed to notice, because he frowned and shook his head. “Dad. She needs a name,” he said so matter-of-factly that it almost felt scolding.

Rick nodded, “I know.” He said, and hoped it didn’t sound as reluctant as he felt it had.

Carl gave a heavy sigh, but didn’t comment on Rick’s demeanor. Instead, he kept on as if he hadn’t noticed at all, “Negan’s been calling her ‘baby no-name.’” He rolled his eyes, and Rick felt himself smile a little. “Daryl’s been calling her ‘little ass kicker.’”

Rick did laugh that time. Tilting his head, he asked, “Is that so?”

Carl laughed too, shrugging a shoulder and looking more at ease. “I was thinking... we could name her Andrea...” he paused. “Or Lori.”

Rick sucked in a breath and immediately looked away. “Both are nice,” he managed to say through a deep exhale.

Carl looked the baby over, thinking again and obviously trying not to let Rick’s discomfort bother him. After a while, he spoke, “My third grade teacher, Mrs. Mueller... her first name was Judith.”

Rick looked down at the baby, really seeing her for the first time, then up at Carl. “Judith?”

Carl nodded, “What do you think?”

Rick huffed out a laugh. “I like it,” he said.

Carl smiled big, bouncing and rocking the baby in his arms as he spoke, “Yeah. Judith. Judith Grimes.”

Rick leaned closer. Tentatively, he reached over and rubbed baby Judith’s sleeping head. Carl looked shocked, and Rick couldn’t blame him. He hadn’t touched, let alone _looked_ , at the baby since leaving Woodbury. In a way, Rick felt himself healing a bit as he did it. “Hey, Judith Grimes,” Rick whispered, then looked back up at Carl to see him grinning ear to ear. Rick’s lips moved on their own accord, curling to match Carl’s. And, for once, it felt real.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof, I know, short chapter. Don't hate me~ Next update will be out soon! Let me know what you think. 
> 
> Until then~


	19. Beautiful

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy...

Negan felt a bit unsettled after being on the receiving end of Rick’s eyes when they’d returned with the carts of food. He wasn’t sure what he saw but knew what he’d felt when Rick damn near scowled at him and turned away like Negan was the devil himself.

He’d mustered up enough energy to relax while they ate and drank and had a night of relaxation that felt like the first time in ever.

When everyone was ready to call it quits, Daryl opted to keep watch outside.

The rest of them turned in. Maggie and Glenn went to sleep in the church’s office, likely because they didn’t plan to do much sleeping. _Lucky bastards_.

Gabriel slept alone in the changing room, which is apparently where he’d been sleeping every night since everything got turned upside down. The rest were left in the common area, sleeping in between pews and using spare clothes as pillows and blankets.

Negan took a chance and set up a place to sleep right beside Rick. Partly, it was just for the hell of it, but another part of him wanted to see if Rick would finally say something to him. Maybe…just _maybe_ … they could talk this thing out. Even if it meant that nothing about their relationship changed. It was better than getting glared at, even if Rick wasn’t doing it on purpose.

So, he grabbed Lucille and walked over to where Rick was lying alone in a corner of the church. There was a relatively large space beside him, so Negan counted himself lucky to be able to settle right in.

He stripped off his leather jacket, folded it, then sat it down on the hardwood floor before moving to lie down. He laid Lucille down delicately beside him, then propped the jacket under his head and turned to face Rick, just as Rick did the same.

And there, locking eyes, Negan nearly forgot what he’d come over to say in the first place. Now, all he could see were those startlingly blue orbs staring into his, thinking, _Goddamn, they’re beautiful_ , because they were soft and sincere in the way they used to be when they looked at Negan. Not hard and distant, the way they had been recently.

“Hey,” Rick said in a whisper, careful not to rouse the rest of their group.

“Hey,” Negan said back.

And then they were just staring again. For a while, Negan thought he might fall asleep like this. But then, Rick was speaking again in that same low voice.

“I never told you why I did it,” he said.

Negan raised a brow at that. “Did what?” he asked.

“Why I killed Shane. You never asked.”

Negan tensed. He wasn’t even sure why he tensed. It was like Shane himself was taboo, something gone unspoken, never to be mentioned again. Same with Lori. It just felt odd, hearing those words come from Rick’s mouth. But, despite that uneasy feeling, Negan said, “You didn’t seem like you wanted me to ask.”

Rick let out a short, breathy chuckle and nodded, “I didn’t.”

Negan smiled a little, but didn’t say anything because Rick didn’t seem to be finished. And he wasn’t.

“He was my best friend,” he started out by saying. “We grew up together. He really was like my brother. Even more so than my actual brother.” Rick was smiling as he said it, like he was thinking back on a fond memory. But soon, that smile slipped, turning downward into a deep, mournful frown. “He wanted to stay there. At Woodbury, he wanted to stay with me, Lori and Carl... The baby.”

Rick swallowed and finally tore his eyes from Negan to look up at the ceiling.

He went on in a voice that was torn, wavering and thick with unshed tears, “He was going to sacrifice all of you for that. He didn’t care about what happened to Andrea, or what would happen if y’all got taken. He didn’t see y’all as anything but people he’d met along the way. But me?” Rick choked and a tear finally managed to spill from his wet eyes, falling down his cheek and calling for Negan to wipe it away.

He did, because he didn’t feel like he could resist the urge. Rick barely reacted to the touch, simply letting his eyes drift back to Negan as if that was comforting enough.

He continued, “I couldn’t let y’all die, just to live in ‘peace’ with that man as our leader. I didn’t see y’all as people I’d met along the way. Not you. Not anything of them.”

Negan nodded, swiping a thumb over Rick’s cheek and beard because his hand was still there and he couldn’t manage to pull away. “I’m sorry,” Negan said. And there was nothing else he _could_ say. He was sorry. Sorry about everything. About Shane. About Lori. About everything Woodbury turned out to be.

Rick nodded and his hand moved up to hold Negan’s that was still resting on his face. He pulled it off and brought it around to brush his lips against Negan’s knuckles. It was in that simple, sweet touch, that Negan felt his heart constrict, almost painfully.

“You asked me, when we first met, why I was at that hospital,” Negan said, so suddenly that even he was caught off guard by his words. But maybe after hearing Rick reveal something so painful to him, Negan subconsciously felt the need to return the favor.

Rick’s eyes widened a bit, as if he was struggling to remember exactly what Negan was referring to. After a second, he smiled a little and said, “Yeah. You never did tell me.”

Negan chuckled lowly and nodded his head, “Do you still want to know?”

Rick didn’t say anything; just nodded.

Negan swallowed the heavy lump in his throat, finding the courage through the tight hold Rick kept on his hand. “My wife... Her name was Lucille,” he said. There was a brief look of surprise that passed over Rick’s face. But he didn’t interrupt Negan, and instead silently urged him to continue. So, Negan did. “She was...” his lips spread into a soft grin, “—one _hell_ of a woman. Smart as shit and always calling me out when I was being a dick. Knew all the right buttons to press too. And God... I loved her. She gave me strength, you know?”

Negan paused and closed his eyes, allowing himself to feel the raw emotions flowing in as he said the words aloud. It was the first time, after all, that he’d spoken of Lucille as something other than the bat he used to bash in brains.

He felt Rick squeeze his hand, and he opened his eyes again. And there it was, right there in Rick’s eyes, the courage he needed. “She was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. Before...” he waved a hand in the air, “...all this. She fought it. Went through chemo and radiation therapy; all types of shit that wasn’t worth a damn in the end. And do you know what I was doing? While my wife, the love of my life, was fucking dying in that hospital?” Negan laughed a little, a self-depreciating, dark laugh. He said, “I was out screwing around. Men, women, it didn’t matter.” He shook his head, like he was shaking it at his former self, condemning him for his sins. “I was a selfish fucking prick. And Lucille? She was a goddamn angel. That night, when the city got blown to fucking kingdom come, I sat in that hospital room and told her everything. When those machines cut off, I knew it was only a matter of minutes before she was gone too. And you know what she said to me?”

Rick shook his head, looking completely transfixed with Negan’s story.

“‘ _Baby, you’re gonna survive_.’” Negan smiled as the words left his lips, mimicking her strong accent that he’d loved so much. It wasn’t long before the smile faded, turning into something else. Something bitter and sad. “I watched her die after that, Rick. She died and she turned and I _ran_.” He grit his teeth and turned his head away. He felt the same shame creeping up his chest that he’d felt that day. “I wasn’t afraid of those things. Never had been. I saw that shit on the news. It wasn’t that she was a walker. It was because it was Lucille. And I just couldn’t do it.” He turned his head back to look at Rick. “I spent days... weeks out there. Just killing any of them I could find. I found my bat too. Named her Lucille because she kept me safe; kept me _alive_. But that guilt, Rick? That shit tore me up inside. How could I just leave her like that? After everything I did, I couldn’t even do right by her in that final moment.”

“It’s not easy. You can’t blame yourself for that,” Rick finally spoke up, and Negan could see in his eyes that he knew firsthand how hard that shit was. Negan knew Rick had been the one to take care of Lori, but in this moment he felt like he really understood what Rick had went through, and that Rick really understood what Negan had been through.

Negan cleared his throat and continued, “I didn’t want her to be stuck in that room, wandering around just like all those other dead fuckers out there. Not my Lucille. So, I went back. I took an ax and I did what I should’ve done from the beginning. And right after I did, right after I said goodbye, I met you,” Negan smiled again. “And you looked like the creepiest, sickly little motherfucker I’d ever seen.”

Rick huffed out a breath that turned into a chuckle. His eyes crinkled and then shut, and he covered his mouth with his free hand to muffle his laughter.

Negan started laughing with him, unable stop the way Rick’s was infecting him.

When they sobered, Rick still had a smile lingering on his lips as he said, “Thank you for telling me that.”

Negan grinned and shrugged, “It’s the least I could do, gorgeous.”

Rick let out another soft chuckle that ended in them quietly staring into each other’s eyes. It was an odd thing, how the atmosphere shifted so suddenly between them. Rick’s thumb was slowly rubbing over the back of Negan’s hand, and Negan could feel himself heating up all over.

One second, they were staring. In the next, Rick was licking his lips and Negan was tracking the movement like a hungry dog. And then, all chips were down. Negan moved without thinking. He rolled over, braced on his elbows on either side of Rick’s head, right on top of Rick and resting comfortably between his legs. And then they were kissing. Hard and hot; damn near sloppy at first, like they couldn’t bear to hold back.

Negan could only think one thing, and that was that he’d never get tired of this feeling, of this taste, of how Rick’s lips moved so perfectly against his own. They were licking into each other’s mouths, tugging on lips, and moving in tandem like they’d been doing this for years.

Rick’s hands slipped up Negan’s shirt, spreading over his back and feeling the strong expanse of it, and Negan shivered at the feeling. He dipped his hips lower, grinding down and letting the growing erection in his pants meet Rick’s in a slow, needy thrust. Rick’s moan vibrated into his mouth, so he had no choice but to do it again. And again, craving the way Rick was quickly becoming undone beneath him.

This was different from the time at the bar. There was no lingering question in the air, or ambiguity behind the intent. Rick wanted this, just as badly as Negan did. He was eager for it, matching Negan’s movements with an upward jerk of his hips, gripping Negan’s back and clawing at it because the sensations were almost too much to handle.

Negan realized it wasn’t enough. They couldn’t take it too far, not with their family sleeping just feet away from them. But, he needed more.

He reluctantly detached his lips from Rick’s, leaving them wet and parted and swollen. Negan took a moment to marvel at his work, biting his lip as he drank in every bit of Rick’s flustered face.

He leaned back and pulled Rick’s hands from under his shirt, grinning at the way Rick almost pouted as he did it. He scooted back, lower between Rick’s legs, and held his index finger to his lips. Rick gave a short nod, understanding he needed to keep quiet, and Negan winked in return.

A moment later, Negan’s hands were undoing Rick’s belt, then the button, then the zipper. Rick watched, looking fascinated while Negan pulled the fabric down.

Negan grinned when he saw Rick’s erection free itself like it had a mind of its own. “No boxers?” Negan said, sounding cheeky even while his voice was low and thick with lust.

Rick let out a breathy laugh, covering his eyes as he replied, “Couldn’t keep wearing the ones from the hospital, could I?”

Negan chuckled, “Hell no.” And then he didn’t waste any more time.

He gripped Rick at the base of his cock, and Rick moved his hand down from his eyes to his mouth to stifle a long, throaty moan. Negan twisted his wrist as he pulled his hand along the length to the tip. He rubbed a thumb over it, pushing down on the slit and coaxing out a delicious spill of precum. He licked his lips at it, while he drank in every sound Rick tried desperately to suppress.

He did it again, dragging his hand down to the base, then back up to run over the head. Rick was moving his hips, trying to feel more, urging Negan to go faster. But he wouldn’t. He kept his movements slow, almost torturous, until he had Rick panting into his hand and looking delirious.

Negan pulled himself up to lean over until his lips were right by Rick’s ear. He whispered to him, “Want me to suck you off, Rick?”

He leaned back to see that cloudy look in Rick’s eyes, completely consumed in pleasure while Negan continued to tug on his cock in that same slow, teasing motion.

Rick answered with a shaky nod and pleading eyes. Negan couldn’t help but push him a little further.

“Tell me how much you want it, baby,” Negan said and Rick’s eyes immediately narrowed into a halfhearted glare. Negan chuckled, but didn’t let up. “Come on,” he insisted. “Tell me you wanna cum in my mouth, Rick.” Negan eyebrows jumped up as he said it, and his grin was only growing wider.

He squeezed Rick’s cock a bit harder, and Rick’s eyes rolled to the back of his head and fluttered shut.

“ _Rick_ ,” Negan said and bent forward again to mouth the words out against Rick’s neck. “Don’t make me beg, baby.”

Rick whimpered when Negan did it again, squeezing the head this time, then rubbing it with his rough palm.

It took a while for Rick to pull his hand from his lips. When he did, Negan lifted up to see his face, watching it contort with pleasure and embarrassment. His mouth moved at first, but no words were coming out. And when he managed to speak, it was tight and strained. “Negan,” he said. “Please. I-I want you to... I need you to...”

Negan felt his chest heat up as Rick’s disjointed words washed over him. It was enough, and he congratulated Rick’s efforts with a soft kiss.

It lasted longer than he’d meant it to, both momentarily distracted by the feel of each other’s lips. And when Negan did pull away, he licked over them to memorize the taste. Then he traveled down further, pulling up Rick’s shirt to mouth at his chest, lick down his abdomen, and nibble at his hip.

Rick was squirming, hand back over his mouth while the unintentional noises continued to spill out.

When Negan’s mouth made it down to Rick’s cock, he moved his hand away and lifted Rick’s legs until they were bent at the knees. He gripped at Rick’s strong thighs and descended down to allow the organ to slowly fill his mouth.

Negan hummed and squeezed at Rick’s hips, feeling the way Rick’s body spasmed and how his cock twitched with need. He hollowed out his cheeks as he moved down until he couldn’t take any more in, then sucked hard as he pulled back up. He stopped at the tip, licking over it and enjoying the taste.

Rick’s free hand went down, winding and tangling in Negan’s hair. And Negan allowed Rick to guide him.

Rick pushed Negan’s head down, rolling his hips up and fucking into Negan’s mouth. He was pulling tightly on his hair, making it hurt, and Negan loved it. He loved how Rick was barely restrained, doing his best not to thrust himself too deep, but forcing Negan to take in a bit more than what was comfortable.

Rick was thick and hot in Negan’s mouth. Wet from the precum that spilled onto Negan’s tongue. He tasted both salty and sweet, an intoxicating mixture that Negan happily lapped up each time his head was pulled up to the tip.

Negan was straining in his own pants with nothing to relieve his erection, but it didn’t matter so much when Rick was so completely lost underneath him. He could deal with that later. For now, he would enjoy this. How red Rick’s skin was growing, how hot he was to the touch, how he was damn near screaming into his own palm.

And when Rick’s movements got a little more jerky, a little more reckless, Negan allowed him to push his cock in a little deeper, to grab Negan’s hair a bit harder, until his body spasmed in its release.

Rick’s cum spilled out in waves. His cock twitched as it was drained in Negan’s mouth. And Negan swallowed every bit, watching as he did so, as Rick’s eyes widened and then drifted closed at the sensation.

He waited until Rick was completely spent to pull back. He released the organ with a light _pop_ and licked at the tip, making sure to catch every drop. Afterwards, he pulled himself up and secured Rick’s pants around his hips, then crawled up to draw Rick into another long, languid kiss. He wasn’t sure if Rick was bothered by the taste of his own cum in his mouth, but it didn’t seem to stop Rick from returning the kiss with equal vigor.

Negan pulled back once he was thoroughly satisfied. Rick was breathing out hard, sharp breaths when he did. Negan grinned and closed his eyes, leaning his head down to rest his forehead on top of Rick’s. “You are so goddamn sexy, you know that?” Negan said, and Rick let out a breathy laugh.

“And you’re an asshole,” Rick said, and Negan felt his own chest bubbling with laughter.

“Fucked up thing is...” he lifted his head to look into Rick’s eyes before he finished, “— _you_ like me anyway.”

Rick’s mouth grew into a soft smile. Negan couldn’t stop himself from leaning down to kiss those lips once again.

It was while they were kissing that Rick shifted and felt the hardness still straining within the confines of Negan’s pants. He pulled back to look into Negan’s eyes. A question was lingering there, and Negan shook his head at it. “Don’t worry about me, sweetheart,” he said.

“You don’t want me to..?” Rick’s face was uncertain as he said it, and Negan laughed.

“What? Return the fucking favor?” Negan shook his head again. “I’ll be fine... really,” he insisted.

Rick still looked unconvinced but knew better than to argue. So, he nodded and kissed Negan again.

Minutes went by before Negan pulled away. Rick was looking sated, and like he might pass out at any moment. And while Negan would love to spend the rest of the night in the other man’s arms, kissing like teenagers, it was probably best if they separated.

So, with one final kiss, Negan rolled to his designated sleeping spot, leaving an unsuspicious amount of space between them, and laid his head back on his jacket.

“Goodnight, Negan,” Rick whispered with a lazy smile.

Negan smiled and whispered back, “Goodnight, Rick.”

Rick was out like a light within seconds. Negan spent the better half of an hour getting his boner under control, before he let his eyes fall shut. He couldn’t, however, get the smile off his face as his mind drifted off to the thought of the man sleeping peacefully beside him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Full disclaimer, I prefer "cum" over "come," even if that makes me trashy LOL. Let me know what y'all think ~.~ I hope you're all excited to see the unfolding that is planned for these two, especially after such a fun night. I'm honestly pretty excited to read the reactions after a 19 chapter wait haha~ 
> 
> Also, Last of Us II is coming out. I waited 7 years for this game. The Last of Us is my favorite game 0.0 and I'm super obsessed with it. That being said, I will be fucking off for a bit longer this time because TLOU2 will literally control my life. BUT! I promise I'll update as soon as I can detach myself from it. 
> 
> Oh, and Happy Juneteenth! Hope everyone is staying safe <3


	20. Maybe Love

Gabriel did a lot for the group, besides giving them a place to sleep and leading them to a bountiful amount of food.

He inspired hope.

Hope that had been gone and nearly forgotten within the group after they left Woodbury. Maybe his kindness was a rare commodity these days. His lack of experience with the dead and the unforgiving living definitely contributed to that. But he was an example of humanity that the group was starting to see as a faraway fantasy during their time scrounging and surviving day by day.

Carl had said to Rick on their second day at the church, _“There are still good people out there, dad.”_

Rick wouldn’t have thought much of his son’s words had he said them the day before they’d encountered Gabriel, but hearing them in that moment made him take pause. He’d written everyone off as evil, deemed them fit to go six feet under if they so much as gave him a _look_. But, that wasn’t the way, and it shouldn’t be the example he set for his son, or the group that kept loyal and followed his lead.

It was on that day that he’d had a talk with the group, including Gabriel this time. Rick asked them, “What do y’all think about trying again?”

They all understood the question for what is was. But despite knowing its meaning, Carol wanted to be sure, so she asked him, “To look for a home? Another community?”

Rick nodded and they all stopped to think about this.

Carl spoke up next, looking at Daryl when he said, “You said you noticed something off about The Governor when we got there. It’s why you left first, right?”

Daryl nodded, curled in on himself with his arms crossed and a thumb at his lips.

“Then you’ll know when the people are good too?” Sophia asked and Daryl gave an apprehensive shrug.

“Can’t ever be too sure,” he said.

“It’s a risk,” T-Dog cut in. “We don’t know what we’d be walking into...”

“But we can’t keep living like this,” Michonne said, shocking the rest of the group. She was the last one they’d expected to be onboard so easily.

“She’s right,” Negan said. “God, I mean, _look_ at us. We’re scraping by every damn day and this food ain’t gonna last us forever,” he motioned toward the dwindling stockpile of food by the alter. “We _can’t_ keep living like this. And if we keep going at it the way we were, we damn sure won’t be living much longer.”

Rick nodded along, before he added, “And for Judith. It’s not safe out here.” His eyes landed on the bundle in Beth’s arms. “She needs somewhere she can grow up. Not out here, surrounded by walkers. What if we can’t make it and she’s all that’s left? I can’t leave that up to chance.”

“Yeah,” Glenn said with a determined nod. “I think we should do it. Not every place can be like Woodbury, right?”

Most of the group nodded in agreement, but Daryl still seemed a bit on edge. “I don’t know, man. I ain’t tryna go through that shit again. I know y’all ain’t neither.”

“But, we know better now,” Beth said. “We can handle whatever comes at us. We can,” she insisted.

“We have to try,” Carl said.

So, they would. They wouldn’t take any chances, but they would try. Because they had to.

* * *

A little over a week was spent at the church while they rested and burned through the majority of their food.

Rick and Negan hadn’t come clean about their relationship, and they hadn’t progressed any further than the first night, not with them sleeping out in the open with everyone else around. But they did spend their nights huddled together between the pews, kissing and exploring with their hands. Talking, sometimes, in low voices about the things they hadn’t felt so comfortable talking about before having opened up to each other that first night.

Negan spoke more of Lucille. What she looked like, things she used to say to him, how they met and some of their more endearing moments. Rick opened up more about Woodbury. How he’d felt when he saw Lori in her last seconds, why he’d taken so long to acknowledge Judith as more than a crutch and what he’d been feeling after experiencing such a dark type of evil that was The Governor.

They learned more about each other in those nights, and even more about themselves as they said certain things aloud that had only ever been tucked away in the deeper crevices of their minds.

Negan had told Rick, “ _I wanted to die with Lucille. In those first few weeks, I was just contemplating slitting my wrists and ending this nightmare_.”

Rick had rubbed Negan’s eyebrow with his thumb and whispered a soothing, _“I’m glad you didn’t.”_

There was no judgment. No lecture. Just reassuring words and the soft touch of his hand.

Negan was temporarily shocked to hear Rick say, _“I wished at one point that Judith had died right along with Lori.”_ It was such a deep and murky truth that all Negan could do was nod in understanding.

He accepted it, Rick in all his perfections and flaws. He accepted all of it, and he let Rick know through his touches and kisses and the way he would hold Rick close to his chest when he knew he needed it.

 _This was love_ , Negan had thought. It was too fresh to say out loud, too soon to reveal that thought. But, he felt it. He knew it. He loved Rick. He was _in love_ with Rick, despite anything. He always would be.

He didn’t think he could love anyone as much as he’d loved Lucille. She was his whole heart, and it felt like she’d ripped that organ out with her when she went. But, there it was, beating so strongly for this beautiful man that had been roughed up and damaged permanently.

Rick had taken Negan in his mouth that night for the first time, fumbling and inexperienced. Negan couldn’t remember the last time an orgasm hit him so hard that he’d felt lightheaded.

It was another night that Negan would never forget.

* * *

After that week, the group packed up to leave. Michonne had been kind enough to teach Gabriel a thing or two about knives, but they still would be watching over the man to make sure he didn’t get himself killed. He’d done a lot for them, so they figured it was the least they could do.

They decided to keep heading north, maybe to D.C. Who knows what could’ve been preserved there? It was their best bet in finding something close to actual civilization.

Glenn had spotted a church bus out back during the week. Gabriel had told them it hadn’t been running properly before everything went down. Daryl and Negan went out to take a look and had it running by the time they were ready to go.

They packed their bags into the back and all piled into the bus. Somehow, it felt more like they were going on a field trip than re-entering the world that had nearly swallowed them whole.

Something was different. Rick knew it. They would find a place this time. They would make it. He just had a feeling.

* * *

On the bus, nobody questioned why Negan and Rick chose to sit together and so close. Rick assumed they realized over the past week that whatever had been holding them back from their friendship had been hashed out and pushed away. They likely didn’t know that their relationship had become much more than that.

Negan chose the window seat, and Rick was close beside him with Judith on his lap. Carol and Sophia sat together in the seat across from them. Behind them was Beth and Carl, then Gabriel to their left. Daryl was behind them next to Michonne. To their right was Maggie and Glenn and behind them was Hershel. T-Dog had taken the wheel.

Everyone was chatting, talking about old things that were long gone, like cellphones and online gaming, or cramming for a test that didn’t mean much of anything nowadays.

For a while, Negan just kept giving Rick looks. Sly looks that spoke a thousand words in each glance. But after a while, Rick had to know. He rolled his eyes, mouth curled in a teasing smile, and asked, “What?”

Negan grinned and looked away, out the window and at the passing scenery. The picture painted outside was nice, for once. Not some dusty, broken down cluster of buildings, ruins of an old city. It was just nature. For a moment, they could pretend everything was normal in the world.

It was a while before Negan looked back, still grinning, and said, “I don’t think you wanna know what I was thinking, darlin’.”

Rick huffed, still smiling, and nodded, “I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t want to know.”

Negan gave him a look, but shook his head. His eyes landed on Judith, then slid back up to Rick. “Don’t think it’s some shit a baby should hear. You know what I’m saying?”

Rick felt his face flush. He gaped for a moment, realizing that he knew, at the very least, the realm of where Negan’s mind had went. “You’re disgusting,” he decided to say once his brain stopped short-circuiting with thoughts of exactly what he was calling Negan out on.

The older man barked out a laugh and shook his head, “Jesus Christ, Rick. You fucking asked me, didn’t you?”

Rick laughed, ignoring the heat rising to his face, and said, “I didn’t ask you to be disgusting.”

“But you like it when I’m disgusting, don’t you, baby?” Negan teased.

“Don’t start that shit,” Rick said halfheartedly.

Negan just chuckled and shook his head. “Okay,” he sobered. “Pushing aside all the shit I was thinking about doing to you when we’re alone,” he said in a low voice. “I was also thinking... you know? Shit. I was thinking you look goddamn beautiful, Rick,” Negan struggled to say, still low enough that no one else heard his intimate words. Rick was temporarily amazed by how the admission added a deep rosy coloring to Negan’s cheeks.

“...Beautiful?” Rick questioned.

Negan’s mouth twitched up into another grin, regaining that natural confidence he seemed to exude, and he nodded. “Fucking gorgeous,” he added, making sure Rick really heard him. And Rick did. It filled his chest with an unusual amount of pressure, a feeling he hadn’t experienced in a long time.

“Stop,” Rick damn near whined, clutching Judith closer to his chest.

Negan chuckled softly and shook his head. “Just saying,” he said with an easy shrug. “I mean, your ass could use a shower. But so could I. So, I’m not fucking complaining.”

Rick laughed at that and nodded, “You’re right about that. Only thing I miss about...” he drifted off; an uncontrollable mix of anguish overshadowed the lighthearted nature of their conversation. It was always hard, thinking about Woodbury without the bad parts seeping in.

Negan seemed to understand.

He rested a comforting hand on Rick’s knee and squeezed, tight enough to jolt Rick out of the fast approaching thoughts that always left a bad taste in both of their mouths. Lori. Shane. Andrea. The Governor...

It never seemed to end.

But Negan’s hand sent a warmth through him that ebbed that feeling away, little by little. Rick looked into Negan’s eyes, all dark brown with flecks of unmistakable green. They let Rick know that everything was okay, they always seemed to have that distinct ability, and they more often than not succeeded.

Rick cleared his throat, and started again, forcing a smile onto his lips that was half real. “I miss the showers,” he said, finally getting his earlier point out.

Negan bumped his shoulder and nodded, “Me too.” He paused to scratch at his growing beard, then added, “And my fucking clippers.” He was still pissed he’d forgotten to bring those along. Although, there wasn't much time to remember the little things in the end. 

Rick smiled more comfortably and nodded back. He kept one arm secure around Judith, while his left hand trailed down the leg Negan was still holding to intertwine their fingers at his knee. He moved their hands so that they were resting in between them on the seat, out of view, and kept their eyes firmly locked the whole time.

Negan was grinning bigger now, tongue poking out through his teeth and making him look childishly giddy. The look slowly morphed into something else when those brown-green, maybe hazel, eyes trailed up Rick’s face, and when Negan’s mouth curled into something more like a sweet smile. He leaned a bit closer and whispered to Rick, “Goddamn, Rick. I really wanna kiss you right now.”

Rick huffed out a breathy laugh and said, “Me too.”

But, they wouldn’t. Not yet. They would eventually tell everyone, but they wanted to keep what they had close to their chests. It was still new, and they wanted that time to explore each other before everyone else started getting involved. Because, that’s what families do. They pry and they poke and they prod, and Rick loved that about his group, but didn’t think their relationship was ready to handle it just yet.

Plus, being in this sort of secret relationship with Negan of all people was a bit thrilling. Sharing those looks that only they understood, touching like this when nobody else could see, it was nice. For now, at least.

However, Rick would love it if they had some real privacy, for once. Negan dragging out his orgasm with his hand or his mouth just wasn’t enough. Sure, it worked. And it felt amazing each and every time. But, Rick was craving so much more and it was aggravating knowing that there was no telling when he would get it.

For now, being on this bus, listening to his family’s happy chatter, and holding Negan’s hand in a secure, tight grip, was enough. And it was good.

* * *

On the forth night while heading north, Negan had nearly cracked.

They stopped somewhere in south Virginia. Although they’d finally made it to a new state, nothing was really different so far. It was just as desolate as North Carolina, South Carolina, Tennessee and Georgia had been. The group tried not to let it kill their buzz, because at the very least, they were making progress.

The storage facility they chose was a good location for parking their bus, since they were able to utilize one of the units, while they all crowded into an empty one together. No one was willing to be separated in case something did go down.

But, nothing did. It was a relatively quiet night with Maggie and Glenn keeping watch outside.

Rick and Negan hadn’t had any time alone together since the trip started. The first night was because the group hadn’t found a place to hole up that night, so they decided to tough it out by sleeping in the bus.

The following two nights were because Rick had taken watch on one and Negan on the other. Neither wanted to risk getting frisky when they were out there to keep their family safe, so they kept away from each other just to stifle the urge.

But in nearly four days, it was like an eternity since they’d really touched each other. As soon as everyone was fast asleep, Negan crawled over and on top of Rick to claim him in a wet, needy kiss.

Rick was on his back, legs spread and practically wrapped around Negan before they’d even started.

Negan hummed in appreciation when Rick’s arms came to lock around his neck, and when Rick pushed his hips up to grind against Negan to show off his very hard cock.

Negan slid against him, hands roaming up Rick’s shirt while he dipped his tongue in and out of Rick’s mouth in an attempt to further memorize the taste. He pulled away to venture further down, but Rick clamped his teeth into Negan’s bottom lip, as if commanding him to stay.

Negan chuckled and dived back in, indulging Rick, because there was no way he could say no when those eyes were looking at him so earnestly.

So, Negan let his lips be bitten, tugged, licked and sucked on, while his hands trailed down to land on Rick’s strong thighs. He squeezed them, pulled them further apart and sunk down with his hips so that he could grind his full erection against Rick’s.

Rick finally released Negan’s lips, and when he did, he quickly covered his own mouth to stifle a noise that was forced up his throat from the contact. And Negan wouldn’t let up, grinding roughly and gripping so hard onto Rick’s thighs that there was no question of whether or not it would leave bruises.

Rick’s eyes were rolling back and his legs were rising up from Negan’s hips toward his back as he struggled to feel more of it.

“God,” Negan hissed, head dipped down so low that his lips were moving against Rick’s neck. “I wanna fuck you,” he groaned, then sucked down so hard on the skin beneath Rick’s ear that left Rick nearly spasming from the sensation.

Rick shakily removed his hand from his mouth and turned his head so that his cheek brushed against Negan’s. He lifted his hand up Negan’s back and into his hair, winding his fingers through it while he said, “Tell me.”

“Tell you what, baby?” Negan was kissing his neck now, licking at places he’d come to know were especially sensitive, and relishing in the way Rick shivered against him. His hips felt like they were moving on their own, chasing down an orgasm that was so much harder to find when he couldn’t do exactly what he wanted.

“Tell me what you were thinking about. That first day on the bus. Tell me,” Rick said, breathless and strained.

Negan chuckled before looking up to meet Rick’s eyes. “You serious?” he asked, and Rick did something he wasn’t quite prepared for.

He begged.

“Please. Tell me. I want to know. Please, baby,” he _goddamn_ whined too.

Negan rolled his eyes back and groaned, “Jesus fucking...” he trailed off, feeling it more between his legs after hearing Rick’s pleading words. It took him a while to get it together, and focus on not losing himself before someone around them decided to check out what was going on in the back corner.

He let out a few calming breaths, closed his eyes, and licked his lips before he was actually ready to speak. When he opened his eyes back up, Rick were staring right back at him, pupils blown and foggy in the most beautiful way Negan had ever seen.

“Alright,” Negan said with a nod as he finally recollected himself. He leaned back down, sucked Rick’s earlobe into his mouth and said, “First, I was thinking about how much I wanted to kiss you... Then,” he moved further down and licked right were Rick’s chin and neck connected, “I started thinking about how your lips had looked back at the church, wrapped around my dick and sucking me like it was your first time.” He chuckled darkly at that; voice distorted by the amount of lust tangled in each word. “Hell,” he said, “It _was_ your first time, wasn’t it?”

Rick gave a shaky nod when he realized Negan wanted an actual answer.

That pesky hand was back over Rick’s mouth too, and Negan had to put a full stop to the urge to rip it away. He wanted so badly to hear exactly what Rick sounded like, each and every moan. He had a feeling that each and every one was unique and Negan was missing out as they were stifled beneath Rick’s palm.

But Negan conceded, because now was not the time.

He, instead, continued to work his mouth along the curve of Rick’s neck and whisper out everything Rick seemed so desperate to hear. “After that, I just kept thinking of all the things we haven’t done yet. How much I liked pumping my dick into that sweet ass mouth of yours. How fucking amazing it’s gonna be when I bend you over and let you feel every inch of me sliding into you until you can’t feel anything other than my dick. Fucking you hard until all you know is my goddamn name,” He smiled against Rick’s neck when he felt the vibration of another long whine.

Negan moved one of his hands, undoing his jeans in a hurry, then moved on to do the same to Rick’s. Both of them sighed, something tangled and distorted by their appreciative moans, when Negan’s large hand wrapped around their cocks, linking them together and tugging them slow and steady in a firm grip.

“I kept thinking about how much I wanted to fuck you properly. On a bed, not some dingy ass floor. I wanna spread your legs and get a good look at that pretty ass of yours. Finger you until you cum all over whatever mattress I get you down on,” Negan cut himself off with a grunt as his balls tingled from the building pace of his hand.

And Rick was a mess, breathing hard and shallow into his own hand, eyes wet with unshed tears, like Negan’s words and movements were too much to handle at the same time. Overwhelming and over-stimulating.

Negan licked his lips at him and kept going, “I want you to ride me, Rick. I wanna fuck you every way possible. Damn, just thinking about me, sliding into you, all the way up to my balls... feeling you clenching, fucking tight as hell around my dick... God. Baby, you have no idea.” He clenched his eyes shut and forced his hand to keep working at their dicks, rather than the instant need he’d felt jolt through him to pull Rick’s jeans down further, bring his hand around until his fingers could prod at that tight entrance, then do exactly what he said he wanted to.

He couldn’t. He wouldn’t. This was going to have to do. He wasn’t fucking Rick for the first time in some goddamn storage facility while every slept around them. 

“ _Negan_ ,” Rick whimpered, and Negan looked to see that the hand wasn’t over his lips anymore. It was coming up to rest on Negan’s cheek. And those lips? They were wet and parted and red from previous abuse, but they were begging for more.

And Negan wasn’t one to refuse such an invite, so he dipped his head and claimed those lips once again. Sucking in a breath, Negan pushed them close and slid his tongue along the underside of Rick’s.

Rick’s hips jerked up, increasing the friction in their hands for a split, mind-blowing second. It urged Negan to go a bit faster, a bit harder. He squeezed his hand and yanked at his wrist, making sure to pay special attention to the heads of their cocks, because Rick always seemed to lose his mind a little when he did.

“You are gonna look so fucking good when I’m inside of you, baby,” Negan whispered, breathy and torn against Rick’s lips as he brought them closer.

Rick seemed as though he’d been shocked with electricity, spasming and jerking in Negan’s hand in a desperate attempt to reach that much anticipated peak.

And when they were both so close that they were letting out harsh breaths and Rick wouldn’t stop moaning so broken and hotly into Negan’s mouth, they could feel it. As their collective noises were drowned out into each other’s mouths, their cocks twitched and pumped out their euphoric release in a mess far worse than Negan had planned to make.

But, he couldn’t bring himself to care when Rick was heaving underneath him, clinging to him now, and kissing him through their orgasm.

It was a while before they separated, feeling sticky and sweaty and overall content. When they did, Negan rolled to the side, off of Rick, and broke into a fit of stifled laughter.

Rick started laughing along with him, and Negan felt something blossom in his chest as they laid there together, practically giggling after such an intense high.

It reminded him of back at the start, in Atlanta. Months ago, when they’d barely known each other, aside from the snippets of life they’d been willing to share with a total stranger. It reminded him of how they’d left that hideout and ran directly into the herd. How that herd had brought them onto the rooftop where they’d met Glenn, T-Dog and Andrea. How when they’d gotten to the top, they’d collapsed there and just started laughing together for no concrete reason.

Maybe a part of it was the joy of being alive, having made it out of that nightmarish situation. Maybe it was the joy of being together, having each other’s backs the whole way through, even though they’d barely known each other. And now? Negan wondered if he’d been fooling himself the entire time. If this wasn’t some love that had gradually blossomed but if, in that moment on that rooftop in Atlanta, it had been solidified without either of them knowing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew, I'm back from my video game excursion! Thank you all for sticking with me, and I hope you enjoyed this update. Let me know what you think! 
> 
> Next chapter will be up soon. 
> 
> Until then~


	21. Shithole

It was during the second week of their journey since leaving the church that everyone started pitching in to help Gabriel learn how to fight. He needed the training. They couldn’t have his back all the time, and one day, he might just need to save one of their asses in return.

Carl and Sophia were happy to lead the first session. They were out in the woods with their bus parked in a clearing. The teens were excited to show the entire group how much they’d learned and also at the prospect of teaching something to an adult for a change.

Gabriel was nice about it, only giving Rick one semi-sassy look when he was told that two fourteen-year-olds would be showing him how to use a machete. But Rick shut that shit down with a look of his own that practically seeped the words out of his eyes: Don’t argue, or you’ll be left behind.

Gabriel hadn’t so much as glanced at Rick after that, afraid he’d make good on that silent promise.

T-Dog, Maggie and Glenn went out on a run for more supplies. Hershel and Beth were resting in the bus with Judith. Michonne was giving practice swings with her sword on a poor, abused tree. Daryl went on his usual hunt. And Rick supervised the training.

Negan was sitting with Carol, drinking water and observing the teens when she spoke up, “So, you and Rick are together now?”

Negan was happy he’d just finished swallowing before he’d heard her, or he might have spit his water out on her face. “Excuse me?”

Carol shrugged and went on as if Negan hadn’t said anything at all, “You two know you don’t have to hide it, right?”

Negan blinked at her, confused and a little thrown off by the sudden line of questioning. Hell, Negan had just been saying he needed to give Lucille a good wipe down and Carol follows up with this?!

She seemed to notice his utter shock, and rolled her eyes at his expression like he was being too much. She said, “You two are not exactly quiet about it. Not as quiet as you think you are,” she mumbled the last part.

Negan’s eyes widened, and for the first time in a long fucking time, he felt a bit embarrassed. After a moment to collect his thoughts, he cleared his throat and asked, “How uh... how many of you know?”

Carol shrugged, “Sophia and Carl are heavy sleepers. Thank God. I would’ve had to go over there and shut you two up.”

Negan felt his cheeks getting warmer. Damn, is this what blushing like a school girl feels like? He had to wonder.

“Glenn, Maggie and T-Dog know. Hershel heard you two at the church and he cut off the buds of some headphones for him and Beth so they didn’t have to listen. Neither felt very comfortable bringing it up, you know?”

“I fucking bet,” Negan choked out.

“Daryl probably knows, but he hasn’t said anything to me about it, and always looks like he’s asleep while you two are... getting to it,” she finished with a light chuckle, and Negan realized that Carol was actually amused. Goddammit, she was making fun of him! “Michonne knows too, but she wasn’t surprised. Said, you two were practically screwing each other with your eyes when she first met you guys.” Carol really laughed after that, and Negan couldn’t do anything but cover his eyes and groan at his lack of self-control.

“So... everyone?” Negan asked with his eyes still covered by his hand. “Everyone but Carl and Sophia? God, even Beth? Shit, that’s why Hershel was giving me a weird ass look before. Like I smacked him on the ass, or some shit,” he dropped his hand once he heard Carol’s laughter dying down, and turned his eyes on her amused face.

“Gabriel doesn’t know,” Carol pointed out and Negan huffed out a relieving laugh.

“That’s fucking great. Probably would’ve pissed himself if he knew I was getting my freak on in his church.” He shook his head at himself. This was not how he’d wanted people to find out...

“It’s all right, I get it. Really,” she put a hand on his shoulder, letting him know she wasn’t judging him and that nobody else was either, even if a little peeved at being woken up by poorly muffled moans. When her humored smile morphed into something kind and soft, she asked, “Why didn’t you want to tell us?”

Negan sighed and shrugged, looking guilty now and less abashed, “I don’t know.” He felt himself smiling as his eyes found Rick again, pointing and barking out something at Gabriel that made the poor man flinch. “He’s something else, isn’t he? I guess...” he rubbed a hand over his mouth as he spoke, “I just wanted us to have this thing for a while, you know? Live in this bubble where it’s just us, before we started making our relationship known to everyone.”

Carol nodded, and she fully seemed to understand what he meant, even if she couldn’t quite grasp it. From what Negan had heard, Carol’s relationship with her late husband, Ed, had been nothing like that.

“Can you do me a favor, though?” Negan asked, turning his eyes on Carol and raising a brow at her in question. She nodded, and he smiled when he said, “Don’t tell Rick, yet.”

Carol didn’t say anything, just stared and waited for Negan to explain. So, he did.

“I think he likes you guys not knowing. I think he wants to tell you himself, when he’s ready. Will you give him that? Well shit, for me too?” Negan was grinning a little, like talking about Rick was infecting the way his mouth formed on his face.

Carol seemed to notice that too, and she was smiling along with him when she nodded.

“Good,” Negan said. “Besides, who knows what he’d do if you nosey little shits told him you heard what he sounds like when he’s busting a nut in my mouth. Probably have a fucking heart attack. Might even ban me from his dick, and I happen to fucking love that dick, Carol.”

She opened her mouth, momentarily shocked, but then closed it and laughed, lightly punching Negan’s arm and making him chuckle. “I really can’t believe that actually came out of your mouth,” she grumbled, still smiling like she wanted to laugh more but wouldn’t let herself.

Negan had no problem laughing for the both of them. “I’m just saying, Care. You might look at him and just see a good looking guy, but when he starts taking his clothes off,” Negan whistled and shook his head. “Whole different fucking story,” he huffed. “I’m getting hard just thinking about it.”

Carol got up, covering her mouth to hide her smile and forcing down the giggles so clearly bubbling at her gut. She pointed to him, then waved in the air, like she was batting his words away, and stalked off without another word.

Negan watched her go, doubling over with laughter. “Damn! I’m good!” He cheered to himself, and ignored the way Michonne looked at him like he’d lost his mind.

* * *

They found themselves in a fit of déjà vu two weeks later after that. A month since leaving the church.

They stood in front of a gated community, but it was completely silent. They weren’t sure what was inside, but from the outside it looked completely abandoned.

They sat in their bus, remembering Woodbury, and no one made a move to approach the gates.

It took a full ten minutes of tense, apprehensive staring before Glenn turned from his aisle seat to address the group. “What do we do?” He asked, eyes roaming over everyone.

Negan looked to Rick, who was incredibly rigid, jaw clenched and eyes narrowed. He knew Rick wasn’t able to come up with anything productive to say. So, Negan spoke up instead, “I think whoever was here, ditched this fucking place.”

“We can’t be too sure,” Maggie said.

Negan shrugged, “Looks unmanned. We’ve been sitting in the damn bus for fucking forever now, and no shitheads have come out interrogating us. There hasn’t been a sound since we pulled up. I think, if they’re in there, they either aren’t a big group, or don’t got shit to threaten us with.”

“It could be a trap,” Michonne added, looking nearly as icy as Rick was.

“We gotta try, though, right? We won’t know until we know,” Beth said and Sophia nodded eagerly in agreement.

“This is what we came out here for, isn’t it?” Carl said, holding Judith to his chest. No one could argue that. This is why they were traveling. They couldn’t always debate whether or not to go in, when their goal was staring them in the face.

Daryl spoke up next, “Don’t seem like anyone’s gonna greet our asses from out here.”

“I can take a peek?” Glenn suggested.

“No,” Rick growled.

Negan looked to him and was met with furious blue eyes. Negan didn’t back down, he knew this look. Rick was afraid, and he was angry at himself for being afraid. But, Rick would need to get over that shit for the time being. They needed to figure out what this was before writing it off.

“Baby,” Negan whispered, smiling a little and loving that Rick actually relaxed a bit under his gaze. “Let’s just take a look. Just a look. We can keep the bus running if we need to get the fuck outta dodge.”

Rick stared into his eyes for a long while, and Negan realized that the others were staring too. Waiting, patiently, to see if that sweet, loving voice Negan had put on would actually work.

Turns out, Negan had just as much of an effect on Rick, as Rick had on Negan.

“Fine,” Rick huffed, still looking pissed, but mostly subdued. “Glenn,” he looked up at the younger man. Glenn nodded in acknowledgment. “You and Michonne take a look. I’ll be outside with Daryl and Negan if anything happens. Gabriel—“

The priest looked at him from the driver’s seat. “Yes?” he answered.

“Keep the engine running,” Rick said, and then they were all moving.

Negan with his Lucille, Rick with his magnum and Daryl with his crossbow followed Glenn and Michonne—both carrying handguns—out the bus. Michonne’s sword remained slung over her back in case they needed to use the guns to attack at a longer distance.

Glenn and Michonne made it to either side of the gate, climbing over the trees that seemed more than a little hazardous for a community if their goal was to keep things out. It would be much too easy to climb over and breach the wall.

Rick, Negan and Daryl stood ready with their weapons, waiting for some form of affirmation. It didn’t take long for both Glenn and Michonne to look at the trio with wide eyes and a shake of their heads.

They all relaxed their hold on their weapons and looked at each other. “Nothing?” Rick asked when he looked from Glenn to Michonne.

“There are a good amount of walkers. But, that’s it,” Michonne said.

Seconds later... “Holy shit!” Negan said, and they were all surprised to hear the gusto in his voice. “No, sorry. I just had a fan-fucking-tastic idea.” He grinned at them, while they all continued to look at him with a mixture of weariness and concern.

“What? This place is totally abandoned, Negan,” Glenn said, stepping off of the tree and walking up to them. Michonne followed after him.

The group in the bus seemed to notice their relaxed stances and filed out to join their little huddle.

“Yeah, Glenie, I get that,” Negan said once they were all together. “But—shit—who needs that, anyway? Why don’t we just make this fucking place ours?”

Rick shook his head, “These trees,” he pointed at the ones Glenn and Michonne had perched on. “Anyone could climb over this gate and get inside.”

“We cut the fuckers down,” Negan said, as if the answer was blindingly obvious.

Rick put his hands on his hips and tilted his head at Negan, accessing him now. He pointed toward the gate this time, “There’s also walkers inside.”

“Pff, so we’ll kill the dead ones. That shit ain’t exactly new to us, sweetheart,” Negan said, rolling his eyes this time.

“He might be right,” Daryl said. “Could cut them trees down easy enough. Still gotta couple axes in the bus. Take a day tops.”

“And we wouldn’t have to worry about following someone else’s rules,” Sophia said.

“We could do things our way,” Carol added.

“Yeah,” Glenn said with a nod, smiling now that things were clicking in his head. “I’m in,” he said. Negan clapped a hand on his shoulder, and Glenn looked up to receive a wink.

“Attaboy, Glenie,” Negan said, then jostled Glenn’s shoulder a bit before letting go. He turned to Rick next, who looked like he was still more than a little apprehensive.

Carl stepping up with Judith pulled Rick’s attention before he spoke, “Dad, come on. This is it.” Judith cooed and pointed toward the gate, like her vote counted for something too.

Rick smiled at the pair, feeling the atmosphere’s shift affecting him now too.

“I gotta second the baby, man. Judith seems to know what she’s talking about,” T-Dog said, and the group fell into warming laugh.

It was while they were recovering from their relaxed joy that the gate started to open.

The looks were wiped off of all of their faces, replaced with the hardened, battle-bred looks that had come almost secondhand. Even Gabriel was sporting a proper mean mug at the sight of the gate’s movement. They turned in an instant, all pointing whatever weapon they had on hand at the potential threat.

When the gate finally did open all the way, it revealed a single man, or kid really. He couldn’t be a day over eighteen. He was skinny, and standing there with his rifle pointed like he wasn’t too sure if he was holding it right, but was trying his damndest to seem opposing.

“Who are you people?” He barked out at them.

“We were gonna ask you that,” Rick snarled, not lowering his weapon despite the boy’s age.

“Rick,” Negan said, slugging Lucille on his shoulder and approaching his partner. “He’s just a damn kid. And he looks like he’s about to piss himself.”

Rick peeked over at Negan, huffed, but then holstered his weapon without argument. The rest did the same, though they never completely relaxed their grip in case the mysterious boy decided to do something stupid.

Negan stepped forward. “Alright, kid,” he said. “How about this? We won’t light your ass up, if you agree to stop pointing that gun at us. Sound good?” He grinned, unwavering as the kid faltered with his grip.

He didn’t drop his aim, however, and instead repeated himself, louder this time. “Who are you people?!”

“We ain’t telling you shit until you drop that goddamn rifle, kid,” Negan said this time, voice a bit darker and admittedly frightening.

The kid looked hesitant, extremely so, but eventually dropped his aim and raised his hands above his head. Negan’s eyebrow quirked up at the kid’s sudden surrender. “Fine!” he said, and now that he wasn’t trying to be the big bad wolf, they could all hear the way his voice wavered with tears. “If you’re gonna kill me, just do it. You already killed everyone else.”

Just then, a walker approached the kid from behind. Carol lifted her gun and shot it between the dead one’s eyes, making the kid jump in shock. She holstered her weapon and said, “We’re not here to kill you. And we didn’t kill anyone here.”

The boy’s eyes widened, “Y-you didn’t?”

“No,” Hershel answered with a calming shake of his head.

“Well who are you then?” he asked, but nobody answered right away.

Instead, Negan pointed Lucille at the gate and said, “How about we talk after we take care of your freakshow friends back there?”

The boy looked over his shoulder, noticing a cluster of walkers approaching at the sound of Carol’s gunshot. He gave a shaky nod, then hustled, on what appeared to be a bum leg, to get behind the group.

“Watch him,” Rick said in a hiss to Carl. The teen held Judith closer to his chest with one hand and aimed his gun at the older kid’s head with the other.

The rest went inside to take care of their unwanted guests. It was an easy clearing, only about 25 walkers or so. Gabriel had taken out a fair share, so Negan grinned at him and offered a, “Look at you, Father-badass,” to which he received a bashful smile and nod in thanks.

When they returned to the boy, Carl put his gun away and bounced Judith in his arms, who had started up a fit due to all the noise. While he shushed her, Rick walked right up to the boy, inches away to really see into his eyes. “What’s your name?” Rick said through his teeth, and now the boy was shaking.

“N-Noah. My name’s Noah,” he said, then looked over all of them.

“You live here?” Rick asked, drawing Noah’s eyes back to him.

He gave a shaky nod, “I did. I was... kidnapped. Messed up my leg, but I made it back. Today actually,” he swallowed, and they could all see there was something thick there. Something painful.

“What happened here?” Hershel asked.

“I don’t know. Everyone—they were all killed. The dead couldn’t have been able to break through these walls. It had to be humans,” Noah answered, but there were still pieces of the puzzle missing.

They decided they should bring this chat into the neighborhood. Even if Judith was calming down, the noise they’d just made was sure to call more dead bastards over.

Rick assigned T-Dog, Daryl, Michonne and Glenn to clean up the bodies, which they’d jumped to do since the stench would be a problem if they’d left them there.

Maggie and Carol took Sophia and Carl to clear out any walkers that hadn’t made it to the entrance, then drag them out front. Beth and Hershel took Judith to look through the homes, which were thankfully intact.

Rick and Negan walked with Noah to what appeared to be a makeshift ‘Town Center’. There was a large, circular patch of grass and some benches lining the edges. They chose one for their interrogation, had Noah sit, then stood over him to make sure he knew just how big and bad they were.

Negan spoke first. “Okay, kid. Start from the beginning,” he said. “What the hell was this place?”

It wasn’t a complicated story to understand. Noah grew up in this neighborhood in the old world. The neighbors banded together, built a wall to keep the dead out, and sustained some form of normal life. Noah was kidnapped by some asshole group of cops while out on a run with his dad. “My dad didn’t make it. They left him behind,” Noah had said, and the rawness in his voice didn’t go unheard. He escaped after months there when one of them got attacked by a walker. The details of how and why were vague and smoothed over, but the kid seemed to be telling the truth, so Negan didn’t pressure him further.

Once Noah got out, he found his way back here. The neighborhood had been attacked. Everyone left inside was dead.

“Damn, kid,” Negan sighed, looking genuinely apologetic. “That’s tough. I’m sorry.”

Noah shook his head, sniffling and wiping away the tears that had just made it to the surface. “It wasn’t you guys, right? You didn’t do this?” He seemed desperate for the truth. As if it would break him to know that the people standing before him had done such a monstrous thing to the people he loved. Noah was just as wary of them as they were of him. Negan didn’t blame him for thinking this might be some sort of trap. But, it wasn’t.

Rick shook his head, “We’re from Georgia. Been heading north looking for a place to call home. And...” He looked up and around until his eyes landed on Negan. “I think we found one,” he said, mouth tugging into a small smile that was almost secretive. Negan smiled back, because there was no way he couldn’t.

“Here? Why? This place is a graveyard,” Noah said; voice disbelieving.

Negan looked down at the kid and shrugged, “Graveyard’s just a plot of dirt. Doesn’t mean we can’t build on top of that shit.”

Noah blinked, like he truly wasn’t expecting that to be Negan’s self-assured answer.

“What do you say, kid? Wanna help turn this shithole into our new home?” Negan received a light slap on the gut for that. He looked to Rick, who was giving him that ‘Negan...’ look, and he realized he might have been a bit insensitive. “Oh, yeah. Shit. No, kid. I didn’t mean it like that. What I’m trying to say is—“

“Yeah,” Noah cut in, nodding vigorously and looking up with an amount of determination in his eyes that was kind of startling. “I’ll do it,” he looked between them. “Let’s do it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew, took me longer than I thought it would to push this out! Hope you guys liked the update. Let me know what you think~ The next chapter should be up soon :>


	22. The L Word

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My God, I can't believe it took me a month to get this chapter together. Sorry y'all, this one was giving me a lot of trouble. Hope you enjoy!

Rick decided on that first day of moving into what used to be Noah’s neighborhood, to tell his group about Negan. Especially since they would all be moving into homes and it would be suspicious if Negan moved into his home with Carl when there were so many available homes to choose from.

Everyone was chatting around what they were officially calling _‘Town Center’_ when Rick walked up to Negan and whispered, “We should tell them.”

Negan grinned at him, tongue running over his teeth, as he looked down to meet Rick’s eyes. “You sure?” he asked.

Rick nodded, “Yeah, I’m sure.”

Negan shrugged a shoulder, “Okay, darlin’. Let’s do it then.”

Rick nodded again, more to himself this time, then walked with Negan over to the center of where everyone was gathered. They looked to them, almost out of instinct, before Rick even started speaking.

“Something wrong?” Glenn asked, stepping an inch closer to Maggie, like there was a subconscious need to protect her.

Rick cleared his throat and did his best to speak in an even tone when he said, “Negan and I...” his eyes landed on Carl, gaging his reaction as he finished, “We’re together.”

Carl and Sophia gaped, which had been expected. But, nobody else seemed to give a similar reaction, which Rick found... odd.

Well, except Gabriel, who was staring wide-eyed at the couple.

Noah didn’t have much of a reaction at all, but then again, there wasn’t really a reason for him to.

“Like... dating?” Carl asked. Rick was happy it was out of surprise and not disgust or anger, like he had somewhat feared.

Rick nodded at that. “Sort of. Might be a little past the dating phase,” he admitted. Still, the rest of the group was just staring, and Rick tilted his head at them, because now it was just getting weird.

Negan groaned behind him before he spoke, “Jesus fucking—You assholes could at least _try_ to look surprised!”

That seemed to kick everyone into action. “Oh! Yeah, _wow_ ,” Maggie said in her awkward attempt.

“Yeah, I mean. Didn’t expect that at all,” Glenn huffed out with a strained laugh.

“That’s crazy, man,” was T-Dog’s try.

“Mhm, didn’t suspect that for a moment,” Michonne added, looking like she was ready to start laughing.

“This is great news, right?” Carol said next and they all nodded and _mhm’d_ in agreement. Even Daryl, who seemed to be half-listening, nodded along.

Rick closed his eyes and laughed, then shook his head as he spoke, “Y’all knew.”

They all seemed to relax after that, falling into a laughing fit while Rick continued to beat himself up for thinking he was actually dropping a bomb on them.

“We didn’t know,” Sophia said, gesturing to Carl and pouting like she wanted to be in on the joke.

Carl rolled his eyes, bouncing his baby sister in his arms as he said, “Geez, I feel like Judith knew before me.”

“I wasn’t aware, either,” Gabriel said. The smile on his face was warm, and his shocked expression seemed to disappear as a result. “You two hid yourselves well."

“No,” Glenn said through his laughter. “You’re just a deep sleeper, man.”

When Glenn said this, Rick felt his whole body heat up. The happiness from their acceptance morphed into a rage of embarrassment.

Glenn must’ve noticed his slip up by the look on Rick’s face. The pure mortification.

As Rick turned to face Negan with wide eyes and a red face, Negan was glaring at Glenn before realizing Rick was silently calling for his attention.

The laughter died down around them, and Rick could hear a thump, and Glenn hissing in pain before Maggie whispered, _“Good going, dummy.”_

And Glenn whispering a pitiful, _“I’m sorry! It just slipped out!”_ in return _._

When Rick met Negan’s eyes, he knew that Negan knew that they knew and it pissed him off. Even if it was a bit irrational. It wasn’t like Negan had forced Rick to mess around all those nights. But, if Negan knew they’d been overheard, he could’ve spared him of some of this embarrassment. Now he was sitting there feeling completely opened up, and the only one he could think to point his anger toward is the man in front of him.

Negan tried to grin through obvious nerves, and placed a hand on Rick’s shoulder to stroke him like he was a damn cat. Like, that was going to sooth him into feeling less humiliated.

“Rick. Honey, I—,” Negan stopped abruptly when Rick shook his head. It was a powerful enough gesture to silence Negan and make him drop his hand. After that, Rick couldn’t stand being the person with all eyes on him, so he walked around Negan toward whatever would need cleaning up to take his mind off of everything that he’d just realized about those nights he’d thought nobody was listening when he’d whispered out Negan’s name with a voice debauched and rough with passion.

* * *

Negan huffed out a deep sigh and shook his head after Rick’s cold departure.

The group was still sitting there, looking at him and likely feeling bad over the minor rift they’d caused.

Glenn stepped up, cautiously, and rounded on Negan until he was standing in front of him. Negan lifted his head up to look at him, and damn this kid, because he had a face Negan just couldn’t hold a grudge against, even if it did potentially cause him to end up sleeping on the not-so-metaphorical couch for the night.

“I’m sorry, Negan. It just slipped out,” Glenn said, shuffling his feet and looking damn miserable.

Negan shook his head, “It’s alright, Glenie. He probably is just embarrassed as shit right now and wants to murder me,” he shrugged. “No big deal.” He squeezed his eyes shut and dropped his head after that, then proceeded to beat himself up in his own mind.

He should’ve just told Rick they knew so Rick wouldn’t have to go through possibly hearing how his moans had disturbed their group at night. And then, that very thing ended up happening. And now? Rick was too fucking embarrassed to even stand being around him. He could tell. In that look, the way he shook his head, his tense shoulders as he walked away. Negan could tell.

He thought it would mean something for Rick to tell the group himself. And it had, for a while, until Glenn decided to open his big mouth and spill the very thing Negan didn’t want being goddamn spilled.

“Jesus... You think he’s that mad?” Glenn asked, looking pale now.

“I don’t really get what’s going on, but I’ve never seen my dad look like _that_ before,” Carl said, and Negan was grateful enough that he didn’t fully understand what had been said between the rest of the group.

They all offered up some form of apology after that, and Negan accepted it for what it was since none of them really meant any harm anyway.

After receiving a firm pat on the shoulder from Daryl and an apologetic kiss on the cheek from Carol, the group dispersed into the neighborhood, starting the process of getting everything looking less dead and more livable.

Maggie, Glenn, Noah and Beth were on interior clean up duty. Daryl, Michonne and T-Dog were starting on cutting down the trees that were closest to the gates. Carl and Sophia went around with Hershel to figure out which building would be used for medicine, which for storage, which for guns and weapons and which for the pantry. There were a lot to choose from, and they settled on four that were aligned at the far distance of the community.

Negan and Rick were going to be cleaning up and straightening out the exterior. Looking for any roamers that might just creep up on them, cleaning up blood, picking up shit that had been thrown out or dropped in a hurry as the people here tried to escape from whatever threat had taken them out.

Rick was just pulling in the bus, Daryl and Michonne holding open the gates as he backed in, when Negan walked up to try to smooth things over.

Rick hopped out and slammed the door closed, looking just as furious as he had when he’d walked off. He had his hands firm on his hips and his brows were knitted together when Negan got close enough to speak. “Hey there, gorgeous,” Negan tried to open up with a lighthearted grin and a wink, but that was shot down quickly enough with the way Rick glared at him in return.

“What is it, Negan?” Rick said through his teeth, and Negan hated to admit he felt like he was starting to sweat under that gaze.

“Come on, baby. I’m sorry. I told them not to say shit like that,” Negan said, but that was obviously not the right thing, because Rick sucked his teeth and crossed his arms, looking even more closed off than before.

“So, you knew? What? Did they tell you?” Rick asked, not overly demanding, but more calm and sinister. That was somehow much worse.

“Carol did,” Negan said, and Rick huffed and turned away. “Rick, no. Don’t. Please?” He grabbed Rick’s arm and pulled him around so that they were face to face again. Rick’s face was bright red now, and _God, so fucking adorable_. But Negan wouldn’t say that out loud. Not while Rick was fuming. He held firm on Rick’s crossed arms and made sure to look him in the eye when he spoke again, “Darlin’, ain’t shit to be embarrassed about, okay? So, they heard us going at it like goddamn bunnies. We hear Glenn and Maggie half the time, and they _still_ don’t know that shit.”

Rick’s mouth twitched up, revealing a small smile before it was completely wiped away. Negan grinned and chuckled, then chanced placing a hand on Rick’s cheek. Those blue eyes softened a bit, and Negan felt like his heart might have moved up into his throat.

“Sweetheart,” Negan said, rubbing a thumb just over the corner of Rick’s lips. “So, what if they heard us?” he repeated. “Just means they know this shit isn’t temporary.”

He didn’t know exactly why he’d chosen that exact word. And even though it did the trick, leaving Rick’s wide blue eyes filled with a feeling that suspiciously felt like the big L word, it still left Negan’s mind reeling as he realized what he’d said.

_This isn’t temporary._

_Not for me or you._

_This is everything._

All of it was in that one simple statement. Negan realized that, yeah, he was in it for the long haul. And with the way Rick was leaning in, pushing their bodies together and wrapping his arms around Negan’s waist, he knew that Rick was in just as deep.

Negan couldn’t even wipe the smile off his as he wrapped his arms around Rick’s shoulders and leaned down to press their lips firmly together.

* * *

That first night at the unnamed community was one Negan knew, over everything he claimed to know, that he would never forget. And never wanted to forget.

They’d managed to make the place look pretty decent by nightfall. It was sort of a godsend, this neighborhood.

There were solar panels, giving them electricity and heat. A pipeline that allowed them to have fresh, running water, and actual plains of grass that would be excellent for planting, according to Hershel. Negan felt sorry for the people who were killed by the group of assholes Noah mentioned. There didn’t seem to be a single damn reason to leave this place.

They all claimed their homes, and still, there were so many left that remained empty. Even after they’d sort of made a shopping center out of the newly dubbed food, weapons, medical and supply buildings, there were still at least ten uninhabited. There was even a church for Gabriel to continue his practice. And, though begrudgingly, the group agreed to attend Sunday services just so the God-loving priest wouldn’t feel bad.

Daryl took the smallest home, that looked more like a large shed, but he said he didn’t need much room. It had a nicely sized bedroom, a bathroom, a sort of living area and space for him to gut his kills. It was enough.

Glenn, Maggie, Beth and Hershel lived in the house next to what they discovered to be a half-constructed barn. They planned to complete the building in time, and they’d be able to start taking in and domesticating wild pigs, find some cows and maybe even a few horses.

T-Dog and Gabriel decided to share a space. Neither seemed too fond of being alone, and T-Dog seemed to genuinely enjoy breaking the poor priest’s balls.

Noah preferred to stay in the home he grew up in. Even if that might seem a bit lonely, they all understood his reasoning.

Carol and Sophia took the house across from Noah’s, a modest three-bedroom that Carol claimed would be cozy and oozing with the smell of freshly baked cookies once they found some proper ingredients. Michonne was invited to stay with them, and she’d happily accepted.

And then there was Negan, Rick, Carl and Judith, all sharing a home next door to Carol. Beth and her group had done a good job cleaning up the insides. There was still some mess left that would need to be taken care of in the morning, but it was mostly nice. They had a three-bedroom place. A room for Judith that was small, but all she needed. It was upstairs next to the room Negan was happy to call both his and Rick’s. The master had a bathroom inside too, so there were a lot of opportunities for shower sex that Negan wasn’t ashamed to have been thinking of the entire time he stared at it.

Carl claimed the attic as his room. It was a large space that the previous teen who lived there made sure to keep stocked full of comic books and video games.

That night, everyone was tuckered out from the harrowing day. With all their excitement about finding a place and moving in, none of them realized they’d actually been on the road for nearly six hours before that. Then having fought off a gang of walkers, mostly cleaned up this large neighborhood and now that it was hitting 10 p.m. (which Negan took a second to marvel at, because there was an actual clock that seemed to keep proper time and it had been for-fucking-ever since he’d known what the hell time it was) the entire group was hanging on by a thread.

Carl had conked out as soon as his body hit the bed, _an actual goddamn bed_. Beth had found a crib while searching through the neighborhood and had been kind enough to put it in the room for Judith. She was out like a light, but maybe that’s just because she was a baby.

That left Negan and Rick, scrubbing their teeth in their shared bathroom with the unused tooth brushes and half-empty toothpaste they’d found, looking exhausted, but refreshed from their showers. Negan was sure fucking glad to get rid of the sweaty, death smell they all seemed to carry around with them. After a while, you get used to it. But, once it was gone, it was like your nose was in fucking heaven.

Once they were done, and spitting out their paste in the sink, Negan turned to Rick and grinned. They were both in T-shirts and old jeans they’d found in the pile of clothes Beth said, _‘would most likely fit them.’_ Negan couldn’t help but think they were both far too overdressed.

Even so, he pushed that thought aside for now.

“Guess what the fuck I found?” Negan said through his grin.

Rick smiled and tilted his head, “What?”

Negan crouched down to open up the cabinet under the sink, then stood back up with a new set of clippers in his hand. “Ready for your makeover, sweetheart?”

Rick laughed at the giddiness in Negan’s expression. “Do you have to say it like that?”

Negan shrugged, “Oh, I don’t mean it in a bad way. You’re still fucking gorgeous, but can’t a guy like the way his man looks with a fresh cut?”

“Your man?” Rick questioned next, raising a brow and cocking a hip like he wanted more of an explanation.

Negan rolled his eyes, “Yeah, my fucking man. Now, sit your ass down ‘cause I wanna see that pretty face of yours.”

Rick huffed, but uncrossed his arms and did as he was told.

It was much like the other times Negan had shaved Rick. He did his own face first, and Rick would stare, but this time openly, like he didn’t care if Negan knew he was staring.

Then Rick would get his turn and he’d close his eyes while Negan carefully shaved Rick down until there was just a bit of stumble casting a shadow over the lower half of his face.

When he was finished, Negan brushed off the loose hairs from Rick’s cheeks and neck, then leaned forward while Rick’s eyes were still closed to give him a long-awaited kiss.

Rick’s mouth spread into a smile through the kiss. He reached up and held onto the hands Negan had still clasping his face and neck, then used them as leverage to push himself up from where he sat on the closed toilet, making sure not to break their kiss.

Negan gripped Rick’s sides and helped steer them out of the bathroom and into the dark bedroom. They stumbled, being in a space that was somehow both comforting and unfamiliar to them, until they bumped and nearly collapsed onto the bed.

The fall had only broken their kiss for a second, leaving them with lopsided smiles as they dove in once again.

Rick was especially enthusiastic, and Negan loved that about him. Before all of those nights fooling around in odd locations, Negan would never have guessed Rick would be so eager when it came to sex. It was an exciting quality about the man Negan grew more and more fond of.

They were still kissing when Negan rolled Rick onto his back and perched himself in between Rick’s thighs. It took all the willpower Negan could muster to pull away, leaving Rick with reddened, bruised lips.

Negan grinned down at Rick’s flushed face. Rick was smiling back, and Negan felt his chest swell up with an immeasurable amount of heat. He pulled his fingers through Rick’s hair, soft and damp from his earlier shower, then pushed the bangs off of Rick’s forehead and leaned down to feather his lips against the exposed skin.

Rick’s hands traveled down Negan’s chest, while Negan was getting lost in peppering him with kisses. Rick’s hands went down, then back up, under Negan’s shirt. Negan shivered at the feeling of cold fingers tracing the muscles of his abdomen, sliding up and down and mapping out each dip and curve.

Negan found his way back to Rick’s lips and sunk his teeth lightly into Rick’s lower lip, drawing out a deep groan that went straight to his dick.

They were both feeling it, both panting and incredibly hard. Even though Negan wanted more than anything to rip Rick’s flimsy shirt off and tear into his jeans, there was something intoxicating about lying in a bed that was now theirs and just feeling each other. Despite how many times they’d kissed or gotten off to just their hands or mouths.

Negan moved his hands up Rick’s shirt, up his sides, feeling out the muscles there in the same way Rick had just moments ago. But this time, he pulled the fabric up and Rick obliged him by raising his arms over his head. Negan easily slipped it off, tossing it into the darkness of their new bedroom.

Negan worked on himself next. He sat back and pulled his shirt off, then undid the buttons on his jeans. Rick did the same, maintaining eye contact as he unfastened himself and slid his jeans down to his ankles, kicking them off the rest of the way. When they were finished and coming back to each other, they sighed at the feeling of skin against skin. The way their hard cocks pressed and slid together without the pesky fabric barrier between them. And there was something so much more visceral now that they were alone. Really alone. Now that they were in their home and in their bed. Having Rick’s strong legs wrap around his hips felt so different now.

Negan bent down to catch Rick in an open, wet kiss. He rotated his hips down and hummed at the way it sent sparks of electricity through his nerves. He swallowed Rick’s moans, eating each one hungrily and letting it consume him.

And Rick? Jesus fucking Christ, Rick was something else. He was panting hard into Negan’s mouth, switching between sucking on his lips and teasing at his tongue. His hands were rough as they grabbed at Negan’s arms and clawed down his back. And his hips were moving with the same amount of urgency as Negan’s, gyrating upward so Negan could feel how hard he was.

Negan only detached himself for a moment, smirking when Rick groaned in displeasure as he reached into the nightstand by the bed. He retrieved a bottle of lube he’d stashed inside, thanking whoever had lived two doors down where he’d found it. When he came back with it, Rick gave it a look and Negan couldn’t stop himself from laughing.

“What?” Negan said with an innocent tilt of this head.

“Where exactly did you get that?” Rick asked, and was so obviously trying to taper down his growing smile.

Negan shrugged playfully, “Housewarming gift.” He popped the cap off and bent down to silence Rick with another kiss before he started asking more questions.

Rick was easily distracted, getting lost in the feeling while Negan slicked his fingers with the lube that might very well be expired. Negan lifted one of Rick’s legs and hooked his arm around it, spreading them even wider as his lubed hand reached down. He sat up a bit so he could watch Rick’s expression as he circled and pressed his finger to his hole, and holy God-damn was it worth it.

Rick’s eyes opened wide and dilated, his lips parted and he let out a puff of air that had been a cross between a moan and a whimper. Negan licked his lips. “You ready for this, baby?”

Rick‘s eyes flickered to Negan’s. His skin was flushed red all over and Negan could feel the heat radiating off of him. He gave Negan a shaky nod, and it was all he needed to press his fingers forward. He rubbed the entrance, reveling in the way it twitched and damn near begged for him. Rick shivered, like something cold had sliced through him at the feel of Negan’s fingers prodding him. Negan would’ve loved to play with him there for a while longer, watch Rick squirm until he was screaming for it, but he was too impatient. He slipped a finger inside and claimed Rick’s lips again, stifling the noise that had just started to bubble out Rick’s throat.

He sucked on Rick’s lips as he worked his finger in and out, his own cock swelling painfully as he got a small taste of what was to come. He shifted, using the arm hooked around Rick’s leg to pull him even wider, pressing his finger deeper. Rick broke their kiss to let out a moan that was both filthy and desperate. Negan would’ve teased him for it, but all of his blood had rushed from one head to the other. All he could think was how much he wanted this. How he wanted to fill Rick up, mess him up so thoroughly that he’d forget his own name.

He pressed inside with a second finger, and busied himself with his mouth on Rick’s neck, sucking and kissing and licking. Rick’s hand found its way to the back of Negan’s head, squeezing his hair tightly, threatening to pull out strands with the strength of his grip. Negan didn’t mind. Hell, he liked it a little rough. By now, Rick knew that too.

He worked Rick’s hole open, scissoring his fingers and plunging them deeper. He bent and hooked his fingers until he found the right spot, and when he did, Rick’s eyes shot open and the noise he made was unreal. It was loud enough that Negan started to laugh. He covered Rick’s lips with his own as he continued to abuse that same spot, rubbing against it and pushing until he felt Rick shake all over.

He slipped a third finger in and it was like Rick didn’t even feel it. It wasn’t long until Rick was pliant and stretched. His body was relaxed and trembling and Negan knew he was ready for him.

When he pulled his fingers out Rick hissed and groaned at the lost feeling. Negan braced his free hand on the bed by Rick’s head and, without warning, he positioned the head of his dick to Rick's entrance and started pushing in.

Negan’s cock was twitching and pulsing with need and Rick was arching his back as he felt it filling him up. Rick was unbelievably tight, which Negan assumed he would be, but he didn't think it would feel quite like this. The way the heat wrapped around him, and how the muscles tightened and clenched around his dick; sucking him in. Negan hung his head and gasped. His forehead was pressed to Rick’s chest and Rick, with his hand still tangled in Negan’s hair, craned his neck so he could give him a soft kiss.

Negan felt his heart melt. He looked up again and into Rick’s eyes as he pushed himself deeper and it got even worse. It was like his body was going numb and burning up all at the same time. He felt lightheaded and dizzy, and everything around them drowned out into nothing. It was just Negan and Rick, breathing each other in and it felt perfect.

But Negan couldn’t stay still for long. He balled the covers under his hand into a tight fist and pumped his hips, rolling so his cock filled Rick, making Rick arch his back even more and open his mouth wide through a strangled moan. Negan grabbed Rick’s leg tighter and hitched it up higher, then jerked his hips forward again so that he could press roughly against Rick’s prostate. Negan hung his head again and groaned at the feeling. He squeezed his eyes shut and did it again, and again, until he found a solid rhythm. He was quickly losing himself. Being inside Rick like this was throwing his senses into overdrive. He tried to take his time, rolling his hips and pushing in slowly, then pumping in and out when he couldn't quite get enough. 

And Rick seemed to be having just as hard of a time keeping his composure. He was squirming and moaning, his hands were on Negan's chest, then his shoulders, then his hair, like he wasn't sure exactly where to put them. And it got worse, or better, when Negan grabbed onto his leg tighter, bending it forward almost painfully and forcing Rick to fold in on himself while he pushed his cock in harder, digging right at his prostate. At a certain point, he rested Rick's leg on his shoulder, then switched hands so he could fist at Rick's cock, dripping now with droplets of precum. 

Negan stroked him hard and fast. He couldn’t stop himself from growling, “God, Rick. You feel fucking amazing.”

Rick let out an unfiltered moan. His voice was raspy, throaty and broken and _Jesus Christ_ , Negan hoped Carl was fast asleep. Judith wouldn’t know what was what, but it would be painfully awkward if they’d woken either of them up with their fucking.

Negan pulled Rick's leg from his shoulder and used it as leverage. He leaned back into a sitting position, situating Rick in his lap. He would have to pat himself on the back later, having switched their positions without having to pull out, but now wasn’t the time, because Rick was already moving again. He bounced up and down on Negan’s cock, gripping painfully tight on his shoulders as he pushed himself down, filled himself up, and repeated the action in an amazing show of effort.

Negan ran a hand through Rick’s hair, pushing it back and off his forehead so that he could really see him. And yeah, Rick was beautiful. Now, with his mouth open and pleading, with his face, neck and chest flushed hot red from their actions, more than ever. Negan grabbed Rick's hips and took control, lifting Rick up and down harder, and maybe too hard, because now Rick was pressing his mouth to Negan's neck in an attempt to muffle his screams. Negan’s head shot back with a loud groan as his balls seized up. It wasn't long before he thrusts were getting a little too jerky and a little too uncoordinated. He grabbed onto Rick's cock, and resumed his stroking while simultaneously fighting against stopping before he came inside and keeping at the same pace so that he could fill Rick up.

But, he didn’t have much time to decide. A moment later, Rick shouted out and shot up strings of cum onto Negan’s stomach. The sticky, wet feeling accompanied with the way Rick tightened his muscles around him pushed Negan over the edge. He came, pumping his hips up hot and needy as his balls gave out. It was blinding, the pleasure that surged through him like an electric shock. It shook his body, and he wrapped his arms tightly around Rick’s waist in an attempt to ground himself. Rick followed suit, riding out his orgasm as Negan spent himself.

The world around them finally came back into focus. The room filled with the heat and sound of their heavy breathing. Negan felt himself smiling as his mind righted itself. He looked up into Rick’s eyes that were lulling and half-open in a dazed, fucked out sort of way that made Negan feel like he was melting all over again.

“Hey,” Negan said through a heavy breath and a growing smile.

Rick chuckled and lifted up enough to wipe at his sweating forehead. “Hey,” he managed to say, sounding just as out of breath.

Negan dipped down to plant a kiss to Rick’s neck. Then his chin. Then right beneath his ear, and he chuckled as Rick let out a low groan.

“I think you broke me,” Rick said, and Negan could tell he was smiling before he even looked up.

“You’re not giving yourself enough credit, honey,” Negan grunted and caught Rick in a long, lazy kiss.

When he pulled back, he used whatever strength he had left to lift Rick off his dick and lay him down in the bed. Negan pulled the covers out and over their bodies, fine with doing all the work now that Rick was nearly dead to the world. And really, Rick looked ready to pass out at any moment.

Under the covers, Negan pulled Rick’s naked body against him, slotting him in and reveling at how perfectly he fit. His one arm was bent on the pillow, and Rick rested his head against it, while Negan’s other arm wrapped around his waist. They laid there buzzed, ready to fall asleep in their first real home since this strange journey through the undead world began.

It was then, as Negan felt his eyes grow too heavy to keep open when he heard Rick whisper, “I love you.”

Negan sucked in a sharp breath. He felt it in his chest, and it nearly knocked the wind out of him. Which was odd, to say the least.

He sat up just enough so that he could crane his neck and look down at Rick’s face. Rick had tilted his head and was looking right back at him. Negan’s lips tugged into a smile, something soft and warm and once reserved only for Lucille, but now catered to the man in his arms. “I love you too,” he whispered back, and Rick let out a short puff of air like he was actually shocked by the response.

Negan grinned and laid back down to plant soft and sweet kisses on the back of Rick’s neck. He was a goner, and Rick would have to be an idiot not to know that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading!! And to the people who've been sticking with me since the beginning of this story, y'all are amazing! I hope you're all excited to see what happens next. Let me know what you think :3 
> 
> Until then~


	23. King County

It was easy calling the neighborhood they’d stumbled upon “home.”

Once the town was cleaned, Gabriel offered to hold a service for Noah’s loved ones, thanking them for what they left behind. It turned out to be something the entire group needed. Somehow, it made saying goodbye to the people they’d lost along the way easier. Shane, Lori, Andrea, and so many people Rick and Negan hadn’t had the chance to meet.

Weeks were turning into months. The fear of the outside world never left them, but things were getting easier.

Training sessions were held every week. Daryl and Michonne took a few people out on runs, teaching them how to hunt, track and learn the area more and more each day.

Everyone pitched in when they could. Hershel, Maggie and Beth had successfully turned the unfinished space next to their home into a barn. They managed to find a couple horses, a few pigs and chickens.

Tensions were low. Soon enough, people started to stumble upon their gates.

First it was an odd group consisting of a large, shit-talking redhead, two women and a mullet wearing genius.

“We apologize for the unforeseen, unintended intrusion. But we’re here to cause no harm to you or your fine people, I assure you,” the mullet man spoke up first, words coming out fast and jumbled together. His accent was thick. Too thick for Virginia.

“We’ll totally leave. Uh... I mean... we’re not here to cause any harm. Like he said,” one of the girls said as she gestured awkwardly to mullet man. She was the younger looking one with tanned skin.

The redhead’s jaw was clenched the entire time, and the Hispanic woman beside him looked equally as tense. Their group stood on the outside of their gates, while Rick, Negan, Glenn and T-dog were perched up top with rifles aimed at their heads.

“State your business!” Rick barked out, loud so they could hear him.

They all looked at each other, mirroring Rick’s group way back when they had been at the gates at Woodbury. They were battered and dirty, like most were in these times. And when they looked back, there was something in all of their eyes that Rick found familiar, enough so that his aim faltered.

_Hope._

“We can’t live like this anymore,” the young woman with the tanned skin spoke up again. She spoke for all of them, though they all had a feeling ‘Red’ was calling the shots. They also learned that ‘Red,’ was named Abraham, and he didn’t take shit from anyone.

The tanned woman was Tara. She’d been young when it all started. And although it had been a year since, she looked miles older than a 19-year-old fresh in the academy.

The Hispanic woman was Rosita. She was powerful for her stature, and not one to take likely.

And Eugene was the mullet man. Smart as a fucking whip, but cowardly as all hell. The large redhead was Abraham, and they later learned exactly why he’d kept his mouth shut while they were outside those gates. The man has a short fuse.

Tara’s words resonated. _‘We can’t live like this anymore.’_

Hearing them spoken with so much passion and urgency made it impossible to keep their guns raised.

They were the first strangers they’d met since Gabriel, and they became family quickly enough.

That same day when Abraham and his group were setting up in one of the empty homes, Rick and Negan hovering _‘just in case,’_ the redhead asked, “What the hell do you call this shit stain of a miracle?”

Negan and Rick looked to each other, neither having thought about community names or the like. Rick opened his mouth when he turned back, still unsure of what to say, and it was obvious. Abraham raised an eyebrow at his awkwardness, and it was Negan who blurted out, “King County.”

Rick whipped his head toward his lover, smirking a little, despite the incredulous look in his eyes. Negan looked to him, grinned and shrugged, then looked back at Abraham.

“King County, huh?” Abraham tested the name out on his tongue, then shrugged in his approval.

The following day they hung up a handwritten sign that read the community’s name proud to any who approached them.

_‘King County._

_Shelter for the lost. Vengeance for the plunderers.’_

The next group came in weeks after that. Sasha, her husband Bob and her brother Tyrese. Bob had said something then while at the gate with his hands up just as the first group had been. Oddly enough, it was Abraham doing the interrogating this time.

“I don’t give two licks of a donkey’s ass how long you’ve been fuckin’ those dead shit-for-brains. That just ain’t reason enough for me to open up my loving arms to you fine people,” Abraham said, his trademark machine gun loaded and ready. Though, if Negan had anything to say about it, his enormous stature was enough to detour potential threats.

But it was then that Bob spoke out, “We’ll leave, if that’s what y’all want. But I believe we found this place for a reason. That maybe,” he smiled and looked up at the sky, then over to his wife, who was giving him a _‘what is wrong with you?’_ face, then back up at Abraham as he continued, “Maybe all people aren’t that bad. Maybe you’re only holding that gun up to our heads to prove that bad people aren’t welcome here. Maybe you all are the good guys. And I gotta say... that’s a good enough sign for me to know this place could very well be home someday.”

The trio took the house next to Abraham’s group that night.

And it continued. People were starting to trickle in left and right. Soon enough, they were making plans to build new homes. They had a protocol by then.

_“How many walkers have you killed? How many people have you killed? Why?”_

The answers varied, but it was the sincerity in them that deemed most worthy of the community.

Soon enough, that feeling of survival turned into a feeling of rebuilding. That wasn’t to say the group hadn’t encountered a foe or two who wanted what they had, but they’d gotten strong. They had numbers, artillery, medicine, food, water, energy. And it just kept on growing.

In months, King County was a flourishing community, thriving and full of life.

Beth and Noah became a sort of thing, and though Hershel was wary, he accepted the young man as an honest and genuine match for his little girl.

Michonne had opened up, smiling and laughing with the group, showing off a childish side none of them saw coming.

Gabriel married Maggie and Glenn just months after they’d settled in. They held their marriage in the center of the town... Town Square, they’d officially dubbed it. Dozens of people attended, wearing clothes from the dead who had left this place for them. It almost felt normal. It was nice to know things could somewhat be what they used to be, even in the midst of a world of shit.

Judith was learning how to walk, and Negan felt like he was watching his own daughter as she crawled around the floor of their living room. On a normal night, Negan would be cooking in the kitchen and Rick would be reading. They’d turn to each other and smile. On other normal nights, Negan would come up with strange and unorthodox ways to get off with Rick.

It was possibly that sense of normalcy that had Rick on edge. The other shoe had to drop at some point. And in Rick’s mind, it was any day now.

* * *

Eight months of living in King County, basking in the comfort of peace, was all it took for things to get complicated.

“Hey Negan, can you teach me how to drive?” Carl said as he walked up to what was more like his adoptive father, who was sitting on the couch in their living room, reading Macbeth for the twelfth time.

Negan clipped the book shut and sat it on the cushion next to him before looking up at the teen. Carl had grown considerably in the past few months. He was taller, nearly Rick’s height, and his hair had grown down to his shoulders. Negan thought he even saw the beginnings of hair sprouting on his chin.

“Now, why the hell are you asking me and not your old man?” Negan said, his serious tone barely held up with the grin pulling at his lips.

Carl looked away and shrugged, obviously hiding something, but not wanting to say what.

Negan sighed, moved the book, then patted the seat beside him.

Carl looked back at him and cocked his head to the side, as if Negan’s beckoning actually insulted him.

Negan rolled his eyes, “Get your ass over here, kid.”

Carl rolled his eyes right back, but complied. With a huff, he plopped down on the worn cushion and crossed his arms in that petulant manner that was becoming the usual as Carl dove deeper into his teen years.

“So?” Negan asked with a cocky raised brow.

Carl let out an exaggerated sigh and shrugged his shoulders again. Negan wasn’t buying it.

“Come on, Carl,” he said in a softer voice. “I’ll teach your ass whatever you want, you know that. But, I ain’t heard shit about this from my honey, so you know I gotta ask.”

Carl grumbled a barely audible, “You gotta call him that, even when he’s not around?”

Negan heard it crystal clear. “Damn right, I do.” He laughed and bumped his elbow against Carl’s side, eliciting a chuckle the teen had desperately tried to suppress. “Now, come on. Lay it on me, Carlita!”

Carl huffed at the nickname, but ignored it, and said, “I already asked him.”

Negan’s mouth opened wide, “Ah! You little shit,” he said through a boisterous laugh. “You’re tryna get me in trouble? Hell no.”

Carl’s mouth flew open, mimicking Negan’s, he turned to the older man, “Oh, come on! He was being unreasonable.”

Negan cocked his head to the side, “Unreasonable, huh?”

Carl made a show of waving his arms about when he said, “Yeah! I’m almost fifteen now... I think. Or I am fifteen? Whatever. It should be cool, right?”

“Hell, I don’t know kid. I started riding on two wheels when I was thirteen, but—”

“Exactly!” Carl exclaimed before Negan could finish his thought. “Dad’s totally freaked out for no reason, you know. He thinks I’m gonna get hurt or something, but I’ve gotta learn at some point!”

“Whoa,” Negan chuckled. “Hold your horses, Carl. Rick ain’t exactly wrong here.”

Carl frowned at that, and Negan hated how it actually pulled at his heartstrings to disappoint the kid.

After a moment, he sighed, “Listen. Yeah, you do need to learn how to drive, but shit ain’t exactly like it was before. Back then, getting pulled over would’ve been my biggest concern, not running over a ton of walkers and getting stuck in a goddamn herd.”

Carl’s shoulders sagged. It was a while before he opened his pouting mouth again, and when he did, Negan finally understood the urgency behind this request. “I just thought it’d be nice for Sophia,” Carl mumbled lowly.

Negan tilted his head back and widened his eyes at his sort-of-adopted son. “Sophia? You tryna impress her or something?”

“No,” Carl shook his head. “I just thought...” he paused to mull over his words for a second, then looked right into Negan’s eyes as he continued. “She told me the other day that the best times she had with her dad and Carol were when they used to go on rides together. Like, her dad wasn’t hitting her mom, and it was just... nice, you know?” Carl looked away then, and now his cheeks were started to tint a light shade of pink. “I just thought it’d be nice if I could do that for her too.”

Negan sighed and, as he let out the long breath, his mouth subconsciously curled into a warm smile. “Damn, kid,” he said with a light shake of his head. “You sure know how to use your powers of fucking persuasion. Jesus. How can I say no to that?”

Carl lifted head and turned a large, enthusiastic smile on Negan. “So, you’ll teach me?”

“Eh, not so fast, Carl. I still gotta clear this with your old man,” Negan said, and Carl frowned almost instantly.

“Seriously? He already said no,” Carl grumbled.

“Yeah, well,” Negan shrugged. “My powers of persuasion aren’t too shabby either, if you know what I mean,” he wiggled his eyebrows and Carl’s face scrunched in disgust.

“Ew! Gross, Negan!” He got up from the couch after that and walked up toward his room as Negan’s laughter boomed throughout their home.

* * *

“How about you and me go on a run together? Like old times?” Negan suggested as he watched Rick pace back and forth, bouncing Judith in his arms to get her to fall asleep. They were in her room, and Negan took the chair in the corner.

Rick paused in his pacing and looked to Negan with a raised brow, “‘Old times’ as in a couple months ago before everyone showed up?”

Negan chuckled, “Yeah.”

Rick continued his pacing, “Okay. Why?”

“I gotta have a reason to spend time with you?” Negan joked.

“I see you every day.” Rick rolled his eyes, “And you have a look.”

“What fucking look?”

“Language.”

Negan scoffed, “She can’t understand shit of what I’m saying.”

“Sure. And her first words are gonna be ‘are you shittin’ me?’” Rick said so matter-of-factly that Negan couldn’t help but laugh.

“Okay, fine. No ulterior motives here, sweetheart. It just might be nice to stretch our legs for a bit,” Negan said and Rick stopped to look at him again.

“Alright,” he said after a moment, then nodded. “Tomorrow then. We’ll go out to that Home Depot I’ve had my eye on. Walkers all around it, so I’m guessing it ain’t cleared out yet.”

Negan smiled, “And here I was thinking we’d have an easy day.”

“You asked if I wanted to go,” Rick stopped and placed a now sleeping Judith in her crib. Once she was tucked in, he straightened up and turned to Negan with a smile that was more than a little cheeky.

Negan rolled his eyes. Two could play at that game.

He stood up and stepped behind Rick, then wrapped his arms around his waist. He leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on Rick’s neck before he whispered in his ear, “You’re lucky I think you’re cute.” He let out a soft growl and bit at Rick’s earlobe, relishing at the way Rick’s body shuddered from the feeling.

“Cute?” Rick asked, attempting to sound offended, but it was strained and slightly breathy. He grabbed onto Negan’s forearms in an obvious attempt to keep himself steady.

Negan chuckled and pulled Rick a bit closer, grinding the growing tent in his pants against Rick’s ass, just to tease him. “I could think of a few other things.”

“You’re ridiculous,” Rick said, then gasped when Negan’s hand slid to the front of his pants, ghosting over his own persistent erection. “Not in front of Judith,” he said through a breath.

Negan chuckled and happily pulled Rick along, out of the room toward their own.

* * *

The next day found Negan bashing Lucille into a pair of undead assholes who tried to get him from behind. Rick was not far away, stabbing his hunting knife up one walker’s chin to his skull, then pulling it out to jam it into the side of another one’s decaying head.

Home Depot was one hell of a spot to pick as their first time going back on runs in a while. They’d gotten used to delegating and sending out teams, while keeping King County safe and well defended. It was one thing to take care of a straggler or two, and another to be caught into the middle of a small herd, hungry and snapping their jaws at them from every direction.

“Fucking shit! Rick, goddammit, how the hell are we gonna get inside!” Negan shouted just as they’d taken out enough of them to catch their breaths.

Rick wiped the blood that’d spilled onto his forehead and sniffed. His eyes darted around the building, desperate to at least find a way in before they called it for the day. Whatever was in there wasn’t enough to risk their lives for by going in half-cocked and undermanned. But if the place was this overrun, it was sure to be filled with supplies. Most were smart enough to steer clear of a place like this, and Rick was counting on that.

Negan came up behind him and took out a walker that was closing in as Rick was busy surveying the area. “Jesus Christ. Any day now, sweetheart,” Negan said, then turned to take out another one.

Rick gave the building another once over, until his eyes widened and he pointed, “The garden!”

“What?” Negan walked over to take a look. “Holy hell, the garden supplies area. It’s fucking empty.”

“We can head back—,” Rick cut himself off to jab his knife threw another walker’s skull. He pulled it out with a grunt and flicked the blood off as he continued. “We’ll take a bigger group with us tomorrow. Maybe Glenn, Maggie and Daryl. Clear a path through there.”

“Yeah,” Negan agreed, then turned to take a walker’s head clean off with Lucille. “Judging by how many of these fuckers are out here, I’m guessing the inside isn’t so bad.”

Rick shrugged, “Let’s hope.”

Negan scoffed out a laugh, then turned to make his way back to where they’d parked the truck. On his way, he swung at the undead like it was second nature. Rick backed him up until they were both situated and buckled inside the safety of their vehicle.

“You’re an asshole, you know that?” Negan said in the driver’s seat, throwing Lucille in the back before he shifted gears.

Rick laughed, “What do you mean?”

Negan smiled at him, then shook his head, “You knew that was gonna be a shit show.” He pressed into the gas and propelled them forward, thankfully far, far away from the dead ones lurking by the hardware store.

Rick shrugged, “And I knew you didn’t just wanna ‘spend time with me.’ So, what is it?”

Negan shifted his gaze off the road to give Rick a look, then snorted, “How in the hell did I fall in love with you?”

Rick punched Negan’s arm softly and leaned back with his own arms crossed. “Just say it.”

“Well,” Negan lifted a hand to scratch at his stubble. “Carl came to me, asking me to teach him how to drive.”

Rick paused, gave a slow nod, then said, “I told him I didn’t feel comfortable with that.”

Negan nodded back, “He told me that too. But, damn Rick, the kid gave a real strong argument, and he wanted me to persuade you.”

“So, you asked to go on a run?” Rick questioned, knowingly and sounding humored.

Negan smirked, “Hell, I thought we could have a romantic night out.”

Rick laughed and shook his head. But when he cooled off, his eyes hardened a bit. “I don’t know about Carl coming out here. Even with us around. I just...” he stopped himself, wondering for a moment if he was even sure of what he was so afraid of.

“What is it, Rick?” Negan pushed.

Rick gave him a long look, then shrugged. “I guess...” he let out a deep sigh and rubbed the back of his neck. “I feel like the last two years of his childhood were taken away. I didn’t want him to... I don’t know.” He waved a hand. “I wish I had more time with the kid who wanted to play with toys and go with me to the station on my slow days. Not... not that him wanting to drive is a bad thing. It’s good to do something normal like that. But...”

“You’re afraid,” Negan said. His eyes were off the road again, looking at Rick. And their eyes met for a brief moment, long enough for Rick to know that he wasn’t being judged. Long enough that he knew Negan didn’t think it was silly. Because it was. Carl was fifteen now, if Rick’s math was in any way accurate. It was about the time when he’d want to learn how to drive had the world not gone to shit. But, Rick was holding on to that illusion of the 12- going on 13-year-old with wide eyes. It wasn’t fair.

Rick didn’t respond to the claim, neither affirming nor denying it. He just cleared his throat and said, “We’d have to clear the roads.”

Negan smiled, “Shit yeah. Nobody’s first time driving should end up with them running over a body. Dead or not.”

Rick snorted and nodded, “And I’d feel more comfortable if it was both of us. You and me.”

Negan nodded again, “I’ll be there.”

“Good,” Rick said. They weren’t far off from home now. Just three or so miles away. “He ever tell you why he wanted to? All of a sudden, I mean.”

Negan’s eyebrow rose, “He ain’t tell you? I thought it was weird you would say no.”

Rick tilted his head, “What’d he say?”

Negan scrubbed at his beard again, then said, “It’s for Sophia. Something about how she liked car rides. Was good for her and Carol, and that dickhead what’s-his-name.”

“Ed?” Rick questioned.

“Right. Him.”

Rick snorted, “Well, maybe he didn’t want me...” he trailed off and his eyes grew painfully wide. Negan eyed Rick for a second before looking ahead, up the road, and soon his expression matched his lover's. 

In the distance they could see their community and as they caught sight of it, dread filled the truck as they were both shocked silent.

King County was heavily surrounded. So much so, that they could barely see the walls. There had to be hundreds... maybe thousands of outsiders there with guns and large trucks. At least twenty people had separated from the large group and were marching toward the front of their vehicle as Negan slowed to a stop. Rick could tell he was teetering between stopping and running the gang over when he pressed down on the breaks.

They looked to each other just after Negan shifted the car into park. Negan’s eyes were wide and furious. His jaw was clinched. Rick knew what must be going on in his head, because he was thinking the same thing. There was no way out of this.

Both doors were pulled open and they were dragged out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy~ What do y'all think is gonna happen? >.<


	24. Simon Says

_Some time ago..._

“Man, you are seriously evil.” 

Negan chuckled and nodded over his glass of whiskey. The bar they were in was the usual spot for Friday nights. It was a typical week. School was hectic, as it usually was in the beginning of a semester, and Negan had eagerly accepted his best friend’s offer to get out of the house for a while. Lucille had been in the hospital for nearly a month now, and it had been lonely going back to that house to an empty bed. 

“I can’t believe that actually worked,” Simon, Negan’s oldest friend, shook his head in disbelief.

Negan shrugged, “Look, that kid was the best on our team, but he’s a fucking dickhead. Can’t have him talkin’ back and acting like a hotshot,” he waved a dismissive hand. “Gives the others bad ideas, and I can’t let that shit slide.”

“So, you just—,” Simon began to say, and made a motion with a finger across his neck.

“Hell-fucking-yes I kicked his ass off! And I promise you he’ll keep my bench nice and warm for me all year,” Negan said with a proud grin. “You take out one and the others will fall in line!” Simon doubled over in laughter at Negan’s enthusiasm after likely crushing a senior’s dream at a baseball scholarship. 

“You are one sick, sick bastard,” Simon said through his cackling and shook his head. Negan chuckled along with him, before downing the rest of his drink. “Honestly though,” Simon began as his laughter died down. “I wish I could do that in my line of work. I just smile at a bunch of assholes and—.”

“Trick them into making a down payment on a house?” Negan finished for him, leaving Simon with a devilish grin spreading over his face. 

“I wouldn’t call it a ‘trick,’” Simon said cheekily. 

“Oh, right,” Negan rolled his eyes. “You use your overwhelming charm.” 

“Fuck yeah, man!” Simon cheered, banging his half-drunken beer against the counter and stirring the patrons nearby. “They say my smile is worth a million bucks!” 

“Nobody fucking says that,” Negan said through a loud laugh. 

“Fuck you! Of course they do!” 

They both laughed after that, neither bothered by how loud they were getting or that people were starting to stare. It was just another Friday night. 

* * *

_Present day..._   
  


“Knock, knock!” an ominously cheerful voice called from the other side of the gate. 

Samuel, one of the new guys in the neighborhood, was supposed to be on watch. Tyrese and Sasha would be up next, and yet the siblings were stuck frozen in place. 

Everyone in King County had stilled at the sound of an unknown presence, a potential intruder. It wasn’t until Carol had sprung into action, silently urging the adults to get their guns out and be ready, and for those with small children to get back inside. 

Rick and Negan were still out on their run. They were the unspoken leaders of the community, and this would be the first time a threat has approached without them being present. 

Maggie and Glenn helped Carol get the families indoors. Both Sophia and Carl grabbed their guns, neither feeling the need to run and hide. Beth had the urge to stand her ground as well, but relented to make sure baby Judith stayed safe. 

The rest of them loaded their weapons in preparations for what was waiting for them on the other side. It couldn’t be just one man, not with this bold way of approaching their community. 

“Aw, come on!!” the unknown man exclaimed from the other side. “You’re supposed to say, _who’s there!_ ” 

They all looked to each other. Daryl and Abraham locked eyes, and it was silently decided then that they would be the ones to approach. They began to step forward when the man’s voice stopped them in their tracks. 

“I could just blow your gates open... but, that’s no fun, right? Might as well open and up and show me what you got going on in there, huh?” he said, sounding diplomatic and kind, but with an undeniable threat lacing each word. 

Daryl and Abraham shared one more silent look, machine gun and crossbow aimed and ready, before continuing their walk toward the gate. 

Everyone else hung back. 

At the gate was a ladder that lead to a structure they used as a perch to interrogate anyone that had come knocking at their door. It was usually a small group looking for a safe place, or perhaps a larger group that wanted to take them over. 

But this?

This was unreal. 

Daryl, for the first time in his life, felt the air get knocked from his chest. It wasn’t fear, because even the thought of death couldn’t evoke that sort of sensation in him, but it was shock... and defeat. 

“Mother dick,” Abraham’s jaw dropped beyond his thick handlebar mustache as soon as the words left his lips. His blue eyes scanned what had to be a thousand men filling the streets beyond their gate with an amount of distress that looked odd on a man who was built like a tank. 

“Well, well!” the man who had been speaking from behind the gate said as if this was a talk show, and Daryl and Abraham were the winners. He stood with his arms spread out and a big smile on his face. He looked like a handyman in a 70s porno, but they both had a feeling this mystery man wasn’t here to unclog any toilets. “I’m so glad to have gotten your attention!” he said, then put his arms down to rest his hands on his hips. “Now... how about you fine boys up there open this gate, so nobody else has to get hurt.” 

_Nobody else._

Somehow, they both looked over in that moment to see Samuel on the other side of the gate. He was dead, taken by an arrow to the face. They must’ve shot him from there; his body seemed to have fallen from the perch to the other side. Daryl was more pissed that nobody had noticed, than anything else. 

When they didn’t move, the man let out an exaggerated sigh and snapped his fingers. In a second, every single man and woman on his side rose their gun at Daryl and Abraham. “I look at it this way,” the man started to say. “You open the gate now and not... _everyone_... has to die. OR, you keep acting like assholes and we kill you, and everyone man, woman and child you’re hiding in there.” He grinned after that. “Choice is yours. But, I have to warn you, I am an impatient man. I would decide quickly if I were you.” 

Daryl’s muscles flexed instinctively at the threat. He wanted to take the shot, get him right between the eyes. And he could, from this distance. But, he’d be putting everyone inside at risk. They really had no choice. 

When they looked to each other, Daryl could tell Abraham had come to the same conclusion. 

He looked back and met Carol’s eyes next. She was standing near the bottom of the perch and looking hardened in anger over this unbeatable situation. She knew it too. His eyes floating along the rest of the group next. Maggie, Glenn, Hershel, Carl, Sophia, T-Dog, Michonne, Gabriel, Noah, Bob, Sasha, Tyrese, Tara, Rosita, Eugene, and others; people who had called this place home for the last few months. This was it. 

The end of their peace. 

They all knew it. The moment those gates opened, it would all be over. 

But, there was no choice. Daryl had to keep reminding himself of that as he signaled for the gates to be pulled apart. 

“Ha!! Thank you!” the man cheered as he moved forward. His easy movement seemed to queue the others to relax their aim. 

Sasha and Tyrese were the ones to pull the gates open. The man, the leader of this enormous group, was the first to walk in. He looked around with a big grin as he came to a stop, as if he already owned the place and everyone in it. 

“Alright! Alright! Come on everybody. Huddle up right here in the middle of this fine town so I can see you all!” He said, still using his ‘announcer’ voice. 

Nobody made a move, and that didn’t seem to sit well with him. He pulled a pistol from his belt and aimed it at Sophia’s head. Carol immediately jumped in front of her, her own hand coming to grip the gun in her belt. 

“Eh, eh, eh,” he shook his head and sucked his teeth. “I asked for you all to gather and you think about pulling a gun on me? That doesn’t seem very nice. And here I was thinking you all were the hospitable type.” 

“What do you want?” Carol asked, her serious tone a stark contrast to the man’s overly joyous nature. 

“Ah, see? Now, that’s a great question. What do I want? Hmm,” he used the pistol to scratch his head, then abruptly turned. His fast movement had Carol backing further against Sophia, as if a little more distance would save her. Tension was rising. Everyone was getting more on edge. “How about we play a game?” the man said after a moment. 

Nobody responded, and his shoulders sagged. 

“Man! You people are a real buzzkill. But, don’t you worry, I’ll explain the rules anyway.” He pressed his hands to his chest and continued, “I am Simon.” He gestured behind him at the large group that didn’t even fit in their community. A community that looked meager in comparison to their massive group. “We are The Saviors,” Simon said. He holstered his gun and dropped his hands back on his hips before he continued. “Now I’m sure you’ve all played Simon Says at least once in your lifetime. But, I’ll give you a refresher just in case. I, Simon, will give you a command. If you don’t do it right away, we, The Saviors, will kill one of you at random.” They all paled, but no one could manage to speak. “But, don’t worry, there’s more!” Simon said, his grin still lingering. “You only have to do it when I say ‘Simon says’. But, if I say to do something and you do it, but I don’t say ‘Simon says,’ I’ll let _you_ all choose which one of you dies.” He spread his hands open, marveling at their horrified expressions. “Sounds fun, right? It’s like... a test to see who’s a good listener. That sort of thing. Isn’t that why we used to play this game? It’s nice to go back to the simpler times, you know?” 

Nobody responded. But, there was no way they could. Someone was going to die, there was no doubt about that. Even if Negan and Rick showed up, what could they do to stop this nightmare? 

“Okay, shall we begin?” Simon said, eyes roaming and mouth curled upward. “Simon says, everyone in this goddamn neighborhood needs to get their ass out front.” They all started to move, some shaking, some sluggish in this defeat, but they were stopped when Simon started speaking again. “Oh no. I know damn well you’ve got people hiding in those cute little houses. They come out, or I’ll kill everyone here right now. Simon says, after all.” 

The atmosphere swirled with dread as the doors to the homes opened, revealing mothers and fathers with their young children. And Beth with Judith at her chest. 

They all did as they were told. They lined up and stood in rows. As they got in position, part of Simon’s group—or rather, Simon’s army—circled around them with their guns to cover all angles. 

Simon clapped in glee and bounced like a child on Christmas. “See? That wasn’t so bad, was it?” 

No response. 

“Alright. Round two! Simon says, get on your knees.”

They followed the order. Some were whimpering now, and a few of the children were crying. It was heart-wrenching to hear. They were so sure they had been safe. Walkers were no longer a problem. Raiders were easy enough to get rid of. But, this was on a level they hadn’t even known could exist. There was no clever plan. No strategy of escape. No way out. 

“Simon says—,” he continued. “Hand over your guns!” 

They didn’t have much of a choice here. The opposing group was already yanking them away, pulling them from belts and holsters, even nearly tangling Daryl in his crossbow strap as they ripped it off his back. It was the same for Michonne and her sword. 

“Very good, people. Very, very good! Now, smile!” He said, then leaned over and showcased his own set of teeth. Nobody reciprocated, but not because they were afraid of breaking the silly game rules. There was just no smiling in the face of such evil. “Damn,” he snapped playfully. “Thought I might get at least one of you.” 

“What do you want?” Carl asked this time, sounding fed up with being so obviously played with. Simon paused and turned toward the teen. He made to step forward when a voice cut in. 

“Don’t,” Daryl said, his eyes promising a very painful death if Simon dared to get close to the kid. But, as convincing as the look might be, it didn’t mean anything to a man who seemed invincible. 

“You’re kidding. You do know the rules of Simon Says, right?” Simon cocked his head to the side and gave them both a look of disbelief. “Okay, maybe I wasn’t super clear about the whole no-talking thing. But, you don’t talk, unless I say you can talk. And, you both broke that rule,” he pointed between Daryl and Carl. “Now, I get that maybe you didn’t think that was a rule, so I’ll go easy on you this time around. But, I can’t let the boy go unpunished since he started it.” 

“I’m not afraid of you,” Carl said. Simon shook his head as if he’d just been slapped, then placed a hand on his chest. 

“Christ, kid!” He grinned after that, then stepped forward all the way. He crouched down in front of Carl and pulled a hunting knife from his belt. 

Everyone in the group moved like they were ready to push Simon away, or jump in front of the knife themselves, but they were stopped by the cold press of a gun against the back of their heads. Every member of Simon’s group had a gun aimed and they cocked their weapons.

“You see this, kid?” Simon said, his smile faded, making him look even more sinister. He twirled the edge of the blade in front of Carl’s right eye while he continued to speak. “This here is a knife. I’m going to use it to carve out your eyeball.” 

Sophia gasped and covered her mouth to muffle a whimper. Carol was quick to wrap Sophia up in her arms, to give her a semblance of reassurance. 

Simon looked to Sophia and winked, then over at the rest of the group. “Did you all hear that? I’m going to carve out this boy’s eye. You can scream. You can cry. It is gonna be real painful to watch; I can promise you that. But, if any one of you makes a move to stop me, we will blow your brains out. Got it?” He turned his head and grinned back at Carl, who hadn’t wavered. He didn’t shake or cry, and maybe that’s what Simon wanted, because Carl’s stoic disposition didn’t seem to rub him the right way. “Well, kid...you got guts.” 

A second later, the blade was jabbed forward, deep into Carl’s eye. The group crumbled at the sight and the bloodcurdling cry that emitted from Carl because of it. 

Daryl was shaking, looking like he might just combust. 

Michonne’s fists clenched at her sides, as if she was imaging her sword in her hands. Her eyes burned with rage, even as tears were flowing from them. 

Carol was holding Sophia tighter, who had collapsed to cry against her chest. 

Beth’s face scrunched as she began to melt with her own tears. 

Maggie and Glenn were squeezing each other’s hands and shedding silent tears at the devastating sight. 

T-Dog was so stunned, he was frozen, like he wasn’t sure if this was reality or a twisted dream. 

Hershel turned away and grit his teeth, biding his time until he was able to help. 

Gabriel was gripping the cross chained around his neck, and searching for an answer to the meaning behind this horror. 

Noah looked like he might throw up or pass out. 

The rest cried along with them, feeling the pain in Carl’s voice. That stab had taken every bit of hope that may have lingered out of the group, and burned it. That place Bob had spoken about when he, Sasha and Tyrese had stumbled upon their gate. That place where he could call home... it was shattered right then and there. 

Simon yanked the knife out, sending a splash of blood his way with the wet, popping noise it made on its release. Carl collapsed to the floor immediately. He was shaking, sobbing, and retching where he laid bleeding, and everyone just looked like they were crawling out of their skin to help him. 

“Dr. Carson!” Simon called over his shoulder and a man in a doctor’s coat rushed forward from within the army. He was an older man and meek in his demeanor as he crouched down by Carl’s slumped form. 

“Any of you a doctor?” the doctor asked as he looked up and scanned the horrified faces. 

“I can help,” Hershel said, his voice weak and heartbroken. 

“I’ll need his assistance,” Dr. Carson said, this time looking up to Simon for permission. 

“Of course!” Simon answered with a big wave of his hands. “Whatever you need, my man!” He motioned to Hershel, and the older man hurried to assist the doctor in cleaning and suturing up the mangled flesh around Carl’s eye socket. The boy was passed out, but thankfully still breathing. “See?” Simon said as he turned to the rest of the group. “Not so bad, right? Just another example of why you shouldn’t break the rules.” 

The group was a shaking, crying mess. Nobody seemed to be able to hold it together. Simon frowned at them. 

“What? Why the long faces?” Simon looked them over. Again, nobody responded. “Come on, people! You can’t tell me you’ve never seen a kid get his eye plucked out before,” it was a sick sort of joke, and Simon was the only one to find it funny. 

He opened his mouth to speak again when a voice from the back of his army called out, “Yo, Simon! Got a couple late to the party!”

“Oho, is that so?” Simon grinned. 

The King County group seemed restless now. Simon took note of how they all turned their eyes on Carl. Something clicked. 

“Oh, I’m guessing this kid’s mom and dad are about to get a nasty surprise, huh?” He said, knowing that nobody would speak up about it. Whether it was because they were scared stiff or didn’t want someone else to undergo the same fate as Carl, nobody said a word, but the way the atmosphere shifted made it clear. 

Just then, the army parted like the sea, and two newcomers approached the front with guns pointed at their backs. Simon’s eyes widened at one of the men, whose face was all too familiar face.

“Ho-ly shit...” Simon said. 

Then the man who Simon didn’t recognize screamed, “CARL?!” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh man, don’t hate me lol Please let me know what you think. I’m wondering how you all are feeling after Simon’s appearance, though I think I already know T.T
> 
> Thank you all for reading! Next chapter should be up soon ~


	25. Plan B

“CARL?!” Rick screamed. His heart stopped and sunk down to his feet when his eyes landed on his son. He’d already thought the worst when he’d seen the hundreds of unfamiliar faces pouring out of their gates, but when he saw his son lying there, motionless, Hershel and some stranger in a lab coat hovering over him, he didn’t know what the feeling was. 

It wasn’t anguish, or terror, or desperation; it was some sort of sickening mixture of the three. 

“Carl! Carl, oh, my god. No, no, no,” Rick ignored the obvious man in charge in favor of making sure his son was still breathing. “H-How? What?” His throat felt thick and scratchy as he spoke, and his body shook as he looked up to Hershel for answers. 

The older man was battered and broken. Not on the outside, but so completely on the inside. Rick had all the answers he needed in those aged eyes. 

Rick grit his teeth. In that second, he remembered how the ones who yanked him out of the truck took his colt python. He spun with his hunting knife clutched in a painfully tight grip. Toward the leader, he stood in an instant and swung the blade for his neck. 

Two unseen men stopped Rick before he made contact. 

They grabbed him by the arms and tackled him to the ground. Rick saw red. He was a growling, snarling mess on the floor. All he could think was how badly he wanted to sink his teeth into this man’s neck. 

* * *

Negan watched Rick lose control for the first time since they’d known each other. He’d seen Rick when he was lost after Lori. He’d seen him kill and not blink an eye. He’d even seen him smile while stabbing a raider in the throat not long after they’d left Woodbury. But, he’d never seen this animalistic side of Rick, and Negan would’ve reacted the same if the confusion flooding him hadn’t hit so hard. 

“Holy goddamn, motherfucking shit! Is that YOU, Negan?” Simon, an unmistakably recognizable man, said, and Negan forced himself to rip his eyes off of his lover, who was still snarling and pinned to the ground. 

“S-Simon?” Negan said through a breath. His chest ached as the name fell from his lips. His eyes darted back to Carl, and it crushed him to see the boy like that. “What...” Negan started in a choked up voice. “What happened?” 

“Oh, this?” Simon motioned to Negan’s community with little care. “Well, I could ask you the same thing. I looked all over for you back when things started getting bad. Figures you and Lucy were still in Georgia. But damn, you’ve been running with these sons of bitches?” 

“I...” Negan couldn’t speak. His throat was getting so thick, it was becoming numb. 

“God, this really complicates things!” Simon groaned loudly, though he still sounded cheerful. He looked up at the sky and let out a heavy breath, then down at the King County group. “This...” he motioned toward Negan. “Is my best-goddamn-friend! Hell, how long have we known each other, Negan?” Simon turned to his old friend, who was still speechless. 

“Ah...I—,” was all Negan managed to get out. 

“Sheesh, lighten up a little, pal,” Simon walked over and slapped a heavy hand on Negan’s back. He was as stiff as a board. “We were just getting to the best part!” 

“Best part...?” Negan mumbled, feeling like his brain had shrunk from loss of oxygen. 

“Oh, you are gonna love this, man,” Simon said when he turned to Negan. His grin was sinister. 

“Negan...” he heard a voice call to him, and he looked down to see Rick looking up at him. His eyes were bloodshot and red-rimmed. Tears were still spilling out of them even now as he looked toward his lover. “Negan,” Rick whimpered again. 

“Shut the fuck up!” One of the men on top of Rick shouted, then accentuated his point by putting a hard fist to Rick’s jaw. 

“STOP!” Negan roared. He made to rush forward, wishing he’d had Lucille in his grasp, but was stopped when a short woman stood in front of him. She had Rick’s colt python aimed right at his face. 

“Whoa, whoa, easy, Arat,” Simon said with a placating hand gesturing down. “No shooting him,” he said firmly to the woman, Arat. He looked to Negan next, “And you might want to chill out, buddy. It’s gonna get a whole lot worse than this.” 

Negan’s eyes widened, “What do you want, man?” he asked in a pleading voice. 

Simon grinned again, “I was just getting to that.” He turned to address his soldiers next. “Allow me to introduce you all to Negan!” He made a bold gesture to the aforementioned man, who was still shaking where he stood. “I’ve known this son of a bitch since we were in pre-K. Isn’t that right?” He looked to Negan, who grit his teeth, clenched his jaw, and nodded. “Man, this is my guy!” 

Simon wrapped an arm around Negan’s stiff shoulders and pulled him into a rough half-hug. As he released him, he clapped his hand on Negan’s back, then looked to the King County group again. 

“You guys seriously lucked out here.” Simon stepped forward and pulled out his gun. They all stiffened even further. “You see, this was all just for show. Even ole doc here fixing the smart ass boy’s eye. After that back talk from the one-eyed little asshole,” he pointed down at Carl, “I already decided to kill all the men. And, of course, any boy over ten.” Everyone blanched at the thought. He continued, “I just wanted to showcase my man Dr. Carson to let you all see that we have a fine doctor on our team. And then you women out there—,” he pointed his gun at them, “—would become my new employees. You gather food, water, fuel, weapons, and half of it goes to us.“ He pressed the gun to his chest to indicate The Saviors as a whole. “But then!” He turned to Negan with that same, Cheshire grin. “I see that you’ve got one of my favorite people with you, and I was never any good at disappointing Negan.” 

He stepped even closer to the group after that, then cocked his gun. 

“So, then I thought maybe I would go with plan B.” 

“W-what’s...” Negan closed his eyes and swallowed, calming himself. He opened his eyes and tried again. “What’s plan B?” 

“It’s simple! Hey, Doc, how’s the kid?” Simon asked. His eyes never left Negan. 

“He’s stable,” the doctor answered. “He’ll be out for a day or two, maybe more. He’s lost usage of his right eye, but he’ll—.” 

Simon let out a large, exaggerated sigh. “Blah, blah!” he groaned. “I’m asking if you two gentlemen are done. Is the little bastard all patched up?” 

The doctor looked weary as he stammered out, “Y-yes. We’re all done.” 

“Good,” Simon lifted his gun, turned his head away from Negan and pulled the trigger. 

“NO!!” 

* * *

Rick’s eyes blew open as he watched the bullet pierce through Hershel’s skull. 

His nerves had gotten so out of control, he’d lost all feeling. Time was moving in slow motion. All he could see was the older man, someone he’d looked up to as a father, crumbling to the ground. 

And then there was Maggie and Beth’s voices, screaming so loudly it split his ears. They were already thrumming with the numb feeling of blood rushing through them, but their voices were loud and clear, sending painful jolts of agony straight to his heart. 

“Daddy!!” Beth cried out, as she struggled to get to him. Noah was holding her back, obviously afraid that she might face the same fate if she got too close. Noah was holding Judith now too, and she was wailing from the noise. 

Glenn was doing the same for Maggie. Both men were quivering with their own tears as they kept Hershel’s daughters at bay. 

“Shit...” Negan knelt down to the ground and held his head in his hands. Rick could barely tell from this angle, but he could hear the soft, muffled sobs from his usually charismatic lover. 

“Oh, man... you all must’ve really liked that one,” Simon said in a voice so mocking, it made Rick want to vomit. But he couldn’t say anything. None of them could. Carl was lying there unconscious. This man could do the same thing to him that he’d done to Hershel. He could do it to all of them. That was the worst part of it all. 

This hopelessness. 

The inability to act. To move. To fight. All of their dignity was stripped away. They could only stare and wait to see if they would be next. 

And this man... Rick couldn’t believe that this was the Simon in all of Negan’s stories. The man he’d boasted about so many times while they traveled over the past two years. The man who Rick had imagined many times and had even wished he could’ve met... 

“...did you all a favor,” Simon was speaking again, and Rick felt like he was hearing his voice through a fog. “That old bastard looked like he was on his last leg. He was gonna croak any day now. I personally wouldn’t have wanted that old fucker waking up in the middle of the night and eating my face off. Right?” He opened his arms out and looked to King County group like  _they_ were the ones who were being unreasonable. 

Simon turned to Negan after that, who was still crouched. He knelt down in front of him and said in a softer voice, “Take out one and the rest will fall in line.” 

Negan recognized those words, and dread washed over him like a cold shower. 

Simon stood abruptly, content to let Negan mourn, he said to the group, “Hard part’s over! Now, congratulations! You’ve all been hired to work for The Saviors. Welcome,” he smiled and nodded at his words. “In return for not killing all you fine ladies and gentlemen, I’ll be relieving you of my pal here.” Simon gestured to Negan. 

“No,” Rick whimpered. 

“Simon, I can’t,” Negan was up in an instant. His red eyes were pleading and desperate as he spoke. “Please. Don’t fucking do this. You’ve already done enough. Please,” Negan said. 

Simon frowned. “You don’t wanna come with me? Be like old times? ‘Cause if that’s the case,” he lifted the gun toward Rick’s head this time. “Then the deal is off the table.” 

Rick’s eyes widened further, thinking that maybe Simon would pull the trigger then and there. 

“Wait!” Negan shouted, his fists tight at his sides as he spoke. “Don’t. Just wait a goddamn minute.” 

Simon looked down at Rick, then at Negan. Then Rick. Then Negan again. “Aha! I get it.” He dropped his aim. “You two are fuckin’, aren’t you?” 

Negan didn’t answer, but he didn’t have to. 

Simon gave him a long look before he spoke again. “Damn,” he said through a sigh that sounded mostly sincere. “Lucille didn’t make it.” The statement was matter-of-fact, like he already knew. 

Negan simply nodded. 

“Ah, shit. I guess I figured, but Jesus,” Simon said, and Negan almost felt like they were just old friends talking, not two men on opposite sides of the fence. 

Simon was the same, but in no way was he the man Negan had grown up with; the man he’d loved and cherished as a friend. This one had gouged out Carl’s eye and shot Hershel, dead, in front of everyone, including Maggie and Beth who were both hysterical. This man was nothing like the Simon he knew. Or thought he knew. 

After a moment, Simon squared his shoulders, and the remorseful look that flickered over his expression was gone. “Alright, how about this?” He snapped his fingers and his army jumped into action. “Everyone but the boyfriend and the smart ass kid!” Simon ordered. 

Their guns were once again raised and aimed at the backs of everyone’s heads. Even the children were a target. Everyone except Rick, Negan and the unconscious Carl. 

“Now, you, my friend, have a very important choice to make,” Simon said with a big grin aimed at Negan. “Stay here with your boyfriend and his mutilated son and we’ll shoot everyone else in the back of the head. Make it nice and cozy for you and your little family here. Hell, you three won’t even have to bother with us. You’ll never see The Saviors again.”

Negan’s breathing stopped. His heart felt like it was being torn open at the thought. 

“That’s option one. Option two is you come with me. Everyone gets to live and start their new lives as my workers. You live like a king. These people get to experience another day under our superior protection. It’s a win-win,” Simon said, and he actually sounded like he believed what he was saying to be true. “So? What’s it gonna be, old pal?” 

Negan knew there wasn’t any other way. He would never be so selfish to let everyone die just to be with Rick and Carl, alone. Hell, even Judith had a gun aimed at her. He didn’t want to leave them, but more importantly, he wanted to keep them safe. The choice was a no-brainer. 

“I’ll go,” Negan said, and he could hear the way his friends—his family— whimpered as the words left his lips. 

“Well alright, then!” Simon said with that same persistent grin. “I promise you will not regret this.” He turned back to the people of King County. “One week,” he said. “One week from now and we’ll be back to claim your offering.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I sort of love writing Simon, omg lol I hope you all enjoyed it. I hope you all don't hate me too much. I'm also sorry about Hershel, I really do love him v.v 
> 
> Side note: I messed with the tags a smidge. I realized it said "Major Character Death" and that's not really a thing in this story. "Minor Character Death" was added, instead. 
> 
> Next chapter should be up soon! Let me know what you thought about this one~


	26. Blue

Simon ushered Negan to one of his big black trucks and The Saviors packed up to leave, taking every gun with them. Including any stored away, which they’d picked Darlene, a young member of the community, to show them. 

Before they left, they tossed back the confiscated knives and Michonne’s sword. One of the soldiers spoke up. “Simon says you’ll need them to start your new jobs,” he said. Then they got into their trucks and cars and drove off through the gate.

As soon as they were gone, the group seemed to melt with both relief and shame. 

Rick crawled over to Carl and rubbed a shaky hand over his unconscious face. He leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss to his son's forehead, then stood up while T-Dog and Daryl silently offered to carry him to the clinic. Their heads were down and they oozed defeat. Rick nodded deftly as he watched them go. Sophia broke out of Carol’s arms and ran off after them. 

He went over to Hershel next, and his eyes welled up with fresh tears. The man’s eyes were still open, but dead. Really dead, with no way of returning after the bullet had passed through his brain. Somehow that felt worse. It was a sick effect of living in a world where the dead walk among them. The fact that, maybe, it would feel less final if Hershel was a slack-jawed walker, rather than the decaying mass he'd become. 

Rick looked over at Maggie and Beth, and he felt his chest cave in even further. The girls looked broken. Noah was walking off with Judith, likely to get her away from all the death and despair, so now Beth was clinging to Maggie for dear life. Glenn and Gabriel were doing their best to console them. 

Beth's voice suddenly lilted in the surrounding silence. She was singing in a cracked, throaty tone that struck everyone's core.

"Songs are like tattoos  
You know I've been to sea before  
Crown and anchor me  
Or let me sail away."

It was painful to hear as she choked out the words to Joni Mitchell's _Blue_ , as if it kept her connected to her father in some way. 

Abraham and Rosita offered to move the body, but Maggie had physically pushed them away and they knew it would be a while before the sisters were done mourning. Even after they buried the body. 

Rick was staring around feeling numb. Carl was hurt and unconscious, Hershel was dead, Negan was gone. Taken.

Just an hour ago, everything was okay. They were talking about taking Carl out, teaching him how to drive. And now... 

Now they were, what? Slaves? Simon’s group was large and they were in control. They were ten to one. There was no way Rick’s group could outmatch them. So... how the hell would they ever win? 

* * *

Eight months.

It was all Negan could think about during the long ride to The Saviors’ base; a factory fenced in and surrounded by walkers as protection. It was desolate and cold. So void of life, despite the hundreds of men and women hopping out of trucks and marching into the base. It felt grey and empty, and so unlike the warmth that was surrounding King County everyday. 

Eight months of relative peace. Eight months with Rick, Carl and Judith. Eight months as a family. All of it gone.

Simon had been talking the whole ride. He was at the wheel and Negan was sitting stiff in the passenger seat. Simon had to know by now that Negan hadn’t registered one goddamn word that had came out of his mouth, but he kept on. Something about the compound and ‘easy living,’ wives or whatever the hell. Negan just stared out the window as they pulled in past the gates surrounding the base. His mind went back to Rick on the ground, eyes raging and in tears. Carl, unconscious and bloody. Hershel with a bullet in his head. 

The truck pulled to a screeching stop as the gates were being closed behind them. Negan rubbed his fingers over his weathered eyes. Everything felt foggy, like he was in a dream, but he managed well enough to open the door and stumble his way out of the vehicle. 

Simon walked over to whisper in one of the men’s ears, throwing sly smiles Negan’s way that made him feel sick. Soon enough, he was beside Negan, placing an arm around his shoulders like they used to do back in high school, or in college between classes. And now, after ruining everything, Simon was doing it again as he led them into the large building. 

“I think you’ll really like it here, Negan. Gary just learned how to make pickles and that shit is top notch,” Simon said as they entered through double doors to what looked like the main section of the building. Simon ushered them closer to a railing, and when Negan looked down he saw that the room was filled with people at tables, some look like they were folding clothes and others were sorting various fruits. Small groups of people were simply playing cards and some were talking amongst themselves. These weren’t the same people with the guns. These people looked like workers in a sweat factory. There had to be two... or three hundred people in this room alone. 

Simon finally let his arm fall from Negan’s shoulders and pulled his gun from his back pocket. Negan eyed the weapon, watching as Simon tapped it loudly against the railing. 

The noise and chatter in the room hushed to a stop within seconds, leaving it eerily quiet. They turned their attention up and slowly bent down to one knee. This seemed even more cultish than the shit that went down at Woodbury. 

“Hello! My beautiful Saviors!!” Simon bellowed out and the crowd of kneeling people let out some sort of creepy ass whistle in unison, all in unison. Simon turned his head to grin at Negan. “Fucking cool, isn’t it?” he said and a Negan would’ve responded ‘You mean, fucking creepy, right?’ But was still suffering from shock, so the only thing he could do was grit his teeth and clench his jaw. 

Simon turn back to the crowd after that. 

“I’d like to introduce you to my _bestest_ friend in the whole world. This is Negan! He’s gonna be helping me run shit around here, so I want you all to treat him with respect, and kindness. You hear me?” 

“Yes, Simon!” The group said. 

“That is what I like to hear,” he said with a proud nod. “As you were!” The crowd stood up and resumed whatever they were doing as if the interruption hadn’t even happened. Simon grabbed Negan with his arm back over his shoulders and steered them toward another door. 

* * *

Simon led Negan up to his quarters. A decent sized room on the top level of the factory. Simon’s room was somewhere up there too, but the place was like a maze, and Simon hadn’t given him any indication on how to get there. Smart. Despite his constant need to talk, Negan could see his apprehension. He knew Simon too well. The way he skipped over details, gave Negan a vague understanding of the layout. How he smiled wide to overcompensate the worry in his eyes. The way his eyebrows pinched every time Negan would simply grunt in response to something. It was obvious. 

Negan did his best to keep his temper under control. He wasn’t just angry. He was confused and mourning and lost, and while most of it was bottled up, Simon knew Negan just as well. He wanted Negan to trust him, that much was clear, but he’d just taken everything from Negan at the same time. The woman named Arat keeping her distance as she followed them didn’t go unnoticed. And good on Simon, because Negan’s fingers twitched for Lucille, left behind in that truck. And if he wasn’t still wrapping his mind around the whole thing, he might’ve grabbed Simon by the neck and squeezed. 

“You like it?” Simon said with a theatrical swing of his hand. He stepped and twirled into the room with his arms out as he presented it to Negan. 

It was nice, to be honest. It felt like a normal room in a normal house. The bedding with lush and looked brand new. It was carpeted, which was odd considering none of the other sections in the factory seemed to consist of anything other than cement flooring. The walls were painted too. A deep blue that matched the comforter. There was a box TV, some old school video game consoles, a large dresser and matching nightstands made up of a dark wood. A couch, that paired with a coffee table and was decorated with handcrafted throw pillows. There was a door cracked open where Negan could see the beginnings of a toilet and shower. And somehow, squeezed in the room was a corner with basic kitchen essentials. A fridge, counter space, a microwave and an oven. It looked like a studio apartment in some wealthy neighborhood. 

The homes at King County were just below the standard. Stains of blood they couldn’t scrub out, or places where the homes took fire damage before they’d moved in still lingered even after the months spent rebuilding. 

Shit, he’d been planning to go on a run with Carol to look for supplies. They wanted to paint over those walls and patch up some holes that had been put on the back burner while they built the Greene’s farm and moved the new folks in.

That Home Depot could’ve helped. 

_Shit._

Negan felt heat prickle under his eyes. His throat closed up and his stomach felt sick. 

Rick. Their community broken and battered from the loss of such a good man. Maggie and Beth screaming with fresh tears. The moans of the people from King County. Agony spilling from everyone like a miasma. Retching from the sight of a lifeless Hershel. Daryl and Michonne brimming with anger. Carol holding Sophia right as the young girl cried and reached for Carl. 

“Negan,” Simon said, and for the first time, he looked just as anxious as Negan sensed. His arms were still out, but they had fallen slack. His smile was looking more like a grimace. “Hey, did you hear me? I asked if you like it.” His smile was back full forced. He stepped up and placed a heavy hand on Negan’s shoulder. “It’s nice, right?” There was an edge to his tone. Negan could hear Simon’s inner voice. What he was holding back, _‘I’m getting sick of this shit, man.’_

“Yeah,” Negan said, and his voice was hoarse, but strong. Simon had already seen him weak. He needed to get his shit together so he could figure a way out of this. 

Simon brightened up in an instant, “Great! And, Negan, I have another surprise for you too.” He let go of Negan’s shoulder and clapped his hands together. 

Negan grit his teeth and turned to look toward the door. Just as he did, a woman with shoulder length brown hair stepped inside. She was honestly beautiful. But her face was perfectly impassive. She gave a small smile that did nothing to meet her eyes. She was wearing a black dress, short and tight around her curves, and black heels that accentuated her legs. 

“This is Sherry,” Simon said with a hand gesturing toward her. “Sherry, say ‘hi’ to my best friend.” 

“Hello,” she said, just like following orders. Simon seemed pleased enough. He turned to Negan with that same big grin. 

“Sherry’s gonna keep you company while you’re here. You can think of her as a bride, if you will. Someone to keep the bed warm at night.” His grin grew wider. Negan sucked in a breath and pushed it out through his nose. 

He didn’t say anything. There was no point. 

“Well, I’ll let you settle in,” Simon said with a clap of his hands. He stepped in front of Negan and leveled him with a stare. “Look man,” his tone was different now. It nearly threw Negan off. “I know you think I just fucked your whole life up. But listen,” he waved his hand to indicate the room. “It’s nice here. We have food, water, clean clothes, shelter, security and a whole lot of manpower. That little neighborhood you were in was an easy target waiting to be shat on. I’m promising you, I did you a huge favor here.” 

“We had everything we needed,” Negan said through his teeth. His voice was low and threatening. 

Simon glared, “You didn’t have shit. Just a bunch of fucking cowards and some tail you picked up along the way.” 

Negan flexed his arms, but stopped himself before he did something stupid. Like knock Simon out and get shot in the back of the head by the ever-present Arat. 

“You’ll see someday,” Simon said, softer this time. He grabbed both of Negan’s shoulders and squeezed, then walked around him toward the door. He passed by Sherry, who remained quiet as she made her way to the bed. Before he left, he turned and smiled at Negan. “I’ll give you a couple days to rest and get used to things. After that, I’ll put you to work, my friend.” He grabbed the door and closed it behind him as he left. Negan thought he might’ve heard the distinct sound of a lock engaging. 

* * *

  
Once Simon was gone, Negan felt like he could breathe. The moment he exhaled it was like all the air had been sucked out of him. He felt lightheaded, but kept on his feet. One hand went to his hip with the other pressed over his eyes. He was crying. He knew he was crying, but it didn’t quite register. 

He groaned and shook his head, “Oh, my God,” he whimpered, then hissed out a shaky breath. 

After solid minutes passed of him emptying his emotions, crying softly and breathing in deeply, he wiped his face and moved both hands to his hips. He looked up at the ceiling and sniffled, then down at the quiet presence on the bed. His bed... he supposed. 

“Are you... okay?” Sherry asked. Her head was tilted and for the first time, her eyes held a bit of emotion. It was tentative and unsure, but there was definitely worry there. Maybe she was just worried about what Negan would do. Maybe it was fear.

“No,” he said, then went over to sit beside her. He noticed her flinch, but didn’t mention it as he settled, legs spread and arms draped over his thighs. He squeezed his hands into fists and wished for the love of God that he had Lucille with him, or Rick rubbing his back while they figured a way out of this. 

After a while Sherry seemed to relax next to him. He heard her let out a soft breath, then felt the bed shifting as she ran her fingers through her hair. Negan just kept his eyes on his hands, fisting them and relaxing every few seconds. “You can touch me, if you want,” she said. 

Negan scoffed out a dry laugh, “No, thank you.” 

Sherry seemed to be nodding. And then went quiet as if she was thinking to herself. Then, “You gay?” she asked. 

Negan looked at her, and he wondered what his face looked like because she flinched like she was preparing for him to strike her. And he also had to wonder what they’d done to her. To have her react like that from a look, but offer herself to Negan in almost the same breath. “Yeah, sure,” he said and smiled, because he really didn’t want Sherry to think he would attack her. She seemed to be one of few innocent things in this place. “You could say that. Yeah. I’m gay. I have a... a partner.” 

Sherry nodded slowly and she visibly relaxed a bit at his words. “Thought you and Simon were best friends. Shouldn’t he have known that?”

Negan shrugged, “Had a wife when he last knew me.” 

“Oh,” Sherry said, stiffening again. “So... you’re bi, or something?” 

“That’s more like it, yeah.” He turned a bit more toward her and leveled her with a serious stare. “Look, sweetheart. I’m not gonna hurt you. Or touch you. Or... whatever. Shit. I don’t need you offering me _a hand_ or anything like that. Okay? I just want to... I just want...” 

He wanted to be home. With Rick. He wanted to know if Carl was really okay. He wanted to console Maggie and Beth. He wanted to be there when they buried Hershel. He wanted to see Judith and tuck her in at night like he’d gotten used to doing. Shit... he wanted to teach Carl how to drive. 

He felt his eyes getting hot again and quickly rubbed at them. He was tired of crying. He was tired of feeling empty. He can’t believe he woke up that morning with a smile on his face. That he’d showered with Rick and spent the morning relaxed and happy. That he’d been out on that run and even though Rick had dragged them into that death trap of a department store, he’d been so happy. And now he was here. 

“I’m sorry,” Sherry said, and she was relaxed again. Her voice was soft and comforting. She leaned forward and now they were looking at each other. He could see how earnest she was. Like she knew what he was going through. Maybe she’d been taken from her home too. “Simon killed my husband.” 

Negan winced at that. 

“When this place got started, back in the beginning, it was Dwight, Harlan, Gary, Regina and me. Simon came later, after we got more people and cleaned out this place,” she let out a long breath. “He just... took over. Dwight—my husband—he tried to stop him, but Simon was stronger. Killed him. The others, they... they wanted someone strong leading them. He gave them all these promises and now... now we’re here. Taking from other settlements. I’m just a prisoner with the rest of the workers.” 

“Fuck,” Negan hissed. “He wasn’t like that. He was never like that before.” 

Sherry nodded, “This world changed him. Maybe it changed all of us.” 

“He was my best friend,” Negan admitted for the first time since he’d seen Simon again. It came out pitiful. Vile, like it was some dirty secret. “I would’ve done anything for him before all this.” 

“Maybe you’ve changed too,” she said. 

Maybe he had. If he hadn’t met the others, maybe he would’ve found Simon. They would’ve stumbled upon this factory together. They would’ve taken over together. He and Simon would lead them, and maybe he’d get used to the violence. Maybe he wouldn’t blink an eye at stabbing some kid, or shooting an older man in the head. Maybe he would’ve done it himself. Or worse. It made him feel sick. But maybe Rick saved him from that. All of it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off, I'm so sorry it took me so long to put this up~ I got caught up with election prep, and then election... stuff. It sucked. Hopefully I'll be able to update semi-regularly again. 
> 
> Secondly, I hope you all liked this chapter! There's a bit more to come. Let me know what you all think and all that <3 
> 
> Until next time!


	27. Jesus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gah, it's been too long! 
> 
> But I finally updated :> Sorry for the wait. Hope you guys enjoy! 
> 
> Also, Happy New Year!

Rick woke up cold in bed. It was the middle of summer. The AC worked, but it wasn’t the best even after Daryl had taken a look at it months ago. Even still, he felt cold. He was shaking as he pulled the covers off and sat up to welcome the new day. 

A week after The Saviors came and left, everything was different. A few families left, and Rick didn’t even have the strength to stop them. They would rather try it on their own than to risk another nightmare. Rick couldn't blame them. 

Most people stayed. They helped clean up the mess left behind and buried Hershel by Noah’s family at the church. Maggie and Beth were both quiet most of the time now, but Maggie still kept watch and Beth still came around to help with Judith. It was like the light in their eyes had diminished, leaving behind an empty shell moving on muscle memory. Maybe he looked the same. 

Carl had woken up after two days of sleep. He was still recovering, but he was back on his feet. They had his eye wrapped in a dark cloth to keep it clean. 

When Carl had first woken up after those two days, he’d cried, knowing what they lost. Hershel and Negan. He didn’t seem to care much about his missing eye, even if the crying caused him to hiss and groan at the physical pain it caused him. 

And now, Carl walked up in stood at Rick's doorway. “Dad,” he called out to Rick, holding Judith securely in his arms. Rick looked up and Carl gave him something that closely resembled a smile. 

“Hey,” Rick said with a short nod. His voice was quiet and rough from how little he’d used it in the past week. 

Carl walked over and sat next to Rick on the bed. He cradled Judith close to his chest. She was still sleepy, but her innocent eyes were gazing at Rick. She had no idea what was happening around her. She just smiled and reached out a pudgy hand like nothing in the world mattered. Rick’s lips twitched up at her infectious expression. He reached out to let her grab hold of his fingers. It was sort of nice, looking at her and forgetting for maybe just one second that things aren’t anywhere near okay. 

Carl’s voice broke the moment, “They're coming today, right?"

Rick tilted his head and answered, "Yeah," with a deep sigh, while his eyes stayed on Judith.

"Are we gonna let them in?” 

“What choice do we have, Carl?” Rick said, this time with more exhaustion lacing his words. He dropped his hand from Judith’s and tried to ignore her agitated babbling in response. This wasn’t the first time they’d had this conversation since Carl had woken up from his semi-coma. “They have our guns, Carl. They have Negan.” 

“We can get him back,” Carl argued. 

“I don’t know how.” It was a hard thing to admit. But it was true. 

“We'll fight,” Carl insisted.

Rick grit his teeth, "We'll die," he said. "You, me, and Judith. Everyone here. They'll gun us down and I can't risk that." 

"We're stronger than that," Carl said. Rick let out a heavy sigh and leaned his head into his hands. Carl continued with more conviction, “We have knives and Michonne! Daryl’s already working on making a new crossbow. Eugene thinks he can—"

“Carl, please. Please,” Rick looked up to see Carl breathing deep through his nose. “I can’t lose anyone else.” 

Carl let out a huff, but didn’t say anything else. Not then, anyway. He got up with Judith and made his way to the door. Before he left, he said, “They haven’t won yet, dad.” 

He walked out and Rick was left feeling like he did every day since The Saviors came and went. Lost. Angry. Hurt. 

He looked over to Negan’s side of the bed, still cold and empty, no matter how much Rick tried to make it feel less so. His eyes moved past the bed to the corner of the room. They trailed over Lucille, her jagged edges and worn wood. He’d made sure to get their truck a couple days after The Saviors left and was relieved to see the bat still untouched where Negan had dropped it in the back seat. It was the only real thing he had left of Negan’s. Rick was starting to see why Negan cherished the weapon so much. 

* * *

When The Saviors showed up, it was with much less fire and manpower than before. Just three large trucks and a dozen or so men and women with guns. Their King County group could’ve taken them out. Rick knew they could, and the urge was strong the moment he saw Simon step out of the first truck. He snarled as he reached for the hatchet he’d strapped to his leg. 

But then he froze, because the passenger door to the truck opened and Negan stepped out. 

Rick felt his legs shake. He wanted to run and grab Negan, drag him over to his side, but he was so frozen he just stood there waiting as The Saviors group came closer. 

Most people kept to their homes, but stood on the outside watching throughout the neighborhood. 

Abraham stayed on the perch by the gate with Sasha keeping guard on the other side. They didn’t have anything but their knives, but they insisted on keeping watch, even with The Saviors coming in. 

Daryl, Carol and Michonne stepped up front with Rick, while Maggie and Beth stayed in the church with Gabriel. They agreed to keep the girls as far away from The Saviors as possible, in case the siblings did something rash at the sight of Simon. Carl and Sophia had Judith on the porch of their home. Others stayed behind in the infirmary, food, water and gas supply areas. 

Carol must’ve noticed the way Rick tensed at the sight of Negan. She moved to stand by his side and he felt her soft, yet firm, hand grip his shoulder to keep him grounded. 

“Well, well, I see you’ve all calmed down since the last time I saw you,” Simon said as he walked up to Rick. He stopped just a foot away with his trademark grin plastered on his face. “And you’re Rick, right?” 

Rick’s eyes darted over Simon’s shoulder to Negan, who was more stoic than Rick had ever seen him. His face gave nothing away. He looked back up at Simon, straightened with his hands on his hips and nodded. 

"You look good. Way better than last week. I gotta tell ya. It was like watching a wild animal," Simon said with a hardy laugh. 

Rick had nothing to say in return. He just stood firm and tried to keep his hands to himself. Given the opportunity, he would happily wrap his hands around Simon's neck and squeezed until the life was wrangled out of him. But he couldn't risk his family, not even if his entire body screamed for him to do it. 

“I heard y’all got electricity and running water,” Simon nodded cheekily. “Good for you!” 

Rick’s eyes darted to Negan again. Nothing. 

“Oh, yeah, my pal told me everything. This really is a nice place you got going. Good homes here too,” he walked past Rick, and now Rick had a full view of Negan. 

Negan just looked away. 

“Alright! Listen up people!” Simon addressed his soldiers. “We’re gonna do this nice and quick. We’re doing food and anything that looks fun!” 

Rick turned to look at Simon, who turned at the same time to look at him. 

“Don't you worry your pretty little head. This'll be an easy week for you fine people. I’ll give you guys another week to gather more for us. And when we roll around here next, I’ll be expecting gas and guns. But," he held a finger up. "If you don't meet expectations... tsk, tsk, tsk," he sucked his tongue and wagged his finger. "Well, you saw what I did to the old man, didn't you?" Simon walked ahead with the rest of his men after that. "See, Rick? I'm a pretty generous guy," he said as he went. 

Rick turned again to look at Negan. But even now, he didn’t look at Rick. He just followed Simon into the closest house without saying a word. 

* * *

They’d taken more than Rick was expecting. Most of their food was gone, along with any type of working electronic. They even took their livestock; mostly pigs, chickens and the two horses Maggie had managed to find a few weeks back. 

They came and went, just like that. And Negan had been completely mute the entire time. 

Once they were gone, Daryl kicked at the ground. “Fuck!” he snapped, and Rick could feel the anger oozing off of him. 

“He didn’t say a word. Didn’t even look at us,” Michonne hissed out, like she’d been reading Rick’s mind. 

“He couldn’t,” Carol argued, but sounded just as pissed. 

Rick just shook his head and made his way back to his house. 

* * *

They settled on making five runs a day. A few people at a time. It was hard work, but they had enough people to make it happen. Sasha and Bob took one route. Tyrese went with Maggie and Glenn. Rick went with Daryl, Michonne and Carol. T-Dog went with Abraham and Rosita. And Zach, one of the new recruits, went with Gabriel and Tara. 

They usually kept to the same groups, but every now and again someone would volunteer to take another’s place. It worked, even if they were going out farther than they ever wanted to. Even if each day took a toll on them when they knew most of their supplies would have to be surrendered. 

Negan hadn’t shown up at any more pickups. Simon wasn’t there sometimes either, and they’d end up having to deal with Arat or a woman named Regina, both who seemed a bit trigger happy.

Luckily, they hadn’t had to lose anyone else, and Carl had stopped his talk about fighting back. For now, at least. Rick knew it was still in the back of Carl’s mind, but Rick wanted to keep them safe more than anything. And maybe this was how they’d have to live now. 

A little over a month since it all stated, things changed. 

Rick and Daryl went out on their usual run. Carol and Michonne stayed behind to help with a project to reinforce their walls. Even if The Saviors had already taken over, they still had to protect themselves from other enemies, including the average walker or two. 

That day, Rick and Daryl stumbled across an untouched convenience store with. Just over the counter stuff, but the previous week with Simon’s group nearly cleaned out their infirmary.

It was packed with walkers. Fifteen or twenty at least. Between the two of them, they were able to get rid of the walkers two or three at a time. They let out a few, Rick took out the ones in close range while Daryl hung back to take out the stranglers from a distance. It took thirty minutes for them to clear it out. Whoever had left this place had either gotten trapped inside with the mob of the undead, or had trapped them instead. Either way, it worked out well for them. 

They combed through everything. Medicine, food, water bottles, cigarettes, soda... anything that they could use or that The Saviors would want. Once most of the shelves were empty and their truck was full, they left the store. They boarded it up to the best of their abilities and made plans to go back and empty it out. They packed the last of supplies stuffed in their backpacks. After only a few steps, they froze when they heard the sound of their car's engine revving. 

Rick paused for a moment and gave himself a second to feel the keys in his pocket. He shared a look with Daryl, then ran for the truck. 

“Hey!” Rick called. “Hey!” He’d just made it to the driver’s side when the car pulled off. 

They continued to run for a moment longer, before they realized there was no way they could catch up to it. 

“Shit,” Rick said. Daryl threw a bit of dust with an angry huff. “Who do you think that was?” 

“Maybe _them_. Maybe some drifter,” Daryl grunted. “I ain’t givin’ up that food.” He stepped over and knelt down to trace his fingers over the tire tracks. “We can catch up with ‘em.” 

* * *

They kept up a good pace with the tracks. Every now and then they stopped and Daryl would reassess to make sure they were heading in the right direction, then they’d keep moving. 

It was a few miles out that they spotted it. What looked like a man in a long coat was standing over the car with the hood up. He was peering inside and cursing to himself when Daryl crept up, moved his arm around and held a hunting knife to to the guy's neck. The man froze with his hands up in surrender. 

“Whoa, whoa, hey,” the man said in an easy going voice.

“The hell you think you’re doin’?” Daryl growled. 

The man shifted an inch and Rick came from the other side of the truck with his hatchet out and raised. “Don’t move,” Rick growled. 

Finally able to clearly see the man, Rick saw that he looked young. Clean. He had long hair and a thick beard. 

“I don’t mean to cause any trouble,” the man said. 

“Then why’d you steal our truck?” Daryl said, pressing the knife closer to the man’s neck. 

The man sighed heavily and gestured with his hands, “Look. I’m sorry about that. Really.” He sounded sincere, but Rick wasn’t buying it. 

“Where’re you from?” Rick hissed.

“Where’re _you_ from?” The man countered. 

“He asked first, asshole,” Daryl said, pinching the man’s neck with the knife now. A trail of blood trickled down and disappeared into his shirt collar. 

“You really wanna do this?” Rick said, and though he felt like he could take the man, he really wished he had his colt python here to back him up. 

“Not really,” the man said. “It’s just,” he gulped and his eyes peeked back at Daryl before landing on Rick again. “It’s hard to talk like this, you know, with your friend so close to cutting off my head. Can you ease up a little?” He peeked at Daryl again. 

Daryl looked to Rick first. Rick gave him a small nod in return. Hesitating, Daryl slowly loosened his grip, but didn’t let go. He didn’t have to. 

“Thanks,” the man said, then sent a sharp elbow into Daryl's gut. 

Daryl doubled over, but straightened just as the man escaped his hold. The man turned out to be quicker than Rick thought was possible and gave Daryl a kick that sent him flying to the ground.

Rick started forward with his hatchet, but the man jumped up and kicked it out of his hand. Rick hissed, recovered, and threw a right hook. The man caught Rick’s wrist, twisted his arm and threw Rick over his shoulder to the ground. 

Beside him, Daryl made to get up, but the man held Rick’s hatchet out, “Don’t!” 

Daryl froze. 

The man sighed and ran a hand through his long hair. “I really didn't want to cause any trouble. I _don’t_ want to kill you guys either.” 

“You can’t just take our shit!” Daryl nearly shouted. 

“And you can’t try to kill me,” he countered. 

“You wanna bet?" Daryl growled. 

"Whoa, whoa, can't we just talk this out?" The man asked, obviously trying to calm Daryl's quickly rising temper. 

Daryl huffed and said in a more neutral tone, "You stole our shit,” like that point hadn’t already been made. 

“Okay, yeah. Alright, you’re right. You’re right. And I’m sorry,” the man dropped the hatchet on the ground and rested his foot on it, likely to be sure Rick or Daryl didn’t go for it. He crouched to be at eye level and spoke, “So, can we try this again? Where are you two from?” 

Rick cursed on his breath and sat up with his knees bent. He winced at the pain in his back and spat on the floor beside him. That was one hell of a throw. 

“You need those supplies, right?” The man said, pointing back toward the truck with his thumb. “Well, so does my people. I took it, because I thought you were the bad guys. But, if you’re not, then maybe I can offer you something better.” 

“Like what?” Rick asked.

“But first,” the man continued, ignoring the question. “I need to know for a fact that you’re the good guys.” 

Rick and Daryl exchanged a look. 

“Or we can sit here all day and keep going back and forth with each other. Your choice,” the man said with a shrug. 

Rick looked back at him and huffed. After a silent staring contest, and a deep look into this mystery man’s eyes, Rick relented and outstretched his hand. “Rick Grimes,” he said. “That’s Daryl.” 

The man smiled, something soft and genuine. “Paul Rovia,” he grabbed Rick’s hand with a solid shake. “My friends call me Jesus.” Daryl didn’t offer his hand, but Jesus didn’t look the least bit offended. When they let go, Jesus grabbed the hatchet and handed it back to Rick. 

Rick accepted it and placed it by his side. “We have a community. It... it _was_ safe," he said, gritting his teeth at his own words. "But we’ve been taken over.” 

Jesus nodded and gave Rick a calculating look. “The Saviors?” he asked knowingly. 

Daryl tensed. “You know ‘em?” 

Jesus nodded. “Sure do. A while now, actually. They came with trucks and guns. Killed a bunch of our men. Only me and a couple others were left to hunt. We mostly have livestock and a garden where we grow most of our food, but we don't have enough medicine. No guns. And they took our doctor. Now they come every week.” 

“It’s been about a month for us,” Rick said. 

“A month, huh?” Jesus held out his hand and helped Rick to his feet. He did the same for Daryl, but Daryl just scoffed and got up on his own. “We’ve been dealing with them for almost a year. If you want,” Jesus opened his hands out, “You can help me fix this truck I stole from you guys and I can take you back to Hilltop.” 

“Hilltop?” Rick questioned.

“We ain’t goin’ nowhere with you. Forget it,” Daryl started to walk away. 

“Wait, Daryl,” Rick stopped him. And despite the angry huff, he stopped and waited. Rick leveled Jesus with a look, searching for a lie or hidden motive. He couldn’t really afford to take chances. “You want us to come to this Hilltop. Fine. But we need to go back and talk to our people. We’ll have some backup and meet you there.” 

Jesus scoffed out a laugh and shook his head. He crossed his arms and shrugged, “That’s not how this works.” 

“Then no,” Daryl barked. 

Jesus held out a hand as if to pacify him. “You don’t wanna place your bets on me. I get that. I can’t place my bets on you either. For all I know, you could come to Hilltop and take everything we have left. Not everyone there can fight like I can." He paused and gave them both a measuring look. When he felt satisfied that they understood, he added, "But we can help each other here.” 

Rick’s eyes narrowed. “What are you after?”

“What?” Jesus asked, looking to Rick. 

“You want us to come with you, right? Why? This ain't all about our truck,” Rick’s mind was reeling. He gripped the handle of his hatchet tighter. Maybe this _was_ a set up. He felt his blood just starting to boil. 

“Okay, yeah,” Jesus nodded and held up his hands. His eyes peeked down at the hatchet, obviously noticing the tension. “Yeah, I want us to help each other. You said you have a community. Well, so do I. We have people and other communities on our side. I thought maybe you were part of The Saviors, but then I noticed,” he gestured with his hand to Rick’s choice of weapon. “No guns. You won’t meet a Savior that isn’t carrying. If you’re willing to work together, I’d like you guys to join in our fight.” 

“What fight?” Daryl asked, eyes pinched and voice defensive, but Rick knew him well enough to know that he was curious. 

Jesus gave them both a look, then said, “We’re gonna take our communities back.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this latest chapter! For those who recently started from chapter one and are just now catching up, that you for taking the time and picking this story~ I hope you all stick around to see how it all turns out. 
> 
> Let me know what you think, how you're feeling about this update, general opinions and all that. 
> 
> The next chapter should be out soon <3 
> 
> Until then~


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